I may have broked them up......

[honeycomb719]

If you were being honest with him and thats how to felt, that's what friends should do.

I agree with TrulyBlessed. My parents didn't paid a dime on my wedding but it is tradition for the brides parents to pay for the wedding.

This is what I thought as well, Its has become more so taken over by the bride and groom in more modern times, but traditionally I thought the brides parents was responsible for the wedding cost. IDK

 

[liberationtheory]

I thought it would be interesting to revisit this thread because reading what I posted last year I think folks might want to know what the outcome was. Well my friend never went through with the wedding but what he did wrong was that he called it off a month before the date. He was set to marry in August and called off the wedding in July. Currently he is being sued by his ex fiancé for her dress and the payments made on the reception hall which total about 13k. He is now looking for a lawyer to represent him because he cannot afford to pay her back and does not feel that he has to.

It is funny how no matter how much advice one gets from friends and family, they never listen. When he looks back at the advice I gave him, he realizes he should have listened. Although I thought I had broke them up at the time, they did stay together but only for him to end up hurting her much worse.

The reason for the breakup was that he felt that her family was too much into their business and that she only seemed to want a husband not a partner by her comments about finances, religion and family. He decided he could not go through with it. Her mothers response was that he should of gone through with the marriage and later divorce to save her daughter the embarrassment.

it took him SEVEN years to come to this conclusion? hell to the naw. i would sue too.

 

[Bachelorette]

. I on the other hand noticed so many other things wrong with this situation and I thought as a friend I should give him the best advice I could. I brought to his attention that it is not a good idea for the mom to pay for the wedding because this can cause so many issues later on down the road for them as a married couple.

The mom will never have respect for him as a man, she may continually bring up the fact that he did not have a dime to marry her daughter and she had to pay for it. The first sign is that it seems like he does not have much say on how the wedding is going to be done, the mom is basically calling all the shots so she can give her daughter a dream wedding.

?

I completely agree with this esp as an African, women can be malicious. One day if they have a fight and the mom hears of it there could always be a "you mean that broke ninja that couldnt even provide for your wedding"

HOWEVER isnt it american culture or at least western culture that that bride's family pay for the wedding? So I dont get the problem

 

[kandake]

I don't think he should have to pay for the dress or the reception hall. Her and her mom wanted a 'dream wedding'. I don't know the whole story but I never got the impression that he wanted all of this. Did he even officially propose before they started making plans.

 

[Bachelorette]

I hope he has to pay her back all that money.

agreed, what a bastard.

He watched as all those plans and money was spent yet never said a word, he decides last min to back out

By God's grace, I hope his lawyer fails woefully.

 

[v2.0]

I hope he has to pay her back all that money.

I hope he doesn't.

 

[Pretty Star]

What type of reception hall and dress did she have for 13k

My whole wedding including honeymoon was about 10k. And I had over 250 guests. Sounds like some extra is being added to that total

Wedding costs vary greatly depending on where you live. Where I am from the average banquet hall charges $150 per person for weddings. $100 a person is considered a bargain.Most photographers charge $5,000 and up. Big weddings with full cocktail hours and allo night open bars are the norm here.Most weddings here cost at least $30,000. People rarely have simple receptions in firehalls or those type places and even if you did it would still cost $$$. I know someone who had a very simple wedding for 150 people this summer and cut a lot of corners and including the honymoon it cost them almost $20,000. A $10,000 wedding here would consist of 20 people having cupcakes and punch in the church basement.You have very few options for inexpensive weddings if you live in a high cost of living area. So it's entirely possible that they are being truthful about how much the mom spent and $13,000 sounds very reasonable to me.

That said, I think he should have to reimburse her mom. It's not like he woke up a month before the wedding and suddenly realized he didn't want to go through with it. He knew long before then that he didn't want to marry her so he should have said something before her mom spent all that money on a wedding he knew wasn't gonna happen.

 

[YankeeCandle]

What culture is that? (honest, serious question)

Don't know if you're still reading this (you posted a year ago), but there are many cultures in which the man's family and/or the man himself pays for the wedding. These are cultures in which BRIDE-PRICE (i.e. money or gifts paid to the family of the bride to compensate them for the loss of her labor) is the traditional form of marriage wealth.

examples: Masai (East Africa); Dinka (southern Sudan); Arab/Bedouin (West Asia)

In cultures in which DOWRY (i.e. money or gifts paid to the family of the groom) is the traditional form of marriage wealth, the woman's family is usually expected to pay for the wedding as well.

examples: most traditional European societies; the dominant Hindi-speaking culture of India.

[although most European societies have moved away from dowry, they retain the residue of it in the still-active custom of the bride's family paying for the wedding]

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

I guess my friend did not tell me everything until yesterday as to the other reasons he did not want to marry her. She was physically abusing him and she admitted her family does voodo and told him that their children would have to participate in this special dinner they have every year to honor the spirits. At this point i was like, if you knew all this why did you wait last minute to leave? his response was that he really loves her but just could not take it anymore, but he still loves her. Some men are crazy, this guy is a nice guy, weak but nice and he was putting up with all of this. Just ridiculous.

 

[OneInAMillion]

I guess my friend did not tell me everything until yesterday as to the other reasons he did not want to marry her. She was physically abusing him and she admitted her family does voodo and told him that their children would have to participate in this special dinner they have every year to honor the spirits. At this point i was like, if you knew all this why did you wait last minute to leave? his response was that he really loves her but just could not take it anymore, but he still loves her. Some men are crazy, this guy is a nice guy, weak but nice and he was putting up with all of this. Just ridiculous.

Wow! Well I'm glad he didn't go through with it--that's more than religious differences, not to mention the physical abuse.

It's sad that it had to come to a lawsuit though.

 

[Kerryann]

I guess my friend did not tell me everything until yesterday as to the other reasons he did not want to marry her. She was physically abusing him and she admitted her family does voodo and told him that their children would have to participate in this special dinner they have every year to honor the spirits. At this point i was like, if you knew all this why did you wait last minute to leave? his response was that he really loves her but just could not take it anymore, but he still loves her. Some men are crazy, this guy is a nice guy, weak but nice and he was putting up with all of this. Just ridiculous.

This is crazy i read all these pages and i knew something else was wrong. That family is bugged out. Im glad he left and i hope and pray he doesnt have to reimburse her and her disgusting Momma a dime. i hate nosey family members. She was the one who embarassed her daughter not him

 

[Pretty Star]

I guess my friend did not tell me everything until yesterday as to the other reasons he did not want to marry her. She was physically abusing him and she admitted her family does voodo and told him that their children would have to participate in this special dinner they have every year to honor the spirits. At this point i was like, if you knew all this why did you wait last minute to leave? his response was that he really loves her but just could not take it anymore, but he still loves her. Some men are crazy, this guy is a nice guy, weak but nice and he was putting up with all of this. Just ridiculous.

If there was physical abuse and voodoo (OMG ) involved, I don't blame him for wanting to leave. But I don't understand why it took him 7+ years and a booked wedding date (with dress and hall deposit) to do so. He should have been out.Good luck to him in court.

 

[LisaLisa1908]

Oh for the love of God.

He's weak, she's crazy and the mama is a mess. Whatever he has to pay to get those folx out of his life is WORTH it. But he was a fool to go along with this crap in the first place.

 

[Kerryann]

We dont know she probably did some crap to him to make him stay this long

 

[Hil84figer]

Hold up they have the nerve to call themselves Christian and they practicing voodoo? Special dinner?

Physicial abuse too.

I didn't expect all this.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

We dont know she probably did some crap to him to make him stay this long

You know what, I would not doubt that, cause the whole situation seems bizarre. She always seemed like a nice girl, but he told me she lost her job and she had set up something in her backyard with candles and she wrote her old managers name in it. She told him she is going to curse them. I told him to stay firm with his faith in God because he needs it, but right now, he is going crazy with the lawsuit and depression. He is only 30 and I feel sorry that he has to go through this.

 

[Kerryann]

You know what, I would not doubt that, cause the whole situation seems bizarre. She always seemed like a nice girl, but he told me she lost her job and she had set up something in her backyard with candles and she wrote her old managers name in it. She told him she is going to curse them. I told him to stay firm with his faith in God because he needs it, but right now, he is going crazy with the lawsuit and depression. He is only 30 and I feel sorry that he has to go through this.

Girl he might have to find one of those special people to uncross him from her family next thing you know he dont even remember his name and what not

 

[Bunny77]

Oh for the love of God.

He's weak, she's crazy and the mama is a mess. Whatever he has to pay to get those folx out of his life is WORTH it. But he was a fool to go along with this crap in the first place.

Agreed.

All of them sound like a hot mess. I don't feel sorry for na'an one of 'em.

 

[Shoediva]

I think you gave him great advice. I get the tradition of it being customary for the brides family to pay for wedding expenses. But if he cant afford to buy an engagement ring at this time, just further lets me know this is not the right time for a wedding. He needs to get his finances in order. Can he afford to take care of basic needs of a home, wife, at this time?

I agree with you, seems the mom is too gung ho to wanna up and pay for a wedding. They need to work out some issues first, the main one being GOD. They need to put him first and the rest will follow. If they can't decide on whether to have a Catholic or Christian ceremony. How are they going to start a life together as a married couple, have they discussed what faith they are going to follow?

I think your friend just doesn't know what to do at this point, he probably said he would break up with her out of fear of not knowing what to do at this point.


After reading the latest about Voodoo and spirits...tell your friend to RUN LIKE THE DICKENS!

 

[Carrie A]

Girl he might have to find one of those special people to uncross him from her family next thing you know he dont even remember his name and what not

The OP might need one of those special people too if word gets back to crazy chick about the conversation.

 

[Kinkyhairlady]

The OP might need one of those special people too if word gets back to crazy chick about the conversation.

The Lord is protecting me, although I limit going out with him, cause I don't need her family spotting us toghether and thinking something is going on. I told him he needs to lay low as well, he has been dating, trying to forget her but I said to not get any innocent women mixed up in your mess. People who do voodoo and magic don't play they will go to the extreme, especially something so humiliating like that happened, he really needs to lay low.

 

[antisocial]

Voodoo practicing Catholics??? So in seven years he never noticed her practicing any "magic"?? I'm not buying that one.


I think he just didn't want to get married. Period. They both need to just move on.

 

[Ediese]

?????????????

I think the point that Sera is making is that you seem to be saying that Catholics are not Christian and separating the two, when both Catholics and Baptists are indeed Christian, but of different denominations.

Catholics are Christians people....*sigh* How many times must this be said.

Definitions of Christian on the Web:

relating to or characteristic of Christianity; "Christian rites"
a religious person who believes Jesus is the Christ and who is a member of a Christian denomination
following the teachings or manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus Christ

Divine are you saying that being a Catholic means one is not a bible believing christian?

I thought she was inferring that unlike Baptists, Catholics don't closely follow the bible? I was raised Catholic, and that's one major issue that I had. In mass, we followed the missals that we had in church but it was never a bible like the non-denom church that I go to now.

ETA: had no idea this was an old thread.

 

[Zuleika]

Voodoo practicing Catholics??? So in seven years he never noticed her practicing any "magic"?? I'm not buying that one.


I think he just didn't want to get married. Period. They both need to just move on.

Well people have been known to hide behind religion while doing the dirty...

 

[Pretty Star]

Oh for the love of God.

He's weak, she's crazy and the mama is a mess. Whatever he has to pay to get those folx out of his life is WORTH it. But he was a fool to go along with this crap in the first place.

Tell the truth and shame the devil Lisa!

 

[soulfusion]

See now Ellis, I'm not tryin to talk about your friend, but this is another sign of his weakness. After all these years of drama, he can't WAIT to go spreading that mess to some unsuspecting woman. He needs to stay by himself and get himself together before he starts "dating". That's why women need to be oh so cautious when getting into new relationships and take things nice and slow. That way, this kind of drama can be vetted out before things get too serious. Lordy!

The Lord is protecting me, although I limit going out with him, cause I don't need her family spotting us toghether and thinking something is going on. I told him he needs to lay low as well, he has been dating, trying to forget her but I said to not get any innocent women mixed up in your mess. People who do voodoo and magic don't play they will go to the extreme, especially something so humiliating like that happened, he really needs to lay low.