I need a man with ambition....

Glib Gurl

Glib Gurl

Well-Known Member
I already knew this, but it's really sinking in.

I met a nice guy online, but we've been having problems connecting. Admittedly, this is because I have a BEAST of a schedule. (I do realize the need to make changes to have more of a "life"...nobody wants to "be mary jane" :look:) Anyhoo, in all of our missed connections, dude keeps saying things like, "Oh, can you pencil me in?" and "I see you've finally come up for air."

Um, do not come for me because you sit on your butt all day while I stay on my hustle.

To the left, to the left.
 
Hmm...

I feel like I'm missing something. Where are you getting that he has no ambition? Does he not have a job? Because if he works a regular 9-5 but YOU have a hundred other things going on and can't make time for him, then I don't understand why you're being so dismissive.
 
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a.) is he unemployed?
b.) if yes, did you know this initially?
c.) if yes, why did you not put him "to the left" from the beginning?

important background info :lol:
 
From the sound of it she ain't gots no time for a man anywayz. LOL
I feel like singing that song "Imma give it to you but what you gon do with it" in regards to this herre man search. LOL Glib if you found the one would you really know what to do with him? uh uh........
 
firecracker said:
From the sound of it she ain't gots no time for a man anywayz. LOL
I feel like singing that song "Imma give it to you but what you gon do with it" in regards to this herre man search. LOL Glib if you found the one would you really know what to do with him? uh uh........
Click to expand...

hiya firecracker :hiya2:

ITA. The bolded is pretty much my interpretation of the OP. :yep:
 
OP I wouldn't look at the situation the way that you have. It just seems like he is super interested and has been flexible for quite some time the way you describe it.

I'm just perplexed that you have yet to meet the man and you don't really respect him the way that you probably should. I'm saying this based off of your comments. Or maybe you're just not that into him.

Good luck.
 
Certain ladies of LHCF: it is okay to say you're not interested in someone simply and plainly without having to resort to calling him various adjectives that you have zero proof to back up. It is ohhhkaaayyy to simply not be drawn to someone.

Like this here post... you don't have time or are not making time. Simple. Could suggest you're not interested. But how exactly does that make him unambitious? (scratches head)
 
Lol what? So the guy is trying to get to know you and you're not making any time for him and that means he has no ambition? How does that translate into no ambition? Unless there are other reasons for you to think that. Sounds like you're not really into him anyway.

ETA: I see many people had the same thoughts as me.
 
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Do you know what I've noticed?

When someone has a lot going on, and the other person doesn't, it's easy to perceive the other person as idle and lazy... Or just not have much going on in their life.

It happened to me a couple years back... I was going through a transitional period in a new job, and it *looked* like I had a lot of time off(but I was still actually working)

He'd call me all randomly all the time to find out what I was doing... (Nothing... Waiting for work to call me) and made the assumption I don't do too much, I must be lazy. (His life was a crazy mess back then...stressed and always on the go)

Oh if he could see me now!

Point is: situations change... He may appear unambitious now... But you won't know unless you get his full picture/give him a chance
 
Maybe you need somebody to be at your beck and call right now. :look: gone smash, girl! :lachen:

Seriously, I'm reading that he might have been annoying you by making comments about your schedule. Did he make you mad or is he really lazy?
 
By being busy you increase your value . It's good ,keep being busy and give him a date far ahead . Your time is precious .
 
Kindheart said:
By being busy you increase your value . It's good ,keep being busy and give him a date far ahead . Your time is precious .
Click to expand...

There is such a thing as too busy.

Furthermore, how much business others will entertain depends on your value to them. There are a lot of variables to consider. Some people can be busier than others.
 
Umm, if I'm trying to get to know a dude and he's like "oh, let's see about possibly getting up in 3 weeks, maybe", I'm not gonna take him seriously at all.

I think some people take that whole "the rules" thing of not being too available to the extreme. Of course you should have a life, not drop everything at the last minute to see him, etc., but if you're seriously trying to date, there has to be some flexibility, especially if you're the one with the hectic schedule.
 
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CarLiTa said:
Certain ladies of LHCF: it is okay to say you're not interested in someone simply and plainly without having to resort to calling him various adjectives that you have zero proof to back up. It is ohhhkaaayyy to simply not be drawn to someone. Like this here post... you don't have time or are not making time. Simple. Could suggest you're not interested. But how exactly does that make him unambitious? (scratches head)
Click to expand...

if i want a man who has a job and i try to date a man without one its not his fault that im dating the wrong men :lol:
 
Not being as busy as you are doesnt mean he has no ambition. What if he's the owner of a big company and therefore doesnt need to constantly work. It more sounds like he's trying to reach out to you and be patient and flexible but you arent ready to slow down for a relationship. If you wanna keep hustlin' thats perfectly fine, but realize that you wont have time for him at all. Many relationships become strained when one party doesnt have enough time.

And people shouldnt go too far left or too far right. You cant be too available or too busy. You dont have to drop everything and go on a date tonight. Nor should you schedule the date 3 weeks from now. This weekend is more appropriate. At least show that your willing to move your schedule around to get to know him. Relationships take sacrifice from both ends. You cant sit there and expect him to do things only on your schedule.
 
Thanks for all of the feedback. Honestly, I was really in a bad mood yesterday. And yes, @SelahOco hit the nail on the head

SelahOco said:
Seriously, I'm reading that he might have been annoying you by making comments about your schedule.
Click to expand...

That's really what was grinding my nerves. Actually the guy is very sweet and is still making an effort despite my craziness. (Really, yesterday was truly a day when everything that could've gone wrong DID go wrong.)

But to address this point...

MzLady78 said:
Hmm...

I feel like I'm missing something. Where are you getting that he has no ambition? Does he not have a job? Because if he works a regular 9-5 but YOU have a hundred other things going on and can't make time for him, then I don't understand why you're being so dismissive.
Click to expand...

This is a very fair point. Because I'm salaried and don't work a standard 9-5 (rather I work more like 9-9 and travel often for work and it bleeds into holidays, weekends, etc.), most guys who do work 9-5 don't "get" my job. And I find myself getting annoyed that they have so much more free time than I do. So, while I'm at my desk eating dinner, they're reading a magazine or watching tv. Ticks me off. By the same token, they're like, "So, when you do you get off work?" And I'm like, "Whenever I'm finished with my work." So there's a mismatch there....

However, my grandmother said something interesting to me today. She's said it before, but I think I actually heard her for the first time. "You're a professional woman, but you don't have to be with a professional man."

Then I stopped to think about it. Most of the professional black women I know who are happily married AREN'T married to professional black men.

"Sharon" is a PhD and the VP of a small think tank. Her husband, who she's known since high school, is a social worker. They have twin boys.

"Theresa" has a Master's degree and is a Chief of Staff on Capitol Hill. Her husband is a school teacher. She married in her early 40s. They now have two small children.

"Nina" is the Executive Director of a small non-profit. Her husband is a cab driver. They own their own home and have two beautiful children.

"Gina" is a partner at a large law firm. Her husband is a barber. No kids just yet.

ETA: Just remembered another one...

"Keesha" has her own consulting firm. Her husband is a cop.

I only have two other happily married friends. One is Niko's cousin, so I will refrain from discussing her business online :lol: The other is married to a college professor, but he is not black - he is South Asian. Hmmm.

I am beginning to see a pattern here.

:think:
 
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Glib Gurl said:
Thanks for all of the feedback. Honestly, I was really in a bad mood yesterday. And yes, @SelahOco hit the nail on the head



That's really what was grinding my nerves. Actually the guy is very sweet and is still making an effort despite my craziness. (Really, yesterday was truly a day when everything that could've gone wrong DID go wrong.)

But to address this point...



This is a very fair point. Because I'm salaried and don't work a standard 9-5 (rather I work more like 9-9 and travel often for work and it bleeds into holidays, weekends, etc.), most guys who do work 9-5 don't "get" my job. And I find myself getting annoyed that they have so much more free time than I do. So, while I'm at my desk eating dinner, they're reading a magazine or watching tv. Ticks me off. By the same token, they're like, "So, when you do you get off work?" And I'm like, "Whenever I'm finished with my work." So there's a mismatch there....

However, my grandmother said something interesting to me today. She's said it before, but I think I actually heard her for the first time. "You're a professional woman, but you don't have to be with a professional man."

Then I stopped to think about it. Most of the professional black women I know who are happily married AREN'T married to professional black men.

"Sharon" is a PhD and the VP of a small think tank. Her husband, who she's known since high school, is a social worker. They have twin boys.

"Theresa" has a Master's degree and is a Chief of Staff on Capitol Hill. Her husband is a school teacher. She married in her early 40s. They now have two small children.

"Nina" is the Executive Director of a small non-profit. Her husband is a cab driver. They own their own home and have two beautiful children.

"Gina" is a partner at a large law firm. Her husband is a barber. No kids just yet.

I only have two other happily married friends. One is Niko's cousin, so I will refrain from discussing her business online :lol: The other is married to a college professor, but he is not black - he is South Asian. Hmmm.

I am beginning to see a pattern here.

:think:
Click to expand...

I'm not sure the solution here is to settle for a barber or cab driver, if that's not the kind of man you truly want. But IMHO, you're going to have to figure out how to create some balance in your life if your goal is to meet someone and settle down. Because realistically, the only men that will probably "get" your job are men whose jobs are the same way. But of course, that presents its own issues, like neither of you ever having time for the other.
 
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My cousin works long hours. She's an assistant vp with her own directs. Her husband works in IT. Made enough to take care of her and their son while she went to school full time. They now have two kids.... And happily married.

Don't think there's a pattern. Just have to find the right one for you.
 
MzLady78 said:
I'm not sure the solution here is to settle for a barber or cab driver, if that's not the kind of man you truly want. But IMHO, you're going to have to figure out how to create some balance in your life if your goal is to settle down. Because realistically, the only men that will probably "get" your job are men whose jobs are the same way. But of course, that presents its own issues, like neither of you ever having time for the other.
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Right.

Settling is not what most are talking about in this thread.

I honestly think the real problem is that some women simply don't know how to date. Some also don't understand men.

This can be a huge stumbling block.
 
I thought I knew what this thread would be about but I'm getting more and more confused about what the issue is. I'll have a seat.
 
Why do you overthink things so much OP? Of course I know you must have standards but it seems like you prejudged him without really knowing him. The point of dating is to get out there. You can only state your schedule and let a man know what your schedule looks like. I am sure if he likes you and YOU like him, you can make things happen. President Obama finds time for his girls and wife. You can find time too. IF you want to. Also, I am confused and have no idea what I just read. :look:
 
Lucie said:
Why do you overthink things so much OP? Of course I know you must have standards but it seems like you prejudged him without really knowing him. The point of dating is to get out there. You can only state your schedule and let a man know what your schedule looks like. I am sure if he likes you and YOU like him, you can make things happen. President Obama finds time for his girls and wife. You can find time too. IF you want to. Also, I am confused and have no idea what I just read. :look:
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I said this EXACT same thing to a guy who was always giving me the "I'm just so busy" spiel. Not saying he wasn't, because he did have a whoooole lot on his plate, but come on. You make time for the things that are important to you, period.
 
Glib Gurl said:
This is a very fair point. Because I'm salaried and don't work a standard 9-5 (rather I work more like 9-9 and travel often for work and it bleeds into holidays, weekends, etc.), most guys who do work 9-5 don't "get" my job. And I find myself getting annoyed that they have so much more free time than I do. So, while I'm at my desk eating dinner, they're reading a magazine or watching tv. Ticks me off. By the same token, they're like, "So, when you do you get off work?" And I'm like, "Whenever I'm finished with my work." So there's a mismatch there....
Click to expand...

If your job takes up so much of your time, then when do you have time to date?

Dating is more than "he likes me, I like him, we agree to date, so we see each other 3x/month" -- IMO that would be useless to me. Phone calls and texts don't count. If we don't already have a foundation prior to us dating (e.g., friends first, went to school together, etc.), then we need to build on something together and that takes time. How can I bond with someone I only see 10% of the time, whether it is my time or his? [I know there are unicorns out that there who met online and only texted/called until their wedding day but I couldn't do that.]

When a man is asking you when are you getting off work, he is indirectly asking when can he see you again. He is not asking for record keeping or comparative purposes. He wants to spend time dating you.
 
barbiesocialite said:
Right.

Settling is not what most are talking about in this thread.

I honestly think the real problem is that some women simply don't know how to date. Some also don't understand men.

This can be a huge stumbling block.
Click to expand...

*raises hand* And to this I readily admit. Hence me spending so much time in this forum, reading books, and trying to get myself out there and get more experience.

Lucie said:
Why do you overthink things so much OP?
Click to expand...

Oh, I'm sorry. We must not have met. I'm Glib Gurl *extends hand* :lachen:
 
Social workers and teachers aren't considered "professionals". I understand that the other two may be considered trades I guess.
 
I'm not understanding how a few months ago, you were talking to a man every day & kickin it with him but now all of a sudden you have a beast of a schedule. You're just not into him and that's okay, but don't make it seem like you don't have time. People make time for whatever it is they want.

If I were you, I wouldn't get annoyed either. In fact I'd probably give the guy a chance on the basis that I'm not into him - simply because the ones I've been feeling have obviously not worked. You never know.
 
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