Male Gold-Diggers: What are the signs?

[cocoberry10]

Hey Ladies:

I love to ask the controversial or "off" or "strange" questions, so in honor of that, let's discuss male gold-diggers. There was an entire thread dedicated to female gold-diggers here. But no one ever talks about male golddiggers. I know they are out there. I've never encountered one. All of the guys, whether they had a lot of money or very little, had too much pride to leech off of me.

But, if you have or know of a male gold-digger, what's their M.O. of choice? How do they seduce women? How can women be on guard?

 

[MizzBrown]

They believe that the girlfriend should "share" the expenses in the relationship and they tell you this like on the first or second date to make themselves clear from jump.

That means paying for dates every now and again, outings, gas in the car, etc...

Very curious in knowing EXACTLY how much money you make...

 

[Vanity1]

Never has any money on them. Example: You guys are out to dinner, and he "accidentally" left his wallet at home and will pay you back later. Later turns into never.

He always is about to get paid or forgets his wallet at home and says that he will pay you back and never does

A weekend stay at your house turns into him moving in cause him and his roommates or parents are not getting along

 

[cocoberry10]

They believe that the girlfriend should "share" the expenses in the relationship and they tell you this like on the first or second date to make themselves clear from jump.

That means paying for dates every now and again, outings, gas in the car, etc...

Very curious in knowing EXACTLY how much money you make...

Interesting. I never would have thought of that. None of the guys I've dated have ever asked me how much money I make. I guess that's a good sign. On the other hand, I wouldn't have a problem paying for some of our dates, especially once we are an established couple. But at the beginning, I definitely expect him to take care of that! It's a part of the courting stage IMO!

See, I always thought that these guys had a way of seducing a woman!

 

[Keen]

Tell you stories of how their ex girlfriends use to buy them stuff in a jokey way but he's just letting you know what type of standards you have to meet.

 

[lexi08]

They believe that the girlfriend should "share" the expenses in the relationship and they tell you this like on the first or second date to make themselves clear from jump.

That means paying for dates every now and again, outings, gas in the car, etc...

Very curious in knowing EXACTLY how much money you make...

If a dude even mentions me paying for a date or asks how much money I make. He is done

 

[lexi08]

Tell you stories of how their ex girlfriends use to buy them stuff in a jokey way but he's just letting you know what type of standards you have to meet.

Yeah, I had one dude tell me about how he had girlfriends and he never had to pay for dates. In addition to that he told me he was used to living with women and not paying bills. Got all indignant about like I owed him something..... I cursed him out and he acted as if I had a problem

 

[cocoberry10]

Tell you stories of how their ex girlfriends use to buy them stuff in a jokey way but he's just letting you know what type of standards you have to meet.

This is just plain crazy!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I agree with the other posts.

I'll add him asking probing questions about your career concerning money and advancement or asking how much things you own cost.

I've definitely run into the "I forgot my wallet" nonsense and I conveniently "forgot" to return any more of his calls.

Also, excessive talk about money and the cost of things in general is sometimes a sign. If they're always saying things like, "Too rich for my blood..." or "Nah, I can't do that because I'm poor" it often leads to him expecting you to "help him out" where he's lacking.

These types of men also like to do that movie night at home stuff ALL the time too. If you can't afford to court a woman properly, then leave it alone until you get it together!

 

[Crackers Phinn]

- 'forgetting' his wallet

- wants to drive your car/only wants to go places in your car - that way you're the one spending on gas and since he's going to forget his wallet anyway, he ain't paying for dinner neither.

-thinking out loud about something new that would make for a good birthday present for him. The gold digger dude got a birthday every week.

- He always make sure he's hungry when he gets to your place and ain't never go bring nan grocery.

- If a dude wants to move into your place 5 minutes after seeing it - RUN FOREST RUN.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

- He always make sure he's hungry when he gets to your place and ain't never go bring nan grocery.

Not "nan"!!!!

 

[simplertimes]

Hahaha...hilarious thread!
I'll add my own:
1. When he mentions an item he wish he could buy

 

[MizzBrown]

Tell you stories of how their ex girlfriends use to buy them stuff in a jokey way but he's just letting you know what type of standards you have to meet.

Damn,

My ex tried that with me. We were way into the relationship but it was an eye-opener for me. He was saying how he was in the high end mall and saw some woman buying her boyfriend some Gucci shoes in the Gucci boutique.

I said, "how the hell do you know that SHE bought them for HIM and it just LOOKED like she was buying them, but she pulled out HIS credit card..etc.."

He said he DID see her buy them and that nothing is wrong with buying your girlfriend/boyfriend nice things.

Me and him DO NOT make Gucci money so i dont know what he was thinking.

One of the main reasons we broke up is because of money. He thinks its okay for me to go shop and buy him name brand clothes and he would ask me to get him something and when i asked for my money back, he would reply "A girlfriend can't just buy something for her man and not expect payment back?"

Yes she can but not ALL the damn time, and not on expensive stuff and NOT on stuff that you really don't need..just want.

 

[locabouthair]

- 'forgetting' his wallet

yep. and asking for you to put your name on cell phone after knowing him for two weeks

 

[frizzy]

These men ya'll talking about sound like freeloaders to me, not gold-diggers.

At least gold-digger has something going on, but they're mostly only with you because you are better connected and can get them further along with their goal in life.

Ya'll are insulting all self respecting, educated, hard working gold-diggers by confusing them with freeloaders.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

you dont know but they have done background checks on you including family history, where you work, approximate salary

if things look good, they decide they are in love with you and complain about being broke all the time. they're usually clingy and emotionally abusive.
They prey on the more vulnerable women that are newly out of relationships, havent had much luck with men etc.

I had one who asked me to get money from my dad to buy him some shoes. I was 17 and everytime i just think about that 24 year old dumbass, i just laugh. Oh he wanted me to marry him so he could become a US citizen.

 

[Theo]

It really depends on the man and where he is in life, but if he's asking you to pay for things he can't afford or to support a standard of living that he cannot support by himself, I think he's a gold digger.


I think that I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T song is the male gold digger anthem. I did appreciate the song for awhile, but then some of those phrases have me wondering.

 

[classycrimson]

It really depends on the man and where he is in life, but if he's asking you to pay for things he can't afford or to support a standard of living that he cannot support by himself, I think he's a gold digger.


I think that I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T song is the male gold digger anthem. I did appreciate the song for awhile, but then some of those phrases have me wondering.

That song has always irked me for that very reason....it's like it's lulling the independent chic into a false sense of confidence and normalcy...so she can keep doing everything for everyone...including him...and feel good about it (i.e. you'se a bad broad!)

 

[tatiana]

You know you have a male gold digger is when you hear him caculating your net worth in his mind.

He wants to know exactly how much money you make this year and last
How much taxes you own or how much you got back from the IRS this year and last
How do you make your money
How much credit card debt you own
How much you pay on your mortgage
how much you own on your car or is it paid off

if he asks the above questions when he is not really a boyfriend and you two are not about to share money or get marry, he is a male gold-digger

A free loader is a man that looking for short term money such as making you pay for a date or pay a bill. He usually does not have a job or does not keep a job very long. On occasion, you may meet one that has a high paying job and if this guy asks for you to pay a bill, he is being controlling and wants to see if he has enough power over you to see if you will pay.

A male gold digger is looking for long term such as marriage. He usually has at least one job but sometimes two or three. This guy LOVES money. He will use a woman's lonliness, her desire to have children, or her emotions against her to get to her pocketbook.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

UGH! I just dealt with this mess the other night.

So, a group of people were supposed to be going out and this guy who claims to be trying to be exclusive with me (we'll call him J) was invited to come along. Well, at first he gave me this line about not coming because he had to get up early for work. Ok, whatever. Then he calls me the next day and says he's going to come that night after all because he wants to spend time with me even though financially he "probably shouldn't"...I said, "Well, if you shouldn't, then don't. It's not the end of the world." He went on to say, "Nah, I'll figure it out." and said he was coming. Well, about an hour before the outing, my girlfriend called him to get directions to the restaurant and he said he wasn't going. Then he calls me while I'm en route to say he wasn't coming. I ask why, and he's like, "I'm broke. I can't go, and I would have wanted to pay for your meal." I guess he thought he was going to get chivalry points for that, but I was like, "I can take care of my own meal; it's not that serious and the net effect is the same whether you come or not if you're broke. You can come for the sake of hanging out with everybody." And then he says, "Well, if you really wanted me to go, you would have done something to make that happen." I.E. PAYING FOR HIS TRIFLIN' BEHIND. I said, "Uh, not so much. I invited you. You decided not to come. That's the end of it." We had another discussion about it later, and he went on and on about the money issue. It was a red flag for me because I'm not used to knitpicking with people about money like that. I know it's a sign of things to come with him. I can't do it.

 

[MissJ]

I was with a gold digger, WCG, and I didn't even know he was a gold digger until like a year into the relationship. Here's a chronology of gold-digging events.

1) First date, he ordered water. Then I ordered water, and then he said, "Well, let me get a sweet tea." I insisted on paying for the first date and tip, and he let me. He thought $2 was a good tip.

2) A couple weeks later, he wanted me to be his girlfriend, because he thought I would be "down for him." read: spend money on him. On the same day, I asked him to bring me a burger and small fries from McDonald's, a total $2.13. I offered him the $2.13, and he took it! I thought that was odd.

3) He use to brag about going on 3 dates in one day and not having to pay for any of them.

4) You know when someone takes you somewhere, and you offer them gas money to be nice. He took my money everytime I offered and then spent the remainder, because gas was cheap in 2004.

5) When I moved, he ransacked my fridge, and got mad when my dad opened a pack of chicken and cooked in on my George Foreman grill. He also asked for my big jar of change.

6) He was having trouble paying his bills or so he said, and he said his mom said that I should be helping him pay his bills.

7) He said that his mom told him not to spend money on girls.

8) He saw my dad's Hummer and saw dollar signs in his future.

9) He told me that he loves my dad, because when he's around, he always gets a free meal.

10) He always talks about the material things he could have had, had his daddy paid child support.

11) He always talks about all the material things he could have had had his mom taken a generous cut of the settlement she got for his uncle.

12) Talks about the ilife nsurance policy his mom has on herself and how much he's going to get.

There's a whole bunch of other stuff. Basically, if you ever gave this guy anything of monetary value, he was stuck on you like white on rice! I never should have paid for that first date, or if I did, I never should have answered his calls again. At least now I know better.

 

[MissJ]

Oh yeah! He would always say that he didn't believe in gender roles. I didn't know what he meant by that, but now I do. I can't live like that. He wants everything to be 50/50. Everything is tit for tat. He won't do anything for you unless you do something comparable for him.

 

[frizzy]

Miss J I'm glad you saw the light. Your post made me a little sick to my stomach.

 

[envybeauty]

I have never had respect for a man that takes money for a woman. Never. My father never took money from women. Even when he would offer them a ride somewhere and they would reach for gas money, he always said no. We would be out somewhere, see a group of women he knows, and he will buy everyone dessert or drinks. He was always the one who was generous.

I think a lot of women put up with these type of men because it was not reinforced to them growing up that MEN just don't do certain things. Men don't ask women for money. Men don't let women pay for their meals. Men handle their business.

 

[lexi08]

Oh yeah! He would always say that he didn't believe in gender roles. I didn't know what he meant by that, but now I do. I can't live like that. He wants everything to be 50/50. Everything is tit for tat. He won't do anything for you unless you do something comparable for him.

Dang Ms. J this guy was bad news. Never date a man this. I am glad you know better. I had to learn a few lessons in my 20's also

 

[Crackers Phinn]

And then he says, "Well, if you really wanted me to go, you would have done something to make that happen." I.E. PAYING FOR HIS TRIFLIN' BEHIND. I said, "Uh, not so much. I invited you. You decided not to come. That's the end of it." We had another discussion about it later, and he went on and on about the money issue. It was a red flag for me because I'm not used to knitpicking with people about money like that. I know it's a sign of things to come with him. I can't do it.

@ the bolded Game Over - Dude is FIRED!!

I'm glad you can see that ginormous red flag! I mean his ish is blinking with a police siren sounding!

 

[MissJ]

Miss J I'm glad you saw the light. Your post made me a little sick to my stomach.

I think it took a long time for me to see how he was, because I had just come out a relationship that ended badly. This new guy seemed so great and cool and from a good family, plus it was long distance for the most part. I thought that I'd had a relationship where I paid for stuff before, but I didn't take into account that I only started paying for stuff until after we were together for years. This guy wanted me to pay for stuff right off the bat and unproportionately so.

He use to tell me this story about this girl from my hometown that he dated. He said that she was a really good cook, and one Sunday she cooked a huge meal for him, and before he was to come over she asked him to buy some rolls from the store. Well, he lived right down the road from the grocery store, didn't bother to buy anything, and went to her apartment empty-handed. He actually tells that story to all his friends and thinks it's funny.

 

[MissJ]

Dang Ms. J this guy was bad news. Never date a man this. I am glad you know better. I had to learn a few lessons in my 20's also

Oh, I would have never gone out with him had my "friends" on LHCF not urged me to go out with him. They thought that I needed experience dating. I guess I sure did. Of course nobody knew how he would behave.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

@ the bolded Game Over - Dude is FIRED!!

I'm glad you can see that ginormous red flag! I mean his ish is blinking with a police siren sounding!

but you're right though...I was went from to to Then he had the nerve to want to have a "discussion" last night about why I told him no when he asked me to be with him. On top of being broke, he has some personality/character issues that I'm simply not interested in dealing with. You don't get to be broke on top of having issues!

 

[GeorginaSparks]

1) First date, he ordered water. Then I ordered water, and then he said, "Well, let me get a sweet tea." I insisted on paying for the first date and tip, and he let me. He thought $2 was a good tip.

That should have been your 1st red flag!