I need to DATE!!!!

[DragonPearl]

Off-topic, but that article is really the author projecting her own feelings onto Michelle.

Michelle didn't initially have problems with Barack because she thought he was a dork. Barack was the one, in his autobiography, who talked about how he looked like a dork, but Michelle's concern was that she didn't want to date a co-worker that she was supervising and she also didn't want dating to get in the way of her rising up the corporate ladder.

From the New Yorker...

Michelle and Barack met at Sidley & Austin, when she was assigned to advise him during a summer job. Michelle’s co-workers warned her that the summer associate was cute. “I figured that they were just impressed with any black man with a suit and a job,” she later told Barack. Over her protestations—she felt that dating someone she worked with would be “tacky,” her brother recalls—Barack began to court his boss. “She took me to one or two parties,” Barack writes, “tactfully overlooking my limited wardrobe, and she even tried to set me up with a couple of her friends.” Before the end of the summer, he’d got her to agree to go out for a movie—Spike Lee’s “Do the Right Thing”—and an ice-cream cone at Baskin-Robbins. Vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard in 2004, Barack met Spike Lee at a reception. As Michelle has recalled, he told Lee, “I owe you a lot,” because, during the movie, Michelle had allowed him to touch her knee.

What I liked about the quote in red is that Michelle tried to set him up with some of her friends. I am going to say this, Black women don't do enough matchmaking for each other. If you know a decent man and you're not interested in him, perhaps he might be a perfect fit for someone else and see if you can set him up with your girlfriends. There is good karma in trying to spread love around.

 

[LivingDol1]

re: bold. I used to think to myself, "why am I not meeting (many) guys?" etc. I didn't see what in the world I was doing wrong and thought it was something to do with me even thought I'd upped my hair, skin, body etc game and had become more confident.

When I analysed things closely, I realised I actually just wasn't putting myself out there. I thought I was putting myself forward by going to house-parties, bbqs, turning up to work or school look, going to the bar/club with friends, just being outside. I really thought it was enough. Eh...not so much . Sure, I was meeting guys and getting checked out at these places but the pool of men was limited. Therefore, there was an increased chance that the guys interested in me weren't really the ones I was feeling that much. It seems like you're running across the same thing.

I thought about how people really met their SO (typically though university clubs etc) and realised that I never put myself in those situations whilst at school. Now that I've finished, it seems like my best chances of meeting the guys who have similar interests in me would be to join classes, clubs etc. You get the chance to build up rapport and attraction to someone and get to know their character better. The guys approaching me on the street or the bar aren't really the ones that I want to be with.

well i guess i'm f*cked because i went to an all girls catholic school for high school and then i went to Parsons School of Design.... fashion = girls and gay. ugh. i guess this is how i get punished for pursuing something i actually feel passion for.... maybe i should have stayed home in DC and got a normal job and had my mother set me up with so & so, son of Doctor and Mrs. such and such...

i took a photography class last year right after my last break up in order to "get myself out there" but when i saw my classmates, i felt like there was no shot in hell. everyone in the class was older, or female, or gay men.

my interests just flat out don't put me in places where there are straight men. i don't like sports... i'd never watch it on my free time if i had a choice. i don't rock climb. i'm not into those sorts of sporty activities and don't care for them. i'm a girly girl! i like to go see live music, shop, see movies, make things, and do yoga and pilates. not super girly but where the hell are the guys who like at least one thing that i like?

so bothered.... the last guy i dated, i had a ton in common with but he's sort of suspect. i think he's gay and doesn't know it yet. the guy i dated before him, we had absolutely nothing in common and in the end, i have no idea why i was with him to begin with.

 

[princessnad]

^^ If you aren't looking for a gay guy you may want to switch up your activities...




What is your type by the way, physically and otherwise?

 

[hopeful]

LivingDol1, don't give up. You are beautiful and passionate. I know there is a guy out there who would adore you. You don't have to love sports and he doesn't have to love theatre. When you love someone you go places and do things you think you don't like because you enjoy their company. Don't psyche yourself out, there is someone out there who will think you are amazing.

 

[MizAvalon]

My single friends who live in NYC all say that it's so hard to meet someone in the city. Oddly enough, whenever I'm here I'm always meeting men. But I guess meeting men is different from dating leading to relationships and marriage.

I just went speed dating two days ago and it was a lot of fun. I'd definitely recommend it OP. Try looking on moxieinthecity.com for event listings. Also, what types of activities are you involved in? If you like to run, I suggest joining NYRR (New York Road Runners) because they have races every weekend and group runs as well. Meetup.com can put you on to different groups focused on your particular interests as well. Oh, and I highly recommend spending time at sports bars. They are a treasure trove of good looking, STRAIGHT men.

Did you get any matches from speed dating? I am trying to get up the nerve to try that.

I am also going to try the sports bar.

 

[MizAvalon]

Going out in groups is a hard way to meet new people. 1, you feel very comfortable not meeting anyone new because you have your friends to talk to, you aren't forced to try to talk to someone else. 2, strangers feel less comfortable to approach a girl in a pack.

When you go to a bar, spend some time at the actual bar. this is where most new convos are started. if you're meeting friends, get there early so you'll have some time without them, and be chatty with other folks hanging out at the bar.

I agree with this. Men seem to not like approaching a group of women. I have had the best luck when I am either alone or with just one friend.

 

[Bunny77]

well i guess i'm f*cked because i went to an all girls catholic school for high school and then i went to Parsons School of Design.... fashion = girls and gay. ugh. i guess this is how i get punished for pursuing something i actually feel passion for.... maybe i should have stayed home in DC and got a normal job and had my mother set me up with so & so, son of Doctor and Mrs. such and such...

i took a photography class last year right after my last break up in order to "get myself out there" but when i saw my classmates, i felt like there was no shot in hell. everyone in the class was older, or female, or gay men.

my interests just flat out don't put me in places where there are straight men. i don't like sports... i'd never watch it on my free time if i had a choice. i don't rock climb. i'm not into those sorts of sporty activities and don't care for them. i'm a girly girl! i like to go see live music, shop, see movies, make things, and do yoga and pilates. not super girly but where the hell are the guys who like at least one thing that i like?

so bothered.... the last guy i dated, i had a ton in common with but he's sort of suspect. i think he's gay and doesn't know it yet. the guy i dated before him, we had absolutely nothing in common and in the end, i have no idea why i was with him to begin with.

Okay, I'll preface this by saying that I'm a super sporty girl who works in the sports industry (but very feminine as well), so you can take some of my thoughts with a grain of salt.

I wouldn't suggest that you change yourself or fake liking something that you don't... BUT I'd suggest that you at least occassionally consider doing some things that will put you in the company of men. Something's got to give somewhere... you are perfectly entitled to liking what you like and you should continue them, but since we're discussing ways to meet straight men, you might have to temporarily do some things that you don't "think" you'll like.

Even the most enlightened straight men that I know aren't into most of the things that you like. A guy I'm dating now will do Pilates for about 30 minutes... then go and play golf all day.

I was once into another guy who was very artistic... and then was into running/hiking/watching sports even more.

I don't think that most of us are going to find our "clone," but the key is to find a man who supports you doing what you like -- even if he doesn't have any interest in doing it himself. And then you have to accept that he'll go off and do his guy stuff (hey, maybe you can do it at the same time!)... as long as you two make time for each other once you're done doing your own things!

Oh, and I'm with the ladies who believe you should give those other guys a chance.

 

[LivingDol1]

^^ If you aren't looking for a gay guy you may want to switch up your activities...




What is your type by the way, physically and otherwise?

straight guys like live music... i wasn't specifically thinking about theater.

i suppose my "type" is the creative type. painter, film guy, actor/musician... physically, i prefer men who are taller than 5'8" and i don't think that's being too picky. i've always dated white guys but i'd be open to dating other races. i just don't come across them in my environment. i prefer guys with a slim build. i tend to go for the cute/pretty guy or the rugged tattooed bad boy. both are probably bad.

 

[LivingDol1]

LivingDol1, don't give up. You are beautiful and passionate. I know there is a guy out there who would adore you. You don't have to love sports and he doesn't have to love theatre. When you love someone you go places and do things you think you don't like because you enjoy their company. Don't psyche yourself out, there is someone out there who will think you are amazing.

thank you.

yes i know he doesn't have to looove things like theater. lol. i wouldn't expect him to. i am very much like my mom who loves theater and plays. my dad will happily go with her to these types of events and enjoy himself but he'd never choose to see them by himself or with his buddies. i just want to meet someone who is open minded and not some pretentious little weirdo. lol.