is there anything that hurts more than heartbreak?

[ms*x]

i am so happily married, but i can relive the heartbreaks i've had over my lifetime like they were yeaterday and they hurt back then moreso than even childbirth - without the anesthesia.

i don't even wish heartbreak on my worst enemy.

my deepest sympathy goes out to women struggling to get over heartbreak - i'm not talking about women flirting with the idea of leaving or continuing to be a sucka for the man, but women that may have been completely dumped or had to leave because they just HAD to and are suffering tremendously.

it's like getting over the flu - you have to stay inside, in bed preferably, cry, scream, write, whatever...it's best when you have a friend that can listen to you and help. it's NOT good to take drugs or drink at that point. but it's like detoxing - it IS detoxing - getting that man out of your system...

so that one day...ONE DAY...you can look at that man and greet him with a warm "hello" knowing that he's put one of thee toughest challenges in your life and you made it, you have survived!

that's a great feeling.

but heartbreak has got to be worse than anything i've ever felt in my life. someone once told me that for every day you've spent with a guy, it'll take 2 to get completely over him. that's rough...and that's about right.

some may think they are over the heartbreak, but their actions with subsequent men display otherwise.

most men deal with heartbreak by going onto the next relationship. some deal with it by stalking. both are dangerous...especially for women and especially the first one. at least when you stalk you come face to face with the reality that he doesn't want you anymore. some women just HAVE to see it to believe it. however, going onto the other relationship is just phony. you'd be sitting there with this rebound dude in a daze with a phony smile and faking affection thinking about your former and just hurting painfully inside.

it's just best to get over heartbreak as if it were a disease.

i just had to put this out there for all my sistas who are going thru or about to or haven't YET but will (and you will).

just stay strong and know that you aren't the first one that has had crazy thoughts and has gone through heartbreak and, eventually, you will overcome.

there is just one rule - one bonefide rule that one must never, ever, ever, EVER break when going through heartbreak:

NEVER LET THAT MAN MAKE YOU A BYTCH

that's why it's good to just stay and bed and remove yourself from society for a while - a good time to use your sick days and vacation days, lol!

 

[envybeauty]

i agree. that type of deeeeeeeeeeeeep heartbreak where you chest is literally aching is bad. i had it once in my life and i NEVER want to go through that again.

now, i am sooooooooooo over him. i pray for the woman he is marrying. i *know* what she is getting and it ain't gold .......more like a lump of sh!t. bless her heart.

 

[ms*x]

i agree. that type of deeeeeeeeeeeeep heartbreak where you chest is literally aching is bad. i had it once in my life and i NEVER want to go through that again.

now, i am sooooooooooo over him. i pray for the woman he is marrying. i *know* what she is getting and it ain't gold .......more like a lump of sh!t. bless her heart.

you know what i'm saying, sis?...that type. you have overcome to the point that you KNOW the next chick is not the luckiest woman in the world no matter how she may try to pretend that she is.
and the bad thing about it is, most often AFTER you have overcome that painful ordeal, here he comes trying to get back with you - even after he's gotten with someone.
makes you start putting two and two together about some times that were questionable in which he could have been doing the same to you when you were "the rebound" and didn't know it.

but, yeah...when you can't even breathe. your chest is caving in with each breath. you are either eating yourself into a plump round ball or you are withering away into a skeleton.

that hurts.

funny how your mental can wipe you out more that a physical disease can.

 

[itismehmmkay]

but it's like detoxing - it IS detoxing - getting that man out of your system...

Heartbreak is no joke.

It's been a month since I've had no contact w/ my ex-BF. That includes not even him calling, texting, messaging...(well, he did call 2 weeks ago, but that doesn't count).
Basically, saying it's been a month since it's been confirmed that it's over.
And that's tough.
I mean, thank God, I feel so much better and relieved w/o that worry-weight. And it feels awesome in knowing that I've stuck w/ my decision, but...dang! that detachment phase is forreal
Because it's still getting used to him not being there

One of the things that really make it worthwhile is knowing that each day truly is better than the previous. Like when you relive a past moment that made your heart feel like a volcano or something back then...but now it hardly jerks as hard...that's progress. Thank God it's not that same feeling. Whew

 

[lunabelle]

I think the only thing that might hurt more would be the death of a really close friend or my parents. Love is such a crazy thing...it can have you on cloud 9 but when you fall off, that hurts like nobody's business...it's actually a physical hurt. We all go through it to get stronger and appreciate the good one that comes along. Eventhough it seems like the end of the world at the time, I think it's healthy for every woman. How else can you appreciate Mr. Right if you've never had Mr. Wrong? Great post OT!

 

[Highly Favored8]

Heart-Break is so painful. However I have learned so much from this experience with my X-FH. I tell you verbal abuse hurts just as much and and painful as being punched in the face.

I thank God that I can call on him to help me through these times. I was with this man 4 years and boy! I lost 30 pounds as a result of him gone!

I told him BYE in JULY 2008! All I can say 2 years leading up to me saying enough was like WOW!

I was told wise advice from my Sister in Christ

To know a man's PAST is to Know His FUTURE!

My X-F/H used to curse his ex-wife out like it wasn't nothing! I was like that would never happen to me!

Now that I can cleary see since the rain is gone. I am really so blessed that he is my X/FH. I truly thank the Lord! I am so blessed and free and I can breathe that it is OVA!

 

[Highly Favored8]

i agree. that type of deeeeeeeeeeeeep heartbreak where you chest is literally aching is bad. i had it once in my life and i NEVER want to go through that again.

now, i am sooooooooooo over him. i pray for the woman he is marrying. i *know* what she is getting and it ain't gold .......more like a lump of sh!t. bless her heart.

God, I truly feel you! I truly do! These woman think that they got something good with these men who have SERIOUS ISSUES! Who needs a series of Psychological tests. I pitty them because when they see why he is divorced and why he has an x-fiance then they will realize this NUT needs help!erplexed

 

[ms*x]

to crimsonvixen, in speaking of the death of parents or someone really close, i saw my grandfather die of heartbreak because my grandmother died before him. i cannot even imagine it. he wasn't even sick and he just...stopped...living. i guess that is a form of heartbreak i cannot fathom.

to highlyfavored - i will keep with me forever "to know a man's past is to know his future" - thank you very much for that. verbal abuse is soooooo sneaky. its definitely a silent killer in that you could be killing your self by sabotaging and stifling your growth and progress just by heeding what this fool is telling you. verbal abuse is so spiritually damaging.

to itismehmmkay - i wish you so much inner peace, sis. i know you will become sooooo much better than yesterday and the yesterdays to come. i completely understand that "jerk" you are talking about...that's the one you never want to have anymore - especially when you see him again. yeah, you may have a little jerk when you see him, but you are strong enough to know you are not going to break down and your head and your heart is maintaining its rightful position. that's some straight progress. i wish you all the best, for what it's worth.

 

[envybeauty]

you know what i'm saying, sis?...that type. you have overcome to the point that you KNOW the next chick is not the luckiest woman in the world no matter how she may try to pretend that she is.
and the bad thing about it is, most often AFTER you have overcome that painful ordeal, here he comes trying to get back with you - even after he's gotten with someone.
makes you start putting two and two together about some times that were questionable in which he could have been doing the same to you when you were "the rebound" and didn't know it.

but, yeah...when you can't even breathe. your chest is caving in with each breath. you are either eating yourself into a plump round ball or you are withering away into a skeleton.

that hurts.

funny how your mental can wipe you out more that a physical disease can.

gurl.....know it.....i lived it.

i lost weight and yes, that so and so wanted to get back with me...talking about we'll grow old together. i did look good when he saw me and i moved on to greener pastures.

when you show a man that you can survive without him and that you can catch a bigger and better fish in the sea, it eats him up. couple that with cutting him off.......he will realize he was lower than sh!t for putting you through hell. trust me on that. if he had acted right, i wouldn't have been so hurt in the first place.

so yeah. it hurts. but time does heal alllllllllll wounds.

 

[envybeauty]

To know a man's PAST is to Know His FUTURE!

My X-F/H used to curse his ex-wife out like it wasn't nothing! I was like that would never happen to me!

congrats on the weight loss!

that saying is soooooooooooooooo true. what my ex did to me, he did to EVERYONE before me. i just didn't think he would do the same to me, either. yeah ok. the new sista he is with is going through hell. ain't no way that brotha changed..........a grown ass man ............ neva!!!

 

[queen_t]

That's why I dump them first!!

BE STRONG LADIES!

 

[itismehmmkay]

That's why I dump them first!!

BE STRONG LADIES!

That's the thing though: There's heartbreak on either side. I was the one to walk out from this last one and I know he still wants me, but he just wasn't the right one.

And thanks ms*X: It was def the right decision and our split wasn't on horrid terms. We'll probably be platonic friends one day...maybe...but for right now, it's detaching these romantic feelings that need to go

 

[Highly Favored8]

gurl.....know it.....i lived it.

i lost weight and yes, that so and so wanted to get back with me...talking about we'll grow old together. i did look good when he saw me and i moved on to greener pastures.

when you show a man that you can survive without him and that you can catch a bigger and better fish in the sea, it eats him up. couple that with cutting him off.......he will realize he was lower than sh!t for putting you through hell. trust me on that. if he had acted right, i wouldn't have been so hurt in the first place.

so yeah. it hurts. but time does heal alllllllllll wounds.

congrats on the weight loss!

I was not going to wither away to just skin in bones. I exercised and I eat right now and take care of me. I am a person who nutures others however, not myself! It was crazy.


that saying is soooooooooooooooo true. what my ex did to me, he did to EVERYONE before me. i just didn't think he would do the same to me, either. yeah ok. the new sista he is with is going through hell. ain't no way that brotha changed..........a grown ass man ............ neva!!!

I bet his x-wife is now like WOW she lefted him! This man he truly needs to be helped!erplexed

 

[queen_t]

That's the thing though: There's heartbreak on either side. I was the one to walk out from this last one and I know he still wants me, but he just wasn't the right one.

And thanks ms*X: It was def the right decision and our split wasn't on horrid terms. We'll probably be platonic friends one day...maybe...but for right now, it's detaching these romantic feelings that need to go

I truly do understand, but if he wasn't the right one, I'm gonna do what's best for me.

Here's a quote that I live by:

"There's nothing a man won't do for you, when he has placed you on a pedestal; And I'd much rather be placed on a pedestal than be placed as a doormat. The view is so much nicer up high."

 

[january noir]

i agree. that type of deeeeeeeeeeeeep heartbreak where you chest is literally aching is bad. i had it once in my life and i NEVER want to go through that again.

now, i am sooooooooooo over him. i pray for the woman he is marrying. i *know* what she is getting and it ain't gold .......more like a lump of sh!t. bless her heart.

I sssssoooooo can relate to your post!

I have tried to share this sentiment with women who are hurting about a so-called "love of their life." .. THANK YOUR LUCKY STARS THIS MAN IS GONE!

God knows best.... you just can't see it in the midst of your ache.
One day when you heartbreak is just a bad memory, you'll say THANK YOU JESUS!

 

[Highly Favored8]

Do you know every day I write, write, and write about all of my feelings about him. I mean deep writtings and I just take it one day at a time. He tells me " I am claiming you back in the Name of Jesus!" I am like HECK NO!! Jesus knows what we went through. I was so much in the thought of being in love that I saw this man can do no wrong. My x-f/h was just "killing me softly" and he knew it! Like I say Verbal abuse hurts as much as him punching me in my face! It takes time, Prayer, exercise, taking care of me to realize what a JERK this man is! I stay in the house most of the time. Not depressed or sad however I am at peace at the moment.

This x/fh of mine KICKED me down at my LOWEST point! July 4th, 2008!

That is why when a person on this forum reads my siggy they see what worte.

I learned so much from this realtionship though! My x/fh kept throwing up my past in my face. Even though he was "deep into the church" he still treated me like CRAP! I have a teenager son to raise and I did it for myself and for him. I did not want my x/fh a role model for my child! No, way! You know we have to pray for the ones who never get out.

Where I live my Classmate who was 31 years old was murdered in front of her 4 kids by her x/husband. Who said " if I cannot have you no one else can"! That is why I stay in constant prayer for my X/FH and I am in constant Gratitude to the Lord for his Divine Intervention! I just take it one second at a time!


Then I remember how he would CURSE his ex-wife.
To know a mans past is to know his future!

 

[itismehmmkay]

^^^very true q_t


I think breakups, regardless of what end you're on, just really really suck
If you were attached and had real feels for that person, whether you did the dumping or not, heartbreak is a mutha. But I will say, it's def easier to get through when you're on that right side w/ those wits intact ...but it still sucks

 

[ms*x]

so true, itismehmmkay...so true.
you know, highly favored - it's ironic you are writing...i wrote in my darkest hours as well...and i mean journals upon journals. i never thought i would ever stop writing and i had those journals around me as if they were confirmation of my endurance.

then, one day...one year...i was fine. i have no idea when it happened. i just no longer felt that jerk or tug at my heart when i would hear his name or see him. and then, after a while, i stopped writing. and then, after a while, i started reading what i had written and it sounded foreign and as if a sick person had written it. it was at that time that i felt i could not afford to let these journal get in the hands of anyone other than myself (LOL!!!!!!) and i sat down with two bottles of merlot and some beedies and read through each one while i destroyed them afterwards.

to this day, i haven't felt as compelled to journal as feverishly as i had then.

and, you know what? i thank that man for granting me this one thing:
being able to see how detremental it is when you lose yourself within a person.

i promised myself i would never lose myself again, never lose or forget who i am and never allow a person to overshadow my soul.

this was about 10 years ago.

just recently, he found my website and contacted me through it saying it was nice and assuming i knew who he was (he didn't put his name in the email). i could tell who it was from the email address, but i still played the fool and asked who he was.

after debating whether i should even respond after that for a minute, i made very small "talk" with him after about a month.

he made longer "talk" with me.

i mean, i've since gotten married and am way out of his element. i didn't really need to talk to him and would be a bit (maybe more than a bit) upset at my husband had he commmunicated with his ex (he shared a similar fate with his ex as i did mine - she dumped the hell out of him).

we exchanged maybe 4 e-mails catching up on what we have done since the dumping which he never apologized for nor mentioned...

it's been over six months and i haven't e-mailed him back since he wrote "so, are we going to just talk about the weather?"

 

[Highly Favored8]

ms*x

I really feel you on this
being able to see how detremental it is when you lose yourself within a person.
i promised myself i would never lose myself again, never lose or forget who i am and never allow a person to overshadow my soul.I feel you on this one it truly do!

it's been over six months and i haven't e-mailed him back since he wrote "so, are we going to just talk about the weather?" I mean what else did he expect!
__________________

 

[joyandfaith]

This thread is so true! I went through horrible heartbreak about 5 years ago and it lasted for about a year and a half. I couldn't believe how much it hurt and I couldn't believe that the rest of the world was able to continue. I stayed completely in bed for the first month and lost 15 pounds I feel so silly writing this now, but I remember what a mess I was. I promised from that point forward that I would never be in another relationship where I wasn't the prize. I know that I'm better off without him, and I'm glad to be over him.

...it also helps that he's no longer in the NBA Not that I would wish ill-fate on anyone

 

[andrea]

I think when you are going through it.. Then that is all you can focus on.. The pain is indescribable.

I remember my first real heartbreak.. All I wanted to do was sleep. Because when I was awake the pain was unbearable. I would cry and feel numb... I have to say though it has gotten easier each time.. I think my heart as been broken a total of 3 times(1 of the 3 I am currently going through now).

It certainly gets easier each time.. I will also say as said as it is.. I am most productive after I get out of the Heartbreak phase..

My new mantra after a heartbreak is "Just for today this is what is best for me"

 

[fuchsiastar]

I think when you are going through it.. Then that is all you can focus on.. The pain is indescribable.

I remember my first real heartbreak.. All I wanted to do was sleep. Because when I was awake the pain was unbearable. I would cry and feel numb... I have to say though it has gotten easier each time.. I think my heart as been broken a total of 3 times(1 of the 3 I am currently going through now).

It certainly gets easier each time.. I will also say as said as it is.. I am most productive after I get out of the Heartbreak phase..

My new mantra after a heartbreak is "Just for today this is what is best for me"

I hope you feel better chica!

 

[ms*x]

andrea, my prayers are with you. i know you'll come out of this much better than you were going in.

i think that after the pain has gone, we realize how precious our love is and that we should be very careful with whom we choose to bestow our love upon.

 

[envybeauty]

and, you know what? i thank that man for granting me this one thing:
being able to see how detremental it is when you lose yourself within a person.

i promised myself i would never lose myself again, never lose or forget who i am and never allow a person to overshadow my soul.

...


...

it's been over six months and i haven't e-mailed him back since he wrote "so, are we going to just talk about the weather?"

i think that was what did it for me. my ex was a black man who was from a different cultural background. so as much as we had things in common, there were a lot of differences. i was the one who took it upon myself to learn a lot of those differences; learning the lingo; cooking the food; learning the customs around holidays, birthdays, etc.; watching the shows, etc. you name it, i learned it. kneegro spent VERY little time learning about me and my traditions, etc. other than eating my food .

When it ended, I felt like I lost a part of myself because I was so wrapped up in him and his people. I mean was I really going to carry on with the cooking, music, etc. without him? No because it would be too much of a reminder of him and his family.

As luck would have it, my cousin tried to set me up with another guy from the same background. One of the first things he said to me: "I like you because I don't have to teach you my background" -- stopped me dead in my tracks. I was not going down that road again. That relationship ended pronto (for that and other reasons).

i have since made the same promise to myself: i will not lose myself in another man and i haven't. i cannot afford to do so. i have invested too much in me and i come from a rich heritage. why lose all that....for a chapter in my life.


as for the quote: you were right to put an end to that. he contacted you with small talk hoping it would go further. nah nugga. he had his chance and blew it. same here, ex text talking about did my old apt get flooded in a some storm. like he really gives 2 figs about that.

 

[Pussinboots]

I am nursing a broken heart and it hurts. I just want the pain to go away already. I am so tempted to nurse it with a bottle of wine, or a sleeping pill. I just want to sleep and not feel the pain, but sleep eludes me.
I am a believer and know that I will be okay, but for right now I just hurt. Hopefully sooner rather than later I will be able to look back at this time in my life and say I am a better woman.

 

[itismehmmkay]

I am nursing a broken heart and it hurts. I just want the pain to go away already. I am so tempted to nurse it with a bottle of wine, or a sleeping pill. I just want to sleep and not feel the pain, but sleep eludes me.
I am a believer and know that I will be okay, but for right now I just hurt. Hopefully sooner rather than later I will be able to look back at this time in my life and say I am a better woman.

Just like you said, girl you'll be just fine You'll be better tomorrow, then the next, then the next...

 

[Highly Favored8]

I am nursing a broken heart and it hurts. I just want the pain to go away already. I am so tempted to nurse it with a bottle of wine, or a sleeping pill. I just want to sleep and not feel the pain, but sleep eludes me.
I am a believer and know that I will be okay, but for right now I just hurt. Hopefully sooner rather than later I will be able to look back at this time in my life and say I am a better woman.

(((((HUGS))))))
Heart break is painful please do not try to numb it with those substances.
Nobody on earth is worth you numbing that pain. Please exercise and write that is what I am doing now. I go to church as well. I tell you I am always on my knees asking God to take it away b/c it does hurt. However there is light at the end of all of this. Just take time to Love yourself!

 

[Highly Favored8]

This thread is so true! I went through horrible heartbreak about 5 years ago and it lasted for about a year and a half. I couldn't believe how much it hurt and I couldn't believe that the rest of the world was able to continue. I stayed completely in bed for the first month and lost 15 pounds I feel so silly writing this now, but I remember what a mess I was. I promised from that point forward that I would never be in another relationship where I wasn't the prize. I know that I'm better off without him, and I'm glad to be over him.

...it also helps that he's no longer in the NBA Not that I would wish ill-fate on anyone

I spoke to one NBA player he still plays and he is so Arrogant and Nuts! YUCK

Yes, heart break takes time to get over. Sometimes men do not realize what they really done wrong until you are gone!

 

[sylver2]

I am nursing a broken heart and it hurts. I just want the pain to go away already. I am so tempted to nurse it with a bottle of wine, or a sleeping pill. I just want to sleep and not feel the pain, but sleep eludes me.
I am a believer and know that I will be okay, but for right now I just hurt. Hopefully sooner rather than later I will be able to look back at this time in my life and say I am a better woman.

I'm still getting over one. I've done the wine and a nice sleeping pill..but I still felt the same way afterwards. torn apart. Time does help to ease it a little. also dating others helped me keep my mind occupied.
heartbreak hurts like hell thats for damn sure.

 

[locabouthair]

I remember crying for days not being able to sleep or eat. And I felt an actual pain in my chest. I really dont think there is anything worse than that. It hurts like hell...