Marriages lasting 20, 30, 50 years....No infidelity?

[MiamiHottie]

I love hearing love stories lasting this long but do you believe that both have been faithful the whole time? I just find it hard to believe and that a lot of compromises of what u will put up with are made.
Thoughts?

 

[divya]

Yes, I definitely believe it can happen. With God, anything is possible!

I look at my parents and they are extremely happy together. And while I may not know all of the details of my parents' marriage, my mother occasionally remarks how blessed she is to have a faithful husband. My father is very dependent on her and vice versa. They love each dearly. This year will make 30 years! So again, it can happen!

 

[SugarBaby]

Marriages >20yrs means infidelity at some point or some time.


Sorry to say....

 

[Demi27]

I don't have an answer on this, but I was talking about this with my sister a few weeks ago. I wondered if it's truly possible. I would like to think so.

 

[htown2DAboot]

I'm with Divya...without knowing the extreme details of my parents marriage...they've been happily married for 28 years...And they are still in love, bffs, laugh at each other stupid jokes (while my brothers and I look at them like they've lost it)...I know it can be done...I want it to happen to me that way too....

 

[SleekandBouncy]

I think so. I don't think it's super common then again I don't think a lot of people are happily (not even contently) married, partly because a lot of people look to sources other than themselves to "make" them happy and do it 24-7.
I think there are marriages where there is such communication, strong foundation and/or connection that infidelity has just never been a problem for them.

 

[alexstin]

Sure it happens. Everyone doesn't feel like cheating is an option when times get rough or one of you gets bored. I believe those couples who don't cheat have put up the necessary safeguards to make it extremely hard to make that decision. Cheating isn't something that "just happens". Way before the act comes the thought and that's where ppl get into trouble.

IMO, 20 years isn't even a long time to have not cheated. DH and I have been together for 18 years and married for nearly 14 and time has flown by.

 

[MizAvalon]

Of course, it's technically possible. However, I personally know of no long term marriage where one or both of the partners hasn't strayed at least once.

But then, I don't know too many couples that have been married for 25+ years. That is a rarity in itself.

 

[msdeevee]

I know many couples that have been married for 20 or more years that have been faithful to each other and happy the whole time.

There is a lot of pressure in this world and as stated by some here it is not even expected for couples to be faithful to each other for any length of time but it can be done if people have a spiritual base that they take seriously.

Not just practice it for a couple of hrs a week or when a Holiday comes around but people that make their belief and conviction their way of life.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

My parents have been married 29 years this year, of all the days of my life, I can't recall ONE night where one of my parents weren't in the bed. They are so blessed, I truly admire them, and it's part of the reason it's taking me a long time to really find someone I can fully settle down with because I want what my parents have and it's becoming increasingly rare in this day and age. I often talk to my mom about how they met and how they knew, they married after only 3 months of dating and look at them now.

I have no choice but to believe it's possible.

 

[aribell]

I also know couples married 20+ years for whom I know this has not been a problem. Or if it ever has been, they've done a lot of work to make themselves happy now. I think this is another thing that comes down to your character and values.

 

[Lucie]

No, I don't believe most marriages escape without it. It doesn't have to be fullblown penetration either. It could be one fling. Heavy a$$V flirting. A little suck here. A little suck there. Whatever.

I am sure there are some marriages that are 100% faithful, but like a Rolls Royce Phantom, how often do you see one?

 

[Slave4Hair]

My parents are happily married for 23 years now. I honestly don't believe either have either cheated. My dad especially knows how much we all look up to him, i don't think he'd ever hurt my mom like that, and especially not his children.

 

[weaveadiva]

i think marriages back in the day are a lot different than they are now, especially regarding divorce. i can point to relationships in my family where infidelity occurred but the marriage survived because that's just what you did...divorce was not an option

i think a lot more things were tolerated/overlooked/swept under the rug than the average married person would accept today. i also don't believe that our generation will spawn as many multi-decade marriages as our ancestors

 

[aribell]

I am sure there are some marriages that are 100% faithful, but like a Rolls Royce Phantom, how often do you see one?

I suppose it would depend on what neighborhood you live in (i.e., the types of people you hang around).

 

[SugarBaby]

I appreciate all the comments of posters who list their parents as having happy marriages...I also infer that many of the posters that have this belief are single. (i know some are married)

Just because there is infidelity does not mean that the marriage can't be happy again.

Unfortunately single people that answer this question is like a childless person answering a question about raising children...neither has a clue.

A man (and some women) admitting infidelity is like solving a mystery in the Bible...You will never know and will have to trust that it is so...

 

[divya]

I appreciate all the comments of posters who list their parents as having happy marriages...I also infer that many of the posters that have this belief are single. (i know some are married)

Just because there is infidelity does not mean that the marriage can't be happy again.

Unfortunately single people that answer this question is like a childless person answering a question about raising children...neither has a clue.

A man (and some women) admitting infidelity is like solving a mystery in the Bible...You will never know and will have to trust that it is so...

I agree with that, but there is a beauty in a faithful relationship, which is what the OP is focused on. One could say the same with the bolded when it comes to who are dating for sometime, experienced infidelity but have worked through it. However, both married and single recognize that faithfulness is a wonderful thing, and that is why people hope for it.

 

[SugarBaby]

I agree with that, but there is a beauty in a faithful relationship, which is what the OP is focused on. One could say the same with the bolded when it comes to who are dating for sometime, experienced infidelity but have worked through it. However, both married and single recognize that faithfulness is a wonderful thing, and that is why people hope for it.

No doubt. I am looking for it too so I am with you.

I also understand the issues of marriage....

ETA:

As Steve Harvey said on Oprah last week, Why do men cheat? Because there are so many women out there that will cheat with him.

But I digress....

 

[cocoberry10]

Marriages >20yrs means infidelity at some point or some time.


Sorry to say....

I feel sorry for you that you think this. I know many marriages where they were faithful for 20, 30, 40, 50 years. My grandparents and parents. And guess what, some of their friends (in fact many).


It's not as uncommon as people think. Also, cheating is not everyone's weakness. Maybe those donuts are your weakness Marriage is hard and it takes work. No one is perfect. You may have a husband that never cheats, but maybe he's a grouch to be around at times

Or, you may have a wife that is faithful, but she's messy as heck.

There's a price for all things, and marriage is no exception.

And while I am all for no infidelity, I also can say I know and admire couples who had infidelity in their marriage, and still worked it out, and by God's grace, their marriage is actually stronger.

Sometimes people need to ask themselves, "do you want a 'perfect' marriage, or a good marriage?"

 

[cocoberry10]

No, I don't believe most marriages escape without it. It doesn't have to be fullblown penetration either. It could be one fling. Heavy a$$V flirting. A little suck here. A little suck there. Whatever.

I am sure there are some marriages that are 100% faithful, but like a Rolls Royce Phantom, how often do you see one?

I think there are more marriages where cheating DOESN'T happen than people will ever realize. It's like those DL topics or the Black men going to Brazil. Does it happen? Sure. But it's not AS common as people think.

I think all marriages will deal with SOMETHING...the question is, will it be cheating, or will it be something else?

For example, my grandfather loved to gamble. He NEVER cheated on my grandmother, but he did gamble.

Other men love to drink. They won't cheat, but they'll get "fired up."

Other men are emotionally absent. Other men are workaholics. Everybody's something. The question is, what are you going to have to put up with?

 

[JFemme]

Who knows...

One never knows what goes on in a marriage, no matter the outward appearances, but the two in it...

 

[foxxymami]

No doubt. I am looking for it too so I am with you.

I also understand the issues of marriage....

ETA:

As Steve Harvey said on Oprah last week, Why do men cheat? Because there are so many women out there that will cheat with him.

But I digress....

OMG, did he really say that!?? If so, that is scary

 

[SugarBaby]

I feel sorry for you that you think this. I know many marriages where they were faithful for 20, 30, 40, 50 years. My grandparents and parents. And guess what, some of their friends (in fact many).

It's not as uncommon as people think. Also, cheating is not everyone's weakness. Maybe those donuts are your weakness Marriage is hard and it takes work. No one is perfect. You may have a husband that never cheats, but maybe he's a grouch to be around at times

Or, you may have a wife that is faithful, but she's messy as heck.

There's a price for all things, and marriage is no exception.

And while I am all for no infidelity, I also can say I know and admire couples who had infidelity in their marriage, and still worked it out, and by God's grace, their marriage is actually stronger.

Sometimes people need to ask themselves, "do you want a 'perfect' marriage, or a good marriage?"

Who told you there was never any cheating involved?

Did you question the men involved ?

Nobody knows jack about anybody's marriage.

Girl, bye.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Who told you there was never any cheating involved?

Did you question the men involved ?

Nobody knows jack about anybody's marriage.

Girl, bye.

You seem to have a little animosity towards anyone that CHOOSES to believe it is possible. We are the creators of our own reality through our thinking. That is all.

 

[SugarBaby]

This issue reminds me of if people "appear" happy they must be happy...Yet we hear many years later about spousal abuse, or incest or some other very real life tragedy.

Nobody knows what is going on in someone's relationship.

Happens all the time adult children confessing " I didn't know it was happening" and THEY LIVED THERE.

So to all the people that say my parents had a marriage free of infidelity...You will never know.

 

[SugarBaby]

You seem to have a little animosity towards anyone that CHOOSES to believe it is possible. We are the creators of our own reality through our thinking. That is all.

Not at all. I apologize if it came off that way.

perhaps I should say from now on...In my opinion....

 

[divya]

You seem to have a little animosity towards anyone that CHOOSES to believe it is possible. We are the creators of our own reality through our thinking. That is all.

Agreed...

Some people actually do believe it is possible. Most people have stated that they don't know all the details...but from what has been said or indicated, the marriage has been free of infidelity. Guess that isn't enough. But everyone has different experiences that affect the way they view things...

 

[MD_Lady]

I believe very strongly that this can be a reality. It's a product of both the husband and the wife compromising and having respect for themselves, each other, and their vows. The wife can't make it work by herself.

 

[MiamiHottie]

This issue reminds me of if people "appear" happy they must be happy...Yet we hear many years later about spousal abuse, or incest or some other very real life tragedy.

Nobody knows what is going on in someone's relationship.

Happens all the time adult children confessing " I didn't know it was happening" and THEY LIVED THERE.

So to all the people that say my parents had a marriage free of infidelity...You will never know.

This is kind of how I feel. I kind of want to be realistic with marriage. I want to be in long lasting relationship. You have people that only last 5 years and divorce at the first sign of infidelity and then you have marriages that last for so long. Is it because they both stayed faithful or were they able to overcome infidelity and other issues.

 

[cocoberry10]

Who told you there was never any cheating involved?

Did you question the men involved ?

Nobody knows jack about anybody's marriage.

Girl, bye.

Exactly, nobody knows jack, including you. It's funny how you are so quick to say that if someone has been married >20 years, there's been infidelity, yet, you can't wrap your hands around the possibility that there HAS NOT been infidelity in some marriages. No offense to you, but you remind me of the women that live by the "all men are dogs" philosophy. If that's what you believe, that's what you'll attract.

I don't care what anyone says, there have been marriages where there was NO CHEATING. I don't care if you believe that or not. That is some people's reality. I can't tell you percentage, but I'm sure of that reality!

Hell, there were people who believed we would never have a Black President, but now we do. There were slaves who probably thought Blacks would never be emancipated, but we are. So guess what? There are men (and women) who stay faithful. If you can't believe that or don't want to, that's your choice. But don't ever think you can make me think the way you do...cuz I won't!

P.S. I really wish there was a NO THANK YOU button

But go ahead, and carry on with your negativity, if that's what you want to believe

Marriages >20yrs means infidelity at some point or some time.





Sorry to say....