Just Broke Up With My Boyfriend And Feeling Guilty I Guess

L

LdyKamz

Well-Known Member
We've been together for a few years. For the past few months I've been really contemplating ending things for several reasons. He's been in a funk for like the past year. Complains about everything constantly but won't do anything to fix it. His job, his apartment, his weight (he isn't overweight btw just gained a little belly). So I've tried to be supportive. I've tried to get him out of his funk. I've tried just letting him be and being a listening ear and shoulder to lean/complain on. Neither of those worked.

Then on top of that he's so secretive. It got to the point where it was little things. Like I would go a couple days without hearing from him but then would call and he'd be like "at my office party" Oh OK didn't know that was tonight. Or I'd call and he'd be like I'm at the doctor and I've been making appointments all week. Umm OK is everything alright? These are not big things but he doesn't really tell me anything, doesn't share anything with me. I felt like I was nitpicking so I didn't say anything. Then a couple weeks ago he calls me and I'm like so what are you doing. His response "I had the week off so I went to my parents for the week". Is it me or is something wrong with that? We weren't casually dating. I am his girlfriend of 3 years. Maybe I'm overreacting but not mentioning this stuff is bothersome to me.

So I expressed my concerns and he basically refuses to talk about it. Just completely shuts down. I give him a couple weeks to get it together thinking maybe he just needs some time to talk. No last week we see each other and he gives me my Christmas presents. (I made plans to do my own thing since he hadn't made plans with me) I'm thinking we are about to have a talk and homeboy acts like nothing even happens. So I calmly let him know that I am unhappy with the way things are going and I expect more from him and this relationship. Ya'll it was a completely one sided conversation. No feedback from him at all whatsoever. So I broke up with him.

Problem is he doesn't even seem bothered!!!!! He just said OK. Make me think he wanted to break up anyway. But he's texting me like he's on top of the world now being playful and flirty. I cut that short and told him I was serious about the break up and don't think we should talk. Then he writes back "You are amazing and wonderful and I wish you every happiness" with all these heart and smiley emojis. What's wrong with him? I feel a little guilty ending things but I feel like I did give him a chance. But I'm more hurt and angry that he doesn't seem that upset by the break up. Now what's wrong with me? LOL I don't know. I just have so many mixed emotions and feel like I don't even want to bother with this whole dating thing anymore. I feel so tired. It's exhausting really. I don't know where to go from here.
 
Nothing is wrong with you. Your intuition is telling you what your heart ain't trying to hear. You know something was wrong with how he was treating you yet you are choosing to 2nd guess yourself.

He is not going to fight for you like you think he should which is why he's not tripping. Accept the apology you are never going to receive and block him. PLEASE STOP TEXTING HIM and move on.
 
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KammyGirl said:
We've been together for a few years. For the past few months I've been really contemplating ending things for several reasons. He's been in a funk for like the past year. Complains about everything constantly but won't do anything to fix it. His job, his apartment, his weight (he isn't overweight btw just gained a little belly). So I've tried to be supportive. I've tried to get him out of his funk. I've tried just letting him be and being a listening ear and shoulder to lean/complain on. Neither of those worked.

Then on top of that he's so secretive. It got to the point where it was little things. Like I would go a couple days without hearing from him but then would call and he'd be like "at my office party" Oh OK didn't know that was tonight. Or I'd call and he'd be like I'm at the doctor and I've been making appointments all week. Umm OK is everything alright? These are not big things but he doesn't really tell me anything, doesn't share anything with me. I felt like I was nitpicking so I didn't say anything. Then a couple weeks ago he calls me and I'm like so what are you doing. His response "I had the week off so I went to my parents for the week". Is it me or is something wrong with that? We weren't casually dating. I am his girlfriend of 3 years. Maybe I'm overreacting but not mentioning this stuff is bothersome to me.

So I expressed my concerns and he basically refuses to talk about it. Just completely shuts down. I give him a couple weeks to get it together thinking maybe he just needs some time to talk. No last week we see each other and he gives me my Christmas presents. (I made plans to do my own thing since he hadn't made plans with me) I'm thinking we are about to have a talk and homeboy acts like nothing even happens. So I calmly let him know that I am unhappy with the way things are going and I expect more from him and this relationship. Ya'll it was a completely one sided conversation. No feedback from him at all whatsoever. So I broke up with him.

Problem is he doesn't even seem bothered!!!!! He just said OK. Make me think he wanted to break up anyway. But he's texting me like he's on top of the world now being playful and flirty. I cut that short and told him I was serious about the break up and don't think we should talk. Then he writes back "You are amazing and wonderful and I wish you every happiness" with all these heart and smiley emojis. What's wrong with him? I feel a little guilty ending things but I feel like I did give him a chance. But I'm more hurt and angry that he doesn't seem that upset by the break up. Now what's wrong with me? LOL I don't know. I just have so many mixed emotions and feel like I don't even want to bother with this whole dating thing anymore. I feel so tired. It's exhausting really. I don't know where to go from here.
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Considering you two are three years deep something is very wrong with that. He's acting single, no shade.
Block his number and don't fall back in
He doesn't sound like a catch to be honest
 
Mai Tai said:
Nothing is wrong with you. Your intuition is telling you what your heart ain't trying to hear. You know something was wrong yet you are choosing to 2nd guess yourself.

He is not going to fight for you like you think he should which is why he's not tripping. Accept the apology you are never going to receive and block him. PLEASE STOP TEXTING HIM and move on.
Click to expand...
This is the thing. I have been feeling like I wanted to break up for a minute now but then I'll think am I overreacting even though I knew deep down that I wasn't. I also didn't want to feel like I was abandoning him when he was obviously going through some sort of depression. But at the same time it was like I wasn't even part of his life. At least that's how I felt. Feeling mad at myself for wasting time on him too but what's done is done and I shall never do it again.
 
KammyGirl said:
This is the thing. I have been feeling like I wanted to break up for a minute now but then I'll think am I overreacting even though I knew deep down that I wasn't. I also didn't want to feel like I was abandoning him when he was obviously going through some sort of depression. But at the same time it was like I wasn't even part of his life. At least that's how I felt. Feeling mad at myself for wasting time on him too but what's done is done and I shall never do it again.
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Don't think of it as wasting time. You were genuine with your intentions and now you have first hand experience of how to better manage your boundaries with the next man. Make the next one earn title of boyfriend by his actions not because you put xx time into him.

His cavalier attitude would piss me off too but don't give it a second thought. Change his name to DNA (do not answer) & throw whatever guilt you are tempted to drag into the new year into the garbage. Pop a bottle and look forward to new experience with future mate that behaves the way you deserve.
 
Right now, you're thinking that he forced you to have to break up with him. If you keep rationalizing your break up this way.. you'll always fall prey to his manipulation. Once he starts getting on your good side, you will feel compelled to be his ****buddy, his lover... whatever he "needs".

Don't play yourself.
 
silverbuttons said:
Right now, you're thinking that he forced you to have to break up with him. If you keep rationalizing your break up this way.. you'll always fall prey to his manipulation. Once he starts getting on your good side, you will feel compelled to be his ****buddy, his lover... whatever he "needs".

Don't play yourself.
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You are so right about this. I don't think I would do this but it's not lost on me how easy it would be to fall back into the nonsense this way.

The more I think about it the angrier I get and I hope he disappears. I just blocked his number because I'm not interested in what he has to say when he had nothing to say before.
 
sj10460 said:
Sounds like he wanted you to end things. Break ups are tough but at least now you can put your energy into making yourself happy versus counting down the days to the inevitable.
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Yea AGREED.

he didn't have the balls to break up with you OP so manipulated you into being the bad guy.

wow. total cowardly jerk.

thank goodness you can move on now.
 
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I realize in relationships and friendships, if you are a giver (try to fix situations or make things easier out of love), people get use to this treatment because it's one sided. They never have to do any work. You are always giving, fixing, making them laugh, making them smile, cheering them up. It can never be about you. People actually try to train you to not consider your feelings. When you are fed up, they become nice give you a few crumbs of attention to draw you back in. It's a circle that keeps going round and round until you start to realize, I have feelings and I deserve to be taken care of as well.
 
KammyGirl said:
After a good nights sleep and the comments in this thread I feel much better. The guilt is completely gone. Now that the feeling is gone I'm not even sure it was guilt. I don't know what it was. But I woke up this morning feeling perfectly fine. Thanks ladies!
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Glad you are feeling better!!

He's a loser. Keep him blocked and unfriend and unfollow on all social media. You could care less what his life is about post-you. His loss and your gain.
 
KammyGirl said:
After a good nights sleep and the comments in this thread I feel much better. The guilt is completely gone. Now that the feeling is gone I'm not even sure it was guilt. I don't know what it was. But I woke up this morning feeling perfectly fine. Thanks ladies!
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It's like when you get a new pair of glasses. You didn't realize life was out of focus but now that you can see clearly you won't go back to old pair. Glad you are better!
 
I needed this thread. I've been dating someone for about two months (he said we are in a relationship but we're not boyfriend/girlfriend, which confused me anyway...). I already feel neglected and unappreciated and I feel like he's being deceptive. I'd rather not get into the details with that over fear of being mocked, but I think I'm ready to end things, which sucks because I like/liked him a lot, but he just can't give me what I need.

And he didn't tell me he was a Trump supporter so there's that... :look:

@hopeful I'm gonna message you in a bit for some advice and encouragement. :)
 
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