Is The Friendship Worth Salvaging?

[BrownSkinPoppin]

Hi ladies,

I'm curious to get thoughts from people who don't personally know me or my friend.

At the beginning of May my friend and I decided that we wanted to book a trip to the DR. Travel dates: the week of June 20th. Friend realized that her passport was expired but decided that she would send me her half of the money and immediately submit her passport application. This was the first week of May. She cash app'd me her half and I book the flights and resort.

Fast forward to two days before the trip. My friend's passport is not here and obviously won't be here in time. I told her that I was still going but she was more than welcome to move forward with trying to get credits for her half (we knew she wouldn't get a refund). She got her credits for the flight and resort but....

She asked me if I could give her the half of her money back since she's not going anymore. This really surprised me because it's not like I'm the one who has her money, the airline and the resort does. So it was really crazy to me that she was asking me to come out of MY pockets to give her the money that the resort and airline aren't giving her. Additionally, it dawned on me to check the travel.gov website to see what the passport processing times are. The website CLEARLY SAYS 18 weeks for routine processing and 12 weeks for expedited processing. I asked her if she even checked the website before submitting her application, because if she had she would've seen that her passport was never going to get here in time. She would've needed to apply in like January and March.

She continued to press me about giving her half back. Saying if he was her, she would've given me my half back. I keep trying to tell her that I don't have her money to give back, the hotel and the airline did. And I also just kept trying to tell her that she should've checked the website for the processing times. I told her I wasn't coming out of my own pocked to give her her money back.

She then proceeds to tell me that it was messed up that I didn't even offer to give her her money back when I told her I was going alone. I told her that I felt like I didn't need to offer because I'm not the reason she's not going. She is. I could understand if I was the reason she wasn't going. But her expecting me to offer MY MONEY when none of this is my fault is crazy.

This is a friend I've known for 10+ years and she's a really sweet girl. Has always been a good friend. But I'm not sure if I can get past this. No one wants to be out of over $500 but it's crazy to me that she wanted me to come out of my own money to give her back her half of the trip. I’m not giving her her money back and How she handled this is concerning.

Thoughts?

 

[Sosoothing]

What's her reasoning? How does she think you'll be benefitting from her half of the money? Coz like you said, you don't have it and never did.

 

[dancinstallion]

No I wouldnt giver her any money. She received the credits for the resort and flight so that is enough.

Sorry not sorry. She is tripping.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

What's her reasoning? How does she think you'll be benefitting from her half of the money? Coz like you said, you don't have it and never did.

her reasoning was since she’s not going anymore she should get her money back. It literally makes no sense. I really don’t think it’s registering in her mind that I’m not pocketing her money.

 

[OhTall1]

She got her credits for the flight and resort but....

She asked me if I could give her the half of her money back since she's not going anymore.

Sounds like she already got her half back. She has the credits and still thinks she should be reimbursed actual money?

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

Sounds like she already got her half back. She has the credits and still thinks she should be reimbursed actual money?

Yes. And thinks I should be the one to give her the actual money back. The thought process here is so surprising

 

[Sosoothing]

her reasoning was since she’s not going anymore she should get her money back. It literally makes no sense. I really don’t think it’s registering in her mind that I’m not pocketing her money.

Yup. Makes no sense at all.

 

[lesedi]

She’s insane. You owe her nothing - if anything she should be feeling bad because it was meant to be a girls trip and due to her lack of organisation, you’re going alone.

 

[lavaflow99]

She is trying to rob you. And she isn't making any sense whatsoever. She got credits for the hotel and flights. Does she know how credits work?

And this is all her own fault for poor planning.

Ain't no way I am giving her a red cent of my money nor will I be traveling with her ever again.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

OP you’re obviously not wrong but I’m curious why you agreed to go on this trip knowing that she probably wouldn’t be going. I have nothing against traveling alone but this sounds like a scenario where I’d plan for different dates.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

If you decide to talk to her again and she asks about giving her the money tell her that you're not going to and you're done talking about it. If she brings it up again hang up on her. She gets two hang ups before getting cut off but don't tell her that. The reason she'll have to be cut off if she continues is that moving forward she will do something to cost you what she believes you owe her.

 

[Lute]

@BrownSkinPoppin Did she know and understand if the money was paid and she decides to cancel, she would be credited for the amount. Not having the cash amount given to her.

 

[awhyley]

Is the friendship worth salvaging? No.

 

[lavaflow99]

Is the friendship worth salvaging? No.

I agree. She showed her true colors and she isn't going to let this money go. If it was me, I will be fading to black.

If you do choose to stay friends, I would keep her at arms length, keep it superficial and would never plan a trip with her ever again.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

OP you’re obviously not wrong but I’m curious why you agreed to go on this trip knowing that she probably wouldn’t be going. I have nothing against traveling alone but this sounds like a scenario where I’d plan for different dates.

I honestly didn’t know the passport processing times. She seemed pretty confident that her passport would be here on time so I just rolled with it assuming she knew the processing times. It wasn’t until she started harassing me about the money that I decided to check for myself.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

She is trying to rob you. And she isn't making any sense whatsoever. She got credits for the hotel and flights. Does she know how credits work?

And this is all her own fault for poor planning.

Ain't no way I am giving her a red cent of my money nor will I be traveling with her ever again.

Yeah I will never travel with her again. I’m probably just going to fall back from her completely.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

If you decide to talk to her again and she asks about giving her the money tell her that you're not going to and you're done talking about it. If she brings it up again hang up on her. She gets two hang ups before getting cut off but don't tell her that. The reason she'll have to be cut off if she continues is that moving forward she will do something to cost you what she believes you owe her.

I honestly think I’m just going to fall back completely. I don’t think I’ll ever get past her thinking I was the one who owed her her money back. I can’t be friends with people who have shown me they have zero sense

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

@BrownSkinPoppin Did she know and understand if the money was paid and she decides to cancel, she would be credited for the amount. Not having the cash amount given to her.

she actually did. She knew that we had 24 hours to cancel and get our money back. So it’s just baffling that she’s handling it this way.

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

Is the friendship worth salvaging? No.

Yeah that’s kinda how I feel. I’ll never see her the same way

 

[BrownSkinPoppin]

I agree. She showed her true colors and she isn't going to let this money go. If it was me, I will be fading to black.

If you do choose to stay friends, I would keep her at arms length, keep it superficial and would never plan a trip with her ever again.

I think I’m going to just fade to black. It will be hard for me to look past the handling of this.

 

[fula97]

1. It is her job to know processing times for her passport
2. It's her fault she can't go see above
3. She was refunded a credit so she got her money "back"
4. None of this is your problem/fault even if she didn't get a credit I wouldn't refund her this is due to her own lack of follow thru/understanding

 

[guudhair]

Don’t worry about it. Have a great trip.

 

[MissNina]

I’ll be the weird one to say I don’t think you should throw away a 10+ year friendship that has been good (per you) over this. I would give it some time (maybe a month or so after I came back), reach out casually, and not mention this situation.

If she brought it up again at that point, then I’d let her know my viewpoint hasn’t changed and there’s really nothing more I have to say on it. If she decides to stop talking to you over that, that would be on her. This is all her issue and I’m not sure I would let it impact me beyond being highly annoyed.

Idk if she will tell anyone else about this situation, but there is almost no way to spin this to where she looks innocent like she isn’t the problem. She’s really mad at herself and placing the burden of that on you. Enjoy your trip. She will be ok.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Idk if she will tell anyone else about this situation, but there is almost no way to spin this to where she looks innocent like she isn’t the problem. She’s really mad at herself and placing the burden of that on you. Enjoy your trip. She will be ok.

She’ll tell people that OP kept her money and leave out the part about getting hotel and flight credits.

She’s mad at herself but I’m starting to think she might be a little slow.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

What everyone else has already said.

You know what - in situations like these where you're questioning continuing the friendship, it will be the other person who stops speaking to you. It's always someone who has no business being mad at you that wanna act like *they've* been wronged.

You don't owe her any money and never did. She got her "money" back through the credits.

 

[awhyley]

She’ll tell people that OP kept her money and leave out the part about getting hotel and flight credits.

She’s mad at herself but I’m starting to think she might be a little slow.

She's not slow, she's hoping that OP is slow enough to go into her wallet. She doesn't intend to use the hotel/flight credits at all, which is why she wants the cash. Basically, OP would be paying for the trip all by herself and the friend pulls out scot free. Sad to see the 10-year friendship go down, but money and friendship don't mix.

 

[larry3344]

Don’t pay her back this may be the end of your friendship.

 

[LivingInPeace]

She sounds simple.

 

[nysister]

So she's backing out on you, because she didn't have enough sense to see when she'd receive her passport and she's acting as if you owe her money that the airline and hotel have? You don't need this in your life, if she isn't mentally challenged she's manipulative, and either way this friendship has turned out to be more trouble than it's worth.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I'd honestly be annoyed that she didn't do her due diligence and check her passport expiration and processing times before she agreed to go on the trip with me. I can't stand unorganized people and I'd avoid traveling with her again just for that.

As for the money, you don't owe her anything. The airline and resort have her money, not you. And she has the credits. She's just trying to enrich herself at your expense.