If You Don't Like Their Kid...

PeaceLover

PeaceLover

Well-Known Member
Is it a deal-breaker if you don't like someone's kid? Like, you RRREEEEAAALLLLLYYYYYY love them, but can't stand being around their kid.
 
Boy, have I been there. He had two kids (sons) the youngest I adored. But the oldest (14 yrs) was the Devil himself. I guess he was spoiled since he was the one and only for quite a while, on top of being resentful of his parents breakup. The worst part was his father couldn't see some of the demonic things he would do. I always treated him kindly during the 'brief' relationship but always stayed on guard. He once blocked my number from his Dad's cellphone. His Dad thought I dumped him and I thought his Dad was ignoring me. Luckily, his Dad decided to "man up and call me" after about a week of not speaking to one another. We both thought the other one was lying about trying to contact/answer the other person. Dad never really knew how my number got blocked.....but I know. The relationship ended on it's own but that was ONE of my reasons for not pursuing it any further. If you can ...GET OUT!!!! Although they may soon be old enough to move out, there is always the possibility of them staying around FOREVER.:eek:
 
It's a challenge. I dealt with a man and his daughter was annoying as heck. Rude, bossy, manipulative and thought she was cute. His sons were just weird. My Brady bunch fantasy was just a fantasy.
 
PeaceLover said:
Is it a deal-breaker if you don't like someone's kid? Like, you RRREEEEAAALLLLLYYYYYY love them, but can't stand being around their kid.
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Does he have full time custody?

Is it something you can fix about the kid or that they will grow out of?

Is this dating or is a serious leading to marriage thing?

Parents are stupid they will carry on with a woman that doesn't like their kid.

If he was a great guy and only had the kid on the weekends I probably would say something and keep dating him.

I don't like meeting folks kids anyways.
 
I say deal breaker. There can be two possibilities:
1) He loves his kid. In this case it will cause too much friction.
2) He doesn't like his kid either or doesn't take care for them. How a man treats his current kids is an indication of how he would treat his future kids.
 
Keen said:
) He doesn't like his kid either or doesn't take care for them. How a man treats his current kids is an indication of how he would treat his future kids.
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And that would be another deal breaker. I can't respect you, if you treat your kids like crap. And if you allow me to treat them like crap, also don't respect you. However, some kids are spoiled, and or disrespectful and if we are together long term e.g, married we would have to have a convo on discipline, acceptable behavior etc. (I am not saying corporal punishment) but I am not allowing a kid to be disrespectful etc with no consequences.
 
GetHappy2014 said:
Boy, have I been there. He had two kids (sons) the youngest I adored. But the oldest (14 yrs) was the Devil himself. I guess he was spoiled since he was the one and only for quite a while, on top of being resentful of his parents breakup. The worst part was his father couldn't see some of the demonic things he would do. I always treated him kindly during the 'brief' relationship but always stayed on guard. He once blocked my number from his Dad's cellphone. His Dad thought I dumped him and I thought his Dad was ignoring me. Luckily, his Dad decided to "man up and call me" after about a week of not speaking to one another. We both thought the other one was lying about trying to contact/answer the other person. Dad never really knew how my number got blocked.....but I know. The relationship ended on it's own but that was ONE of my reasons for not pursuing it any further. If you can ...GET OUT!!!! Although they may soon be old enough to move out, there is always the possibility of them staying around FOREVER.:eek:
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omg

what a little ******* :lol:
 
Run. It is hard enough to marry someone whose sibling or other relative you don't even have to see. A kid? You think you hate the kid now? It will get worse. And as
someone said, either he is close to the kid
and you will be unhappy or he is an absentee or crap dad and you won't respect him.

Honestly, unless the kid is old enough to have moved out you need to be prepared to treat someone's kid as much as possible as your own if you intend to marry him.
 
bklynbornNbred said:
I don't judge her for her feelings but if the kid is a brat he's half responsible. Even if you're past having kids his track record isn't looking good. Instead of dating he needs to invest time to handle his kid.
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A lot of kids are going to act out when it comes to their parents dating because they want their mommy and daddy to get back together so brat behavior ensues.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
A lot of kids are going to act out when it comes to their parents dating because they want their mommy and daddy to get back together so brat behavior ensues.
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So then you spend more time with kid to reassure your place with them and less time introducing new gf. If parent isn't addressing the bad behavior you bounce.

I see too many people rushing to introduce new mates to kids. Yes kid, may be salty but if parent nips it in the bud kid will stop. I'm not from new generation parenting though. If he's one of those "excusing away the kids rudeness" instead of telling kid to behave then I'm out anyway.

But back to OP just walk away.
 
When I asked this question I may have been a bit emotionally charged because his kid p'd me off lol! It's not that I dislike this child, but she is hard to deal with. We have our good moments, but when she was here she did stuff that rubbed me completely the wrong way. She's a pretty little girl who is very smart and talented. I just don't entertain the foolishness her mom expects us to put up with. My SO ALWAYS has my back when I address things with him or her so that makes all the different, but let me tell yall some of the crap she did while she was here:

-This first night she stayed up super late (around 5am) which is cool I guess, but everyone else was sleep. She called her mom crying at 4am and told her that she was scared because we were downstairs, it was dark and she couldn't work the TV. Now, she was up there with three other kids. They were sleep of course...her mom told her to come wake us up and give him the phone. She (mom) started going off on him asking why is her child scared and in the dark. He snapped. He told her that it was other kids up there and she should be sleep. To keep peace he got up anyway and turned the TV on so she could have some light and watch TV. Better him than me because I wasn't getting out the darn bed.
-Next day, I got up and cooked breakfast...I woke everyone up because we had plans to go skating at noon. She got upset because I wouldn't let her sleep and she was tired....everyone else was waiting on her to get herself together while she complained. Her dad handled it. We drove separate cars because my SO and his son was going to get a haircut after we left. When we left she called her mom in the car with us...then she asked "Have you talked to my dad about that yet?" IDK what mom said but the little girl replied 'I can't talk about that right now" like I'm the awkward elephant in the room.
-When I cook I cook balanced meals. His daughter is a little overweight and he's concerned about that. Her mom and brother are very overweight and he always tells me he wished her mom will start to cook more and get her weight under control. They eat out all the time and eat a lot of junk food. So, while she was here it was a battle trying to get her to eat anything but junk. She would whine and tell me "I don't eat vegetables" or whatever and ask for snacks. I would tell her after she ate she could have them. She refused so she didn't get them. This is the SAME way I parent my daughter. SO backed me up when she tried to whine to him. He'll just tell her "whatever she told you to do, do it. It's for your own good". She also complains that it takes too long to cook...
-Now marriage and buying a house is in our 2016 plans so we're on a strict budget for now. My SO gave me some cash to pick a few things up from the store so I took the girls with me. She kept putting everything in the basket. I gave in and told them "Ok, everyone can have ONE item." The other girls got their stuff and were happy. She complained about me not getting what she wanted and whined that she didn't eat anything that I put in the basket. When she kept asking I told her no, quit asking me and it's not in the budget. She replied "BUT I just saw my daddy give you some money" umm TF?!
-Also, when I ask her to clean up, it's a battle. It's always "But I wasn't playing with that...etc." *sighs* (There's other stuff, but this post is getting long lol)

Now it was my daughter, his two kids and his niece. His niece is the sweetest. She was respectful, grateful and fun to hang around. His son is the same...whatever I ask him to do...he does it without me asking twice. He's just like my SO so he isn't picky...He ate whatever I cooked, told me it was delicious and went on with his life (They have different moms). Overall, it was a great time. We played board games, built gingerbread houses, had nerf gun fights...Just bonded. (Of course my daughter acts accordingly because I raise her lol)

Anyway, what p'd me off more than anything was today...Her mom texted multiple texts complaining...She said that we starved her and wouldn't let her eat, she was scared to sleep there and I didn't comb her child's hair before she came home. She literally said "Your girlfriend sent my baby home with her hair looking any kind of way when I bet her daughter's hair is combed" She told him "I about to be a B**** now because yall don't care blah blah blah". He went OFF. He was livid. I tired to calm him down, but she struck a nerve. Now, he loves his kids and we get them on breaks from school...they both live out of two and he works crazy hours. I do not want his BM to try to keep his child away from him so I told him to just explain the situations...He said "F*** THAT" and he's not going to explain in detail exactly how we run our house and she knows we're not doing anything to harm his daughter. Now, I co-parent as well so, for a mom, I know it's hard and I try my best to give him reasonable advice from my stand-point, but this situation is working my nerves. I would really hate for this woman to keep his daughter way...but at the same time it's be a relief because I don't have to put up with the crap. I'm not sure if there's a solution to make everyone happy.

I also thought about just giving his daughter what she wants to shut her up since we don't see her all the time, but NO. I'm not going to bend my rules for a 8-year old. That wouldn't be a good example for my daughter or his son. I'm grateful that he backs me up %100 percent and stands-up for me. When he called her to go off she said something like "Your little girlfriend.." and he stopped her trolling arse immediately...He corrected her, told her to address me by name and don't even try to to bring me up like I'm the problem...In my head I'm like "yeah you tell her babe" lol! It's not a laughing situation, but I was shocked how he stood up for me before she could finish her sentence. IDK yall....

Sorry this was so long...I needed to vent.:confused:
 
In that situation, it seems the girl is picking up cues from her mother. I wouldn't doubt she coaches her or badmouths you and tells her to report back on any little thing. Petty.

I don't like drama either but one monkey don't stop the show. I don't think you dislike her but are frustrated by the way she acts.
 
MzLady78 said:
Ugh, the kid sounds kind of bratty but it also seems like there's some baby mama drama, which may be exacerbating the situation. That I absolutely would NOT do. Do you guys clash often?
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I never met her in person. She lives 6 hours away so he drives halfway to pick his daughter up and they come back home. I never even had a convo with this woman. I let him handle all that.
 
Not trying to be a d-bag but why would anyone allow an 8 yr old to be up until 4am and then expect them to be functional the next day??? An 8 year old should not be up that late.

Also, I get the whole, "my house, my rules thing", but she's 8. She needs the opportunity to get used to the way things are in another home. Kids like routine and are creatures of habit. Different rules, Dad's GF who's not my mom, all those things will take getting used to, with some extra patience I'm sure she'll get better.
 
I want to be sensitive to parents and all but really, nobody likes your kids but you. Outside of family (and even then), most people really only tolerate your children because of their feelings towards you. It really depends on the disposition of the child as to whether that toleration evolves into liking, loving or loathing. "You" are the glue that holds the bond together.

This is not just about romantic relationships either. Your best friend from jr high feels the same way.
 
I'm sorry, why was an 8 year old up until 5am trying to watch tv etc? Children need to sleep at night. Disturbed sleep may be a reason for her weight gain. No tv in the bedroom, no phones either at night. 8 year olds need at least 9-10 hours of sleep every night.

How long have you known his children? This situation sounds like a lot of work...two ex wives? You're a strong woman because I couldn't do it. I wish you the best of luck.
 
Since it
BKbeauty said:
Not trying to be a d-bag but why would anyone allow an 8 yr old to be up until 4am and then expect them to be functional the next day??? An 8 year old should not be up that late.

Also, I get the whole, "my house, my rules thing", but she's 8. She needs the opportunity to get used to the way things are in another home. Kids like routine and are creatures of habit. Different rules, Dad's GF who's not my mom, all those things will take getting used to, with some extra patience I'm sure she'll get better.
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Since it was over the holiday break we told the kids that they can watch tv until they feel asleep. We went to sleep. We didn't know she was up that late until she woke us up at 4am. And we didn't take her phone because her mom gave it to her so they can talk while she was there...was I supposed to take the phone her mom gave her and cause more confusion? No.

I also get giving her an opportunity to adjust so I was being flexible. That's why we let her keep the phone & watch tv...I'm just not going to buy whatever you want, let you eat junk and run the house. It's a difference between being flexible and letting a child run the house.
 
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