MARRIAGE AND LOST OF IDENTITY...

[mzcris]

Ladies do you sometimes feel that the things you use to like you don't do any longer because DH/SO does not like to do it ......OR do you do things he like to do but deep inside you don't like doing it? Do you feel somewhere down the road you have lost your identity or the things you like to do? I know sometimes I feel this way...just wondering am I the only woman in America that feels this way.

 

[dlewis]

I have felt that way. For many years my identity was caught up with my kids. I did what they wanted and needed me to do. I still struggle with doing things for myself separate from my family. I went to the movies this weekend alone. And that was the first time I've done that in prob 11+ years.

I plan to do something just for me once a month. With my mother here to help me with my kids I think that will be possible.

 

[Vanity1]

I have felt that way. For many years my identity was caught up with my kids. I did what they wanted and needed me to do. I still struggle with doing things for myself separate from my family. I went to the movies this weekend alone. And that was the first time I've done that in prob 11+ years.

I plan to do something just for me once a month. With my mother here to help me with my kids I think that will be possible.

I am sure will be able to escape and come up here for a spa day with me, hopefully

 

[mzcris]

I had to learn to take time for me and do things I like...I still struggle with doing things for me and me only! Me and my husband are very opposite so alot of times I do things alone...

 

[dlewis]

I am sure will be able to escape and come up here for a spa day with me, hopefully

ooowww, that sounds wonderful. We need to plan something for after Christmas if you're not to busy with the wedding.

 

[Vanity1]

I had to learn to take time for me and do things I like...I still struggle with doing things for me and me only! Me and my husband are very opposite so alot of times I do things alone...

I think this may be the case for me when I get married, my SO and I are totally different, too, so it is kind of hard, but I still do things I want, and let him do things he want cause I believe in individuality and dont like to feel smothered.

 

[dlewis]

I had to learn to take time for me and do things I like...I still struggle with doing things for me and me only! Me and my husband are very opposite so alot of times I do things alone...

Alone is fine. But it would seem like if you're making the effort to do things he likes and enjoys that he would do the same for you. Men can be selfish and sometime we have to check them.

 

[Vanity1]

ooowww, that sounds wonderful. We need to plan something for after Christmas if you're not to busy with the wedding.

O.k.!!
I dont think I will be busy with the wedding you and I will have to talk

 

[mzcris]

Alone is fine. But it would seem like if you're making the effort to do things he likes and enjoys that he would do the same for you. Men can be selfish and sometime we have to check them.

You are so right...we do have to check them...but sometimes it is not worth it. People have always said opposites attract...well I'm beginning to wonder about that theory...erplexed

 

[dlewis]

O.k.!!
I dont think I will be busy with the wedding you and I will have to talk

Don't sound good......ok

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Uh...not married, but I wanted to suggest The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands and The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage...both by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Good reads...good thoughts on dealing with this kind of thing.

 

[mzcris]

Uh...not married, but I wanted to suggest The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands and The Proper Care & Feeding of Marriage...both by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Good reads...good thoughts on dealing with this kind of thing.

Thanks Divine Inspiration...I really appreciate it...

 

[Syrah]

Ladies do you sometimes feel that the things you use to like you don't do any longer because DH/SO does not like to do it ......OR do you do things he like to do but deep inside you don't like doing it? Do you feel somewhere down the road you have lost your identity or the things you like to do? I know sometimes I feel this way...just wondering am I the only woman in America that feels this way.

I worry about this - I feel like its so much more likely with women then men.

I've seen so many married women who's lives become their kids and their work. That THEIR identity is 100% tied to being married and having children.

 

[Te'TahHead]

I worry about this - I feel like its so much more likely with women then men.

I've seen so many married women who's lives become their kids and their work. That THEIR identity is 100% tied to being married and having children.

I feel like this too.

BUMP.

 

[Farida]

Vanity1...i hope everything is OK. Maybe I'll see you in chat sometime.


Sometimes I wonder about that too. Most of the married women I know, even one who quit her job and spends 100% of her time with her kids, don't seem to regret or feel tied down. They get tired sometimes and need a break but they love their identities.

I think we all have to compromise on some level. FH watches girly shows with me even though he doesn't like to, yet I find it so hard to do the same. I really need to work on that .

I do some things I like alone or with friends but rarely. I've become such a corny geek, during those times I can't wait to go see FH as soon as I'm done.

 

[Syrah]

I feel like this too.

BUMP.

I feel like thats what makes women like Kimora and Heidi Klum so fab - is that they have children and are obviously involved in their childrens lives (to whatever extent celebrity moms can be) but still have a maintained a sense of who THEY are as women. Same with Gwen Stefani, Holly Robinson Peete, even Angelina Jolie.

 

[MissScarlett]

The one way I have and will survive marriage is by keeping my sense of identity. We have mutual interests but I think it also helps that we are able to go apart, do our own things that we like but then come together.

I don't think saying "dh and I do everything together" is always the best or healthy. Its not saying that you love your dh more than another b/c you spend every waking moment with that person.

Marriage is a lifetime contract, but it doesn't mean you have to be with that person 24/7. I have girls weekends, spa days and days when I just say "Nahh I'm not doing that, you and the boys can go, I'm doing my own thing".