I tricked him into marrying me and he found out SMH

Almaz

Almaz

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Deceiving someone you don’t love into marriage is a bad idea, says Dr. Saltz


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By Dr. Gail Saltz
TODAYShow.com contributor
updated 1:39 p.m. PT, Wed., Nov . 18, 2009

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Dr. Gail Saltz
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Q. My husband is divorcing me because he found out that I used my position as his former secretary to cause a breakup with his old girlfriend, who was his one true love. They were happy together and really in love. I know this because I used to spy on them. I used what I knew to drive a wedge between them with distortions and deception.
A month ago, they got together for a heart-to-heart talk about their breakup, and figured out I was the culprit behind it.
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My husband also knows that I don't love him at all. He overheard me telling my best friend that I married him only for financial gain and social convenience.
We have a good life together: travel, family, a business and a small son. Our friends envy our lifestyle. I am good to his family, if only for appearances.
Personally, I believe that marriage is about social and monetary convenience, not about love. I will never divorce him, since I am a faithful Christian woman who doesn’t believe in divorce. I am well-known and admired in my community.
My husband plans to reconcile with this other woman once he divorces me. He never stopped loving her, and she still loves him. I don't get what he sees in her. She is just a silly, nerdy, chubby woman who doesn't go to church, and doesn't need him since she makes her own money and has a career as a lawyer.
I do need him. He pays for everything, I am a traditional woman, with traditional values — a good, moral Christian lady who never cheated on him. Besides, marriage is good for children and we have a son. I am already his wife and it is not important how our marriage started. Marriage is marriage. How do I get him to stay?
A. You claim to be a good, moral Christian? I seriously wonder what those words mean to you.
You have been deceptive and conniving, intervening to destroy this couple’s love, and then marrying and having a child for social and monetary gain. There seems to be little that’s good, moral or Christian about you. Regular church attendance, while lying and betraying others, does not make one a good or moral Christian.
I usually maintain a non-judgmental stance, but your letter presents a clear matter of right and wrong. How do you get your husband to stay? I have no advice for you. There is nothing you can or should do at this point. In fact, I hope your husband leaves as soon as his lawyer can make that happen.
It is unfortunate that you seem to have no idea about what is meaningful in life. It seems that your narcissism so consumes you that you are incapable of loving someone other than yourself. Everything about your letter cries out, “It’s all about me. Me, me, me.” I doubt that you are able to see the world from anybody else’s standpoint.
Now, you don’t want to lose your meal ticket, but it looks like that is on the verge of happening. I can only hope that your little boy will be well cared for and that you will now be aware of the darkness of your heart and truly inspired to make some changes.
Clearly, your soon-to-be-ex-husband has now uncovered your deception, and knows that you not only set out to destroy his previous relationship, but you also have no love for him.
Though marriage may mean social and monetary gain for you, that is not what it means to everybody. Even though you were fine with having a marriage devoid of love, your husband was not. Despite your ability to be very successful as a wily conniver, you sound extremely unlovable.
Now, you have little choice but to face up to the fact that the future wife, who appears to you to be a silly, nerdy, chubby, non-churchgoing lawyer, has a whole lot more going for her than you have going for you. Your deprecating description of her has no bearing on reality, which might well be that she is a kind, loving, intelligent person who makes your husband happy.
According to what you have written, your husband’s departure is the best thing for him, your son and his future wife.
Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: Deceiving somebody you don’t love into marriage is a bad idea, and it’s not surprising when a marriage based on trickery doesn’t survive.​
 
How can one be tricked into marrying someone?

If his ex was truly the love of his life, I don't think a secretary could change that.

He only has himself to blame.
 
That chick is twisted and cold hearted. I have never understood trapping someone into marriage. Why would you even want to be married to someone who didn't truly want to marry you?
 
Pretty Star said:
That chick is twisted and cold hearted. I have never understood trapping someone into marriage. Why would you even want to be married to someone who didn't truly want to marry you?
Click to expand...

Yeah that's just cruel, using him like a slave, but she also tricked herself out of finding her own true love, so she basically messed up 4 lives. And she's got the gaul to call herself a christian, blasphemy wow just cause you go to church doesn't mean you're saved.
 
FlowerHair said:
How can one be tricked into marrying someone?

If his ex was truly the love of his life, I don't think a secretary could change that.

He only has himself to blame.
Click to expand...

It can happen. It does not sound like the secretary changed his love for his ex. She drove a wedge between them. There are some things love can't conquer.

Women trick men into marrying them all the time. She find out what he wants to hear and tell him that. She could make herself out to be the perfect woman under false pretense. He probably fell for it because he was hurt and on the rebound.
 
If I were her husband I would be very afraid. She is obviously conniving, vindictive and cruel to cause him pain just so she could swoop in. He should get divorced and file for joint or full custody before she poisons their son literally or figuretively. She may be a Christian but she is not behaving like it. She has obviously lost her way. If she wanted a marraige of convenience she should have let him know or found a willing party.
 
I am mad she added the "I am a faithful Christian woman." If you were so faithful, you would trust in your OWN abilities to make money and not have duped a man into marrying you.
 
FlowerHair said:
How can one be tricked into marrying someone?

If his ex was truly the love of his life, I don't think a secretary could change that.

He only has himself to blame.
Click to expand...


THANK YOU!

No one can make you do anything unless you allow him to. His dumbas* was probably p***y whipped and felt for the okey doke. Idiot :lol:
 
Let me just add that I don't agree with her helping to cause the break up but she got the man. Even if she didn't love him she did what she thought was best for her and more women should do that. But I'm one who doesn't believe love should be #1 on the list when it comes to marriage. I think she did good, she just should have never uttered the word "I married him only for financial gain and social convenience", keep that to yourself. You ain't gotta tell everybody how you feel.
 
I don't believe you can be "tricked" into getting married. It's either you do or you don't. He's the one who opened his mouth and said those vows. Not only that, but "he" allowed her to come in between his previous relationship.... She can't do anything that he don't allow. Besides, she was his secretary... and if he was that "in love" with the previous woman...why didn't he just fire the secretary? :perplexed IMO
 
Beyond messy. *smh*

But I agree - she didn't "trick" nothing. That fool opened his mouth and said "I do." She's wrong as hell, and I hope he divorces her, but he was stupid for letting old girl get between him and the first chick in the first place.
 
Lucia said:
Really, OMG! how did HE let this happen to him?
Click to expand...

She probably told him that she was pregnant at the time and he fell for it. :(
At least now he's trying to unravel his mistake, and get rid of her. Sadly, they will always be bound because of the child. Her "Christianity" is questionable at best. I can't believe how evil 'moral' people are sometimes. Wanting to be equally-yoked is one thing, but blaming 'being traditional' on her gold-digger ways is heinous. Hopefully, her divorce will put everything into perspective.
 
I think you can absolutely trick someone into marrying you. Maybe its his fault and it makes him weak but it happens all the time. She admitted that she lied to drive a wedge between them. We don't know the timing of the breakup, marriage, and the birth of their son but I'm guessing that she strongly encouraged him to break off all communication with the ex and move on. This allowed her lies to go uncovered for this long and gave her the opportunity to make her move and get knocked up. There are still men that will marry a woman that they barely like because they want to do right by their children. She probably pretended to be everything he wanted in a woman until they walked down the aisle.

She is a conniving woman so this isn't a stretch. She played the game and she lost. In reality, they would have ended up divorcing even if he hadn't overheard her saying that she only married for financial gain and social status. A loveless marriage only works when you feel you have no options. Since he never got over the ex, it was only a matter of time.
 
Black Ambrosia said:
I think you can absolutely trick someone into marrying you. Maybe its his fault and it makes him weak but it happens all the time. She admitted that she lied to drive a wedge between them. We don't know the timing of the breakup, marriage, and the birth of their son but I'm guessing that she strongly encouraged him to break off all communication with the ex and move on. This allowed her lies to go uncovered for this long and gave her the opportunity to make her move and get knocked up. There are still men that will marry a woman that they barely like because they want to do right by their children. She probably pretended to be everything he wanted in a woman until they walked down the aisle.

She is a conniving woman so this isn't a stretch. She played the game and she lost. In reality, they would have ended up divorcing even if he hadn't overheard her saying that she only married for financial gain and social status. A loveless marriage only works when you feel you have no options. Since he never got over the ex, it was only a matter of time.
Click to expand...

He fell for it, yes, but the bolded was this chick's strategy. That's why we are always told communication is necessary for the health of a marriage. Once she cut him off from the ex she fed his mind with all sorts of things she knew would further alienate him from his ex.:nono:
 
^^^ Yes, it can, (in terms of the deception part). Happens all da time..
I'm just surprised that this woman was so bold about her deception though.
 
Honestly, so many ridiculous things are happening today that I can't question it's validity, cause it's probably true. Men can marry women for STUPID reasons, IMO, such as the following:

she got that good stuff
i love the way she wears her hair (yeah, i know this is LHCF)
she's ligh/dark-skinned
i get head every morning

You get my point. Not saying that being the bomb in bed, having cute hairstyles, being a certain complexion or having great oral skills are necessarily bad things, but you should marry for deeper, spiritual reasons.

Some people can be friends or marry someone who's messy and not have a problem with it, until it the mess involves them. I think you should carefully observe how a potential friend or suitor treat others, especially if they are in a position where they can utilize information about you or others for their benefit, to gauge their integrity.

The relationship probably wasn't as strong as it needed to be, which is probably why it fell apart, but I'm sure a lack of proper communication played a part in its demise.
 
When someone has to TELL me they are a Christian I back up ten paces because what that means is that their behavior will tell me otherwise.

This is wrong on so many levels. She not only give Christians a bad name, but women in general.

Goodness.
 
This is the most awesome letter I've read in a long time.

This chick needs her own show, a book deal and whatever the hell else she wants.

I am but a mere moth drawn to the forest fire sized flames of her bi-chery

:kneel:
 
What an evil woman who is Christian in name only. If she had a personal relationship with Christ, she wouldn't use vindictive lies to get her husband. The old saying goes you can't keep what isn't yours. Unfortunately a child is involved in this situation. That's why I believe in checking folks out thoroughly. I hope he had her sign a pre-nup in his case.
 
Almaz said:
By Dr. Gail Saltz
TODAYShow.com contributor
updated 1:39 p.m. PT, Wed., Nov . 18, 2009

byline_today.gif

nbc_saltz_gail.thumb.jpg
Dr. Gail Saltz
TODAY Contributor
• Profile
• E-mail



Q. My husband is divorcing me because he found out that I used my position as his former secretary to cause a breakup with his old girlfriend, who was his one true love. They were happy together and really in love. I know this because I used to spy on them. I used what I knew to drive a wedge between them with distortions and deception.
A month ago, they got together for a heart-to-heart talk about their breakup, and figured out I was the culprit behind it.
Story continues below ↓ advertisement | your ad here


My husband also knows that I don't love him at all. He overheard me telling my best friend that I married him only for financial gain and social convenience.
We have a good life together: travel, family, a business and a small son. Our friends envy our lifestyle. I am good to his family, if only for appearances.
Personally, I believe that marriage is about social and monetary convenience, not about love. I will never divorce him, since I am a faithful Christian woman who doesn’t believe in divorce. I am well-known and admired in my community.
My husband plans to reconcile with this other woman once he divorces me. He never stopped loving her, and she still loves him. I don't get what he sees in her. She is just a silly, nerdy, chubby woman who doesn't go to church, and doesn't need him since she makes her own money and has a career as a lawyer.
I do need him. He pays for everything, I am a traditional woman, with traditional values — a good, moral Christian lady who never cheated on him. Besides, marriage is good for children and we have a son. I am already his wife and it is not important how our marriage started. Marriage is marriage. How do I get him to stay?
Click to expand...

@ the bolded, what freakin' nerve! Maybe he sees in her someone who is not deceptive and who loves him for him and not just the lifestyle he can provide her.
 
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