Is he gay? I just don't know.......

StarScream35

StarScream35

Well-Known Member
So I'm dating this guy who makes me question his sexuality. Here is what has gone down.

I was on the phone with him the other night and the conversation started getting good and then he bursts out with girlfriend and honeychile and I was like hold up! I didn't say anything because I don't feel comfortable saying anything because we just started talking. I did notice he tried to correct himself and get all masculine again. It was really weird. This is the second time this has happened. The first time it was very suttle so I ignored it. My gut feeling is telling me to run but am I over reacting?
 
Maybe..maybe not....but if you have that slight feeling he is, it'll just be weird and I doubt the attraction will be strong. Maybe wait it out for a few weeks?
See..I would just ask him, but I am blunt and somewhat rude like that.
 
This is one of those instances where you should follow your instincts. If something does come up later, you'll regret not listening to yourself sooner. IMO, you'll be questioning his sexuality your entire relationship, so it's not worth it.
 
I dated someone who I was suspicious of for 9 months since I didn't have any "concrete" evidence. It was torture not knowing. The entire time we were together I was questioning it and I just had this nagging feeling that would NOT go away. I never had that with anyone else. If we walked near an attractive guy, I was always trying to catch him looking. It got to the point where even if he gave a guy an innocent nonchalant look by someone else's standards, it looked like he was undressing the guy from my POV. Do you really wanna spend a huge chunk of your time looking over your shoulder trying to catch him :-/? It's tiring. Trust your gut feeling...

(although I had other things to go by that supported my hypothesis)
 
SwtAnana said:
I dated someone who I was suspicious of for 9 months since I didn't have any "concrete" evidence. It was torture not knowing. The entire time we were together I was questioning it and I just had this nagging feeling that would NOT go away. I never had that with anyone else. If we walked near an attractive guy, I was always trying to catch him looking. It got to the point where even if he gave a guy an innocent nonchalant look by someone else's standards, it looked like he was undressing the guy from my POV. Do you really wanna spend a huge chunk of your time looking over your shoulder trying to catch him :-/? It's tiring. Trust your gut feeling...

(although I had other things to go by that supported my hypothesis)
Click to expand...

So did you ever find out if he was gay or not?
 
MsDee14 said:
So did you ever find out if he was gay or not?
Click to expand...

Nope. But based off of my gut feeling and the cumulative things I saw him do and heard him saw, I'm pretty confident that he is either bi or gay and will hopefully admit it to himself before he misleads someone else.
 
Not make light of your situation, but when I read your thread title this immediately came to mind:

http://youtu.be/e89sNRu5PIQ

But seriously, I agree with the others. If you decide to confront him, ask if he's ever been with a man sexually, not if he's gay. Sadly some gay men don't label themselves as such and you need to know the truth. Good luck.
 
Thanks for the input ladies. I know I can always count on my sista girls here. I think this will be one nice guy I'm gonna have to let go. Letting a good, stable, nice guy go ain't easy but like many of you said, I don't wanna spend the relationship with that nagging feeling.
 
SwtAnana said:
Nope. But based off of my gut feeling and the cumulative things I saw him do and heard him saw, I'm pretty confident that he is either bi or gay and will hopefully admit it to himself before he misleads someone else.
Click to expand...


I agree, these men need to admit to themselves who they are instead of misleading ladies and vice versa. There are plenty of people out there who don't have good intuition or don't trust their gut or don't have a network like LHCF so they dive in feet first only to be taken for a ride while the other person discovers who they are. I indirectly knew a woman who caught her husband in bed with another man and she has since battled major depression.
 
Brighteyes35

Lol....wait a second....was it just what he SAID that made you think he was gay?? Or....was it OTHER things you've been noticing or HOW he said certain words? :look:

I'm just curious because it seems like in THIS day and age even straight men are put in such a pigeon-holed box that they can't even SAY certain phrases without being labled "gay". :ohwell: :nono:

What if he just grew up with a bunch of women? What if he was......*gasp* joking? :look: Idk...I just find it kind of sad these days that men seem to be labled "Gay" if they don't fit this perfectly symetrical box of "behaviors" that supposedly "STRAIGHT" men should possess. No wonder men feel the need to be hypermasculine sometimes. :nono:

I would hate being a man.....:nono: I wouldn't feel free to do/say ANYTHING "out of the ordinary". :nono:
 
Crystalicequeen123

Personally I don't think hypermasculinity and gender behaviors are related at all. Hypermasculinity comes from something much more deep. The highest amount of hypermasculinity is found among American black males and hispanic males. Why not whites, Asians or middle easterns? But that's the sociologist and psychologist in me. Now I do agree with you that people should not be pigeon-holed however this is serious business in the black community. Closeted homosexuals are a serious problem in the black community and enough black women are already getting hurt by men period so we do need to be on our toes. To answer your question it was HOW he said it and he was certainly not joking. He definitely tried to overcorrect the error by sounding masculine. It is definitely strange. I suppose hearing for yourself would make the difference. Thanks for the post.
 
Brighteyes35 said:
Crystalicequeen123

Personally I don't think hypermasculinity and gender behaviors are related at all. Hypermasculinity comes from something much more deep. The highest amount of hypermasculinity is found among American black males and hispanic males. Why not whites, Asians or middle easterns? But that's the sociologist and psychologist in me. Now I do agree with you that people should not be pigeon-holed however this is serious business in the black community. Closeted homosexuals are a serious problem in the black community and enough black women are already getting hurt by men period so we do need to be on our toes. To answer your question it was HOW he said it and he was certainly not joking. He definitely tried to overcorrect the error by sounding masculine. It is definitely strange. I suppose hearing for yourself would make the difference. Thanks for the post.
Click to expand...

Brighteyes35

I hear what you're saying. :yep:

Hey...only you know for sure since we weren't there. We on the board can only speculate. I was just hoping you weren't making generalizations based on a few "behaviors" like so many tend to do these days.

But if his words/actions were questionable to you, then by all means don't waste your time. :nono: No sense in staying in a relationship w/the potential to get burned one day. :nono: Even if he's straight as an arrow, just the very thought that you *THINK* he might be gay won't make you happy in the long run. You will always be questioning his actions, his phrases, how he says and does things, etc. It's no way for you (or him) to live imo. :imo:

So yeah...I say...chuck the deuces! :wave:
 
Tell you whatchu do. Invite him ova n tell him to get butt nekkit. Then tell him to bend ova n grab his ankles and cough. If dat brown eye wink atchu, then der u have it.

If it were me, i would just straight up ask him n be like what side of da fence are you on or are u straddlin both? You may not get the truth, but at least he will know datchu know.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
Tell you whatchu do. Invite him ova n tell him to get butt nekkit. Then tell him to bend ova n grab his ankles and cough. If dat brown eye wink atchu, then der u have it.

If it were me, i would just straight up ask him n be like what side of da fence are you on or are u straddlin both? You may not get the truth, but at least he will know datchu know.
Click to expand...

:lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
Tell you whatchu do. Invite him ova n tell him to get butt nekkit. Then tell him to bend ova n grab his ankles and cough. If dat brown eye wink atchu, then der u have it.

If it were me, i would just straight up ask him n be like what side of da fence are you on or are u straddlin both? You may not get the truth, but at least he will know datchu know.
Click to expand...



:lachen::ohwell::perplexed:sad:Feeling dumb as all get out, but compelled to ask...I mean I have to ask, I'm scared of the answer which means I must know the answer but I'm just um, well fuggit! What brown eye?
 
i always ask. One of my first questions along with are u single, do u have any kids, have you been with men :look:
 
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