I Just Realized...

[larry3344]

Most of my celeb crushes have always been white men aside from Michael Jackson.
I vibe better with white guys than most black men unless they are the suburban types.
I wonder if that affects my relationship approach with black men that I have tried to date?

The thing is I am attracted to black guys physically but most of the ones I encounter don’t appeal to me personally, there is always a disconnect when it comes to thinking but most white guys I meet the connection is smooth and easy but don’t always appeal to me physically.

 

[Theresamonet]

There is a lot of emotional baggage between black women and black men, and oftentimes familiarity can breed contempt. When you are interacting with people, even in fantasy, where this emotional dynamic doesn’t exist, it will feel smoother and easier.

In my job, my clientele is 99% men, of all races. And I have a long deep conversation with at least one man a day. Generally they all go smoothly; I laugh, joke and share stories with Asian men, white ones, black ones, etc. But when I think back to instances where something was said to really get on my nerves, it’s usually said by black men. Like asking me where’d I get all this hair?/am I mixed?. Or my one client who was telling me about a scar he received on his head from childhood abuse, “cause you know how black mothers be”... Usually when I’m dealing with black men I’m wondering when they’ll say something ignorant or inappropriate to me. And this is even within my own family— hell, especially.

This is not to say that my white and other clients don’t say dumb things, it just doesn’t trigger the same emotional response in me. That is key. It’s not about the men per say; who is better or worse. It’s about the baggage between you and them, that can make the difference between rather things feel easy or turbulent. Cause honestly, for every white man of any particular type, there’s a black one just like him, and an Asian and Hispanic one too.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Most of my celeb crushes have always been white men aside from Michael Jackson.

Eventually, he was white too.
~~~~~~~~~~

The thing is I am attracted to black guys physically but most of the ones I encounter don’t appeal to me personally, there is always a disconnect when it comes to thinking but most white guys I meet the connection is smooth and easy but don’t always appeal to me physically.

You need to find a third race of men to pick from to get that happy middle ground. All jokes aside, this is the quandary a lot of bw who consider expanding their options run into. If you were going the traditional woman route then the tie breaker is to err on the side of financial stability followed by intellectual compatibility because looks and penis fade.

 

[larry3344]

@Crackers Phinn ya I think I am just trying to stuff a square hole in a round peg and deep down I know this which is why these relationships don’t pan out. And I think these guys can feel that I don’t respect them intellectually even though I try not to let it show.

Ya, I am going to stop fighting against my own instincts and go with what I know would complement me.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

@Crackers Phinn ya I think I am just trying to stuff a square hole in a round peg and deep down I know this which is why these relationships don’t pan out. And I think these guys can feel that I don’t respect them intellectually even though I try not to let it show.

Ya, I am going to stop fighting against my own instincts and go with what I know would complement me.

Within the realm of pursuing a relationship not strictly a secure the bag situation (although these things don't have to be mutually exclusive):
Attraction is still important so don't try to force things too much in the other direction either where you are dealing with a dude who you can relate to intellectually but the physical goes like this.

There has to be a balance, otherwise unless he's just completely clueless, ya'll are both going to be miserable over the long term.

Being authentically you in a relationship is important. There are parts of you that it's ok to keep to yourself in a relationship because that's what you want to do but feeling like you have to hide things about yourself to be down is misery inducing. When in doubt the old man errs on the side of classy. I'm country boughetto that knows how to act around company at best. I don't have to turn off aspects of me in my relationship and he doesn't have to tune down aspects of him, if anything I've gotten a little classy and he's gotten a little country boughetto and it works.