Is it Really Hard ...to be natural?!

[larry3344]

Just so that we are on the same page here, I live in Canada and maybe that's why the mentalities may be slightly different I am not too sure. But if there are any Canadian ladies out there may be you have had different experiences; I just feel like anytime I read any thread that has to do with naturals (I am natural myself and had my BC in late August) people are always complaining about the way that they're natural hair is perceived.

Or that their texture is not soft enough to be natural, I know that afro textured hair is a hassle to comb, believe me I never look forward to getting my hair done. But once it was properly moisturized it really was not that bad and to clarify my hairtype is 4b-z or whatever it is called.

Yet many women that I see on this forum have a looser texture or a combo of textures. From what I understand, there's a level of insecurity to do with Black hair but is it really as bad as people making it sound? I mean live in a more predominant white neigborhood and most people that have encountered are fascinated with my hair texture. Even my own family and friend (black people) are more interested in the length of our hair then the texture. I mean you can have the coarsest hair in the world but if it is long that is all people really care about.

Another thing why do many people assume that having curly hair is easier to manage or that you have to be mixed race to have a certain hairtype. There are many Africans who have softer/curly hair textures if you will, and are not just located in East Africa or mixed. I may sound a bit bias for saying this from what I often read many opinions about Africans are filled with assumptions. Africa is a big continent with A LOT of diversity there's is no single hairtype or features or skin colour or anything.

I apologize if I sound like I am ranting t just seems to me that anything that is related to africa sounds so 1D and just frustrates the hell out of me. One of the many misconception that most African people wear their hair naturally...actually most relax, there are so many things that have been said on this forum that I just wish people would ask before they assume.

I undertand that people of african descent have been dispersed hence the diaspora but it almost seems to me that many people of the diaspora hold so much resentment towards africa. I mean I expect that from people of other races but not from my own, can't we all get along afro americans, afro-latinos, etc...


P.S. Sorry for the extremely long post I just had to let it all out

 

[BostonMaria]

You will get different answers from different folks. I transitioned during a time when the only forum I posted on was of all natural haired ladies. It helped me keep going because it gave me a sense of the outcome of my BC. I think that coming here and seeing so many long haired ladies with relaxers doesn't help shift the mind from accepting what's beautiful about our hair type (no disrespect to those that relax). Truth is, nobody told me I wasn't going to instantly fall in love with my hair, that I'd be traumatized by how short my hair was, shrinkage stinks, and that flatironing in the summer is pretty much useless.

I have curly hair, takes me 10 seconds to detangle, it takes me another 2 minutes to style and I'm out...so I can't judge somebody who is struggling to detangle for 5 hours because I'm not in their shoes. We don't know how people are treated on the street or at home. Who knows, maybe Canadians are more accepting.

 

[larry3344]

Thanks BostonMaria I just want to understand what it is that people go through that makes them feel the way they do about their their hair and being that I have never experienced it I don't understand certain mentalities 'cause it is just so foreign to me. Thanks for the reply

 

[Neith]

Yes, I think that non-African black people around the globe should share some of the blame for allowing ourselves to be so torn down that we don't even love or see the value, beauty and potential of ourselves.

However, think of what happened to us. Hundreds (lol, more like thousands) of years of mistreatment (to say the least). THAT is not our fault. It was a conscious decision on some (evil) people's part to tear us down and keep us down for their benefit.

I believe that we are improving... look at the history of black people and what we have achieved in just the last 100 years, but it will take more time.

I'm never surprised (but I'm always disappointed) about the stereotypes WE still believe in or the insecurities we still harbor deep inside. It's there and there is no denying it. I just hope that one day we will collectively be able to heal. Hair is just on the surface.

Darn... that turned all Dr. Phil or something. Sorry erplexed

 

[Inches411]

all it is is miseducation about ourselves that keeps gettting passed on and no one wanted to enlightened themselves about the truth

 

[trj1922]

In a word... NO. It really isn't that hard to be natural once you understand that there are simply some fundamental differences between the hair of most Blacks and the straight to wavy Caucasian hair that we have been taught to see as the norm. Once you accept this and learn the styling techniques, products, etc. that your hair needs to thrive in its natural state it really ain't no big whoop. Black folks were around long before pressing combs and perms and there was a time when all of us wore our hair like it grew out of our heads just like any other race of women. When I learned not to look at the white ladies in shampoo commercials with their hair piled on top of their heads kneading detergent through it willy-nilly and think that something was wrong because I couldn't do that without getting a tangled mess, my hair stopped being a "problem" and just became MY HAIR! I wash it, comb it, and do whatever I'm gonna do that day. DONE! People Black and otherwise seem so shocked to see a person of African descent who is not running in circles, wringing their hands, and crying about their hair.

Folks tell me all the time that I can be this relaxed about things because I have "soft", "good," "curly," whatever hair. My hair is 3c and rides the border between naps and curls in a most peculiar way. It has its own unique issues and problems. My sister is natural, too, though and she is a 4A,B,Z... whatever. It really doesn't matter the hair you have on your head, just the knowledge that is inside your head to care for it.

 

[Str8~Curly]

"I undertand that people of african descent have been dispersed hence the diaspora but it almost seems to me that many people of the diaspora hold so much resentment towards africa. I mean I expect that from people of other races but not from my own, can't we all get along afro americans, afro-latinos, etc..."

P.S. Sorry for the extremely long post I just had to let it all out[/quote]

Well, I believe that some of it has to do with the sentiments that MANY Africans hold towards people of the diaspora. Many times I’ve encountered (and I know many others have experienced this too if they don't live in a cave) Africans from all over the continent that unjustifiably think they are better than African Americans or other blacks of the diaspora so they are no different. And many of them walk around with that air of arrogance too.
Not saying it’s justified but you know...

ETA: And I guess many of them say, in particular African Americans, that many blacks waste opportunity, don’t have the same work ethic blah blah blah.

 

[drjo91]

I don't think is hard to be natural...whats making it hard for me is my family harassing me. While i was transitioning my mom was going to give me a talk...and you what was our talk about? FOR ME TO GET A RELAXER i am like is my hair, is not your hair and i am not relaxing it. She told me how i couldn't be walking around with bad hair, now today in the morning i heard them talking. I heard my mom said how relaxed hair looks so cute and then my sister was like yeah and with her bad hair. I heard them got up and told them why is it any of their business IF I DON'T relax my hair...ITS MY HAIR. Then i got back to sleep. I am just sick and tired of having them talking sh.it about me. My mom had the nerves to say that she doesn't know what she is going to do with me....as if i am a prostitute, a serial killer, a drug dealer....
Mind you, that my sister was saying that my relaxed hair didnt look good, that it was thin and unhealthy no matter how much i took care of it. She told me this two days before and now shes being a hypocrite.

I love my hair and I WON'T NEVER EVER AGAIN RELAXED it. I have told them whats wrong with MY HAIR, is the one that comes out of my scalp. Its not like black women were born with naturally straight hair!! If you chose to relax your hair because is "too much" for you fine, but if you relax your hair cuz to you is "BAD HAIR" just cuz society said so...then thats really SAD!!!!!!!!!
I am dominican by the way...the land of black denial.

 

[Caramel Jewel]

It's all about being manageable...I was very young when I got my first chemcial service ...I got it after I decided to wash my hair on my own and severely tangled it...after I got the chemical I was able to style my hair... and I was pleased......People place chemicals in their hair becasue they want more styling options....not becasue they want to be like the europeans

 

[larry3344]

Str8t~Curly maybe there is some form of miscommunication because that is the same way that many africans feel that afro americans perceive them as. I don't know I guess I've never seen it that way but I certainly don't feel that way at all and neither do many people that I know in fact I have a lot of respect for africans of the diaspora, A LOT OF RESPECT. But I am glad we can talk it out and try understand each other better. I just want to clarify this animosity I seem to get towards africa by other black peoples!

 

[drjo91]

It,s all about being manageable...I was very young when I got my first chemcial service ...I got it after I decided to wash my hair on my own and severely tangled it...after I got the chemical I was able to style my hair... and I was pleased......People place chemicals in their hair becasue they want more styling options....not becasue they want to be like the europeans

Some people....some people only relax to make it more manageable...the people that I KNOW personally. They relax because they have "bad hair". I was in Dr in the summer and my cousins hair was weak, and was like breaking off and she had very very little new growth, and she was like my hair is bad i have to get a relaxer. They don't even get a tiny inch, they get way less than an inch. Also, over there unless you got "good hair" which to them is straight hair or the silky wavy hair type like 3c type, you can't rock your natural hair. You see, my hair is consider BAD!!!!

I am not accusing people of relaxing it to look european...but people like my mom and my sister, relax because "straight hair is better and they can't walk around with bad hair".

 

[Maynard]

Its not hard for me. Its my hair and I deal with it. :shrugs:

 

[larry3344]

droj91, I am so amazed and a bit distraught that your mother would feel that way about your own hair. It's funny when I think about how I used to cry for a relaxer and my mom just wouldn't give it to me. When I read your experience it's just so strange and it helps me better understand why people say the things they say or act the way they do. Thank you all for your inputs

 

[JustKiya]

Canada is different. Ya'll hae different laws, and an overall slightly different attitude about race then us Southener's have. I mean, Canada was where we ran to to be free, so - race issues have a VERY different slant up there, and choosing to wear your hair natural is still a big race issue here - but it's largely an issue within the race, in my mind, not outside of it.

Welcome to the board!

 

[Str8~Curly]

Larry3341, Well of course it's not everyone (I just thouht this can automatically go without being said) but yes, a lot of them DO feel this way.

ETA: For one example, I had a Nigerian male admit to me that this is the sentiment of many of his fellow countrymen. Not saying that he is a representation of the whole country but I think he is a good example to affirm that many of them do feel this way.

 

[Str8~Curly]

...but to address your main question, I can see y some would think natural is a little more difficult because of detangling issues. If I stay on top and do what I know is required for my hair, it's not so difficult.

 

[drjo91]

droj91, I am so amazed and a bit distraught that your mother would feel that way about your own hair. It's funny when I think about how I used to cry for a relaxer and my mom just wouldn't give it to me. When I read your experience it's just so strange and it helps me better understand why people say the things they say or act the way they do. Thank you all for your inputs

I am amazed myself, she won't stop. I think the only way i am going to get her off my hair is when is down to my butt. All of my family members from the dominican republic have relaxed hair, the only one that is not relaxed is my 11 year old niece. Can yo guess why she is not relaxed? Because she has "good hair', her hair is silky wavy type 3c. I have a cousin with like 2b hair or 2c who relaxes her hair, to kill THE WAVES. So therefore, i am going to be the only one rocking "bad hair". I try educating my mom and so but i mean, shes old fashion so i am just not going to entertain her anymore. I am just going to sit back, do what i have to do to my hair so when it grows, they better not come ask me for help, i am going to be like BUT I HAVE BAD HAIR....GO AWAY!!
By the way, your welcome.

ALso your lucky that your mom didn't gve you a relaxer!!! you are so lucky!!! You don't know how i used to cry when the relaxer used to burn my scalp. I would wake up with scab the next day on my scalp and like my hair was stik to my scalp so i had to wash it. It would hurt so bad....

 

[Evolving78]

everyone that i know that relaxes thinks they have bad hair. this board has introduced me to a group of people that relax for styling options. everyone that i know says that if they had good hair, they wouldn't a relax it.

 

[Str8~Curly]

Yup, I find that some older people are set in their ways and efforts to “re-educate” them are in vain and only lead to frustration. I guess if you consider the emotional/psychological context regarding hair around the time that SOME older adults were raised in that left an impervious impression on how they feel about hair, it’s somewhat understandable.

I am amazed myself, she won't stop. I think the only way i am going to get her off my hair is when is down to my butt. All of my family members from the dominican republic have relaxed hair, the only one that is not relaxed is my 11 year old niece. Can yo guess why she is not relaxed? Because she has "good hair', her hair is silky wavy type 3c. I have a cousin with like 2b hair or 2c who relaxes her hair, to kill THE WAVES. So therefore, i am going to be the only one rocking "bad hair". I try educating my mom and so but i mean, shes old fashion so i am just not going to entertain her anymore. I am just going to sit back, do what i have to do to my hair so when it grows, they better not come ask me for help, i am going to be like BUT I HAVE BAD HAIR....GO AWAY!!
By the way, your welcome.

 

[Mandy4610]

I only stress about my hair because I LOVE IT....For ME... MY natural hair is difficult in terms of manageability in comparison to when it was relaxed. This is partly because I am new to it and my texture is significantly different from the way it was when I was younger, any learning process is difficult and challenging IMO. It is also difficult because I don't have very much time on my hands and I am very style challenged. I do not think by any means that I have "BAD" hair. I love my hair and would love to stay natural, but I don't want to stay natural if being natural will take over my life ( as in not being able to study or visit with family because I am spending the whole weekend washing and styling my hair).
I also would not want to stay natural if it takes away the enjoyment in doing my hair (as in knots, dryness and breakage)
If I ever find myself in a situation where I am spending a whole day detangling and styling or if I have knots and breakage as a result of being natural, then I will have to look for alternatives....texlaxing or cutting

 

[cmesweet]

My hair is not hard to manage, and it does not take me hours to detangle it. My hair is in the 4's however, my issue with it is that I have dense hair with fine strands, my hair is extremly soft and will fuzz up within a few days, no matter if I use gel,style it wet or dry.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

the only difficult part for me is keeping my ends moisturized. my hair gets so dry its ridiculous. i have no detangling issues or anything of that nature.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Its not hard for me. Its my hair and I deal with it. :shrugs:

Thanks for the comment, Gin. I came to the same conclusion just today after an oil wash, shampoo and deep condition. It is my hair, my choice of going natural so I just deal with it..the good and the sometimes not so good.

 

[Country gal]

My natural hair only becomes a problem when I try to straighten it. It takes too long and the style does not last. I have been enjoying wearing my hair straight. I also work out a lot so wearing my hair straight is really a waste of time.

 

[Country gal]

I love your new siggy Bills Backer

 

[yuriko]

Well I grew up in a small town in Nigeria where pretty much everyone was black, no mixed or white people, everyone had tight curly hair, so maybe that is why I was never taught that my hair was "bad". It can't be "bad" if everyone has similar curly hair. So i guess I am happy for that.
I started learning about good hair, bad hair when I moved to the states. Maybe its where I live, but I don't know many african americans that are ashamed of their hair. A good number of girls I went to college with were natural and used to just press their hair when they wanted it straight. They were the ones that taught me that too much relaxer breaks hair, i sure didn't know that before I move here. Some get texturized, and the other girls like me just straight up relax it straight. I do admit that most girls wish they could grow their hair longer and just cant seem to achieve it, which is why we are all on this board.

I honestly believe that african americans that are ashamed of their hair texture are the minority, or probably people that grew up before the 70's when it became more accepted. But I will tell you one thing, i have a bunch of interviews lined up and I am not going with my hair, as i have been stretching for 12 weeks. I just don't think the white people will find it to be presentable; I am going to wear a wig, I know it sounds bad, but I gotta do what I gotta do, being jobless don't prove nothing to nobody, lol

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Well I grew up in a small town in Nigeria where pretty much everyone was black, no mixed or white people, everyone had tight curly hair, so maybe that is why I was never taught that my hair was "bad". It can't be "bad" if everyone has similar curly hair. So i guess I am happy for that.
I started learning about good hair, bad hair when I moved to the states. Maybe its where I live, but I don't know many african americans that are ashamed of their hair. A good number of girls I went to college with were natural and used to just press their hair when they wanted it straight. They were the ones that taught me that too much relaxer breaks hair, i sure didn't know that before I move here. Some get texturized, and the other girls like me just straight up relax it straight. I do admit that most girls wish they could grow their hair longer and just cant seem to achieve it, which is why we are all on this board.

I honestly believe that african americans that are ashamed of their hair texture are the minority, or probably people that grew up before the 70's when it became more accepted. But I will tell you one thing, i have a bunch of interviews lined up and I am not going with my hair, as i have been stretching for 12 weeks. I just don't think the white people will find it to be presentable; I am going to wear a wig, I know it sounds bad, but I gotta do what I gotta do, being jobless don't prove nothing to nobody, lol

Does not sound bad at all, Envivany..you do what you have to do to get the j-o-b...then do your thing!!!

 

[gissellr78]

I think natural black hair is very nice...I've actually found myself drooling over some cute naturals in the train.....When natural hair is not taken care of then it looks like a hot mess regarding of texture.

I am relaxed and i take care of my hair with lots of conditioning and i like it that way. Besides being natural is a decision that comes from inside. I haven't given the thought that much.....and is haaaaard to think that i will cut all my hair off lol. But if i do i would rock my fro without caring what people think.

and btw i am also Dominican and we are not the only land of black denial. LATIN AMERICA in general has the same perception as all society does across the globe. which is sad.

 

[almond eyes]

Culturally we may be all different but we all hail from the African continent. And PS, Africans also have issues amongst themselves as do African-Americans and other African-Americans and Caribbeans vs other Caribbeans. My Dad and Mother come from different countries and oh wee, everyday I have to listen to your culture is too westernised and your culture is too traditional. It's all very human nature to look for differences and each of us must strive and break out of the things that tear us apart to be more enlightened. I like this website because I learn something from each person and I never feel I am better than anyone nor is anyone better than me.

As for the natural hair kick, I love my natural hair but to each his own. And I am not better or more evolved as a person because I wear my hair naturally either.

Best,
Almond Eyes

 

[gissellr78]

Well said Almond Eyes...