I have been stabbed in the back and I need advice

[BeautifulMe]

My brother and his girlfriend were going through a really hard time. They had just had a baby who was taken by CPS after he was born. Before, during, and after that time, I was VERY supportive. They had little to no money, and living off off only $200 foodstamps a month.

I used to give them bus money when they needed it, feed them when there was no food in the house, and give he and her used things I owned that I thought they probably needed it. I even paid my brother's cell bill for three months.
We would all go out, when I was buying clothes, I would buy them something because I knew what they were going through and I tried to help and not make it seem like I'm flaunting while they're being the tag along.

Another time I had a lump sum of cash and bought myself an iPod Touch, everyone in the house had one including my brother's girlfriend. He told me that he felt sad because everyone had one except him so I told him if he could find a cheap, used one off Craigslist I would get it but he would have to pay me back at some point.

Fast forward to today. My brother had a received a lump sum of cash from social security benefits and I feel used and backstabbed because I feel like I went out of my way to help him and he didn't even mention the fact that he owed me the money from the iPod we agreed on. He never brought it up and never offered to help me with anything which I am going through a mild financial issue. It's not that I expect him to give me anything out of spite, it's just the principal. He went and gave my mom money and had her toes and nails done as well as his girlfriend.

I just don't feel good because I remember clearly on a day to day basis, I was the first they asked for anything and if I could help I did. Then, I posted a status on Facebook about how I feel used and betrayed. My brother read it and came knocking at my door throwing $100 at me like I'm a piece of trash. I refused to take it because of the way he presented it to me. Then, last night before I went to bed, I checked my newsfeed and his girlfriend had posted a status for which I think was about me. It was really nasty and mean to say to someone who helped you. I felt really bad because I was nothing but nice and considerate and I get trashed and dogged out now that they have a little something. Im trying my best to keep my composure and I plan on moving to my grandma's for a few days to really soak this in because I am really hurt by all this.

 

[BeautifulMe]

Bumping for replies

 

[Foxglove]

Now you know what kind of people they really are (even though I suspect they were already winners to get their child taken away by cps). Don't take any money from them and don't give them any more money.

 

[Allandra]

My advice is pretty simple. I would keep him (and his girlfriend) in my thoughts and prayers and continue to talk/speak with them, but I would not lend him any more money (especially since you are going through a mild financial issue). People that owe money act funny when they get enough money to pay those back that they owe. By not lending them any more money, you won't have to deal with this again. Take it as a lesson learned.

 

[Allandra]

Oh, and yes I would have taken the one hundred dollars. He's probably sitting back now happy that you didn't take it. Hmph. It would have been right in my purse. Yes indeed. He would be the one looking crazy when he's broke and needing assistance.

 

[BeautifulMe]

My advice is pretty simple. I would keep him (and his girlfriend) in my thoughts and prayers and continue to talk/speak with them, but I would not lend him any more money (especially since you are going through a mild financial issue). People that owe money act funny when they get enough money to pay those back that they owe. By not lending them any more money, you won't have to deal with this again. Take it as a lesson learned.

Honestly, I don't even want to speak with them any more. Im a loyal person and in my eyes people just don't do ish like that. I'm done.

 

[GoingBack]

Do not lend them anymore money. Ever. Especially for non-essentials like ipods. I mean, sad because you don't have an ipod...really? Is he sad that his kid is in protective services too?

Anyway, is that $100 still on the floor? If so, pick it up and put it in your pocket and don't mention anything else about money to either of them. Don't worry about the lump sum that he got. He will be broke again soon enough.

Can you move to your grandmother's permanently? Might be less stressful there. I assume that your brother does not work since he gets social security benefits, but does the girlfriend work? How old are these people?

 

[BeautifulMe]

Do not lend them anymore money. Ever. Especially for non-essentials like ipods. I mean, sad because you don't have an ipod...really? Is he sad that his kid is in protective services too?

Anyway, is that $100 still on the floor? If so, pick it up and put it in your pocket and don't mention anything else about money to either of them. Don't worry about the lump sum that he got. He will be broke again soon enough.

Can you move to your grandmother's permanently? Might be less stressful there. I assume that your brother does not work since he gets social security benefits, but does the girlfriend work? How old are these people?

No his GF or him doesn't work. They are both 19.

 

[GoingBack]

How old are you, op? I forgot to add, please refrain from making posts about them on Facebook or any other social media and ignore any posts that they make regarding you. It's all very childish and won't result in anything good happening.

 

[ronnie78]

Hi I've been through a similair situation, and it is very hurtful to feel as if you've been used especially by family. I'm just wondering how do you know for sure that your brother wasn't planning on giving you any money? Is there a chance that you jumped to conclusions? There's also a part of me that honestly thinks that your brother may have been hurt, angry, and or embarassed by your facebook post, and that may be why he behaved like he did. I completely understand your need to vent, but IMO opinion facebook is the wrong platform to vent about personal issues, family drama, etc.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

If these were "friends" then it would be relatively easy to forget about them. Since its your brother, I imagine you can't really do this. Just keep your distance and don't have any dealings with them if at all possible. Don't lend them money. Don't pick up the kids if they need transportation. Don't take anyone to work. Nothing. Don't be the person they call on when they need something. You should only see them at family functions and everyone will know what happened so you shouldn't have to worry about getting sucked into any future drama with them.

Truth be told. They probably did you a favor. Its hard to get rid of people like this when they need you. Now that they feel like they don't, you can try to make a clean break. I know its easier said than done with family involved but what choice do you have when they treat you like this?

 

[Mai Tai]

I can understand you lending/giving your brother money for essential items like food, clothes, rent, bills, etc. but iPods are NOT essential. Consider this a lesson learned.

I think you care about the wellbeing of your brother or you wouldn't have given him money, but there comes a point where charity can turn into someone using your kindness.

Facebook is NOT your diary...let me rephrase that...Facebook is NOT the appropriate place to air your dirty laundry and I feel you were dead wrong for putting your brother's business out there like that. You should have called him or spoke to him in person about your issue with him...not blast him on a news feed for all of your Facebook friends to read.

On another note...Why is his child in foster care? Why is he on social security at 19?

 

[amwcah]

I'm sorry you had to go through this, but let this be your life lesson in regards to lending money. I have lost thousands trying to help people. My grandfather once told me, "Never give/loan anyone money with the expectation they will pay you back." So basically, if you plan to give in the future; give from the heart only.

You may want to vent through a letter to get it all out. Say in the letter what you would say to your brother and his gf. That should make you feel better. If not, tell them how you feel in person in a public or mutual setting. I don't want them to cut a fool on you, for he already threw money at you.

Best of luck!

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

My advice is pretty simple. I would keep him (and his girlfriend) in my thoughts and prayers and continue to talk/speak with them, but I would not lend him any more money (especially since you are going through a mild financial issue). People that owe money act funny when they get enough money to pay those back that they owe. By not lending them any more money, you won't have to deal with this again. Take it as a lesson learned.

Oh, and yes I would have taken the one hundred dollars. He's probably sitting back now happy that you didn't take it. Hmph. It would have been right in my purse. Yes indeed. He would be the one looking crazy when he's broke and needing assistance.

How old are you, op? I forgot to add, please refrain from making posts about them on Facebook or any other social media and ignore any posts that they make regarding you. It's all very childish and won't result in anything good happening.

I really need to just quote everyone here.

-You should have kept the $$ he owed you.
-You won't get another brother, and its just a moment in time, once you lose that brother, its hard to get him back....it seems you are older so if I was in your shoes I'd be the bigger person, attempt to patch it up, or talk or write a heart-felt letter and initiate. If you are rebuffed, then say, okay, still love you, and KIM
-never, ever, even in anger, put stuff on FB....not cool. Especially about family.
--Oh and GIVE relatives money. Don't loan. If you require the funds to be paid back, then it shouldn't be given in the first place....

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

I'm sorry you had to go through this, but let this be your life lesson in regards to lending money. I have lost thousands trying to help people. My grandfather once told me, "Never give/loan anyone money with the expectation they will pay you back." So basically, if you plan to give in the future; give from the heart only.

You may want to vent through a letter to get it all out. Say in the letter what you would say to your brother and his gf. That should make you feel better. If not, tell them how you feel in person in a public or mutual setting. I don't want them to cut a fool on you, for he already threw money at you.

Best of luck!

Yes, yes, and yes!

 

[jdvzmommy]

I would have punched my brother in the throat if he came to me crying about an iPod when his child was taken by CPS.

I agree with what everyone is saying. You should distance yourself from them. Him throwing money at you shows his level of respect for you. Keep it cordial, but don't do any favors besides keeping them in your thoughts until they're mature enough to realize why you feel the way you do.

 

[BeautifulMe]

How old are you, op? I forgot to add, please refrain from making posts about them on Facebook or any other social media and ignore any posts that they make regarding you. It's all very childish and won't result in anything good happening.

I'm 24 and after I found out she made that status I just simply unfriended them. I didn't have tome to be going back and forth.

 

[BeautifulMe]

Hi I've been through a similair situation, and it is very hurtful to feel as if you've been used especially by family. I'm just wondering how do you know for sure that your brother wasn't planning on giving you any money? Is there a chance that you jumped to conclusions? There's also a part of me that honestly thinks that your brother may have been hurt, angry, and or embarassed by your facebook post, and that may be why he behaved like he did. I completely understand your need to vent, but IMO opinion facebook is the wrong platform to vent about personal issues, family drama, etc.

I know because we were all out on a family outting yesterday because he actually received the money yesterday. He gave out money to my mom in front of me and he gave special instruction after my mom dropped him off to shop that when she returns to get him, to not bring me and next thing I know, everyone returns with their feet and nails done. All I wanted was a simple acknowledgement that my money was gonna be repaid.

 

[BeautifulMe]

I can understand you lending/giving your brother money for essential items like food, clothes, rent, bills, etc. but iPods are NOT essential. Consider this a lesson learned.

I think you care about the wellbeing of your brother or you wouldn't have given him money, but there comes a point where charity can turn into someone using your kindness.

Facebook is NOT your diary...let me rephrase that...Facebook is NOT the appropriate place to air your dirty laundry and I feel you were dead wrong for putting your brother's business out there like that. You should have called him or spoke to him in person about your issue with him...not blast him on a news feed for all of your Facebook friends to read.

On another note...Why is his child in foster care? Why is he on social security at 19?

The child is in foster care because the GF already has an open CPS case on her other child who was taken I don't know all the other details. However, he is on social security for schitzoeffective disorder and HIV.

 

[Keen]

I'm over here worried about the child with CPS.

OP, learn your lesson and keep it moving. People like him will need you when the money run out. No more hand outs. None.

 

[pookaloo83]

Oh, and yes I would have taken the one hundred dollars. He's probably sitting back now happy that you didn't take it. Hmph. It would have been right in my purse. Yes indeed. He would be the one looking crazy when he's broke and needing assistance.

I just laughed out loud. And when you added the little "yes indeed"

Sent from my iPhone 4s using LHCF

 

[pookaloo83]

I know because we were all out on a family outting yesterday because he actually received the money yesterday. He gave out money to my mom in front of me and he gave special instruction after my mom dropped him off to shop that when she returns to get him, to not bring me and next thing I know, everyone returns with their feet and nails done. All I wanted was a simple acknowledgement that my money was gonna be repaid.

So he had no intention on giving you the money. Smh.

So sorry to hear he has HIV so young.

Sent from my iPhone 4s using LHCF

 

[hopeful]

I know because we were all out on a family outting yesterday because he actually received the money yesterday. He gave out money to my mom in front of me and he gave special instruction after my mom dropped him off to shop that when she returns to get him, to not bring me and next thing I know, everyone returns with their feet and nails done. All I wanted was a simple acknowledgement that my money was gonna be repaid.

That was cold and mean. Your brother sounds like a hot mess. I think your brother is jealous because you are the "together" one and he knows you will rebound from your minor financial setback. He wanted to be the big shot for once. You were kind and loving to your little brother. I can understand why you helped him so much, but now you know that he does not appreciate you or your kindness. Just let it all go and start fresh and never loan or give them money again. Like someone said, so trife, your baby is taken away and you're worried about a stupid IPod.

ETA: I wouldn't have taken the money either. I would never accept something that was thrown at me like that.

 

[GoingBack]

Does his condition prevent him from working? Is he sick a lot? I thought that people could live normal lives with HIV. Hopefully the baby isn't HIV positive as well.

 

[God_Favor]

Your brother is being very nasty but its all good. Breathe and release him, his girl, and all of their negative energy. Be kind to them ( don't give anymore, you given way too much) and keep it moving. You will be back on your feet in no time, so keep your focus on the positive things you want and will get in your life.


And stay off of messybook, girly!!@

 

[*CherryPie*]

You should have talked with your brother about how you felt instead of letting your emotions build and making that post on facebook. You were wrong. I think you were wrong on all of it!

You can't give money to people with the expectation that they are going to do the same for you. Giving has to be "out of the goodness of your heart". Just because you do something for others don't make them obligated to do things for you.

I would be mad if someone that I was close to posted something like that about me without talking to me about it too. Maybe they were so happy to FINALLY have some money that it slipped their minds. He probably would have given you the money, and things would be fine, if you had just reminded him.

Were you afraid to ask for the money?

 

[miss cosmic]

OP, sorry for your situation.
You do realize that your mother is picking sides too? family is messy and when parents collude with one child...
they have all shown you where you stand in their lives. Learn the lesson well and let it guide you in future. Be civil, do only what you decide in your heart to do, and never expect a 'thank you' from any of them. They will talk ish about you so make sure you have a strong support system outside the house for when they drive you crazy. Dont stoop to their level.

 

[nlamr2013]

Hmm tell them about themselves, hash it out and make up just in time for Sunday dinner

 

[Skyfall]

he's schizoaffective? now it all makes sense. love him from afar girl.

 

[BeautifulMe]

Does his condition prevent him from working? Is he sick a lot? I thought that people could live normal lives with HIV. Hopefully the baby isn't HIV positive as well.

He gets sick sometimes and he quickly recovers but nothing too serious. He is actually in good condition to work but I don't know what he told the Social Security people to get his benefits.