Is it against the bible to leave an abusive marraige?

[Shimmie]

Shimmie, you and me both! My mother use to say "If a man put his hands on me, I'll kill him, do my time, then marry another one that looks just like him."...my mother was extra in that area, let me tell you...she didn't play.

"All my life, I've had to fight.


But if Harpo hits me, I'll kill em' dead.....


I couldn't resist.

 

[joy2day]

I'm done now Shimmie, no you didn't!

 

[Nice & Wavy]

ITA,
Very careful indeed...ppl don't understand how important marriage is to God. Very careful...

ITA...very, very careful!

"All my life, I've had to fight.


But if Harpo hits me, I'll kill em' dead.....


I couldn't resist.

I'm done now Shimmie, no you didn't!

 

[Laela]

Marriage is a reflection of God's relationship with his people... when the enemy wants to attack the church, marriage is one of the easiest ways to do so.

 

[divya]

I believe that the abused individual should physically leave but not divorce unless there is infidelity. I am in complete agreement that she or he should pray for that spouse during that time. Often the abusive spouse will move on romantically, then the abused individual is free to go (divorce). Sometimes the abusive spouse heeds the voice of the Lord and changes.

 

[Butterfly08]

ITA...she should leave and pray for him. I have seen God do miracles in the lives of so many people in these situations. If the man or woman (woman can be abusive as well) chooses not to repent...it's God's job to handle them...you are to continue to pray and stay focused on the plans that God has for your life.

Do you mean just leave the house, or divorce? To expound a bit more, I am referring to a situation where the abuse has been ongoing, and the wife has prayed for her husband for years with no lasting change. In fact, the husband refuses to even admit that he is abusing her, and consequently takes no responsibility for his behavior at all.

A real man, that is a God respecting man understands that one of his main roles as a man is to serve as a protector at all costs (even if he dies in the process) of the women in his life. Some abusers will not change because they don't want to. They will reap what they have sown. God loves and values women. He always has. He always will. Ignorance of his great and unending love kills. Great post!!
Prudent1

BTW OP:
A marriage is a blood binding covenant. Like all contracts/ covenants I think all parties can violate their agreements and render the contract null and void so to speak. The problem is that we have too many ppl throwing in the towel in marriages who are just plain selfish. They have not truly done all they can do. They have not sought God and received his instruction on how to conduct themselves in their individual situations. Before anyone says I don't understand. I do. I am a survivor of physical and mental abuse in my previous marriage. I am currently divorced from the offender. After a period of years, I have forgiven him.

Yes - it is so painful that the person meant to protect is the one doing the wounding! And I do agree that some people throw in the towel too easily. Again, I'm referring to the wife who has sought counseling, prayed for years, and there is just no change - or perhaps less physical violence but continued emotional abuse and denial.

I don't think it's an absolute- it depends on the situation and specifically what God is saying to do. For example, we know that God hates divorce but he also said "Thou shall not kill." There are some situations where the woman's (or man's) life is under threat or where the abused ends up killing the abuser. Will we advise someone who is going through this to stay married to that type of person no matter how long it takes for that person to change? And what if they don't?

I agree that God can work and will work miracles in the abuser's life but that person has also got to be willing- they still have a choice here.

And this is my point. What if the husband never changes? 10, 20 years later? Is the woman stuck for the rest of her life? Living apart for her own safety, but still "married" and unable to find true love with a man who will treat her the way God intended until her "first husband" dies?

I just feel that sometimes we as Christians (in general) can make those going through this feel guilty for wanting to get divorced after all that they have been through. Guilt that God is not even laying on them.

Thanks for asking, PinkPebbles.

I deal with situations like this all the time, as both my dh and I have a marriage ministry. As I stated in my earlier posts, this doesn't just happen with women only...there are women who abuse men as well...trust me, I know this for a fact! This type of thing happens IN THE CHURCH! When they do come, we talk to them, pray with them and encourage them in the Lord, but we NEVER, EVER, EVER, tell them to get a divorce.

Removing themselves from the home IS something that is encouraged because God did not create us to be doormats for anyone. Most times, when they do separate, the person is able to think clearer and is then able to hear the Lord about what the next step would be. We want that person to hear the Lord, and not us. Man will fail a person every time, but God will never fail that person.

Good point!

What we must remember is this: Marriage is of God! When there is abuse in a marriage, then that person must make a decision whether they want to separate from their spouse, because they don't want to be in a position of abuse.

Most of us believe that it was ordained of God when we met the person we fell in love with. When we marry, God honors His Covenant. Many people find themselves in these positions because they didn't want to see the signs before they got married (ie: "he/she will change once we get married." "I'll have a baby and that will change the situation.", etc.) All of this is before they say "I DO" yet, they do it anyway after seeing all the signs and then when this type of thing happens, they blame God.

Another thing is that many people don't see the signs before hand because the person doing the abuse, is good at putting on a front...loving, nice, sweet...blah, blah...and then as soon as you say "I DO" Wham! the real person comes forth.

We must be in a position of discernment in our lives in every area, not just marriage. We will be saved from so much if we just use our gifts more, and use less of our emotions.

The bolded is what happened in this situation that I am referring to. There was no physical abuse prior to the marriage, during a courtship/engagement of over 2 years. But a couple weeks afterwards it started.

You are more than welcome, sis. This is a very sensitive subject, for many. We all have either been in these types of situations, or know someone close to us who have or are going through it.

to all!

This is a very touching subject indeed.

"All my life, I've had to fight.


But if Harpo hits me, I'll kill em' dead.....


I couldn't resist.

ROFL

 

[Nice & Wavy]

Do you mean just leave the house, or divorce? To expound a bit more, I am referring to a situation where the abuse has been ongoing, and the wife has prayed for her husband for years with no lasting change. In fact, the husband refuses to even admit that he is abusing her, and consequently takes no responsibility for his behavior at all.

I mean leave the house. As I stated before, I don't tell anyone to divorce their spouse...no matter what. It's not my responsibility to do so. It should be the decision of the person who is in the abusive situation.

Marriage is a serious thing. We tell young couples all the time, to make sure that you truly want to do this before entering into the covenant. Remember, we make a vow before the Lord and say "for better or worse, richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc." those are serious words to say, yet...I believe that God will honor a person to separate themselves from someone who is being abusive.

A husband is suppose to love his wife as Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her. Beating a wife is not like Christ at all, therefore a person must separate themselves from the home, so that they can hear from the Lord in what to do. There are people who stay this way for years, until the person who is the abuser gets a divorce or dies.

It is what it is, sis....

 

[Butterfly08]

I mean leave the house. As I stated before, I don't tell anyone to divorce their spouse...no matter what. It's not my responsibility to do so. It should be the decision of the person who is in the abusive situation.

Marriage is a serious thing. We tell young couples all the time, to make sure that you truly want to do this before entering into the covenant. Remember, we make a vow before the Lord and say "for better or worse, richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, etc." those are serious words to say, yet...I believe that God will honor a person to separate themselves from someone who is being abusive.

A husband is suppose to love his wife as Christ loves the church and gave Himself up for her. Beating a wife is not like Christ at all, therefore a person must separate themselves from the home, so that they can hear from the Lord in what to do. There are people who stay this way for years, until the person who is the abuser gets a divorce or dies.

It is what it is, sis....

I hear you. It's just upsetting to think that the abused woman would be chained to such a man for the rest of his life, especially if he never changes. (Even if she lives separately - she still wouldn't be free to find someone who will live her and respect her appropriately). I just have a hard time agreeing with that.

 

[Prudent1]

Yes - it is so painful that the person meant to protect is the one doing the wounding! And I do agree that some people throw in the towel too easily. Again, I'm referring to the wife who has sought counseling, prayed for years, and there is just no change - or perhaps less physical violence but continued emotional abuse and denial.
And this is my point. What if the husband never changes? 10, 20 years later? Is the woman stuck for the rest of her life? Living apart for her own safety, but still "married" and unable to find true love with a man who will treat her the way God intended until her "first husband" dies?


What I know for sure is this...God loves us. He wants us to trust him completely. He needs us to understand that like any parent, he knows things we do not. By removing oneself from the violent situation and really seeking God answers can be found. What if it is best for her to remain alone? What if it is not? What if that person truly changed? What if they did not? We can only give basic responses b/c in the end the decision is up to the ppl in that situation. They have to get this instruction from God for themselves. Even though I am divorced and it was directly related to the abuse I suffered- at that time in my life I did not want God's input. I don't know what all he would have instructed me to do. How can a woman who is really walking with God and being obedient to him be stuck? He is able to take care of her even if that care comes in forms we did not initially see or understand. I know what you are saying . I'm just saying faith and trust in God kicks in big time here...Anyone in this type of situation must receive from God for themselves. God is all knowing and not stingy when it comes to giving wisdom.

 

[Nice & Wavy]

I hear you. It's just upsetting to think that the abused woman would be chained to such a man for the rest of his life, especially if he never changes. (Even if she lives separately - she still wouldn't be free to find someone who will live her and respect her appropriately). I just have a hard time agreeing with that.

Remember, we don't know the heart of God like we think we do. God's ways are certainly not our ways and His thoughts are unlike our thoughts. He is perfect in every sense of the word!

That abusive thing could continue in her life, even if she divorces her husband and find someone else. What God wants is for her to be free from the torment and it takes time spent with God, being in His presence, to be free from it. God has a way of working out the situation with the spouse, so that she may be free.

I have a friend who found herself in this situation more than once. Her first husband was very abusive and she got out after 6 years and divorced him. Only to meet someone who tried to take over her home, while beating her up...she got away from him. Married someone who she thought was a man of God and beat her to a bloody pulp for a few years. She finally got the strength to leave him and while she was alone, hearing from the Lord...she finally was free....her husband died. Now she is able to move on without any guilt of anything.

We are not always going to like what God has to say...but, we must learn to trust Him.

Blessings to you, sis. I know this is troubling you, but God will give you peace!

 

[aribell]

This is very interesting as I assume that physical abuse of women was more prevelant in biblical days then now and Im sure women had very little recourse but to pray for their husbands. Hmmm....

Yes, I also think that Jesus knew quite well the situation of women when he said that the only permissible divorce was for sexual immorality. I would think that if abuse were a reason, that He would have said it. Then again, "abuse" runs along a spectrum.

I believe that the abused individual should physically leave but not divorce unless there is infidelity. I am in complete agreement that she or he should pray for that spouse during that time. Often the abusive spouse will move on romantically, then the abused individual is free to go (divorce). Sometimes the abusive spouse heeds the voice of the Lord and changes.

Unfortunately, the way people act, I feel like sexual immorality in marriage is so common that the question of whether to divorce on the basis of the abuse wouldn't even have to be asked a lot of the time.

I hear you. It's just upsetting to think that the abused woman would be chained to such a man for the rest of his life, especially if he never changes. (Even if she lives separately - she still wouldn't be free to find someone who will live her and respect her appropriately). I just have a hard time agreeing with that.

I think that it's highly unlikely that an abusive husband would remain faithful to his wife for years after being separated. I don't think she would have to wait.

However, sometimes--maybe even a lot of times--God calls us to go above and beyond and wait for Him to do something great, by faith. Even if there are biblical grounds for divorce, that doesn't mean that people have to leave. I know a woman who has been waiting for years upon years now, for her husband who she has every reason to forget, because God spoke a word to her about it. In the meantime, she's helped many divorced couples reconcile.

 

[Laela]

interesting viewpoint... when we marry, we become one. I'd think adultery is a form of abuse of the other spouse.

I just remember too that not all couples will take the same, or even spiritual, vows. Those who take the vows that incorporate Biblical verses and God, will have to answer to God -- and no one else -- for violating those vows.

Yes, I also think that Jesus knew quite well the situation of women when he said that the only permissible divorce was for sexual immorality. I would think that if abuse were a reason, that He would have said it. Then again, "abuse" runs along a spectrum.



Unfortunately, the way people act, I feel like sexual immorality in marriage is so common that the question of whether to divorce on the basis of the abuse wouldn't even have to be asked a lot of the time.





I think that it's highly unlikely that an abusive husband would remain faithful to his wife for years after being separated. I don't think she would have to wait.

However, sometimes--maybe even a lot of times--God calls us to go above and beyond and wait for Him to do something great, by faith. Even if there are biblical grounds for divorce, that doesn't mean that people have to leave. I know a woman who has been waiting for years upon years now, for her husband who she has every reason to forget, because God spoke a word to her about it. In the meantime, she's helped many divorced couples reconcile.