Ladies who dated outside their race...

[Maa Maa omo mti]

This is not a drama thread nor do I want it to end up like that....









Did you have some reservations when you first started talking to the guy? How did you get over it? What was running through your mind?

Please share your initial reactions.

PS yes I know we are all equate yadda yadda, but as a person who's never really dated, but have been approached by non-black guys I tend to second guess the whole approach.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

It's just a man. White, Black, Asian, or whatever, it's just a man.

No need to be nervous, at all. Try and look outside of the color issues and enjoy yourself. Don't get yourself too hyped up in the fact that he is non-Black and you are Black. Just enjoy the date.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

It's just a man. White, Black, Asian, or whatever, it's just a man.

No need to be nervous, at all. Try and look outside of the color issues and enjoy yourself. Don't get yourself too hyped up in the fact that he is non-Black and you are Black. Just enjoy the date.

I don't know why but it's easier said then done. When I was younger I wouldn't care and have had serious crushes on white boys at my school, but the older I get it seems to be harder. However, I have no problem if an asian or spanish guy approaches.

 

[camellia]

It's just a man. White, Black, Asian, or whatever, it's just a man.

No need to be nervous, at all. Try and look outside of the color issues and enjoy yourself. Don't get yourself too hyped up in the fact that he is non-Black and you are Black. Just enjoy the date.

What she said.

A man is a man is a man.

The first guy I ever dated was white. I had no reservations, I was just happy to have a good looking guy who understood that the viola was not just "a big violin" interested in taking me out.

If you don't let race become a big deal it really won't. Focus on what you have in common and have fun.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I don't know why but it's easier said then done. When I was younger I wouldn't care and have had serious crushes on white boys at my school, but the older I get it seems to be harder. However, I have no problem if an asian or spanish guy approaches.

Why? Are you intimidated?

 

[HoneyDew]

The first time I dated a white guy I was about 16 or 17. I had no personal problems with it, but I hid him from my mom and dad because I didnot know what they would think. Turns out they did not care and I was making a bigger deal about it than necessary.

I have to admit that when I had my son I was uneasy about people asking me about him. I did not tell people from school, etc. that my son's father is white. So when they saw him, I did get some kinda looks and I even had people ask me about his dad.

I was young though. Now that I am grown, I can tell that times have changed. It is not a big deal anymore. I was also immature and did not know how to handle things as well - but at that age I think we don't know how to handle lots of things when it comes to relationships and such.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Why? Are you intimidated?

I could be. I think all I need is just to get over that hurdle. It seems like I think too much about it, and don't let it just happen.

 

[HoneyDew]

I don't know why but it's easier said then done. When I was younger I wouldn't care and have had serious crushes on white boys at my school, but the older I get it seems to be harder. However, I have no problem if an asian or spanish guy approaches.

You are not alone and I know that people feel the same way you do. It is easier said than done for some and I think it is unfair to ignore that. I feel you. Girl, don't worry about it. If there is a white guy that you are interested in - if the chemistry is there - race has nothing to do with it. If the chemistry is not there don't be so quick to assume that it is a racial thing. Don't look at him as "a white guy". Just look at him as a man just as you would any other. Don't put too much energy into the racial stuff because you could end up missing out on a having a good friend/relationship because of your hang-ups/fears/etc.

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

You are not alone and I know that people feel the same way you do. It is easier said than done for some and I think it is unfair to ignore that. I feel you. Girl, don't worry about it. If there is a white guy that you are interested in - if the chemistry is there - race has nothing to do with it. If the chemistry is not there don't be so quick to assume that it is a racial thing. Don't look at him as "a white guy". Just look at him as a man just as you would any other. Don't put too much energy into the racial stuff because you could end up missing out on a having a good friend/relationship because of your hang-ups/fears/etc.

Thank you. I'm trying to be more open. I can work, flirt etc with, but when it comes to going out and really giving the person a chance it's like I put up a road block. I start to think of some off the wall stuff, oh is he sincere, or he might be crazy etc.

Yes I know it's not just a white guy who can be crazy, etc...

 

[HoneyDew]

Thank you. I'm trying to be more open. I can work, flirt etc with, but when it comes to going out and really giving the person a chance it's like I put up a road block. I start to think of some off the wall stuff, oh is he sincere, or he might be crazy etc.

Yes I know it's not just a white guy who can be crazy, etc...

Maybe you are just not into white guys. There is nothing wrong with that, you know?

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

Maybe you are just not into white guys. There is nothing wrong with that, you know?

This made me laugh. and I needed it.

I just might not be. Maybe I'm forcing myself so that I can have all options open.

 

[misskris816]

It's just a man. White, Black, Asian, or whatever, it's just a man.

No need to be nervous, at all. Try and look outside of the color issues and enjoy yourself. Don't get yourself too hyped up in the fact that he is non-Black and you are Black. Just enjoy the date.

I agree! If you go into the relationship/ or date focusing on the racial difference, chances are that you will think everybody around you is concerned about you being black and him being non-black, even if they aren't even paying you any attention. Just have fun, some of the best dates I've been on have been with men of other races.

 

[thiccknlong]

I could be. I think all I need is just to get over that hurdle. It seems like I think too much about it, and don't let it just happen.

Dont worry. I'll be ur sista friend for dating "others" lol

I'm about to do the same. I think ur personality makes a big difference. Are u a friendly person? That makes a biiiig diff

 

[Farida]

I had reservations, I was afraid of how his family would take our relationship. I was afraid of cultural differences. I wondered if you can ever truly be as intimate with a person so different as you would with someone of the same race/culture. It worked out, and I don't regret. It took a lot of adjustment. I think moreso for him - the wide-eyed wonder as he watched me take down my braids. I still remember. Then my friend said, "he helped you take down your hair? Must be LOVE!" lol

 

[PeaceFlow]

This is not a drama thread nor do I want it to end up like that....









Did you have some reservations when you first started talking to the guy? How did you get over it? What was running through your mind?

Please share your initial reactions.

PS yes I know we are all equate yadda yadda, but as a person who's never really dated, but have been approached by non-black guys I tend to second guess the whole approach.

I read Supposing I wanted to date a White Guy http://www.amazon.co.uk/Supposing-Wanted-Date-White-Guy/dp/0954998707/ref=sr_1_1/026-8651803-4696448?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185186172&sr=8-1 . I think for quite a lot of Black women its not just a White man. When I was younger I had a lot of White and mixed friends so I didnt think two minutes about it, but when I got older and started hanging around more Black people, listening to "Black music" and watching the films I noticed there were a lot of references to people dating outside of their race as traitors or self haters .

My mum was always neutral about that stuff but I had a biracial confused: ) best friend who would cringe when I said I liked a White guy, espescially if he wasnt a "Wigger". You end up in loads of converstaions or listening to Black women saying they could never do that .

Whenever a Black or mixed girl liked even one White guy it was like " Aww she likes her White man dem" or " Shes on a White flex" and it was never said in a nice way.

Plus all the inferences to the past with slavery and stuff, especially if you are very into Black culture it can make you wonder if you are not Black enough. Theres also others reactions to seeing a Black woman walking round with a White/other race man. In certain places they dont notice and let you get on with business but I see quite a few IR in forums that get challenged, attacked, stared at, comments made ect...


Again this depends on where you live and the messages around you as you grow up but stopping Black women from engaging in even flirtations with other races (White men in particular) is a form of social control to keep the women firm in the community. Anxieties about losing your "Blackness ponits" are also rife. Sometimes you can get attacked on message boards or even banned if you are with a White man. Its not just the same for me but worth it if you love the person .

Plus sometimes there can be family opposition but luckily my SO parents arent too bad.

To put it simply, I have had to deal with new situations when with my new bnoyfriend that I didnt before.

 

[KhandiB]

I had no hangups cuz my husband is Fione

although he wasnt the first white man I dated, I never had issues with it because I never cared what anyone thought about it .. I always had considered myself more shallow than race, cared more about looks

So I have dated:
Black
White
Puerto Rican
Cuban
Mexican
Saudi Arabian
Italian

 

[itismehmmkay]

I did at first. I thought he was attractive, but wasn't exactly sure that he thought of me romantically. I like to get a feel for the person and make sure that they're not just dating me for fetish reasons. A big warning sign to me is guys who like to talk about interracial dating from jump. I don't date guys who ask, "so, have you ever dated a [insert non-black race] guy," hell no!


eta: In the past though (like grade school), I don't remember thinking about that. Probably because things were more on the lines of just "talking" or having little crushes.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I had no hangups cuz my husband is Fione

although he wasnt the first white man I dated, I never had issues with it because I never cared what anyone thought about it .. I always had considered myself more shallow than race, cared more about looks

So I have dated:
Black
White
Puerto Rican
Cuban
Mexican
Saudi Arabian
Italian

Your resume(list of men you dated) looks similar to mine!!!Equal opportunity yeah!!!!

 

[amwcah]

Thank you. I'm trying to be more open. I can work, flirt etc with, but when it comes to going out and really giving the person a chance it's like I put up a road block. I start to think of some off the wall stuff, oh is he sincere, or he might be crazy etc.

Yes I know it's not just a white guy who can be crazy, etc...

Wow! I think the same thing. I guess I just watched too much of the Lifetime Channel.

 

[gone_fishing]

This is not a drama thread nor do I want it to end up like that....









Did you have some reservations when you first started talking to the guy? How did you get over it? What was running through your mind?

Please share your initial reactions.

PS yes I know we are all equate yadda yadda, but as a person who's never really dated, but have been approached by non-black guys I tend to second guess the whole approach.

I was "curious" but I never really had any reservations. The only thing it made me concerned about is that they are truly dating me because they are interested in me as a person and not thinking of me as some type of novelty item. Some white and asian men, believe it or not, have a serious black woman "fetish" which I do not believe is healthy and not even flattering to me.

And it's hard to judge who is truly interested and who is not...but a man who says, "I've always wanted to know what it's like to be with a black woman" is surely throwing up a red flag.

But I never had any reservations about cultural differences or whether we would find common interests.

They are all still men and they are all still americans at that. Therefore, I don't expect much difference between them because of their skin colors. We are all kind of raised under the same "roof" [USA] so to speak.

 

[StLucianSweetie]

I was "curious" but I never really had any reservations. The only thing it made me concerned about is that they are truly dating me because they are interested in me as a person and not thinking of me as some type of novelty item. Some white and asian men, believe it or not, have a serious black woman "fetish" which I do not believe is healthy and not even flattering to me.

And it's hard to judge who is truly interested and who is not...but a man who says, "I've always wanted to know what it's like to be with a black woman" is surely throwing up a red flag.

But I never had any reservations about cultural differences or whether we would find common interests.

They are all still men and they are all still americans at that. Therefore, I don't expect much difference between them because of their skin colors. We are all kind of raised under the same "roof" [USA] so to speak.

I've been coming across men like this more and more lately. Esp the ones trying to fulfill sexual fetishes. Uggh. Be on the lookout for these men OP.

 

[ShaniKeys]

It's just a man. White, Black, Asian, or whatever, it's just a man.

No need to be nervous, at all. Try and look outside of the color issues and enjoy yourself. Don't get yourself too hyped up in the fact that he is non-Black and you are Black. Just enjoy the date.

I feel the exact same way.

 

[Evolving78]

I have dated guys from different races and when it gets down to it, men are all the same. To be honest I was a little more on my guard because I didn't know if they were just into me or was just being curious about being with a black girl.