I’m Offended But Am I Also Being Naive?

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

So I met this man, gave him my number, and we just had our first conversation. We’re just talking casually and whatever. Then he asks me my age and I tell him. Turns out he is significantly older than me but he doesn’t look his age. He says, yea that’s perfect, I don’t like women my age. I’m like huh? I ask him why doesn’t he date women his age? He says women his age are stuck in their ways and laughs. He’s 37. At this point I’m offended because that sounds sexist and ageist af. I’m irritated to the point that I’m considering not moving forward because of this comment alone.

My question is am I right to want to drop this dude or am I being naive. Is this how most men are going to feel and should I get over it? Or am I right to have reservations?

 

[hopeful]

Trust your gut. I think he wants someone young that he can control. Lots of men like younger women but tbh the way he said it rubs me the wrong way too.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

It rubs me the wrong way but I think this is how most men feel about women over a certain age. Trust your gut but don't be surprised if you hear similar comments from other men. Most are smart enough to not own up to it if you ask directly but pay attention to what they say in passing conversation. He only felt comfortable saying it to you because you aren't in his age group and, in his mind, shouldn't be offended by it.

 

[LostInAdream]

He should’ve kept that to himself. Your feelings are valid and if you don’t want to move forward, don’t.

 

[qchelle]

I hate when men say crappy things about other women, in an attempt to compliment me/reel me in. Immediate turn off.

 

[Theresamonet]

I'd be concerned about him thinking that he will have an easier time bending me to his will, than these older women who are "stuck in their ways".

But imo--and this may be unpopular-- 99.9% of men are sexist to some degree. I don't think you can date a man in America who isn't. I wouldn't pass on a man unless he exhibited a level and form of sexism that I thought would be unbeneficial to me. Some men think a woman's place is in the home. That's only a problem if you don't want your place to be in the home. A woman who is looking for an older man, may benefit from a man who prizes having a younger wife... My point is, I don't think you should react to the fact that it sounds bad, if it isn't bad for you. If you were an older woman and he said "I usually date younger women, but...", I'd say run. Cause you wouldn't be his preference, and he'd be making a "exception" for you.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Women do become more confident in themselves as they get older - what happens to the relationship as this blossoms in the the partner? I think you would have to dull yourself down and suppress for the relationship/marriage to still work. I have seen this in action.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

Thanks for the responses. What rubs me the wrong way is what he may possibly mean by “Stuck in their ways”. Does that mean not willing to bend for your bs? Or not easily manipulated? Also, the audacity of this dude to expect me to accept his significant older age, when he refuses to date women even his own age. Like, how dare you and who are you. Is this the sad state of men? The older I get the more dating is making me want to be on my Oprah....

 

[lesedi]

Ok, I have an unpopular opinion. I don't think what he said was that bad to be honest. I too think that as we get older we (men and women) get more fixed and set in our ways. I think that's the nature of ageing. I also want a man who is open-minded, malleable and down for new experiences...so I kinda get what he means. Of course, I could be mistaken and he could be a chauvinist pig who wants a dolly to mould, time will tell.

That being said, if your gut is telling you to run, then put your shoes on.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

@lesedi but are you actively seeking a younger man like this guy because of it? Thanks for your insight.

 

[lesedi]

@lesedi but are you actively seeking a younger man like this guy? Thanks for your insight.

I don't want a younger man no,
I don't have the time or patience to be dealing with a man in his 20s. I do have an upper age limit though...

If I find myself single in my 40s or 50s I'd be open to dating younger.

 

[GraceJones]

I've dated a few older guys and in my experience they are depending on your naivety to get their way. You don't know how many older guys have told me I'm "doing it wrong" in some form or fashion in order to manipulate me into getting what they want.

Also, I feel like older women don't take as much BS so maybe that's why he doesn't want them.

 

[qchelle]

I hate when men say crappy things about other women, in an attempt to compliment me/reel me in. Immediate turn off.

And I hate it NOT because it may not be true/I disagree with it, but because I just expect less crassness from someone I'm getting to know/a stranger. Strangers being "mean" (cuz it is) is scary to me.

Like I'm 28 and I wouldn't date guys older than 45. But I wouldn't say to my 30yr old date "that's perfect cuz I don't like old crusty geriatric ass n****s" what the hell is the point of that?

 

[FlowerHair]

The question is- what is he going to do when his young woman grows older? Look for another younger woman? I’m suspicious about men who can’t have a mature relationship with a woman their own age. They may be emotionally crippled...

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

The question is- what is he going to do when his young woman grows older? Look for another younger woman? I’m suspicious about men who can’t have a mature relationship with a woman their own age. They may be emotionally crippled...

Off topic, but you are gorrrgeous!

 

[FlowerHair]

Off topic, but you are gorrrgeous!

Thank you! I’m blushing.

 

[ItsMeLilLucky]

My son's father told me something like that. My dumb self still ended up with child.

 

[Theresamonet]

The question is- what is he going to do when his young woman grows older? Look for another younger woman? I’m suspicious about men who can’t have a mature relationship with a woman their own age. They may be emotionally crippled...

When she grows older, she will still be significantly younger than he is. He said he doesn't date women his age. They'll never be the same age as one another. Lol.

 

[FlowerHair]

When she grows older, she will still be significantly younger than he is. He said he doesn't date women his age. They'll never be the same age as one another. Lol.

True, but she will be 37 one day and her “take no crap” mode will be installed lol! I think that’s the part a certain type of men don’t like. Especially those who are 37 and single. I’m probably as prejudiced as he is

 

[hopeful]

When she grows older, she will still be significantly younger than he is. He said he doesn't date women his age. They'll never be the same age as one another. Lol.

Touché! But she will also likely mature and become less flexible. I notice some men, if they can, just date younger and younger women. I think some really do want a woman to stay the same age (physically and emotionally).

 

[PeaceLover]

Go with your gut as always. However, I don’t think that preference is wrong. His wording/reasoning is offensive though which is a turnoff. I stopped dating men my age too. I preferred them to be a bit older (like 5 years) because men in their 20’s suck. Most men suck in general though, but those few years made a difference when it came to stability which was important IMO.

 

[biznesswmn]

Touché! But she will also likely mature and become less flexible. I notice some men, if they can, just date younger and younger women. I think some really do want a woman to stay the same age (physically and emotionally).

Some of them do. Yall see how rkelly gets down - the pied piper
Maybe a bad example but you get the point

Abt 20yrs ago i rembr a coworker tellg me this, a woman. She said if a woman isnt in a committed relationship by 32 she will prob end up single bcuz she wont want to change what she has established for herself for any man.

 

[PeaceLover]

I hate when men say crappy things about other women, in an attempt to compliment me/reel me in. Immediate turn off.

True. This gets a man instantly blocked.

 

[Layluh]

Get money, sis. You don’t have to take him seriously if you don’t want to.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

Get money, sis. You don’t have to take him seriously if you don’t want to.

...

 

[Ayesha81]

A guy I dated he was 33 who preferred younger women for "fertility" reasons. He didnt have any children at the time he was looking to start a family.

 

[007PMP]

I don’t see anything wrong with what he said that would warrant not talking to him more.

I mean, women say the same and don’t expect to be cut off for expressing preferences....