Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffered?

[fluffylocks]

1. Would you have preffered to be a virgin for your SO/Husband?

2. Do you think signifigant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had prefered someone who is "exprienced" or a virgin/not experienced? (Because i've heard about guys not wanting someone who doesnt know what their doing and who they have to teach everything, and not wanting someone who seems to know alot)

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?)

4. Your first time, was it really painfull and horrible? When did it get better?

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early?

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long?


Hope this hasnt been asked a million times. I searched "virgin" and couldnt get anything that answered my question, and no threads popped up when i searched "sex"

Im 20 now, getting real curious.

 

[Rapunzel*]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

i would post my answers.........but some things should be unsaid and undone

there was a similar thread or threads about this and i replied in those

 

[fluffylocks]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

OK.
_________

ETA-Your natural hair is looking good.

 

[JustKiya]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

1. Would you have preferred to be a virgin for your SO/Husband? Oh, sweet juju, no.

2. Do you think significant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had preferred someone who is "experienced" or a virgin/not experienced? A grown man won't care where you learned it from, as long as he is the only one you are putting it on now. Those who are upset about your past, and yet more than happy in benefiting from what it taught you, are full of it. Those who would rather you not know anything - well, I hope they are virgins, too.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?) Ah, sex. It's - it's like life. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's fabulous, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's really good. The person makes a HUGE difference. Sex is a lot more emotionally involved than a lot of people give it credit for - not in the way that having sex with someone means that you'll instantly fall for them (some people are like that (male and female) and some aren't), but more in that - usually, the deeper the emotional connection is, the better the sex.

4. Your first time, was it really painful and horrible? When did it get better? No. My first time it was like - What? That's it? All this lead up - and that's it? Dang. I coulda had a V8. Two virgins = for 1st time sex, at least for me.

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early? It depends on the person, as to what is too young/too early. I think that if you aren't emotionally mature enough, you shouldn't be having sex. What's emotionally mature enough? I don't know.....only you do.

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long? Heh. I don't know. I wasn't one long enough to be certain.

 

[tiara76]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

1. Would you have preffered to be a virgin for your SO/Husband? No not at all

2. Do you think signifigant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had prefered someone who is "exprienced" or a virgin/not experienced? (Because i've heard about guys not wanting someone who doesnt know what their doing and who they have to teach everything, and not wanting someone who seems to know alot) Im sure it depends on the guy, some guys like the idea teaching a woman things and an inexperienced woman he may feel more comfortable with if he's not too sure about his own sexual performance and confidence. I have never been with anyone who wanted a virgin, when I was younger and on a power trip I was turning dudes out, as I got older I toned it down alot and am real picky with who I unleash the sexual goddess on and they love it.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?) I feel its definitely the person and the chemistry shared between two people......for people who have went through several partners its easy to tell as you get more experienced before you have sex with somebody who you are going to hit it off with by picking up on the chemistry and deeper level physical attraction, and if you can manage to connect with somebody on all levels, sex is really out of this world.......I know men and women who have had a couple of partners and have no passion or excitement towards sex, but they haven't experienced enough to run across that right person that will send those electrical pulses shooting throughout your body just by touching you and I could go into more detail but I will cut it short right there lol....and then again there are those who run across that "one" from the get go and keep it groovin for years.....I rarely run across those types of people in my reality, but it happens and its great......women who are more in tune with their sexuality and femininity and uninhibited and have a healthy outlook on it tend to enjoy sex on greater levels....

4. Your first time, was it really painfull and horrible? When did it get better? My first time was like....ehh....is this it....I didn't see what the big deal was and had to hide from my first since he got real pesty wanting to do it again and I was cool on him

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early? There is definitely a downside when a woman especially isn't mentally or emotionally mature enough to handle it...unfortunately we aren't in a society that focuses on developing sexual mental and emotional maturity, even when physical and biological maturity can't be stopped...and there are ALOT of grown women who still aren't mentally and emotionally ready for it and go through alot of heartache behind it.....not to mention a whole lot of other factors that play into the psyche of a woman's sexual health

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long?
What is too long? I would say it depends on the individual and their own personal feelings about it

 

[fluffylocks]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

1. Would you have preferred to be a virgin for your SO/Husband? Oh, sweet juju, no.

2. Do you think significant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had preferred someone who is "experienced" or a virgin/not experienced? A grown man won't care where you learned it from, as long as he is the only one you are putting it on now. Those who are upset about your past, and yet more than happy in benefiting from what it taught you, are full of it. Those who would rather you not know anything - well, I hope they are virgins, too.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?) Ah, sex. It's - it's like life. Sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's fabulous, sometimes it sucks, sometimes it hurts, sometimes it's really good. The person makes a HUGE difference. Sex is a lot more emotionally involved than a lot of people give it credit for - not in the way that having sex with someone means that you'll instantly fall for them (some people are like that (male and female) and some aren't), but more in that - usually, the deeper the emotional connection is, the better the sex.

4. Your first time, was it really painful and horrible? When did it get better? No. My first time it was like - What? That's it? All this lead up - and that's it? Dang. I coulda had a V8. Two virgins = for 1st time sex, at least for me.

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early? It depends on the person, as to what is too young/too early. I think that if you aren't emotionally mature enough, you shouldn't be having sex. What's emotionally mature enough? I don't know.....only you do.

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long? Heh. I don't know. I wasn't one long enough to be certain.

Thanks! You made me laugh with alot of those.


My reasons for being a virgin are/were
-Wanted to understand myself, alittle bit about life/relationships/men first
-Wanted to respect my moms wishes while underage and in her house
-Religion/trying to save myself for marriage.

The last one is the only one holding me up. Even though i think i can do it, the one thing that i have been noticing like you answered is alot of people did not wait for marriage and dont regret it, and most men dont really encounter too many virgins, If your not a virgin they dont seem to care too much about your past (I guess because everyone is having sex? Everyones in the race? LOL) they seem to be all about the present.

3, 4, 5 and 6 I was just curious about to help me alittle bit.

 

[dlewis]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

If I was a virgin I was sell my virginity on ebay to pay off my debt. I think I could make a couple $100,000.

 

[fluffylocks]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

1. Would you have preffered to be a virgin for your SO/Husband? No not at all

2. Do you think signifigant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had prefered someone who is "exprienced" or a virgin/not experienced? (Because i've heard about guys not wanting someone who doesnt know what their doing and who they have to teach everything, and not wanting someone who seems to know alot) Im sure it depends on the guy, some guys like the idea teaching a woman things and an inexperienced woman he may feel more comfortable with if he's not too sure about his own sexual performance and confidence. I have never been with anyone who wanted a virgin, when I was younger and on a power trip I was turning dudes out, as I got older I toned it down alot and am real picky with who I unleash the sexual goddess on and they love it.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?) I feel its definitely the person and the chemistry shared between two people......for people who have went through several partners its easy to tell as you get more experienced before you have sex with somebody who you are going to hit it off with by picking up on the chemistry and deeper level physical attraction, and if you can manage to connect with somebody on all levels, sex is really out of this world.......I know men and women who have had a couple of partners and have no passion or excitement towards sex, but they haven't experienced enough to run across that right person that will send those electrical pulses shooting throughout your body just by touching you and I could go into more detail but I will cut it short right there lol....and then again there are those who run across that "one" from the get go and keep it groovin for years.....I rarely run across those types of people in my reality, but it happens and its great......women who are more in tune with their sexuality and femininity and uninhibited and have a healthy outlook on it tend to enjoy sex on greater levels....

4. Your first time, was it really painfull and horrible? When did it get better? My first time was like....ehh....is this it....I didn't see what the big deal was and had to hide from my first since he got real pesty wanting to do it again and I was cool on him

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early? There is definitely a downside when a woman especially isn't mentally or emotionally mature enough to handle it...unfortunately we aren't in a society that focuses on developing sexual mental and emotional maturity, even when physical and biological maturity can't be stopped...and there are ALOT of grown women who still aren't mentally and emotionally ready for it and go through alot of heartache behind it.....not to mention a whole lot of other factors that play into the psyche of a woman's sexual health

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long?
What is too long? I would say it depends on the individual and their own personal feelings about it

Thankyou Tiara!

When I said too long I was meaning anyone that responds, whatever age they know they wouldnt still be virgins or something, why is that?

Me personally, I know i will probally not be still hanging in there past 22. I think my reason is "you can wait forever"

But thankyou very much, I have learned alot, you def. showed me a new attitude.

 

[drasgrl]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

1. Would you have preffered to be a virgin for your SO/Husband?
No

2. Do you think signifigant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had prefered someone who is "exprienced" or a virgin/not experienced? (Because i've heard about guys not wanting someone who doesnt know what their doing and who they have to teach everything, and not wanting someone who seems to know alot)

Some might want virgins, some don't care either way. I think most people assume you aren't a virgin anyway. The guys I've been with could care less.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?)

Heck no. Sex is overrated IMHO.

4. Your first time, was it really painfull and horrible? When did it get better?

No it wasn't so painfull. Sex is sex to me so it's pretty much the same regardless. Not much difference from person to person.

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early?

Yes definitely. I waited until I was 20. Sex should only be reserved for adults anyone under 18 has no business having sex.

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long?

Depends in the person. If they like being a virgin at 35 I love it.

Hope this hasnt been asked a million times. I searched "virgin" and couldnt get anything that answered my question, and no threads popped up when i searched "sex"

Once you have sex you'll be saying is that it? Was that was all the hype about?

 

[tiara76]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

Thankyou Tiara!

When I said too long I was meaning anyone that responds, whatever age they know they wouldnt still be virgins or something, why is that?

Me personally, I know i will probally not be still hanging in there past 22. I think my reason is "you can wait forever"

But thankyou very much, I have learned alot, you def. showed me a new attitude.

Not a problem....sexuality is one of my main studies these days, especially female sexuality, sexual awareness coaching is on the top of my list on the holistic health front

 

[tiara76]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

1. Would you have preffered to be a virgin for your SO/Husband?
No

2. Do you think signifigant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had prefered someone who is "exprienced" or a virgin/not experienced? (Because i've heard about guys not wanting someone who doesnt know what their doing and who they have to teach everything, and not wanting someone who seems to know alot)

Some might want virgins, some don't care either way. I think most people assume you aren't a virgin anyway. The guys I've been with could care less.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?)

Heck no. Sex is overrated IMHO.

4. Your first time, was it really painfull and horrible? When did it get better?

No it wasn't so painfull. Sex is sex to me so it's pretty much the same regardless. Not much difference from person to person.

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early?

Yes definitely. I waited until I was 20. Sex should only be reserved for adults anyone under 18 has no business having sex.

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long?

Depends in the person. If they like being a virgin at 35 I love it.

Hope this hasnt been asked a million times. I searched "virgin" and couldnt get anything that answered my question, and no threads popped up when i searched "sex"

Once you have sex you'll be saying is that it? Was that was all the hype about?

speaking for myself on that...there are men who I had that attitude with, several men where it was absolutely great... after taking sex to a higher level maaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

the beautifulest thing, wonderful experience.....way beyond great

on the being adults.....I know some teenagers have a better, healthier outlook on sex and can handle it way better than majority of adults I know...especially women

 

[NYAmicas]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

1. Would you have preferred to be a virgin for your SO/Husband? I was.

2. Do you think significant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had preferred someone who is "experienced" or a virgin/not experienced? A virgin.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?) I dont think so. I tell my virgin friends that they should keep holding out.

4. Your first time, was it really painful and horrible? When did it get better?5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early? It was very painful and not all that I'd heard. It has it's moments when it's better but I think that's due to intimacy.

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long? Not at all. Less stress in so many different ways!

replies in green.

 

[Cichelle]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

1. Would you have preffered to be a virgin for your SO/Husband?

Nope.

2. Do you think signifigant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had prefered someone who is "exprienced" or a virgin/not experienced? (Because i've heard about guys not wanting someone who doesnt know what their doing and who they have to teach everything, and not wanting someone who seems to know alot)

People have their preferences and that's cool. I know I have mine. But grown men who say they only want a virgin are sometimes creepy to me. I've never been out with someone who declared such a thing, but I knew one guy who was 35 and on the hunt for a virgin. There was something wrong with him, IMO...not to mention that he'd apparently had plenty of sex himself.

In general, I see it as a lack of maturity, at the least, when I hear about a man qualifying or disqualifying a women based solely on whether her hymen is intact. At the worst, I suspect these guys have messed up ideas about female sexuality and that's someone I wouldn't personally want to be involved with.

Sometimes it's a religious issue. But please don't have your zipper still down from your last lay and be rattling off at the mouth about how you want a "pure" woman.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?)

It can be. IMO, it's about the person and the type of sex.

4. Your first time, was it really painfull and horrible? When did it get better?

Yes it really hurt. No, it wasn't a horrible experience at all.

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early?

Yes, absolutely. But what age falls under too young or early is up for discussion.

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long?

Yes.

 

[fluffylocks]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

If I was a virgin I was sell my virginity on ebay to pay off my debt. I think I could make a couple $100,000.

Next thing you know your pictures on some newspaper walking in some courtroom with your lawyer and your head down, another you in the delivery room holding your baby I know though right...House, car, money in the bank, pay for my college...

1. Would you have preffered to be a virgin for your SO/Husband?
No

2. Do you think signifigant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had prefered someone who is "exprienced" or a virgin/not experienced? (Because i've heard about guys not wanting someone who doesnt know what their doing and who they have to teach everything, and not wanting someone who seems to know alot)

Some might want virgins, some don't care either way. I think most people assume you aren't a virgin anyway. The guys I've been with could care less.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?)

Heck no. Sex is overrated IMHO.

4. Your first time, was it really painfull and horrible? When did it get better?

No it wasn't so painfull. Sex is sex to me so it's pretty much the same regardless. Not much difference from person to person.

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early?

Yes definitely. I waited until I was 20. Sex should only be reserved for adults anyone under 18 has no business having sex.

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long?

Depends in the person. If they like being a virgin at 35 I love it.

Hope this hasnt been asked a million times. I searched "virgin" and couldnt get anything that answered my question, and no threads popped up when i searched "sex"

Once you have sex you'll be saying is that it? Was that was all the hype about?

I hope not! Thankyou. Your always so straight to the point.

Not a problem....sexuality is one of my main studies these days, especially female sexuality, sexual awareness coaching is on the top of my list on the holistic health front

Ooops I ment "you CANT wait forever" LOL

Wow I love that.

Even though i've never done anything, I was kind of timid about the issue and not really in-controll of it if you know what im saying...You've helped me understand that they are your choices and your still a woman no matter what you do or dont.

replies in green.

Thankyou NY! That gives me alot of inspiration that you and your husband care about that issue.

 

[fluffylocks]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

Nope.



People have their preferences and that's cool. I know I have mine. But grown men who say they only want a virgin are sometimes creepy to me. I've never been out with someone who declared such a thing, but I knew one guy who was 35 and on the hunt for a virgin. There was something wrong with him, IMO...not to mention that he'd apparently had plenty of sex himself.

In general, I see it as a lack of maturity, at the least, when I hear about a man qualifying or disqualifying a women based solely on whether her hymen is intact. At the worst, I suspect these guys have messed up ideas about female sexuality and that's someone I wouldn't personally want to be involved with.

Sometimes it's a religious issue. But please don't have your zipper still down from your last lay and be rattling off at the mouth about how you want a "pure" woman.



It can be. IMO, it's about the person and the type of sex.

Yes it really hurt. No, it wasn't a horrible experience at all.


Yes, absolutely. But what age falls under too young or early is up for discussion.


Yes.

Thankyou Cichelle.

Yeah i can see how that might be creepy sometimes A couple of years ago "virgin" was a big thing, now in college its mostly irrelevent...you hear a few guys who havent had many women or none at all talking about they want a virgin....But once your older i guess that would be weird.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

I'm watching this thread. Especially certain questions. Honeymoon night is in less than two months and I'm terrified.
~*Janelle~*

 

[fluffylocks]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

I'm watching this thread. Especially certain questions. Honeymoon night is in less than two months and I'm terrified.
~*Janelle~*

WHAT???!!!!!!!!

I remember one thread where you said you were a virgin too.....

Arent you 20 also?

So your nervous about that first time right?

I've heard some people say it was just so painfull, and was that way untill the 2nd or 3rd time and after that it got pleasurable for them, and others that said it was just okay.

So what motivated you to remain a virgin? How does your fiance feel about that topic? Is he one also?

CONGRATS!!!!!!!

 

[tiara76]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

I'm watching this thread. Especially certain questions. Honeymoon night is in less than two months and I'm terrified.
~*Janelle~*

What are some questions you have?

Why are you terrified?

 

[Farida]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

I'm watching this thread. Especially certain questions. Honeymoon night is in less than two months and I'm terrified.
~*Janelle~*

Some gynecologists can give you some exercises to do to stretch the hymen and loosen the muscles down there a bit, because that is what would make it painful.

Also, I would suggest to wait to do it the day after the wedding. You will be so exhausted that night, and the more relaxed and happy you feel, the less tense you will be.

 

[fluffylocks]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

^^Thanks for posting that, never knew.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

WHAT???!!!!!!!!

I remember one thread where you said you were a virgin too.....

Arent you 20 also?

So your nervous about that first time right?

I've heard some people say it was just so painfull, and was that way untill the 2nd or 3rd time and after that it got pleasurable for them, and others that said it was just okay.

So what motivated you to remain a virgin? How does your fiance feel about that topic? Is he one also?

CONGRATS!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!
I'm very nervous. It's like all the wedding planning and then it suddenly hit me. "Wait. I'm gonna have to sleep with him." lachen:
Trust me, I WANT to, it's just... Now that it's REAL that it's going to happen, I'm all like

And to make it worse, my BIG MOUTH SISTER who is proud of her "little sister holding out till marriage" has told every. single. person we know. Friends, family, church members...so you know when I get married, everyone is going to be thinking "Oh, it happens tonight."

That squicks me out so bad.

I'm happy she's proud of me. Don't get me wrong. And yeah, someone said "It's not like she's telling everyone and their mama you're a slut." Great. But this is MY personal thing. I don't want to have my sexual history or lack there of with anyone other than who I CHOOSE to tell it to. Especially in "real life" where they're gonna give you "knowing looks." Specially at church.

Fiance is not a virgin. AT all. Nah, not a reformed manwhore by any means, but he's had several partners. He's so honored and proud to be my first and feels a lot of regret he didn't save himself for me since sex has grown to be special in his eyes. I don't care one bit. I used to be on a "I want to be with a virgin too so we can experience this TOGETHER!" but it will be a new experience since it's OUR experience and no one else's. He tells me there's nothing to be afraid of, blah, blah, he'll be gentle, blah then has his "Ooh, I'mma tear that up." moments. Frequently

I also have this insecurity that while I know sex comes naturally, good performer or bad, it's an inborn need for reproduction that drives us to just DO it...and he's had others before me and I worry "What if I don't do so and so as well as girl A did" or "What if I totally suck at this." He says he's out of practice so it'll be like relearning to ride a bike and is admittedly a bit worried too that he'll have to get back in the swing of things.. I guess if I had others it would be no biggy, but it's like "Yeah, I can read about this and have all the book knowledge, but I bet I'm going to feel like a real fool attempting to do certain things." Afraid of trying too hard, not measuring up. I've had him tell me it doesn't matter, the past doesn't matter, but I'll have to snap out of it and just be confident.

I know it probably seems silly to the more experienced been there, done that, sex is no biggy ladies, but...it's overwhelming to think of. You wait for that one person (By the way, I chose to because of my religious faith...it was also a choice I made before I even took that step into being serious with being a Christian. I just wanted to share my body with one person and one alone) and there are so many things going on in your head. Especially that big giant "God, I LOVE him" that just...makes everything seem ok and thrilling and scary at the thought.

But some of the things I learned from you ladies, I've got tricks in my little hat YET! I'm already planning to get some Jade eggs as soon as I'm more...how you say...experienced.

I'll be ok, but please don't let it hurt.
~*Janelle~*

 

[JustKiya]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

That's a beautiful peek into your life Janelle - *smiles* - thank you so much for sharing.

Have fun. Not matter what else - just remember to make it fun. Once sex gets serious, it drains some of the joy out of it.

 

[tiara76]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

THANK YOU!
I'm very nervous. It's like all the wedding planning and then it suddenly hit me. "Wait. I'm gonna have to sleep with him." lachen:
Trust me, I WANT to, it's just... Now that it's REAL that it's going to happen, I'm all like

And to make it worse, my BIG MOUTH SISTER who is proud of her "little sister holding out till marriage" has told every. single. person we know. Friends, family, church members...so you know when I get married, everyone is going to be thinking "Oh, it happens tonight."

That squicks me out so bad.

I'm happy she's proud of me. Don't get me wrong. And yeah, someone said "It's not like she's telling everyone and their mama you're a slut." Great. But this is MY personal thing. I don't want to have my sexual history or lack there of with anyone other than who I CHOOSE to tell it to. Especially in "real life" where they're gonna give you "knowing looks." Specially at church.

Fiance is not a virgin. AT all. Nah, not a reformed manwhore by any means, but he's had several partners. He's so honored and proud to be my first and feels a lot of regret he didn't save himself for me since sex has grown to be special in his eyes. I don't care one bit. I used to be on a "I want to be with a virgin too so we can experience this TOGETHER!" but it will be a new experience since it's OUR experience and no one else's. He tells me there's nothing to be afraid of, blah, blah, he'll be gentle, blah then has his "Ooh, I'mma tear that up." moments. Frequently

I also have this insecurity that while I know sex comes naturally, good performer or bad, it's an inborn need for reproduction that drives us to just DO it...and he's had others before me and I worry "What if I don't do so and so as well as girl A did" or "What if I totally suck at this." He says he's out of practice so it'll be like relearning to ride a bike and is admittedly a bit worried too that he'll have to get back in the swing of things.. I guess if I had others it would be no biggy, but it's like "Yeah, I can read about this and have all the book knowledge, but I bet I'm going to feel like a real fool attempting to do certain things." Afraid of trying too hard, not measuring up. I've had him tell me it doesn't matter, the past doesn't matter, but I'll have to snap out of it and just be confident.

I know it probably seems silly to the more experienced been there, done that, sex is no biggy ladies, but...it's overwhelming to think of. You wait for that one person (By the way, I chose to because of my religious faith...it was also a choice I made before I even took that step into being serious with being a Christian. I just wanted to share my body with one person and one alone) and there are so many things going on in your head. Especially that big giant "God, I LOVE him" that just...makes everything seem ok and thrilling and scary at the thought.

But some of the things I learned from you ladies, I've got tricks in my little hat YET! I'm already planning to get some Jade eggs as soon as I'm more...how you say...experienced.

I'll be ok, but please don't let it hurt.
~*Janelle~*

I don't think any of your thoughts are silly ...not at all, of course you are going to be nervous and it is a big deal to you so it doesn't matter if n e body else thinks its that big of deal or not...and it seems like your husband to be is very supportive....once you are able to mentally let go, your natural instincts will take over and if you have that much love for him your body will respond to him....it may not be the first night you are able to let it go completely, it may be something you have to ease into but at least you aren't with somebody whose main motivation is just to hit, so all actions on his part with you will come from a place of love as well...I wish u the best in your marriage

congrats

 

[tocktick]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

People have their preferences and that's cool. I know I have mine. But grown men who say they only want a virgin are sometimes creepy to me. I've never been out with someone who declared such a thing, but I knew one guy who was 35 and on the hunt for a virgin. There was something wrong with him, IMO...not to mention that he'd apparently had plenty of sex himself.

In general, I see it as a lack of maturity, at the least, when I hear about a man qualifying or disqualifying a women based solely on whether her hymen is intact. At the worst, I suspect these guys have messed up ideas about female sexuality and that's someone I wouldn't personally want to be involved with.

Sometimes it's a religious issue. But please don't have your zipper still down from your last lay and be rattling off at the mouth about how you want a "pure" woman.

i agree with this whole statement. i will go further and say that men (who have had sex) that go hunting for virgins (or are just a bit too excited at the prospect of being with one) are all creepy and weird to me. that's a disturbing kind of fetish to me. imo, they are very much likely to dump the woman a short while after she is no longer "pure".

 

[fluffylocks]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

THANK YOU!
I'm very nervous. It's like all the wedding planning and then it suddenly hit me. "Wait. I'm gonna have to sleep with him." lachen:
Trust me, I WANT to, it's just... Now that it's REAL that it's going to happen, I'm all like

And to make it worse, my BIG MOUTH SISTER who is proud of her "little sister holding out till marriage" has told every. single. person we know. Friends, family, church members...so you know when I get married, everyone is going to be thinking "Oh, it happens tonight."

That squicks me out so bad.

I'm happy she's proud of me. Don't get me wrong. And yeah, someone said "It's not like she's telling everyone and their mama you're a slut." Great. But this is MY personal thing. I don't want to have my sexual history or lack there of with anyone other than who I CHOOSE to tell it to. Especially in "real life" where they're gonna give you "knowing looks." Specially at church.

Fiance is not a virgin. AT all. Nah, not a reformed manwhore by any means, but he's had several partners. He's so honored and proud to be my first and feels a lot of regret he didn't save himself for me since sex has grown to be special in his eyes. I don't care one bit. I used to be on a "I want to be with a virgin too so we can experience this TOGETHER!" but it will be a new experience since it's OUR experience and no one else's. He tells me there's nothing to be afraid of, blah, blah, he'll be gentle, blah then has his "Ooh, I'mma tear that up." moments. Frequently

I also have this insecurity that while I know sex comes naturally, good performer or bad, it's an inborn need for reproduction that drives us to just DO it...and he's had others before me and I worry "What if I don't do so and so as well as girl A did" or "What if I totally suck at this." He says he's out of practice so it'll be like relearning to ride a bike and is admittedly a bit worried too that he'll have to get back in the swing of things.. I guess if I had others it would be no biggy, but it's like "Yeah, I can read about this and have all the book knowledge, but I bet I'm going to feel like a real fool attempting to do certain things." Afraid of trying too hard, not measuring up. I've had him tell me it doesn't matter, the past doesn't matter, but I'll have to snap out of it and just be confident.

I know it probably seems silly to the more experienced been there, done that, sex is no biggy ladies, but...it's overwhelming to think of. You wait for that one person (By the way, I chose to because of my religious faith...it was also a choice I made before I even took that step into being serious with being a Christian. I just wanted to share my body with one person and one alone) and there are so many things going on in your head. Especially that big giant "God, I LOVE him" that just...makes everything seem ok and thrilling and scary at the thought.

But some of the things I learned from you ladies, I've got tricks in my little hat YET! I'm already planning to get some Jade eggs as soon as I'm more...how you say...experienced.

I'll be ok, but please don't let it hurt.
~*Janelle~*

I can relate to ALL of that ( I've been taking notes and plan to get some of those too )

Yep my family runs their mouth too, and even though it's not something negative, you dont want everyone being able to "clock" you and be able to guess whats going on...know all of your buisness like that.

At the tear that up moments LOL, Yeah for a hot second I thought that would be ideal too, but I dont think its really THAT important what the male has done before, especially since when they first start they dont usually view it as something important. And at least someone will know alittle bit about whats going on.

Those are some of the same reasons im waiting also. And I completly know what your saying about the insecurity about not knowing what your doing. Thats the only thing that really nags at me about being a virgin. I never really knew that certain people were "better" than others or it was something people prided themselves on at being good at or having skills, wouldnt want my husband to be remembering the best person he ever had I would want to be all of that. But I guess like you said as long as your confident and they are willing to be patient and work with you and not care about all of that.

Man the hurting part erplexed I didnt know there was anything you could do about it, but maybe like Viv said you could go to the dr and see if they can show you something that will help...I know i sure will be.

Your welcome! I'm really very happy for you....At least theres other less stressfull things to think about like hair, makeup and dresses LOL

How long had you all been dateing?

 

[Cinda2503]

Re: Is it all that? Do they prefer experienced or virgin? What would you have preffer

1. Would you have preffered to be a virgin for your SO/Husband? NO

2. Do you think signifigant others and husbands (or yours) would prefer or had prefered someone who is "exprienced" or a virgin/not experienced? (Because i've heard about guys not wanting someone who doesnt know what their doing and who they have to teach everything, and not wanting someone who seems to know alot) Depends on the person. Some men don't want the pressure of being your first and some don't mind.

3. Is it really all that/"one of the best things in the world"? If it depends what is it on? (Is it the person, size?) Sex in a loving committed relationship is the best! Sex is very emotional IMO. It will make you feel close to the wrong person if you are not careful about who you sleep with. Sex makes me feel closer and more connected emotionally and spiritually to my BF. Sex and good talk will make you fall in love.

Size matters to an extent. Too big and it hurts. Too small and he can't really hit the spots the way you would like sometimes. If its too small you'll have to work harder to get off.

4. Your first time, was it really painfull and horrible? When did it get better? Yes it hurt alot. It wasn't that horrible. There was a little blood on the sheets. My body ached afterward for a couple of days and my legs were very sore also.

It gets better the more you practice

5. Do you think there is a downside on having sex to young/early? Yup. If you like/love the person and there is an emtional connection; then you have sex--- you WILL fall in love. You might not be able to see the person for who/what they really are - This is could be dangerous or not depending on the person.

6. Do you think there is a downside on remaining a virgin too long? Yup. The older you are (i'm talking late 20's and on) you might find that guys are hesitant to be in a relationship with you because you haven't been in a relationship with someone else.

I have a friend who is 32 and a virgin. She finds it hard to date because she is a virgin. When she tells the guys that get scared. I guess they think she has some sort of mental/emtional/personality problem because of her virginity. erplexed She doesn't she just hasn't found the right guy yet.

It's not impossible though but from the people I know it is harder. There are still men who are virgins and/or don't mind a virgin.



Hope this hasnt been asked a million times. I searched "virgin" and couldnt get anything that answered my question, and no threads popped up when i searched "sex"

Im 20 now, getting real curious.

My answers in red.