I give the hell up

B

brownelovely

Well-Known Member
*Please don't quote*

So, although I've been out of the dating game for a hot minute I decided to still get out and try to meet and greet...keeping hope alive in other words. So, I met a nice guy that I'm really thinking that I would like eventually have a relationship with.

Problem is...he's the type that's always :ohwell:. It's almost like pulling freaking teeth to keep the conversation lively. There's no flirting (on his end), no compliments, or should I just say nothing that makes me feel :cloud9:. I even broke down during a conversation and just flat out said that if you're not interested then stop calling me. He says he's very interested but just takes time for him to get comfy. :rolleyes:

My personality is very outgoing and I love to laugh. He says once he gets comfortable enough he'll loosen up...I on the other hand am like>>how long is that gonna take? :ohwell: I'll admit I'm not the most patient person but I just refuse to talk to someone that is always melancholy. (seriously, that's the best word to describe this :look:)

Any advice on how to deal with dating someone difficult?
 
Seriously, STOP dating him. You have two very different personalities, and you've brought it to his attention...and he still hasn't made an effort to change, and most likely will not. He is a waste of your time.
 
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My only advice is to not put all of your eggs in one basket. Date around & meet other people. That way, you won't have time to stress over Mr. Monotone Deadpan... and if he doesn't shape up in time, that's his loss b/c you will probably find somebody better ;)


Sent from my iPhone.
 
didnt she say dont quote?


anyway put his boring arse on the backburner and date others. Dont ask him questions about his lame personality anymore and frankly he wouldnt see much of me, I'd be sure to let him know Im too busy with signs
 
I agree with the others that said date around but don't let him go just yet. He could be shy or socially awkward....a guy I date is like that....he is quiet and much more so in social settings. But when we are together we have a great time and the silence isn't awkward. That's just him.
 
Some people do take time being themselves and getting into another person they may like. If you are dating you gotta spread yourself around so you don't focus on just one person aka eggs in one basket until you find The One. If its meant to be it will be.
 
dm81 OP asked to not be quoted.

OP, I agree with the other ladies. Date others and if you don't see improvement soon, cut him loose. I have found that it is best to let people be who they be. Accept him for who he is or move on. Nothing wrong with expressing your likes and dislikes but beyond that it's up to the person to change if they want to. You two sound like a mismatch. There is nothing wrong with you or him, you're just different. He does sound annoying though. When I was younger I remember a guy who would call me all the time but refused to hold a conversation. I honestly think it's a form of laziness and selfishness, like I call you and then you carry the conversation and entertain me. It's not your job to carry the convo or cheer him up.
 
Charz said:
didnt she say dont quote?


anyway put his boring arse on the backburner and date others. Dont ask him questions about his lame personality anymore and frankly he wouldnt see much of me, I'd be sure to let him know Im too busy with signs
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Then why post it?
 
brownelovely said:
The same reason you came in here to reply. :grin:
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I replied because I really think it is stupid and when or if I have advice to give on a situation and someone says that I just don't say anything because I feel as though they have not recognized the wrong in whatever situation they are in and only want people to co-sign with how/what they are feeling and if it goes the opposite way they can erase it and act like it never happened. So it makes no sense for people in denial to post:grin: happy now.
 
Thanks ladies...some very helpful advice here. I pretty much know the answer but due to us having the same views on just about everything else (family oriented, money conscious, sports, he's a true gentleman, etc.....) but the fact that every single time we talk he never has anything positive to say.

He says he's been this way socially for years due to rejection, hurt, etc... and he's trying but I don't want him to change just to please me but to smile and laugh a little geesh.
 
NOEChic said:
I replied because I really think it is stupid and when or if I have advice to give on a situation and someone says that I just don't say anything because I feel as though they have not recognized the wrong in whatever situation they are in and only want people to co-sign with how/what they are feeling and if it goes the opposite way they can erase it and act like it never happened. So it makes no sense for people in denial to post:grin: happy now.
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So I'm in denial...:lachen:whatever. Honestly I could care less..did I offend you in the other thread? :look:
 
brownelovely said:
Thanks ladies...some very helpful advice here. I pretty much know the answer but due to us having the same views on just about everything else (family oriented, money conscious, sports, he's a true gentleman, etc.....) but the fact that every single time we talk he never has anything positive to say.

He says he's been this way socially for years due to rejection, hurt, etc... and he's trying but I don't want him to change just to please me but to smile and laugh a little geesh.
Click to expand...

sounds like a personal problem. pass him the number of a good shrink so he can go ahead and work that out. :look:

seriously tho. It sounds cold, but yeah, I'd say KIM. Or if you must keep talking to him-- like someone else said definitely don't be depending on this dude to change and make sure you are dating around.
 
So he's almost everything you want...but he sounds like he's a pessimistic/ melancholy person or is depressed -- nothing much you can do about that unfortunately.
 
Imani said:
sounds like a personal problem. pass him the number of a good shrink so he can go ahead and work that out. :look:

seriously tho. It sounds cold, but yeah, I'd say KIM. Or if you must keep talking to him-- like someone else said definitely don't be depending on this dude to change and make sure you are dating around.
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@ the bolded, pretty much :yep:. But if you get serious or married, it becomes your problem too. One thing I've learned is that you can care about a person and feel compassion for them and their problem without taking it on or becoming involved.
 
hopeful said:
So he's almost everything you want...but he sounds like he's a pessimistic/ melancholy person or is depressed -- nothing much you can do about that unfortunately.
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Yes, I believe he is depressed unfortunately. I'm very understanding to this b/c of my experiences but I guess I was holding out for him to seek help and he says "he's handling it" :look:.

I'm a tender heart when it comes to others feeling so I'm unsure of how to handle it.

Again, thanks ladies for the advice!
 
brownelovely said:
Yes, I believe he is depressed unfortunately. I'm very understanding to this b/c of my experiences but I guess I was holding out for him to seek help and he says "he's handling it" :look:.

I'm a tender heart when it comes to others feeling so I'm unsure of how to handle it.

Again, thanks ladies for the advice!
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I'm very sensitive too. I used to be one way or the other. Either I was totally involved and trying to help people. Or I was like whatever, not my problem (as a form of self-protection). But now I can just kind of look at a person and their issue and think that is sad, I hope things improve for them. And then make a conscious choice to get on with my life and focus on other things that are important to me. I understand now that adults are responsible for themselves. Not saying it is easy, but it is possible. I am much happier now and less stressed.
 
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I feel bad for this guy. I'm shy, too, and it takes me a while to get warmed up. I seem pretty cold when people first meet me.

Personalities like yours and personalities like mine and his when mixed together, it makes me comfortable. You do all the work and allow me to relax without having to worry about thinking up something to say. I understand that can be frustrating or just plain old annoying.

I agree, unless you feel/see something amazing in this guy, don't focus so much time and energy on him until he's able to relax.
 
Windsy said:
So that she can delete the OP should it go south or she doesn't like the responses.
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I don't like it when people do this because I come into a thread all late and the OP has been deleted and I have to try to figure out what the issue is.:grin: I can understand if it is a personal issue involving family/friends whose business you don't really want out in the street for identification purposes where I wouldn't want a post quoted but with a general topic.....not so much.
 
For the record, I don't really see where it could have went south...plenty of ladies request "no quotes" all the time. Get over it.

@tarheelgirl unfortunately he doesn't drink socially. That's not a problem but I'm sure a drink would help him relax a little more.

He's a great guy but I'm thinking until he wants to get help with whatever he's going through then there's nothing that I can do. I'm looking for other dates but slim pickings...smh. I at least bring qualities that I'm looking for to the table ya know?
 
hopeful said:
@ the bolded, pretty much :yep:. But if you get serious or married, it becomes your problem too. One thing I've learned is that you can care about a person and feel compassion for them and their problem without taking it on or becoming involved.
Click to expand...

I too had to learn this the hard way. :nono: People will deal with their issues when they want to deal w/them not when you want them to. I used to be the same way, wanting to help a dude who was all negative and depressed and not dealing w/his unresolved issues. And guess what, I got dragged down into the negativity and he never changed. Actually just got worse:nono:
 
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