Is this fool playing mind games or just nuts????

PopLife

PopLife

Well-Known Member
So the guy I've been dating for year broke up with me two weeks ago out of the blue. The reason I say out of the blue is because there were no signs that anything was wrong leading up to this. Although that week I noticed he was being distant so I confronted him and he said that he was going through a lot personally (he mom has been sick and he's not happy about turning 40 in a couple of weeks. I asked him if he needed some space, he said yes and I gave him that. A few days later he called me but I could still tell he was being distant. So, I asked him if it was something more than what he had told me. He claimed that he didn't feel like our relationship was progressing how it should (but couldn't really give me concrete reasons) and that he was still going through a lot.

Although I was hurt/confused I accepted the break up and ceased all contact with him from that day forward. That weekend he sent me a random text saying I'm sorry for being me, I'm so sorry. :huh: I never responded to the text (honestly I didn't know how to). So we went another week without contact. Then this past Saturday he sends me another mid day random text.

Him: The way I handled our relationship was horrible. You meant more to me than I let on. I want you you know at least that. I do miss you, for whatever that's worth.
Me: I have learned a lot from this situation, but at the end of the day I do care about you. I miss you too.
Him: I will be on military duty until tomorrow
Me: No Response... Since I figured his last text meant he would call me the next day when he got back (off duty).

Well yesterday came and went and I have not heard from him. Of course I have no intention of contacting him (ever!) but I just don't understand it. He broke up with me I feel like he got a clean break so why won't he leave it alone. It almost feels like one big sick joke...I'm lost???
 
Since he broke up with you I think you are handling it very well. You don't know what's really going on with him. Until he makes it a point to show up at your door and makes a good case for you taking him back after he dumped you out of the blue, you should make it a point to keep your distance and enjoy your life. You never know, he may have made a way for you to meet the one. Don't even sweat it.
 
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Even though he broke up with you he is having withdrawal symptoms. Unless he had no feelings for you, then this is expected. He needs to keep it to himself though, because he is is just giving you false hope. Sorry that you are going through this.
 
HoneyA said:
Since he broke up with you I think you are handling it very well. You don't know what's really going on with him. Until he makes it a point to show up at your door and makes a good case for you taking him back after you dumped you out of the blue, you should make it a point to keep your distance and enjoy your life. You never know, he made have made a way for you to meet the one. Don't even sweat it.
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Thanks.

I do plan on continuing to ignore him I have even looked into blocking his number on my cell (but I'm not sure if I want to pay $4.99 a month just for him). It's just really irritating because although he doesn't know it, this break up floored me...we have had multiple conversations about the future and being on the same page.
It's been really hard to deal with because we didn't have any major issues within our relationship (got along very well) so, it's hard for me to find reasons to hate him... which I feel would make the process easier. Ugh!
 
evsbaby said:
Even though he broke up with you he is having withdrawal symptoms. Unless he had no feelings for you, then this is expected. He needs to keep it to himself though, because he is is just giving you false hope. Sorry that you are going through this.
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I agree that it's probably withdrawals but this is something that obviously he wanted. I'm sure there are plenty of women (which I'm figuring this is all about) out there waiting for him to drown his withdrawals in. I just don't get it...
 
I don't think I've every had a "clean break" break-up. His actions seem pretty normal. Also, he probably didn't expect you to take the break up so easy. At any rate, if you're not comfortable with the texts I would express that to him and ask that he consider your feelings and cease contact.
 
kandake said:
I don't think I've every had a "clean break" break-up. His actions seem pretty normal. Also, he probably didn't expect you to take the break up so easy. At any rate, if you're not comfortable with the texts I would express that to him and ask that he consider your feelings and cease contact.
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You're probably right, maybe I'm the one who's nuts then. But, I would think if just out of the blue a person doesn't want to be with you anymore for no real cause it would be pretty easy for them to move on.
 
I think that the fact that he did not give you a concrete reason for the break makes it harder for you. If he had given you a more valid reason, it would be easier to have some closure. His behaviour is kind of underhanded.

I applaud you for being so calm and collected. I would not be so calm. He probably find it a bit unnerving. You will know, in time, if him contacting you was withdrawal symptoms, some kind of mind game or him missing you and having second thoughts.
 
wow. i'm impressed. you handled this one quite well.

*puts da newport one hunnits back in my bra*

thought i had to light one for a minute. on da otha hand, he's not playing mind games. at least he was honest and upfront. if he had given you some bs excuse, then you would be questioning that. you're hurt and i can understand that, but i think the thing that bugs you the most is that you do not have closure in terms of him telling you what's really going on. don't worry, you'll find out one day. and don't start thinkin it's you because it's not. it's him. all him.

keep doing what you're doing. the more you continue to ignore him, the more he'll reach out because when you ignore him, the more you'll peak his curiosity. in other words, he's trying to figure you out now because you're not blowing up his phone and lunchin. in his mind (any man), that is not normal. that is why he is sending you these text messages. i call them "feelers"...to see where you're at, which is why he apologized (guilt). he didn't get the reaction he THOUGHT he would (slashin tires, cussin him out on his cell, sending him violent text messages, etc) get so now he's troubled by your "ignores" cuz he don't know how to take you right now. Men do not like to be ignored. And see, ur quiet right now. not reacting.

so keep doin whatchu doin cuz right now, da ball is in ur court. IGNORING him. and believe me on this one. THEY ALWAYS COME/CALL BACK. i don't care if it's one month to six months down the line, somehow, someway, the ALWAYS COME/CALL BACK.
 
PopLife said:
You're probably right, maybe I'm the one who's nuts then. But, I would think if just out of the blue a person doesn't want to be with you anymore for no real cause it would be pretty easy for them to move on.
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No, you're not nuts at all. I think you're handling it very well. I think part of what kandake meant was that men always come back after they have broken up with you, esp. if the relationship was a good one, and they realise what they let go.

Re it being "easy to move on." I think it is natural for someone who didn't break up with you bitterly to go through "withdrawal", because even though they don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, if they had any feelings for you at all, they will miss you. It's kind of like what Glib Gurl blogged about recently, where her ex-boyfriend broke up with her but kept phoning to invite her on hikes, to hang out, and such. I have been in the situation where *I* broke up with someone (who was in love with me) and I cried bitterly for about two hours because we had shared so much, I cared about his feelings and knew I had broken his heart, and because I knew I was losing his friendship and closeness forever. But I was respectful enough of his feelings to keep that to myself and not initiate contact after the breakup because I knew I did not want to be his girlfriend, and did not want to prolong his pain or give him false hope. This guy should do the same for you. He shouldn't "keep you hanging on."
 
Thank you guys for you advice I will continue to ignore him. As much as I want to yell at him and call him names, I know it won't solve anything. The only thing that has stopped me is prayer and my self respect. It's bad enough not getting closure from this but his latest antics are like ripping a scab off of a wound.
 
You're not nuts by any means. Actually, you seem to be extremely level headed. You're handling this thing quite well. I agree with everything ThatJersyGirl and Ebonylocs had to say.

Break-ups are hard but I know you'll get through it.
 
Yeah girl, block his texts and phone calls. He says he doesnt want a relationship, he means that. Anything else after that is now known to be a time-waster for you.
 
You handled it pretty well, I think he is shocked that you did flip out. For the most part men do not beat around the bush, he no longer wishes to be with you and told you so. I say KIM, because your special guy is waiting to meet you.
 
Update: So, he just sent me another text saying hi. :whyme:

I think I'm going to reply later on and tell him to please not contact me anymore...this is just so rediculous... :nono:

I'm being harassed by someone who doesn't want to be with ME...go figure, smh.
 
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PopLife said:
Update: So, he just sent me another text saying hi. :whyme:

I think I'm going to reply later on and tell him to please not contact me anymore...this is just so rediculous... :nono:

I'm being harassed by someone who doesn't want to be with ME...go figure, smh.
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You don't have to respond, ya know.
 
~Sparklingflame~ said:
If you have a smart phone you can literally block these texts and phone calls.
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I have an Android thru Verizon, when I looked on the website under my account it said that I would have to pay $4.99 per month for that service...unless I'm looking up the wrong thing? I know I can keep him in my contacts and have the calls sent directly to voice mail but that doesn't block text msg.
 
PopLife said:
I have an Android thru Verizon, when I looked on the website under my account it said that I would have to pay $4.99 per month for that service...unless I'm looking up the wrong thing? I know I can keep him in my contacts and have the calls sent directly to voice mail but that doesn't block text msg.
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Install the app Handscent and you will be able to block the texts and install the free app Call Block and you an block the calls.
 
PopLife said:
I realize that but I figured by telling him to stop contacting he would know that I don't want to talk to him anymore instead of him still trying to feel me out...that's all.
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I understand that :yep:

I would make my response short and sweet "Please don't call/text/or try to contact me anymore". I wouldn't explain why--he didn't have the decency to explain to you why he broke up with you, so he doesn't deserve detailed info of why you no longer want to talk to him.

If he responds after that, I'd ignore him--meaning, that if you can't block him off your phone, I wouldn't even open his messages to read them, I'd delete them immediately.

I'm really sorry you had to go through this :hug3:
 
Okay, so here's my unsolicited advice on how to handle his texting you. He last texted "hi";he's playing games. He wants to get a reaction out of you, because you didn't react the way he thought you would the first time. Personally, I would ignore him. He could text me all day and I'd be deleting all day too. But you've handled your situation well so far, so whatever you do I'm sure will be the correct choice for you.

Men are so exasperating!
 
MissLawyerLady said:
Okay, so here's my unsolicited advice on how to handle his texting you. He last texted "hi";he's playing games. He wants to get a reaction out of you, because you didn't react the way he thought you would the first time. Personally, I would ignore him. He could text me all day and I'd be deleting all day too. But you've handled your situation well so far, so whatever you do I'm sure will be the correct choice for you.

Men are so exasperating!
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I'm glad I read this before I responded to him...I think it is probably better to just ignore him and proceed to block him.

Thanks you guys...I'm starting to feel a little better now!
 
Yep, I co-sign all the posts. I had already written one out WAYY earlier on Tapatalk and thought I had upgraded, but it hadn't downloaded yet, so I lost it.

Anyway, esp. ITA with ThatJerseyGirl and MissLawyerLady.

Also, TBH, this sounds like someone else is in his life. A woman (or man) could've come back, that you knew nothing about. He's just trying to see where your head is and trying to assuage his guilt because you're not reacting in the "typical" way a woman would who's just been dumped for no reason.

You've handled it REALLY well. REALLY REALLY well and like ThatJerseyGirl said, he'll definitely call. I've had jokas call me 2-3 YEARS later. They HATE when you don't react in the manner they expect because they have no barometer with which to gauge your reaction. At least if you're cussing/fussing/responding, they know you still care and they'll ignore YOU. Now, you see, he'll stay trying to find out what's the deal.

BTW, too much emphasis is put on closure sometimes. Get your own closure. You may not EVER know what happened, so K.I.M. Don't dwell on it. The fact of the matter is, it probably wouldn't make you feel better if you knew. BUT, just know and he's already pretty much told you that it was HIM, not you. So, whatever it is/was, there is/was nothing you could've done about it anyway. You're a great woman with great qualities. A REAL man who's able to handle that will come along and act right.
:bighug:
 
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PopLife said:
I realize that but I figured by telling him to stop contacting he would know that I don't want to talk to him anymore instead of him still trying to feel me out...that's all.
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I personally believe he would receive a stronger message if you just don't say a thing. Silence is golden. Sometime we women jus thave to be nice and sometimes it really isn't called for.

Talking to him to tell him to no longer talk to you, really?!?!?!?!!? I learned the hard way.
 
I also agree with how well you handled it PopLife. I think we could all borrow a leaf (and in some cases a tree) from you.

:bighug: on the break up, you will be alright.
 
The women on this board who have responded to your post gave you some excellent advice. Please do not, under any circumstance, give in and respond. If you do, then all bets are off and he has succeeded. He won. Don't give him that. You've already given him your heart, time, etc., and that is time you can't get back.

The only thing you have right now is yourself. You can honestly say that you did nothing wrong and that you gave the relationship your all. Therefore, you have no regrets and can walk away.

This is what he wanted so make him suffer. Block the bytch. He wanted time to himself, be that unselfish woman and give it to him. Keep him parked right on Ignore Avenue.

You shouldn't even be mad because he played himself. Thought he was being cute and got phucked in the process. If anything, you should be laughing at his dumb azzz cuz he can't take what he dished out, punked out of the relationship, now he doin dumb shyyt by sending you txt mags that say hi. Phuck him n feed him beans chile. You got him in the palm of your hands, so pat yourself on the back. You done good.

And as Rupaul would say "don't phuckit up"
 
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