I love my SO BUT I DO NOT like his daughter.

[Much2much41]

If you loved this man i find it quite impossible to understand how you could not like his Daughter ...who is a child.

I am sorry but all you need to do is sit down have words with her and try to understand what she is going through.

Its her flesh and blood after all and i am sure at times she wishes that you were not around..after all you aint her mummy.

It's extremely possible. Trust and believe

I have a huge problem with your characterization of this 11 year-old child.

Does your man know that you feel this way about his daughter?

I was walking down the street today and heard 10-14 year olds using words I have never uttered before in my life. Children are much more difficult to handle nowadays than they used to be, especially when they are allowed to do whatever they want because a parent feels guilty because their relationship with the other parent didn't work out. Why does everyone around an unruly child have to suffer the consequences of that?

 

[Maynard]

Okay ladies I'm going to try to keep this as simple as possible. I love my man been with him for 2 yrs. he has one kid a girl curr 11 yrs old and I just don't like her. she got a smart mouth stank attitude and she's a spoiled brat! I may be in the wrong area for this but I need sum help. I really don't like this lil loud mouth trouble making ghetto kid. I feel bad because I used to adore her treated her like my own and now my skin crawls when she talks to me. I love him I even love his kid BUT I don't like her for nothing. Should I leave him becuz of it or try to stick it out?? One good thing is that she lives out of town however I gotta deal wit her every single summer. I forgot to mention that she is a two faced cry baby that is grown as hell. yaw I want to fight this lil girl like she a chick in the streets! Yaw pray for me cuz I'm really goin through and this stress cannot be good for the hair. lol

No advice..........

 

[Maynard]

If you loved this man i find it quite impossible to understand how you could not like his Daughter ...who is a child.

I am sorry but all you need to do is sit down have words with her and try to understand what she is going through.

Its her flesh and blood after all and i am sure at times she wishes that you were not around..after all you aint her mummy.

Its not impossible. She still has 50% of someone else's genes.

 

[*Happily Me*]

When I was married, we had custody of his 13 year old brother, so I'm very familiar... Trust...

and, I have about 20 nieces/nephews and 10 GREAT nieces/nephews. I know all about today's youth

I stand by there is NO reason as a adult to get sooo mad you want to fight a child.

If you find that that's happening to you, you have serious anger issues and there may be some immaturity... and you need to take care of that.

ETA -- I grew up in a blended family. My Dad remarried when i was 2 and my mom remarried when i was 13 and they're still with their spouses. and yep, it was challenging, very challenging especially with my stepdad.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

When I was married, we had custody of his 13 year old brother, so I'm very familiar... Trust...

and, I have about 20 nieces/nephews and 10 GREAT nieces/nephews. I know all about today's youth

I stand by there is NO reason as a adult to get sooo mad you want to fight a child.

If you find that that's happening to you, you have serious anger issues and there may be some immaturity... and you need to take care of that.

ETA -- I grew up in a blended family. My Dad remarried when i was 2 and my mom remarried when i was 13 and they're still with their spouses. and yep, it was challenging, very challenging especially with my stepdad.

True but I seriously think if she was that angry she would have hit the poor child already. I dont think she meant "fight" literally...but moreso along the line of slapping the litle girl in her mouth or popping her upside the head a few times....you know things that my mom did to me

 

[justNikki]

omg so have I...its a messerplexed and the fact that they KNOW that you have no place to discipline them or reprimand them makes them more bound to disrespect you because they know they can.

Anyhow I hope your SO wakes up. Because if you guys break up over this, the vicious cycle is going to continue with every woman he dates until his own daughter mentally matures or decides to get married.

I was thinking the EXACT same thing! I've been there, lawd, it's really a very tough situation to be in. If you're not getting support from your SO, then you probably feel like the bad guy in this situation. Maybe a break is what you need. Maybe, you have to distance yourself from her (like avoiding being around when she's around).

It took me being in this situation to realize what was up with all of the distant step parents I knew, you know...the ones that aren't always very involved with the children. It's very hard to like and love someone that is not your own child that treats you like *ish on a daily basis. Very hard.

 

[Ms. Vea]

Hey ladies, when I said that I wanted to fight her I wasnt meaning like beat the little girl down, I mean like one of the sisters said slapping her butt in the mouth. Yesterday we dropped her off at her Aunts house and when we were leaving out she jumped on me and gave me a hug and a kiss then said and you better not wipe it off either. I felt bad because I wanted to embrace her and but at the same time I felt like she was faking so that her Dad would think we were coo. I really think that me and her can get back to how we used to be once she realizes I am not the emeny o yeah her aunt got on her too and told her that she was too fast and grown and needs to stay in a childs place. The aunt is married into the family btw.

 

[IntoMyhair]

I did not have this problem with my DH's kids. When we where S/O's and the kids lived with us or visited from time to time it was cool. When they lived with us i had no problem punishing them. Though this was far between. Mt stepson mainly got punished for messing up in school. If they came to stay for weeks at a time during the summer they had chores rules and all that. If they where only staying a few days everything was more laid back.
I never put my hands on them though that i would never do because they where not my birth kids. But a stay in your room no tv/cable those things i did do.

My 13 year old Step DD is coming over this sunday. She will be here for about a week. I have never had a problem out of her. But she is different with her mother. Her mom always used to ask me she don't do this around you guys or act this way around yall. There is a side of her we have never seen. She has always looked at our home as a vacation spot lol.

Now with my step DS when he lived with us from 15/17 he became more of a problem for his father. That was not my field i would just talk to him.
Now he is 18 and there relationship is a whole lot better. Those 2 years they almost came to blows. We had him before when he was 12 we should have kept him. But his mom worked her mommy magic.


I tell you i would love to take care of my step DD hair. Her hair is Finger snaps long. Her mom has told me on more than one occasion that she wished she new how to take care of hair like i do. I would love to have her but DH and I have agreed that no more kids will come live with us. Only to go back to there moms or be so set in there ways. That they can not be molded.

Thanks LHCF!

 

[DragonPearl]

Hey ladies, when I said that I wanted to fight her I wasnt meaning like beat the little girl down, I mean like one of the sisters said slapping her butt in the mouth. Yesterday we dropped her off at her Aunts house and when we were leaving out she jumped on me and gave me a hug and a kiss then said and you better not wipe it off either. I felt bad because I wanted to embrace her and but at the same time I felt like she was faking so that her Dad would think we were coo. I really think that me and her can get back to how we used to be once she realizes I am not the emeny o yeah her aunt got on her too and told her that she was too fast and grown and needs to stay in a childs place. The aunt is married into the family btw.

Maybe she was faking it, maybe she wasn't. I'd say give her the benefit of the doubt. Children are quite changeable, dreadful 1 minute, adorable the next.

Try to not get involved in disciplining her, but insists that she should respect you. If her behavior toward you is different when you're alone and when dad is present, then MINIMIZE the alone time with her. Don't be the one babysitting her, let dad or someone else do it, I don't care, find some excuse to not do it. That will keep your blood pressure down. Overtime, things might get easier if she doesn't get to be evil to you in private.

 

[MizAvalon]

At eleven years old, my little sister ran away from home for a year. These kids now are bad as hell.

Leave sweetheart. If her family is reinforcing the bad behavior, it will drive you crazy. Before I met my husband I dated a man with FOUR kids. But you know what, they were GREAT kids and really well-behaved. They respected me and my role. But they were all under the age of 10 so whose knows what the pre-teen/teen years would have been like.

OMG!! That's awful!

Where did she go for an entire year?

 

[chocolatemom_of_3]

OMG!! That's awful!

Where did she go for an entire year?

The streets and various homes of friends and boyfriends. That ***** is a hustler, through and through. I told my parents to put her *** in private school for middle school but they didn't listen. That chick was born with head like cement, and I saw the issues coming since she was two. People are amazed when they find out we have both the same parents because we are night and damn day.

 

[~marti26.]

Hey Ms.Vea. After reading your posts and several of the others, I think that what needs to be evaluated is the relationship with the man itself. I say that because (and this is just my opinion)2 years seems to be enough time to decide if you really want to be with someone. You need to decide if anything (within reason) could make you leave, or if you are in it for the long haul, because if you were married to him you would have to put your heads together ( SO and yourself) and maybe even her mom, and decide how to combat the situation. The dd may not fully embrace you until you get married. KWIM. Who knows what she's had to go through with women or even men from her mom, coming and going. You're an adult and you're afraid to believe that she was being sincere in giving you a kiss, so just imagine her as a child trying to guard her heart against you, whom could leave at any time. I don't know if I was clear in what I was trying to say, but I hope that helps in some small way.

 

[chocolatemom_of_3]

When I was married, we had custody of his 13 year old brother, so I'm very familiar... Trust...

and, I have about 20 nieces/nephews and 10 GREAT nieces/nephews. I know all about today's youth

I stand by there is NO reason as a adult to get sooo mad you want to fight a child.

If you find that that's happening to you, you have serious anger issues and there may be some immaturity... and you need to take care of that.

ETA -- I grew up in a blended family. My Dad remarried when i was 2 and my mom remarried when i was 13 and they're still with their spouses. and yep, it was challenging, very challenging especially with my stepdad.

Okay. My husband was both a juvenille probation officer and an adult probation officer. You ain't lived through NOTHING until you truly see some of these devil spawn in action. Some of the kids now will go after an adult like they are grown and act like there are no consequences.

I tell my nine-year-old on the regular, "Son, watch your weight. Stepping to me like an adult when get the appropiate response. Ask your aunties." My sister was an eleven-year-old runaway. If my parents had kept into her behind like they did me, the story might have been different. That decision affects ALL of our lives to this day.

 

[justNikki]

Maybe she was faking it, maybe she wasn't. I'd say give her the benefit of the doubt. Children are quite changeable, dreadful 1 minute, adorable the next.

Try to not get involved in disciplining her, but insists that she should respect you. If her behavior toward you is different when you're alone and when dad is present, then MINIMIZE the alone time with her. Don't be the one babysitting her, let dad or someone else do it, I don't care, find some excuse to not do it. That will keep your blood pressure down. Overtime, things might get easier if she doesn't get to be evil to you in private.

ITA with this.

 

[Curlee_lurker]

My mom just got out of a situation like this. The death of their relationship being the disrespect the daughter continued to show and the lack of care that the father showed. It drove my mom sick, she had a bad bought with her arthritis, which had been gone for years. My mom looks to be about 20 years older than she looked 5 years ago.

This girl was honestly one of the worst people I've met in my life. She is EVIL. She made my mom's life a living hell and her father did absolutely nothing to stop it.

The breaking point being when she moved out of my mom's house with no notice, leaving behind all of her trash in her bedroom. The father knew about it, condoned it, and would even tell my mom that now he had somewhere to go if she put him out. He got his wish

But I'd say if you can't handle it now and he won't do anything about it, it's not worth it. She will see that her behavior is acceptable and no matter what she will continue to treat you like the punk that her father has shown you to be. Her number one goal will be to destroy your relationship so she can have all of her father's attention. I've been in two step-family situations and the girls (except me, I had too much other things going on to care either way and my mom has a bad habit of choosing men over her kids so it's no use to fight) were always trying to push my mother out of the situation.

 

[NYAmicas]

I'm sorry you're going through this OP and I hope I dont encounter the same. I have a 7 year old step-daughter myself and she is getting a bit too big for her briches. Many times I feel like I have to be on the offensive because some of the things she says I know came from her mother (who spies on us) and that she's being obnoxious on purpose. Sometimes she's pleasant and others she's just downright rude. I dont put my hands on other people's children and I leave the discipling to her father when she's here but I see so many potential problems with her. She's very sneaky, does not know a child's place (man do I sound old), and is unbelievably selfish and inconsiderate. I feel bad because I prefer my stepson who is loads easier to deal with. I definitely dont want to hurt the relationship between her and her father and DH and I did have a big talk about it. I'll have to wait and see how things progress.

 

[NYAmicas]

Reading some of these posts, my mom had it pretty daggone easy!
When she divorced my dad my brother and I never gave her any problems. Heck, we even encouraged her to go on dates! We were only 7 and 6 and I remember us teasing her about some guy who ended up being our stepfather. Too bad he ended up being a jerk. But even once they were married and he turned our lives upside down we were always respectful. Some of the things I'm reading, we would have gotten CHECKED if we even thought about that. None of that, he's not my dad going on in our household.
When my dad got married, we were happy for him as well and I had no problems with my step-mom.
They had it easy!

 

[aqualung]

Original poster, you should send the little girl EITHER to her mom OR boarding school OR summer camps ALWAYS. Until she's old enough to "make nice," she shouldn't be exposed to you. If you live with her, you will BOTH waste time tormenting each other. Spare yourself and spare her.
If you and her dad can NOT afford boarding school, then don't marry this man. Butt the f!ck out.

Sistaslick, your mother has incredibly bad discretion. What grown woman in her right mind would let a man into her home to dominate her and her children like that? Controlling? Try abusive. High school seniors need to eat and stay up to do their homework. The neighbors shouldn't have to miss cell phone calls because of his antics.

daughter lives with mom and me n mom used to have an understanding where she wanted me to step in and help out with the daughter.
I have two children so I don't talk crazy to her I don't put my hands on her and I don't tell her what to do becuz I don't want anyone mistreating mine. I have a 8 yr old son and a 3 yr old girl and I make my kids show all adults and even their peers RESPECT. I told her u can talk crazy to everybody else but not me cuz I deserve and demand respect.

I would not try to help raise some man's child or try to induce her to show me respect.
Don't invest any time or effort away from your own kids if he hasn't proposed yet.
You are not getting paid to be a nanny, and you are not the stepmom.
Just mind your own kids.
When IS the wedding?

 

[kurlybella]

i have heard this too many times before.

run. no really, run fast now.

 

[Evolving78]

i would run as fast as i could from that relationship!

 

[MissYocairis]

I don't know what to tell you. But like someone else said...just know that at ANY TIME she could move to town for good. Maybe it's just a phase that she's going through?

Do you and her father live in the same house? Because if so, you all may need to establish some rules about her behavior in the household. Maybe you could mention some of the challenges (not TELL on her or complain about her) that you are having in your relationship with her and get his feedback. Make sure he knows that it's truly important to you to have a good, loving relationship with his kid.

Ultimately, if all fails I'm afraid you have no choice but move on to another relationship. I know that would be so hard to do...but it works out like that sometimes.

This entire post...AGREED!

That's his baby and anything could happen and he end up with her 24/7. Trust and BELIEVE I have seen it happen.

You are going to have to put in WORK in your relationship with her....this includes establishing rules of the household and building a friendship. If you aren't willing to do that, then you gotta roll out.