I need a man with ambition....

[Allandra]

Well, you know what they say...

If you really want to do something, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse.

 

[firecracker]

@Glibgirl thanks for the awesome and real feedback to the og post. It all makes sense now. I figured you were just being your usual funny venting self. Your Grandmother imported some wisdom and thoughtful commentary. Gotta love the real elders. Damn your work schedule is fully loaded. Luv ya gurl!

barbiesocialite hiya chica!!!!!

 

[CaraWalker]

a lawyer and a barber? with no kids its not too late for gina to upgrade

so is he employed or not otherwise i dont see how not liking a love interest to be too busy for you = unambitious.

 

[lavaflow99]

Like many others have said, if you are really interested then you will make the time.

I travel a ton for work (many months I sleep in a hotel more than my own bed) but there was this guy I was dating whom I really liked that whenever I was in town we would go out. Many times I would get home in the early morning to get a couple hours of sleep before heading to the airport exhausted. But I was fine with that because he was cool and I felt we were developing something. He has since messed up and I fell out of "like" with him. I have since been too busy to hang out and unavailable when he texts. **his loss**

Sounds like you aren't feeling the guy.

 

[CarLiTa]

The conversations has jumped from extremes to extremes.

Glib, one of the ways that women show their emotional unavailability is by never having time in their physical schedule. They're committed to work, this, that, the third. They say they want to date, but to romance them a man needs to get on their calendar in a dreadfully unromantic way.
It's important to have a life to remain balanced, but if your life is packed so airtight that there's no way for someone to fit in it, then what's the point? The point of dating is to be able to find someone to spend your life with. That person will need to be integrated in your present life, and you his.

 

[CarLiTa]

I just spent a grueling month in another country sometimes working up to 90 hour weeks. What I do is block times from the calendar to communicate or so we can have long Skype calls.

Also, you mentioned being salaried. The upside of that is that yes, your work is done when it's done, which mean you can block out time early evening for a date, and then go back and finish. Not super difficult if this is something you want to do.

 

[SelahOco]

Social workers and teachers aren't considered "professionals". I understand that the other two may be considered trades I guess.

Really? We considered them both professionals at my chamber. White collar.

 

[SelahOco]

Glib, you have a demanding job. You ever think of dating a man in the same field?

Y'all can help each other work and then hump it out of the big conference room table.

 

[MixedBerry]

Glib Girl, Glib Girl, Glib Girl... <sigh>

 

[MsKinkycurl]

Hustle recognizes hustle. When we first started dating SO had to schedule dates in sometime 3-4 weeks in advance. He was more understanding than even some of my best friends who drifted off as if I was blowing them off for fun. I was super busy trying to reach my goals and partying took a back burner for almost 9 months. SO understood and worked around my schedule. Now he's busier than me and I love it because he is accomplishing so much and becoming a leader in his field.

Success is attractive but only other successful people understand the price of being driven.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using LHCF

 

[CaraWalker]

Really? We considered them both professionals at my chamber. White collar.

those are "professional" positions, but since they are mainly associated with women, to some people that makes them negative as career choices for men.

 

[Glib Gurl]

those are "professional" positions, but since they are mainly associated with women, to some people that makes them negative as career choices for men.

^^^Yes. Bunnycolvin captured the essence of what I meant. To me, those are "pink collar" jobs....

 

[chronicity]

Professional means different things to different people. I consider teaching and social work professional jobs because they require at least a bachelors. Other people define professional jobs are those generally requiring a masters degree or above. The problem with the latter definition is that someone with just a bachelors degree can be in the same kind of positions that a MBA, JD holder has.

OP, if you come across as someone who pigeonholes people based on their degrees, their workhours, and whether they are salaried or wage, then you may repel guys who don't put stock in all of the categories and distinctions you do. Has nothing to do with ambition either. No one wants to feel look down upon just because their careers don't force them to be workaholic and overbooked. I have a boring 9-5 that pays, and I ain't trying to front like it's hectic and demanding to anyone.

 

[CaraWalker]

lets cut the crap and tell it straight. "dont settle" dont apply to everybody so until you are capable of determining where your league actually is (hint: you currently do not have this ability) you will continue to find men that are not a good match for you.

youre doing the most and im not sure what you really bring to the table except a salary and a lot of hours at work. from me to you, you need to put all this advice youre collecting out of the window and start really looking at things in your life as they are.

 

[CarLiTa]

Lawd, bunny!

I was going to give a similar advice but with a softer approach:

-There is such a thing as too much reading and plotting when it comes to dating and relationships. I am genuinely curious, Glib, what your biggest takeaways have been from what you've read. I imagine it is hard to remember EVERYTHING, but I would assume there are a few key points that drive your behavior. Maybe you can share them with us and we can help you assess whether you're applying them the way the author intended? Or how to make them more suited to you?

-If you feel that you don't know how to date, then men asking you out on dates is giving you perfect opportunities to learn and get better at dating. Unless the man really doesn't pass first screening (ex: he doesn't have a job, is a thug, whatever), then why not go out solely for the purpose of working up your charm skills? Unless there's a reason you think you could either be harmed on the date, have to pay your way, or you're worried that you'd even fall for a kang's sweet talk, then I don't see why not go on a practice date. Then you'll also learn how to *charmingly* tell men that you won't be dating them anymore to the point that they're still intrigued with you thereafter (you have the gift of gab if I remember now you just need to spruce up your charm)

-Stop judging men before you even go out with them. It isn't a good look, plus it is counterproductive to what you're trying to achieve.

-Throw out all the books! Personal opinion, but if your "how to date" list fist on something bigger than a notepad page (I'm making this up but I actually believe it), then you're over thinking and doing too much. You can't follow all the advice from this massive romance-self-help industry, so what are your go-to? And if you don't have a short list of go-to at all, then that's a problem.

 

[bubbles12345]

I see you've been on this board since 2007. Maybe it's time to stop reading the advice here if you haven't learned anything. Maybe use that time you spend reading advice here to actually interact with men and socialize. Wait, this is more advice. Stop reading!!! Go mingle! Lol

Can any of your married girlfriends help you? They seem to have found success.

 

[ambergirl]

I don't think it's about not knowing how to date. I think it's some other fear or block or ambivalence around self/relationships/men that is showing up as dating "incompetence".

Maybe OP should take some time to figure that out because I suspect all the other stuff around non ambitious men and being over scheduled will cease to be a problem once whatever is really going on is identified and resolved.

 

[Mane Event]

^^Either that or having a preconceived idea of what "ambition" is suppose to look like. Just b/c someone isn't a busy body aka class "a" multi-tasker doesn't equate to lack of ambition.

 

[Glib Gurl]

I think some folks missed my follow-up post where I admitted that the original post was just a hyperbolic rant. Basically I just didn't appreciate his little comments about my schedule.

 

[ThickHair]

I think some folks missed my follow-up post where I admitted that the original post was just a hyperbolic rant. Basically I just didn't appreciate his little comments about my schedule.

Got it Glib Gurl we all have our days.

 

[LiftedUp]

Really? We considered them both professionals at my chamber. White collar.

@SelahOco

I was referring to

T "You're a professional woman, but you don't have to be with a professional man."

Then I stopped to think about it. Most of the professional black women I know who are happily married AREN'T married to professional black men.

"Sharon" is a PhD and the VP of a small think tank. Her husband, who she's known since high school, is a social worker. They have twin boys.

"Theresa" has a Master's degree and is a Chief of Staff on Capitol Hill. Her husband is a school teacher. She married in her early 40s. They now have two small children.

My first sentence should have a question mark not a full stop at the end. I type quickly and don't particularly double check posts

 

[LiftedUp]

lets cut the crap and tell it straight. "dont settle" dont apply to everybody so until you are capable of determining where your league actually is (hint: you currently do not have this ability) you will continue to find men that are not a good match for you.

youre doing the most and im not sure what you really bring to the table except a salary and a lot of hours at work. from me to you, you need to put all this advice youre collecting out of the window and start really looking at things in your life as they are.

I agree word for word. I was wondering why would your grandmother advise such a thing. But I conceded that all families are different. Get a prenup and KIM.