I may have broked them up......

Over the 7 years they have been together he has attended catholic church with her and she has attended baptist services with him. He realizes that he should of been more serious about the religion issue back then but he was not pressed on it but now he sees that it may be an issue especially when they have kids.

Another thing that annoyed me was that he never actually proposed to her she she came out and said we need to get married and my mom is paying for it. Though he wanted to propose and he was working on it but she kind of put the pressure on him. If he proposed himself and thought things out on how he wanted things done I don't think he would be having doubts and asking me for advice. I know some think it was not my business and I should of kept my mouth shut but he has always been honest with me when it comes to giving advice even if I did not like it. I am grateful to have a friend like him who does not sugar coat everything just to make me feel better.
 
I wish him well because it's very tough. We can go on and on about this and that but the issues are still there. Dude has issues with the mom clearly because he would not have been pressed to refuse her help. And baby girl too has some stuff going on with her, I'm just saying.

The denomination thing should have been discussed when they were getting serious. It's usuually the mothers that take the kids to church and wherever she goes they go. On that they can come to a compromise though.

Ellie you are a good friend and only you know what YOUR friend is going through. I hope all works out and they don't have to break up. Ezcept if there's something else going on and he hasn't told you.
 
seraphinelle said:
?????????????
Click to expand...

Well, the line you bolded can't be taken out of context with the rest of the paragraph. And anyway, how is that attacking Catholics? If it were any other religion, I would have said the same thing. If it were a Muslim/Buddhist/whatever, it would have been the same. The fact that she's Catholic is irrelevant. Besides that, it's not MY opinion. The guy said he was using the Bible as his justification so all I was saying is that there is no reason to pick and choose the parts he wants to apply.

And I never said these things can't work...I just said they're tough. Two devout believers in 2 different belief systems WILL meet with challenges. It's not easy, regardless of what the respective beliefs are.

I'm still not understanding how anything in my post was attacking Catholics. The guy in the situation IS Christian...clearly him being Christian doesn't make him anti-Catholic...he just chooses to be Christian. I was making an observation from that angle.



MilitantIvy_1908, I agree with you, but you'd be surprised how many MAJOR issues people don't address until right before or after marriage...I'm talking like KIDS, how MONEY will be handled, RELIGION...some people just get caught up in the emotion of it or they're so eager to get married that they sweep the issues under the rug. It's not wise, but it happens often.
 
Divine Inspiration said:
Well, the line you bolded can't be taken out of context with the rest of the paragraph. And anyway, how is that attacking Catholics? If it were any other religion, I would have said the same thing. If it were a Muslim/Buddhist/whatever, it would have been the same. The fact that she's Catholic is irrelevant. Besides that, it's not MY opinion. The guy said he was using the Bible as his justification so all I was saying is that there is no reason to pick and choose the parts he wants to apply.

And I never said these things can't work...I just said they're tough. Two devout believers in 2 different belief systems WILL meet with challenges. It's not easy, regardless of what the respective beliefs are.

I'm still not understanding how anything in my post was attacking Catholics. The guy in the situation IS Christian...clearly him being Christian doesn't make him anti-Catholic...he just chooses to be Christian. I was making an observation from that angle.
Click to expand...

I think the point that Sera is making is that you seem to be saying that Catholics are not Christian and separating the two, when both Catholics and Baptists are indeed Christian, but of different denominations.
 
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Ellis said:
Over the 7 years they have been together he has attended catholic church with her and she has attended baptist services with him. He realizes that he should of been more serious about the religion issue back then but he was not pressed on it but now he sees that it may be an issue especially when they have kids.

Another thing that annoyed me was that he never actually proposed to her she she came out and said we need to get married and my mom is paying for it. Though he wanted to propose and he was working on it but she kind of put the pressure on him. If he proposed himself and thought things out on how he wanted things done I don't think he would be having doubts and asking me for advice. I know some think it was not my business and I should of kept my mouth shut but he has always been honest with me when it comes to giving advice even if I did not like it. I am grateful to have a friend like him who does not sugar coat everything just to make me feel better.
Click to expand...


Okay, this makes me change my mind.

If he didn't propose to her, then they shouldn't be getting married. I would have been gone a long time ago instead of forcing a wedding upon this dude, especially if we didn't have kids.
 
Catholics are Christians people....*sigh* How many times must this be said.

Definitions of Christian on the Web:

relating to or characteristic of Christianity; "Christian rites"
a religious person who believes Jesus is the Christ and who is a member of a Christian denomination
following the teachings or manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus Christ
 
They've been together for s-e-v-e-n years. It's really sad that it's the woman and her mom who is pushing for a wedding. The money issue is really an excuse. If he really wanted to marry her he would have done so already.
 
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I wouldn't feel bad. You said your peace and it's his decision to make. I would stay out of it now though, most of the time it's best to stay out of grown folks business, and most of them already know what you are telling them, they just want to hear it over and over again from someone else.
 
Divine Inspiration said:
I agree with the ladies who stated that the religion thing is far more serious than the money thing. I have a dear friend who is going THROUGH it because he is non-denominational Christian and his wife is Catholic and woo Lawd...they are having a time. :nono: I'm not saying it can't be done...it's just really tough for most folks, especially if they were raised in one religion.

About the quote above, if he is going to use the Bible as justification, then he should go ahead and use the part about being EQUALLY YOKED. He has no business trying to marry someone who is not a Bible believing Christian in the first place if he is going to use the Bible as his foundation.

And personally, I don't think it's a good idea for anyone to be converting to anything on account of another person. Religion and spirituality are terribly personal and intimate matters, and a person needs to be making those kinds of decisions based on research, faith, belief, interaction with the god(s)/goddess(es), prayer, meditation, etc. "Switching" religions is not like changing hairstyles or jobs. Your very life is a large reflection of where you are or are not spiritually and to be one thing up until you are pronounced man and wife and then jump the physical, marital, and religous broom all willy nilly is irresponsible and dangerous, IMO.
Click to expand...

Divine are you saying that being a Catholic means one is not a bible believing christian?
 
Bunny77 said:
I think the point that Sera is making is that you seem to be saying that Catholics are not Christian and separating the two, when both Catholics and Baptists are indeed Christian, but of different denominations.
Click to expand...

I never said that Catholics weren't Christian. How can you gather that from my post? My Baptist cousin and Methodist husband had a lot of problems surrounding it when they first got married. They are BOTH Christian, but clearly, simply sharing the title "Christian" is not a recipe for happily ever after.

My point is that for the sake of this argument, equally yoked means sharing a faith that is similar enough that the 2 of you can go to the same worship services during the marriage without somebody having to convert. If Methodist, Baptist, Catholic, non-denominational Christian, etc were all the same, they would not have different names and they would hold worship services collectively.

It does not make one bad or less valid...it's just a difference.

jerseygurl said:
Divine are you saying that being a Catholic means one is not a bible believing christian?
Click to expand...

:::sigh::: No, if that's what I wanted to say, I would have said it.

Please see the above to gain clarification on the point I was making. I am making no judgments about what Catholics believe...only that there is a DIFFERENCE between Catholic Christians and (insert other denomination here) Christians.
 
I agree with everyone that thinks this guy is just using the religion as an excuse. Something the OP wrote stuck out to me...something about them planning the wedding and him just being a stand in. I am surprised that a man who's been with a woman, for 7 years, that he would consider marrying has not saved ANY money towards said engagement and wedding...

This is a man that is not trying to marry that woman. This thing about religion is a joke... it's being portrayed like there are two religions in question that have completely divergent beliefs. Its not like one person is orthodox jew and the other is buddist. come on, don't fall for the okey doke.

homeboy had this talk with his homegirl to validate his exit pass.
 
Divine Inspiration said:
I never said that Catholics weren't Christian. How can you gather that from my post? My Baptist cousin and Methodist husband had a lot of problems surrounding it when they first got married. They are BOTH Christian, but clearly, simply sharing the title "Christian" is not a recipe for happily ever after.

My point is that for the sake of this argument, equally yoked means sharing a faith that is similar enough that the 2 of you can go to the same worship services during the marriage without somebody having to convert. If Methodist, Baptist, Catholic, non-denominational Christian, etc were all the same, they would not have different names and they would hold worship services collectively.

It does not make one bad or less valid...it's just a difference.



:::sigh::: No, if that's what I wanted to say, I would have said it.

Please see the above to gain clarification on the point I was making. I am making no judgments about what Catholics believe...only that there is a DIFFERENCE between Catholic Christians and (insert other denomination here) Christians.
Click to expand...

You're my girl and I know your heart. :)

Thanks for the explanation... I think the reason most people misinterpreted what you said was because you made statements about the dude being a Bible-believing Christian and not being equally yoked with her... as if to imply that she was not a Bible-believing Christian.


Also this statement...
The guy in the situation IS Christian...clearly him being Christian doesn't make him anti-Catholic...he just chooses to be Christian. I was making an observation from that angle.

... again made it seem like he was the only person in the couple that was Christian... like he chose to be Christian, but she did not.


Anyway, I know this is off-topic now... back on topic, I do think this guy is simply making excuses (even if some are valid). They've been together too long to not be married and it seems like he simply doesn't want to marry her. SHE should move on.
 
Bunny77 said:
You're my girl and I know your heart. :)

Thanks for the explanation... I think the reason most people misinterpreted what you said was because you made statements about the dude being a Bible-believing Christian and not being equally yoked with her... as if to imply that she was not a Bible-believing Christian.


Also this statement...
The guy in the situation IS Christian...clearly him being Christian doesn't make him anti-Catholic...he just chooses to be Christian. I was making an observation from that angle.

... again made it seem like he was the only person in the couple that was Christian... like he chose to be Christian, but she did not.


Anyway, I know this is off-topic now... back on topic, I do think this guy is simply making excuses (even if some are valid). They've been together too long to not be married and it seems like he simply doesn't want to marry her. SHE should move on.
Click to expand...

Thank you for being diplomatic and patient enough to explain. I totally get what you're saying...but that is totally NOT what I was saying. Denominations are differences.
That's all. Every Christian is not Catholic...even though every Catholic may be Christian. That is why the distinction was necessary.
 
scorpio70 said:
I agree with everyone that thinks this guy is just using the religion as an excuse. Something the OP wrote stuck out to me...something about them planning the wedding and him just being a stand in. I am surprised that a man who's been with a woman, for 7 years, that he would consider marrying has not saved ANY money towards said engagement and wedding...

This is a man that is not trying to marry that woman. This thing about religion is a joke... it's being portrayed like there are two religions in question that have completely divergent beliefs. Its not like one person is orthodox jew and the other is buddist. come on, don't fall for the okey doke.

homeboy had this talk with his homegirl to validate his exit pass.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with this. II also think that even money for the wedding shouldnt be an issue. If 2 people REALLY love each other, they can go to the Justice of the Peace and get married if they are short on money.
 
Here's what I think:
OP I think you were being a true friend by giving your opinion.
I think that all of this pressure to get married is wearing on him. I think also that with the girlfriend essentially telling him they need to get married, him not being able to buy an engagement ring, the mother insistence on paying for the wedding (even though that is/was mostly tradition) is causing him to feel like he's less than a man. It seems (to me) that the things that he wants/wanted to do as a man are being done by his girlfriend and her mother. Some men have a hard time not being able to be the provider in a relationship. IF (and I'll admit I haven't fully read all the posts) religion is an issue, I think that it's a smokescreen for what's really going on.
A man (or woman for that matter) in love will do whatever they want and no one will be able to persuade them. If that means converting to a different religion then that's what it calls for.

That's the only insight I can give (without knowing the full situation).
 
Ellis said:
Over the 7 years they have been together he has attended catholic church with her and she has attended baptist services with him. He realizes that he should of been more serious about the religion issue back then but he was not pressed on it but now he sees that it may be an issue especially when they have kids.

Another thing that annoyed me was that he never actually proposed to her she she came out and said we need to get married and my mom is paying for it. Though he wanted to propose and he was working on it but she kind of put the pressure on him. If he proposed himself and thought things out on how he wanted things done I don't think he would be having doubts and asking me for advice. I know some think it was not my business and I should of kept my mouth shut but he has always been honest with me when it comes to giving advice even if I did not like it. I am grateful to have a friend like him who does not sugar coat everything just to make me feel better.
Click to expand...
If you talk to him and find out that he broke up with her, the bold is why. It's more than religion and money. This is not what he wants, at least at this point. His convo with you was just another reassurance that this wedding did not need to happen.

WTF @ telling a man "you're marrying me and my mother is paying for it"? It should never have to come to that point, especially after 7 years.
 
So my friend finally text me and he said everything is ok now. I am assuming things are back on track, I did not want to ask for details cause I am pulling myself from giving more advice on that situation.

I guess I will find out what they decided to do later on. One of the posters stated that he may feel he is less of a man because the girl and her mom are just taking over and I think that plays a huge part in it as well. Anyways it is none of my business I am just relieved he did not leave her over this. Thanks everyone for your input.
 
I am haitian as well and is going through a similar thing. What this couple including myself first is put God first and ask for direction. Advice from others can dillute what God is actually saying. My sister recently got married and my parents paid for most of it. The culture has alot to do with this too.
 
I thought it would be interesting to revisit this thread because reading what I posted last year I think folks might want to know what the outcome was. Well my friend never went through with the wedding but what he did wrong was that he called it off a month before the date. He was set to marry in August and called off the wedding in July. Currently he is being sued by his ex fiancé for her dress and the payments made on the reception hall which total about 13k. He is now looking for a lawyer to represent him because he cannot afford to pay her back and does not feel that he has to.

It is funny how no matter how much advice one gets from friends and family, they never listen. When he looks back at the advice I gave him, he realizes he should have listened. Although I thought I had broke them up at the time, they did stay together but only for him to end up hurting her much worse.

The reason for the breakup was that he felt that her family was too much into their business and that she only seemed to want a husband not a partner by her comments about finances, religion and family. He decided he could not go through with it. Her mothers response was that he should of gone through with the marriage and later divorce to save her daughter the embarrassment.
 
he sounds kind of weak. My evidence 1. he called off the wedding at the last minute.....he should have pushed the date back or told her that he was really having problems with x,y and z when he was having his doubts. 2. I know family can get on your nerves but he knew how they were early on and that brings me back to #1.....

IDK, men generally have a hard time saying whats on their minds but it sounds like that for a long time he was finding excuses not to marry the girl in the first place and was too much of a lil punk to tell her. He has a lot of excuses.
 
Ellis said:
I thought it would be interesting to revisit this thread because reading what I posted last year I think folks might want to know what the outcome was. Well my friend never went through with the wedding but what he did wrong was that he called it off a month before the date. He was set to marry in August and called off the wedding in July. Currently he is being sued by his ex fiancé for her dress and the payments made on the reception hall which total about 13k. He is now looking for a lawyer to represent him because he cannot afford to pay her back and does not feel that he has to.

It is funny how no matter how much advice one gets from friends and family, they never listen. When he looks back at the advice I gave him, he realizes he should have listened. Although I thought I had broke them up at the time, they did stay together but only for him to end up hurting her much worse.

The reason for the breakup was that he felt that her family was too much into their business and that she only seemed to want a husband not a partner by her comments about finances, religion and family. He decided he could not go through with it. Her mothers response was that he should of gone through with the marriage and later divorce to save her daughter the embarrassment.
Click to expand...

Her mama sounds triflin.
 
tarheelgurl said:
he sounds kind of weak. My evidence 1. he called off the wedding at the last minute.....he should have pushed the date back or told her that he was really having problems with x,y and z when he was having his doubts. 2. I know family can get on your nerves but he knew how they were early on and that brings me back to #1.....

IDK, men generally have a hard time saying whats on their minds but it sounds like that for a long time he was finding excuses not to marry the girl in the first place and was too much of a lil punk to tell her. He has a lot of excuses.
Click to expand...


I totally agree. To be with her for SEVEN years and STILL not marry her is a HUGE red flag to me.
 
forget about the wedding...

what about her being catholic and him a baptist? Who's going to compromise on their beliefs here?

This is what unequally yoked means- it means marrying someone who is not on the same level or someone who does not have the same beliefs as you. That's where the disaster is. Bound to be a conflict there. will the children be baptized or whatever catholics do??? and so on & so forth.

It's not a big deal for the bride/bride's parents to pay for the wedding. That's how it's supposed to be done.

And, since when did men have so much say in the wedding? The wedding is supposed to be about the bride cuz after the wedding day she is supposed to be all about her man & any future children.... the wedding day is reserved for her & I think is a perfect example of how able a man is to love his future wife unselfishly, if he can't even let her have a piece of the wedding she wants then he sounds real selfish to me. I would laugh at a man boo hooing about not having his say over the wedding. I mean, it's okay for his points to be heard, but ultimately the bride should be able to have her way on the wedding day....

that's just IMHO.
 
Ellis said:
I thought it would be interesting to revisit this thread because reading what I posted last year I think folks might want to know what the outcome was. Well my friend never went through with the wedding but what he did wrong was that he called it off a month before the date. He was set to marry in August and called off the wedding in July. Currently he is being sued by his ex fiancé for her dress and the payments made on the reception hall which total about 13k. He is now looking for a lawyer to represent him because he cannot afford to pay her back and does not feel that he has to.

It is funny how no matter how much advice one gets from friends and family, they never listen. When he looks back at the advice I gave him, he realizes he should have listened. Although I thought I had broke them up at the time, they did stay together but only for him to end up hurting her much worse.

The reason for the breakup was that he felt that her family was too much into their business and that she only seemed to want a husband not a partner by her comments about finances, religion and family. He decided he could not go through with it. Her mothers response was that he should of gone through with the marriage and later divorce to save her daughter the embarrassment.
Click to expand...

What type of reception hall and dress did she have for 13k

My whole wedding including honeymoon was about 10k. And I had over 250 guests. Sounds like some extra is being added to that total
 
dodie said:
I totally agree. To be with her for SEVEN years and STILL not marry her is a HUGE red flag to me.
Click to expand...


In all those seven years he never saved up any money to get married. He didn't even have money for a ring :nono:. I don't think marrying her was ever in his plans.
 
And let this be the lesson that when it comes to love that people are going to do what they want to do...no matter how good the advice is thats given...
 
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