Is there anything wrong with "Hooking Up" with the ex??

F

FlawedBeauty

Well-Known Member
Hey ladies! I have a bit of a dilemma...

So i broke up with the bf of 3 almost 4 yrs about 3 weeks ago. It was over for a while before it was actually over for good. I havent talked to him at all on the phone or seen him in almost 3 weeks. I'm over it. But i am gettin restless if u know what i mean. We have had brief communications through text a few times but thats about it. We are on good terms but we both know we cant be just friends like that.

I told him via text that i wanted him to come over tonigh and i was pretty blunt about the reason and of course he's a man so he agreed. BUT do u see anything wrong with this? I know this sounds man-like, but i only want one thing from him right now lol. Is that bad??
 
FlawedBeauty said:
was pretty blunt about the reason and of course he's a man so he agreed. BUT do u see anything wrong with this? I know this sounds man-like, but i only want one thing from him right now lol. Is that bad??[/quote]

:lol: as long as he's clear that's all you want.......... who knows......... you guys might fall in love again
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There's so much unsaid in your question?

Are one or both of you trying to work things out or is this just a "scratch an itch" situation?

If it's just a scratch an itch situation and you know you don't want to be with him, will the intimate contact cause any emotional confusion for one or both of you?
 
Everyone always thinks that they'll be fine with just the sex. Just be aware you're opening the door for a whole flurry of emotions to take over, when you haven't healed in the first place(Sorry, I don't believe 3 weeks is enough time to be 'over' something.)

Just my $72.11. Hey, you may be a stronger woman than me, I couldn't sleep with someone so soon after a breakup without re-catching feelings.
 
If you can do it without emotions, then go for it. I understand sometimes you need what you need :sekret:


But obviously you care for this man or you wouldn't have been with him for YEARs... do you really think you won't become emotionally attached??
 
I dont think its wrong but "hookin up" defeats the purpose of "breakin up" IMO. I guess its cool as long as both of you have an understanding(of your feelings) and your careful. He coulda been "hookin up" them last three weeks too. I dont think there is anything wrong w/u wanting just sex
 
MsDee4 said:
If you can do it without emotions, then go for it. I understand sometimes you need what you need :sekret:


But obviously you care for this man or you wouldn't have been with him for YEARs... do you really think you won't become emotionally attached??
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I agree with you:yep:
 
I did that for a year wih my ex. AND IT WAS THE BEST:naughtycouch:. No comment on if it's wrong or not. But if you got to ask, you must question the rightness? of it.
 
Starian said:
Everyone always thinks that they'll be fine with just the sex. Just be aware you're opening the door for a whole flurry of emotions to take over, when you haven't healed in the first place(Sorry, I don't believe 3 weeks is enough time to be 'over' something.)

Just my $72.11. Hey, you may be a stronger woman than me, I couldn't sleep with someone so soon after a breakup without re-catching feelings.
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yea we already did it shortly after we broke up and it wasnt anything like that. i know i could never be with him in a relationship and was already comin to terms with the fact that it was going to end months before it happened. we both knew it was over wayyyyy before it ended we just had to get up the strength to walk away because we knew it was the best thing. so it wasnt just one of those devestating, wtf just happened break ups. we both knew it's what we needed.
 
FlawedBeauty said:
:lachen::lachen:lol!!!! so what happened after the year? u found someone, he found someone?
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It took me a year to break up with him. I had to move to another town and everything but he was a great lover. He would come see me and I would go see him sometimes we would meet half way. Something about those nerds.:blush:
 
angelita842002 said:
I dont think its wrong but "hookin up" defeats the purpose of "breakin up" IMO. I guess its cool as long as both of you have an understanding(of your feelings) and your careful. He coulda been "hookin up" them last three weeks too. I dont think there is anything wrong w/u wanting just sex
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i dont think it defeats the purpose at all. we just can't be together like that. and rather than go out and add another notch to my belt i just feel this would be the best route, and doin the deed after all is said and done is sooo much better for some reason.

as for him as for the who hes been hookin up wiht in the last three weeks i would have to worry about that with any newbie i decide to drop the drawers for :lol:
 
dlewis said:
I did that for a year wih my ex. AND IT WAS THE BEST:naughtycouch:. No comment on if it's wrong or not. But if you got to ask, you must question the rightness? of it.
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DLewis, you are a hoot!! I tell if you are ever feeling down ladies please do a search on all posts by DLewis. She'll have you laughing out loud.

But I agree, the fact that you are asking if it's right means you may not be ready for this step. I've done it in the past :lick: and if you both know what you're in for it that's one thing but I didn't do it this fast. I posted someplace else that it is possible to have sex without emotional ties but, not with someone you were with for almost 4 years in a relationship. That's different.
 
MsDee4 said:
If you can do it without emotions, then go for it. I understand sometimes you need what you need :sekret:


But obviously you care for this man or you wouldn't have been with him for YEARs... do you really think you won't become emotionally attached??
Click to expand...


oh yes i loved him no doubt...but have u ever been in one of the relays that u just couldnt wait til it was over but u wre just to comforable and afraid to leave? now that is done i'm never goin back! i think it was a five months that we both just wanted it to be over but we were just to comfortable. we lived together so that didnt help.
 
Monilove122 said:
DLewis, you are a hoot!! I tell if you are ever feeling down ladies please do a search on all posts by DLewis. She'll have you laughing out loud.

But I agree, the fact that you are asking if it's right means you may not be ready for this step. I've done it in the best :lick: and if you both know what you're in for it that's one thing but I didn't do it this fast. I posted someplace else that it is possible to have sex without emotional ties but, not with someone you were with for almost 4 years in a relationship. That's different.
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i think maybe i should not have worded it the way i did...i guess maybe i was speakin in terms of do u think HE would see anything wrong with it. Like what a guy might feel about a chick that does this. Perhaps i should have been more clear...i was thinking about the wording as i posted too lol...
 
FlawedBeauty said:
i think maybe i should not have worded it the way i did...i guess maybe i was speakin in terms of do u think HE would see anything wrong with it. Like what a guy might feel about a chick that does this. Perhaps i should have been more clear...i was thinking about the wording as i posted too lol...
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If he said ok, I'm sure he's fine with it.:grin:
 
dlewis said:
It took me a year to break up with him. I had to move to another town and everything but he was a great lover. He would come see me and I would go see him sometimes we would meet half way. Something about those nerds.:blush:
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I've been dating the wrong guys :cry2:
 
I hooked up with my ex for about a year and half after we broke up periodically. The first 6 months I hadn't got over him yet so it was emotionally damaging for me. Then I eventually lost all interest in him but still hooked up with him from time to time. I stopped when he started getting possessive and dropping hints about us getting back together.
 
FlawedBeauty said:
i dont think it defeats the purpose at all. we just can't be together like that. and rather than go out and add another notch to my belt i just feel this would be the best route, and doin the deed after all is said and done is sooo much better for some reason.

as for him as for the who hes been hookin up wiht in the last three weeks i would have to worry about that with any newbie i decide to drop the drawers for :lol:
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If you feel you wont be emotionally tied and sex is just sex with him then Get it Girl:yep:
 
From your responses on the thread, it seems like you've already made up your mind that it's something you want to do, so it doesn't matter if someone else thinks it is wrong.
 
FlawedBeauty said:
oh yes i loved him no doubt...but have u ever been in one of the relays that u just couldnt wait til it was over but u wre just to comforable and afraid to leave? now that is done i'm never goin back! i think it was a five months that we both just wanted it to be over but we were just to comfortable. we lived together so that didnt help.
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Is that a typo?
Are you saying that it was after 5 months that you both wanted it to be over?


In response to your original question, no I wouldn't say anything is wrong with hooking up, but I mean you guys broke up 3 weeks ago.....3 weeks!!! :lol: Give it some time, gurl! Being "restless" sometimes comes with the territory of being single.

QUESTION: Do you think you will continue to call him for 'hookups' indefinitely?
 
Last edited:
Well it seems that you have thought it through!!!
If you are emotionally stable I don't think that you should deprive yourself of physical satisfaction...:yep:
 
foxxymami said:
Is that a typo?
Are you saying that it was after 5 months that you both wanted it to be over?


In response to your original question, no I wouldn't say anything is wrong with hooking up, but I mean you guys broke up 3 weeks ago.....3 weeks!!! :lol: Give it some time, gurl! Being "antsy" sometimes comes with the territory of being single.

QUESTION: Do you think you will continue to call him for 'hookups' indefinitely?
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lol...no i worded that wrong. i meant by that was we were together for 3 yrs and some change but we knew it was over like 5 months prior to actually being able to break it off. so we sat and hated each other for the last 5 months of the relay waiting for one of us to be the mature one and just end it already lol!

to answer your question...hmmm...maybe until i get bored of him. hes only tolerable in small doses.
 
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