gone_fishing
New Member
This is long.
Ummm...I need advice I think.
When I first got married to my husband (now ex) we lived in California where I am from. He's from Texas. I never had any intention of moving from there although he was in the military at the time. He had a year left on his contract when we got married and told me he'd be getting out - meaning he wouldn't re-enlist. He was stationed where I lived and there was no hint that he'd be sent to another post elsewhere. I was content with that and we bought a house in Cali and started our life there waiting for his contract to end.
Well, he got all freaked out towards the end and wanted to re-enlist. I was not having that 'cause I already told the man I'm not moving every other year all over the nation. He knew that before we got married. Long story short he did re-enlist one more time and ended up in Kosovo for a year (back then).
The end of that contract he didn't re-enlist.
But, what he DID do was tell me he wanted to move away from Cali. He said the cost of living was really high. This is after we lived in Cali for a few years (after marriage). He's originally from the South although not this state.
He was applying for jobs on the east coast and he finally asked me to move with him to accept a position at a large banking company. I didn't want to but we had our child at this point and everyone told me I needed to follow my husband/let him be the head of the household etc. and that we were a family and I needed to do this.
So I did. I moved for my husband.
So we moved - completely to a new town with new people where I knew NOBODY and had no relatives. I was very sad and depressed when we first got here but I had him so things were okay.
However, when we moved here his job offer fell though because they downsized some department unexpectedly. All they offered him was a severence package after all of that. With this being an "at will" employment state we didn't even have grounds to sue for the inconvenience.
Anyways, my husband looked and looked for a job for 8 months before he decided (and broke my heart) to take a very high paying job working for a foreign entity (not espionage or anything...legit).
Sigh...
He asked me to move with him but it was in the middle east (Bahrain) and I did not want to move again. I just did not want to go. So I stayed here when he promised he'd only work for a year and then come back.
Well that never worked out, he was money hungry and kept wanting to stay long and longer and although he was sending money home I was miserable without him but not miserable enough to move to a desert island in the persian gulf.
So anyway long story as short as possible, we filed for a divorce (after I became aware of some infidelity on his part).
Now fast forward to today.
My fiance moved up here from South Florida (gulf side) and now wants to go back.
He's saying where we are now is not the place for him and by Spring 2009 he intends to move back there.
I just got settled here though (it seems) even though it's been a few years.
Obviously, I would not be moving anywhere till after the wedding but it just freaks me out that once again a guy is asking me to relocate and I'm just scared I'm going to get down there and everything's going to go haywire and I'm going to have to start over again.
So we were talking last night and he's telling me that he will not stay where we are now until he dies. He said he loves me but he expects me to trust him to make a good decision for all of us. He reiterated all the times I said I wanted to be near the ocean since that is where I grew up so he doesn't see a problem with us moving to Florida.
Well central Cali is WAY different Florida. They should call it the hurricane state rather than the sunshine state.
But, in addition, I don't know if I want to live in such a hot humid climate all year around. I also don't know what the job market is like down there and if I'd be able to rebound if things didn't work out because who knows what situation I will be in if things go sour.
I feel selfish for thinking this way but because of prior experiences it has me VERY VERY antys to think about and the fact that he's put a deadline on it feels like a tremendous amount of pressure for me.
He wants to go down to south florida this spring and summer so that we can look at the area and get a feel for if I like it.
I'm willing to do that but what if I don't?
I just feel like I'd be such a fool to uproot all my stuff and move for a man again. I did that for one husband already and I am still regretting it to this day!
Any advice?
Ummm...I need advice I think.
When I first got married to my husband (now ex) we lived in California where I am from. He's from Texas. I never had any intention of moving from there although he was in the military at the time. He had a year left on his contract when we got married and told me he'd be getting out - meaning he wouldn't re-enlist. He was stationed where I lived and there was no hint that he'd be sent to another post elsewhere. I was content with that and we bought a house in Cali and started our life there waiting for his contract to end.
Well, he got all freaked out towards the end and wanted to re-enlist. I was not having that 'cause I already told the man I'm not moving every other year all over the nation. He knew that before we got married. Long story short he did re-enlist one more time and ended up in Kosovo for a year (back then).
The end of that contract he didn't re-enlist.
But, what he DID do was tell me he wanted to move away from Cali. He said the cost of living was really high. This is after we lived in Cali for a few years (after marriage). He's originally from the South although not this state.
He was applying for jobs on the east coast and he finally asked me to move with him to accept a position at a large banking company. I didn't want to but we had our child at this point and everyone told me I needed to follow my husband/let him be the head of the household etc. and that we were a family and I needed to do this.
So I did. I moved for my husband.
So we moved - completely to a new town with new people where I knew NOBODY and had no relatives. I was very sad and depressed when we first got here but I had him so things were okay.
However, when we moved here his job offer fell though because they downsized some department unexpectedly. All they offered him was a severence package after all of that. With this being an "at will" employment state we didn't even have grounds to sue for the inconvenience.
Anyways, my husband looked and looked for a job for 8 months before he decided (and broke my heart) to take a very high paying job working for a foreign entity (not espionage or anything...legit).
Sigh...
He asked me to move with him but it was in the middle east (Bahrain) and I did not want to move again. I just did not want to go. So I stayed here when he promised he'd only work for a year and then come back.
Well that never worked out, he was money hungry and kept wanting to stay long and longer and although he was sending money home I was miserable without him but not miserable enough to move to a desert island in the persian gulf.
So anyway long story as short as possible, we filed for a divorce (after I became aware of some infidelity on his part).
Now fast forward to today.
My fiance moved up here from South Florida (gulf side) and now wants to go back.
He's saying where we are now is not the place for him and by Spring 2009 he intends to move back there.
I just got settled here though (it seems) even though it's been a few years.
Obviously, I would not be moving anywhere till after the wedding but it just freaks me out that once again a guy is asking me to relocate and I'm just scared I'm going to get down there and everything's going to go haywire and I'm going to have to start over again.
So we were talking last night and he's telling me that he will not stay where we are now until he dies. He said he loves me but he expects me to trust him to make a good decision for all of us. He reiterated all the times I said I wanted to be near the ocean since that is where I grew up so he doesn't see a problem with us moving to Florida.
Well central Cali is WAY different Florida. They should call it the hurricane state rather than the sunshine state.
But, in addition, I don't know if I want to live in such a hot humid climate all year around. I also don't know what the job market is like down there and if I'd be able to rebound if things didn't work out because who knows what situation I will be in if things go sour.I feel selfish for thinking this way but because of prior experiences it has me VERY VERY antys to think about and the fact that he's put a deadline on it feels like a tremendous amount of pressure for me.
He wants to go down to south florida this spring and summer so that we can look at the area and get a feel for if I like it.
I'm willing to do that but what if I don't?
I just feel like I'd be such a fool to uproot all my stuff and move for a man again. I did that for one husband already and I am still regretting it to this day!
Any advice?
This made me feel a little better though. Totally night and day from the convo I felt we had last night. Maybe he had some time to think. But, I know we still gotta talk about it.
We were initially planning to do something quick and then have a big wedding at a convenient time. thenn other married folx was like yea right, u get so busy with marriage and life, that you get over the wedding thing and you never get around to it. Now that i'm married, i totally understand. but there isnt anything wrong with having a small quick ceremony... as long as it's what both of you guys want. 
I didn't know about all of that! If your son is able to adapt to new situations easily, I think the decision might be a little easier to go for it, but if not then I'd say to do some long hard thinking. You don't want resentment issues later on. I hope you have talks with your little one to see how he feels about everything. I have seen that some kids who move around a lot when they are younger either become destructive later in life or very creative and successful, because they are not afraid to take risks. So it could be a good thing, but there's no real way of knowing. 
and a huge reception about 6 mos later. That was fine too, great time had by all and she really enjoyed having a traditional "wedding" she could share with her family and friends, but a smaller, more spiritual and private ceremony too.
erplexed
