I never thought it would happen..

Misshairdiva

Misshairdiva

Well-Known Member
Where do I start? 4 years ago I had my big beautiful wedding. My dh was a dream come true. That was until this April when I found out that he had a side chick that he had been pumping on a steady while working overseas for the last FIVE years!!! In addition to that, he had made.. (drum roll plez..) one million dollars and came home broke. How do you make a million in five years and come home for good broke is beyond me. As if that wasn't enough when I told him in a fit of anger that I should cheat on him like he did me he began to CHOKE me so hard that my ears, throat and neck hurt for DAYS on end. That was the last straw for me. Now, he is crying the blues every day because I told him when he gets a job I want a divorce. I would have never in a million years four years ago thought my life would come to this. I am 38 and he is 55. I feel like I am too young for this old mans foolishness. I have started into a business to start to become selfseffient (ok yeah I know its spelled wrong). I hate the fact that this was a man who was the head guy in the military and everyone "thought" he was the perfect model husband/citizen.
OK.. that's all for now.. advice?
 
((hugs))

First thing I'd do is sprint off to friends, family, trip away to collect my thoughts, plans..

Take care of you, cus it seems he's certainly been caring for himself...FIRST..

Time to get real..

Mo' hugs....:)
 
@Misshairdiva
Lawd. What Did He Do With All That Money? Where Did It Go? To The Side Chick?:perplexed.
((((((HUGS))))))
I'm Sorry You Are Going Through This OP. Take Care Of Yourself First.

ETA: This Help Me When I Was Going Through It With My Ex-Husband.

1. Close All Bank Accounts And Credit Cards You Two Have Together.
2. Have An Enmergency Fund.
3. Pack An Emergency Bag.......SSC, Birth Certificate Etc.
4. Get A Restraining Order (This Man Put His Hands On You).

:nono:This Is Just All Kinds Of Wrong. (SMDH)
 
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I'm so sorry about your ordeal. :grouphug: I can only imagine how it feels and what I would have done to this man. :censored: :nono:
He is going to lose a lot more than he can imagine by losing you by his side.

Sent from my PG86100
 
My goodness, you've been through a lot lately... I'm so, so sorry.

You don't have to wait for him to find a job to divorce him. The choking thing is no joke!

Put yourself first as the others have said here, you should not have to sleep with one eye open.

:bighug:
 
Grrrrlllll, you could have knocked me over with a feather over this one.

How did you find out about the million dollars? Are his tax payments up to date at least? You don't want to leave, finding out that he owes money to the gubment. Since you're married, unfortunately his bills are your bills. Also, don't let him know that once he finds something that you're out, because he'll drag his feet for the longest. I am so sorry that you're going through this, but you're strong, you'll bounce back. :yep:
 
All I can stay is get an order of protection against him. if he was mad enough to do that to you I woulf be afraid of what he would be next. Please take care and be safe

From this crazy android
 
I'm really sorry you are going through this. hugs to you
I really don't understand why men propose if they are unwilling to be husbands. His behaviour is appalling and in these times of STD's and HIV, it's baffling why he would have a side chick (he obviously wasn't wrapping it up for 5 whole yrs) and put you at risk of catching all types of nastiness. and then he gets physical wth you? and shortchanges you out of money?? You are better off without him. Take his arse to the cleaners.
Speak to a lawyer and find out what your next move should be.
 
Misshairdiva
:( very sorry to hear this. you need to leave him right now, not only did he cheat but he could have killed you cause he put his hands on you. you need to find a good divorce attorney in your area and go forth with filling papers that you are offically separated from this fool. take a vacay and surround yourself with the uncondtional love of friends and family.
here's some suggested reads:
iyanla vanzant: piece from broken pieces,until today, yesterday i cried, in the meantime, faith in the valley, acts of faith, etc.

louise hay: you can heal your life, the power is within you,anger releasing.....( i also highly recommend getting all of these as audiobooks and listening to them while going to sleep, getting ready in the morning and driving around town.)

wayne dyer:change your thoughts, change your life the power of intention, the shift, being in balance, etc.

i know you're devastated, hurting and angry but you will get through this. hit the gym and yoga class as well...mediate and pray lots.....when we get into situations like this its often times a way to teach us lessons about ourselves/life....as women we often don't see the warning signals cause we're in a fairytale world and look through rose colored glasses. had you worked though previous issues you may have had with men prior to him, including if you had any with your father? this s*it right here is one of the reasons why i won't date a man in the military.
know that you are loved and we're here for you:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:
 
Wow, you were MIA in for a while. I had no idea this was going on.

I would suggest you get out if you can, he choked you. Plus from what I understand from your past posts you live kind of back in the woods, off the beaten path. Please go.

I will keep you in my prayer and for God to keep you covered.
 
I'm so sorry you are going through all this.....
I would also, once you have talked to an attorney, see EXACTLY where that money went. Shoot he could be hiding it somewhere...:pray: and :bighug:
 
I am sooo sorry to hear this. I couldn't fathom finding out my dh came home broke after he has been living it up overseas and cheating.

He wasn't thinking about you when he was having his fun so you shouldn't think about him. Don't wait until he gets a job. Leave his butt the same way he came home BROKE.
 
Wow I felt really sad reading your post, what a nightmare---he's lucky you didn't choke him.

Are you two living together? There is no way he could live with me after choking me---I would have called the cops and had him arrested.

How dare he put his hands on you and he's the one in the wrong :nono:
 
Choking you? He needs to be in jail. I hope you report him. I wouldn't believe anything he told me about his ex-wife either if I were you. He was probably doing the same things to her. Military men have a reputation for stepping out when they are deployed.
 
southerncitygirl said:
@Misshairdiva
:( very sorry to hear this. you need to leave him right now, not only did he cheat but he could have killed you cause he put his hands on you. you need to find a good divorce attorney in your area and go forth with filling papers that you are offically separated from this fool. take a vacay and surround yourself with the uncondtional love of friends and family.
here's some suggested reads:
iyanla vanzant: piece from broken pieces,until today, yesterday i cried, in the meantime, faith in the valley, acts of faith, etc.

louise hay: you can heal your life, the power is within you,anger releasing.....( i also highly recommend getting all of these as audiobooks and listening to them while going to sleep, getting ready in the morning and driving around town.)

wayne dyer:change your thoughts, change your life the power of intention, the shift, being in balance, etc.
Click to expand...

I concur about this book, it helped me get to the very core of the things I needed to know most in order to transform my own life from within.

 
Yikes! I am really sorry that you had to go through this. Please do not allow this experience to embitter you or retaliate. Do what you need to put yourself first. Limit contact with him as he has proven to be physically abusive. Don't get down on yourself, you CAN and WILL get past this. I am hear if you'd like to chat/vent. (((HUGS)))
 
I am really sorry that this has happened to you. Please have a plan B & C, because if he has already gotten violent with you - he may resort to this again when you try to leave.
Look into shelters, or start saving your money for a place to stay. But, be prepared to leave in the middle of the night, because I don't think that he will just let you leave without a fight. Protect your children also, don't assume that he would never harm them.
 
I've read your posts for a long time, so forgive me if I feel like i know you. I am giving you a virtual hug. I cannot even imagine what you are going through right now. I'm angry for you and want you to know that you didn't deserve what he did. He is not worthy of you. You are young and gorgeous. Take what's left of his money and take care of yourself.
 
I remember you being so happy and now this. Get out. Flick him getting a job and get a good atty to document the money trail. Broke? Yeah up until the divorce then suddenly by the Grace of the Devil he gets a wind fall of about a million dollars. No mam.

(((Hugs to you)))) you haven't posted an update but I hope all is well this Christmas day!
 
Update: DH STILL hasn't got a job yet.. he had to sell his motorcycle, jewerly and truck because he could not afford to pay the bills. I am looking for a job while I have my two side businesses and I am just focusing on myself. The next thing is dh will have to file for bankruptsy because without a job his military pay is not enough to cover the bills. Part of me thinks that he is intentionally not looking for employment because he knows I want to divorce him. I am to the point like whatever.. today I will call a bankruptsy attorney for HIM so they wont put a lean on my house. (my name is on the deed but not the mortgage thank God!)
 
Misshairdiva, im sooo sorry to hear about this, and all you had to go through. I would have definately filed charges, cause that is abuse what he did. You sound like a gem, you dont deserve this kind of treatment. I wish you the best on what ever your choices are. Be kind to yourself and take care. Prayers are with you.
 
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