I CAN'T STAND WHEN I SEE LITTLE GIRLS WITH FRIED, NASTY, DAMAGED HAIR!!!!!

[*ElleB]

I'm not defending anybody because I hate to see the little girls with jacked up hair as well. but how will the parents know how to take care of it? I mean this website is not 'well known' except in the haircare community. I bet they've asked a stylist a million times for tips, but just didn't get a good answer from a stylist. As I've asked my stylist a gazillion times and I"ll get a short 'oh you need to moisturize more often'. Well what the heck does that mean??? can you elaborate? name good products? how often, etc etc. And then I've always assumed that these 'haircare' books were nothing but gimmicks. I didn't know any better and I bet that they don't either. I have 2 nieces, and one has long 3a type curly hair, and the other has 4b hair that is short, maybe neck length. Her mom takes very very good care of her hair and putting it in cute ponytails and pretty braids, but unfortunately her hair won't grow. so I'm still trying to find suggestions for her. she's already brought all the products i suggested. So I'm assuming that it's frustrating for those moms who are frying their daughters hair and then wondering why it's fried...they don't know they supposed to only relax the roots.... I surely didn't know... (but luckily i ain't got any kids... now i know...)

ITA with you, but it doesn't take much to realize something ain't right when your baby is balding on the sides and the back... We all were in the same position once upon a time and sought answers, hence, y we are all on LHCF.....
Neither am I bashing anybody...I just can't stand seeing it, especially with girls so young...

 

[Eiano]

This post is reminding me of a MADTV episode where a stereotypical white man who says what comesto his mind without thinking hard first was sitting with a bunch of black men. There was a picture of a little black angel on the wall, (a cartoon) and he was saying:

"What a cute little girl, If their hair is kept neat its okay. They don't scare me when the hair is neat!"

 

[uncutandgettinglonger]

This post is reminding me of a MADTV episode where a stereotypical white man who says what comesto his mind without thinking hard first was sitting with a bunch of black men. There was a picture of a little black angel on the wall, (a cartoon) and he was saying:

"What a cute little girl, If their hair is kept neat its okay. They don't scare me when the hair is neat!"

:ROFL: :ROFL: :ROFL:

 

[dlewis]

In this day and time there is no reason for black girls to have damaged hair, there is so much info out there if parents would take the time to find it.

I can't do the same things to my daughter's hair as I can do to mine, so I tried different things until I found what works for her.

We as black folks need to stop listening to people telling us things that don't make sense and then we go try it. If the person telling you something doesn't have hair or children don't have hair then DON'T listen.

My MIL is a hairdresser, and I have never seen anyone at her shop that has any length, her daughter, my SIL just started to grow hair since moving away from here. So she can't give me ANY advice on how to grow hair.

 

[FIRESTARTER]

].....We as black folks need to stop listening to people telling us things that don't make sense and then we go try it. If the person telling you something doesn't have hair or children don't have hair then DON'T listen.[/B]

My MIL is a hairdresser, and I have never seen anyone at her shop that has any length, her daughter, my SIL just started to grow hair since moving away from here. So she can't give me ANY advice on how to grow hair.

Yes I agree. Black folks tend to trust stylist to know what they are doing (since they are licensed), but this is definitely a misconception. I know stylist who will put a relaxer on your hair then put you under the dryer to make it work faster . These folks don't know WHAT they are doing.

My little sister's hair is fried and damaged but she goes to the shop every week . My mom wont fix it because she feels like if the stylist cant fix it, she just must have bad hair. I believe that people will fix these problems in their own time, we all did. Once they realize that there is a problem, they will seek hair advice from people that actually have healthy hair.

 

[*ElleB]

I know stylist who will put a relaxer on your hair then put you under the dryer to make it work faster . These folks don't know WHAT they are doing. .

Thats is what did me in!!!! And I am still trying to undo that damge to this day...Before that, my hair was nicely thick and resilient....It's getting its thickness back but slowly its still a little weak....

 

[plove]

i think that is crazy
i know i would not do that to my lil girl
but my lil one has 3a/3b midback long hair
that is very easy to do
so who am i to talk about them

 

[MissYocairis]

I saw this yesterday in the grocery store. A young girl, about 13, with HORRIBLY damaged hair. So bad that from about the nape of her neck, all the way up about 4.5 inches up and all the way across in the back was a 1 inch TWA...then, shooting out over it from the crown as if to cover it, was about 7 inches of relaxed hair wrapped. But, because of the hood on her coat, it made her relaxed, wrapped hair stick up so that you could see all the broken off area CLEARLY in the back. It was horrible. Apparently, her mother hadn't even taught her to wrap her head in a scarf at night. And, it was filthy. Who wants to wash hair that is 1 inch all through the back and a 7 inch bob in the crown and sides the rest of the way around? Can you imagine how depressing it must be to style that?

 

[CaribbeanQueen]

Have the mothers of today really changed that much?

I mean, when I was in elementary school very few girls had chemically processed hair. The ones who did, usually had neatly trimmed ends and rollersets. Even the jheri curl girls were not dripping and looked half decent and groomed.

Whether you know about hair or not, there is no reason why any mother should go weeks without washing their child's hair. Would they go for weeks or months without washing their bodies?

And acrylics and weave in elementary school? Lawd, I wish I could have tried that one on my mom...

 

[melodee]

There is so much competition among young girls that many parents resort to perms and fake nails to end the begging from children. A teasing bunch of kids ain't no joke.

I have an eight year old who has wavy/curly hair to her but when stretched. But she sees her friends (many of them white) coming from the salons with highlights, and she wants to get salon treatment too. I have taken her, but not regularly. She wanted a relaxer because her cousin, same age, had gotten one last year and wears her her "down". My daughter wears hers mostly in two braids or braidout ponytails which look nice. Once in a while, I will heat style it straight--and all her teachers and classmates tell her and me how beautiful the straight hair is. This gets on my nerves because I think the curly hair and braid/out styles can look beautiful too.
I told her she had options, the ones with permanently straight her can't wear theirs curly or wavy and she can do both.
She still isn't 100% convinced, but I ain't budging.

OT: a lot of white parents love putting blond highlights in their little boy's hair. I've seen em as young as four.

 

[Bunny77]

Have the mothers of today really changed that much?

I mean, when I was in elementary school very few girls had chemically processed hair. The ones who did, usually had neatly trimmed ends and rollersets. Even the jheri curl girls were not dripping and looked half decent and groomed.

Whether you know about hair or not, there is no reason why any mother should go weeks without washing their child's hair. Would they go for weeks or months without washing their bodies?

And acrylics and weave in elementary school? Lawd, I wish I could have tried that one on my mom...

That's my question. I know some folks on this thread have suggested that the reason for many young girls' poor hair care is because their mothers don't have access to good information, etc.

But when I look back at pictures of little black girls before say, the last decade, their hair usually looks much BETTER than the hair of black girls now.

I was in elementary school in the mid-80s, and like CaribbeanQueen said, most of the black girls had decent looking hair. There were a few jheri curls and some presses here and there, but most girls either had plaits all over their head (me!!) or cornrows or something.

SO WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED???? It seems like modern mothers have regressed in terms of caring for their daughters' hair. Have folks just gotten lazier and think that a relaxer or a weave is an easier option? I hear a lot of people saying they just don't have time to do their child's hair, but you know, I'm not 100% sympathetic. You had those babies, so take some time out to give them some decent grooming, dang!!!!

I look back fondly on the time my Mom spent doing my hair on a Sunday afternoon (and she does now, even though it was kind of a chore back then) and I love seeing old pictures of myself in plaits (which became puffs on special occassions!)

My mom wasn't the best hairstylist, but again, when you are dealing with a CHILD, you don't need to make her hair look "hooked up." Simple and neat is all you need.

 

[plove]

Hi Melodee

I am having the same problem with my lil one.
One day i had my lil one hair in two ponytails.
When my lil one got to class and took off her hat
this lil teasing girl told my lil one that her hair was ugly.
This made my lil one cry. (her father takes her to school and i pick her up)
So when i went to pick her up, i ask her to show me the lil girl
Why this little girl was running around with a home made weave in her hair
I told my lil one, don't let anyone with fake hair make you feel bad
about your real hair.

 

[facets]

True about simple being best for little girls. it seems like when the straightening comb and curlers came on the scene, my hair promptly exited. I'm not sure why my mom stopped leaving my hair natural about 2nd grade.:<

I never had the worst hair but it was miles away from pretty. looking at my old pics it seems like my hair was always done up in some inappropriately grown-*ss hair style. i guess no longer being long enough for good ponytails, she didn't want it looking 'any old way'.

the joke is that she grew up NC wearing natural plaits(long) what 80percent of the time, pressed only on special occasions. it's like someone went crazy during the 70s and decided most little brown and black girls *had to have straight hair*... bring on the Kiddie Kits etc.bleh..

The classmates & neighbors i remember with natural hair were mostly types 2-3, with very few type 4s left to grow hair in peace. i'm remember some who had healthy hair but wore maybe four or six braids/pigtails were some times teased compared to those with the illustrious 2 or *gasp* one braiders. shades of Sade. lol.

i think some moms got(get) into the harsh styling to stretch the hair into less 'country' hairstyles and save time?
***
my husband's cousin's wife from Mali is giving their daughter traction alopecia already & she's not even 4rys old yet. afro hair care in france isn't what it is here tho'. i've tried get some scoop/advice in, the last she told me she was going to BC both her and her daughter's(and the girl has the so-called 'good' mixy hair).

***
... weaves & extensions on girls are really ridiculous. unless there is a medical issue, it's just lazy and sad. erplexed

We have two boys, so I'm not dealing with this aspect yet. I really wanted and prayed for a girl this time but I guess G-d wants me to get my own hair together first. lol.

boys' hair is disappointingly low-maintenance.

 

[Teacake]

I don't know how long that girl's mother's hair was but it appears as though this mother was jealous that her daughter had more hair than she had.

My aunt had hair, but she cut hers off too. I don't think she wanted to take the time to maintain her daughter's hair. My cousin's hair was never the same. It was strange seeing a child with an adult hairstyle back then.

 

[CaribbeanQueen]

Hi Melodee

I am having the same problem with my lil one.
One day i had my lil one hair in two ponytails.
When my lil one got to class and took off her hat
this lil teasing girl told my lil one that her hair was ugly.
This made my lil one cry. (her father takes her to school and i pick her up)
So when i went to pick her up, i ask her to show me the lil girl
Why this little girl was running around with a home made weave in her hair
I told my lil one, don't let anyone with fake hair make you feel bad
about your real hair.

The child who insulted your daughter was probably just repeating what an older person had told her about her own hair. Children are very impressionable and if a mother starts sewing weave in their kids hair at that young age, its like saying , fake is better than real, straight is better than kinky.

 

[Motivator01]

DITTO DITTO DITTO
I'm an 80's child myself and most of us where sporting cornrows, natural pony tails and on picture day a press and curl
It is not just the level of hair care that has gone down but also the quality of motherhood and fatherhood. It seems like children today are raising themselves or the TV is doing it, and not quaility shows on PBS but videos, crazy music and what not. It is soooo sad to se a little girls and boys just grow up toooo soon knowing about things they shouln't know about until the are grown. This is a drect cause of lazyyyyy parenting and thinking that your 5 year old is cute shakin her behind like a grown woman.
But that is just me erplexed

 

[rosie]

This post has confirmed my decision to not give my daughter extension braids. Not even pencil sized C&G ones.

We went to a recognition assembly at her school and only she and one other black girl had natural/own hair styles. My daughter has he hair in small braids(plaits) with clear beads on the ends.

She has been asking so much for the extension braids for a long time now. I have put her off with the promise of unique and cute cornrow styles. SHe asked for twists like mine and that is what she is sporting now.

Everyone who sees her thinks her hair is cute and appropriate. The little girls with the extension to their butts look too grown up.

I have worked hard to get my daughter to love her hair for what it is. Thick, black, shiny, healthy. Nothing to be ashamed of. But in a world of peer pressure, who can blame her when everyone else has something else.

I am amazed at the lack of hair care I see in our community. From the young to the old. Our hair is jacked up.

Her grandma's hair is relaxed and died shoeshine black. Hair is HAM. she keeps telling my oldest dd that when she is twelve, she can get a relaxer, 'cause that's when girls start to grow up. Not in my house. I don't relax my own hair, why would I relax hers?

In my youngest dd's day care, there are any number of little girls with relaxers. The oldest kids in the center are 5. Most of the kids are 4 and under with relaxers. My little one sports cornrows with lotsa beads. We make color combos (pink and white or shades of blue, etc)

Both of their heads are growing nicely and I am not about to mess it up with too tight braids, or harsh chemicals.

Yeah, thanks for this thread.

 

[uncutandgettinglonger]

My hair was relaxed at a very young age, 4 or 5 I think, but it was for managability's sake, and my mom didn't take me to the salon all the time. Although my hair was relaxed, it was still long, and she still styleed it in appropriate styles. I got a jehrri curl when I was 7 and had one till I was 11 (the longest 4 years of my life), but once again, I wore appropriate hair styles, even when it was short. I got my first and only weave at 13 because my mom was sick of curling my hair for me all the time (she wouldn't let me do it myself for whatever reason). Whenever I got a weave it was simple do-do braids. None of that curly, dyed mess that was so popular back then.

I'm thankful that my mom never sent me out the house looking a hot mess.

 

[Wildchild453]

I really can't believe that people are perming BABIES' hair. That is nuts

I didn't get my first perm till I was about 13 and by junior year of HS I was natural again.

 

[caltron]

Hi Melodee

I am having the same problem with my lil one.
One day i had my lil one hair in two ponytails.
When my lil one got to class and took off her hat
this lil teasing girl told my lil one that her hair was ugly.
This made my lil one cry. (her father takes her to school and i pick her up)
So when i went to pick her up, i ask her to show me the lil girl
Why this little girl was running around with a home made weave in her hair
I told my lil one, don't let anyone with fake hair make you feel bad
about your real hair.

I think this is the root of the problem. For black children, if your hair looks nappy in any way, you get teased. If your hair is straight--even if it is short and damaged--then you are left alone. When I was a child, (I'm 4a) my mom styled my hair in natural styles and I was always teased about my nappy hair, even though it was long and healthy.

So I think lots of black mothers perm their daughters' hair because they want to spare them from teasing from other children, not because they are lazy.

 

[meia]

lol well if anyone wants a laugh, and im not trying to hijack the thread or anything lol but i was reading in a cosmo (at least im pretty sure it was a cosmo) not that long ago and apparently white mothers were taking their toddlers with them to the salons now. meanwhile that sounds usual, but it gets worse - these women would get their hair done- dyed and everything and would get the TODDLERS hair DYED too so it made their haircolor look NATURAL!!?!?!?!? When i read that i wanted to FLIP! youre going to give your 3 year old a coloring job just because your fake behind wants to look natural? ugh...

i brought it up because i think in some ways perhaps, black ladies embody the same idea- they give their kids weave because they want their weave to look real- and by having their babies with similar hair, it can appear that way (especially with bone straight weaves or big curly weaves) or it could just be plain laziness on the parents part...i remember this one girl (when my sis was little) picking on my sis because she had beautiful lower back length wavy 3C hair- used to do everything she could to hurt my sisters feelings..apparently, this girl had gotten a lye relaxer done and they f*cked up and burned all her hair off so she was bald and had to wear a wig...

i think nine times out of ten its conditioning from the parents to act that way but i think some kids just come out of the womb acting like that because they see what they want and cant get it for themselves for whatever reason and just get jealous..

all i know is no matter how long i'll have to wrestle with my babies hair or whatever the case may be shes NEVER getting a relaxer- not ever! even if it takes me 3 hours to do her hair its NOT happening

 

[meia]

I think this is the root of the problem. For black children, if your hair looks nappy in any way, you get teased. If your hair is straight--even if it is short and damaged--then you are left alone. When I was a child, (I'm 4a) my mom styled my hair in natural styles and I was always teased about my nappy hair, even though it was long and healthy.

So I think lots of black mothers perm their daughters' hair because they want to spare them from teasing from other children, not because they are lazy.

i think it could go either way with the teasing..if youve got nappy hair and most everyone else around you does ...you could be accepted and then if you have straight hair you could get teased or rather bullied. conversely, i think that if straight hair and most everyone else around you does and the girls with the nappy hair get picked on...it depends i think a lot on social class and area...i know in my town most everyone is white or of asian decent and wont say it to your face but will make fun of your hair behind your back (and its clearly visible)---just as well the limited black population in my area will hate on you regardless...straight, wavy, weaved, nappy..it doesnt matter YOURE GOING to get picked on

i think black mothers perm their hair because of the teasing (and not wanting to see their kids hurt) but also because its easier for them to manage and do while having it look halfway decent...maybe lazy was the wrong them erplexed ...i know when i was younger my grandma had to perm my hair cos wasnt no comb getting through it and she didnt have the time to wrestle with it because doing that would mean tears and screams and ouches..lol

 

[facets]

I think this is the root of the problem. For black children, if your hair looks nappy in any way, you get teased. If your hair is straight--even if it is short and damaged--then you are left alone. When I was a child, (I'm 4a) my mom styled my hair in natural styles and I was always teased about my nappy hair, even though it was long and healthy.

So I think lots of black mothers perm their daughters' hair because they want to spare them from teasing from other children, not because they are lazy.

yup.. & it's that dread of being teased/hatred of kinks & naps that eventually kills the hair through neglect(or flat-out denial"No one in *my* family has this hair") or styling abuse. the whole ' bad hair' appraisal/judgement can become a self-fulfilling prophecy & curse on the child.

i know this thread is about girls but i say 'child' for boys too because i've seen a lot of them shorn bald & nearly-bald not so much for style but nap avoidance. Can't we allow boys to grow a little bit of hair already?! Everyone's head is not shaped right for a baldy cut.

 

[plove]

see that is what is crazy about what happened my lil one has 3a/3b hair that is midback. i am alway told that "you are lucky your daughter has good hair"
i hate when people said that what is good hair and what is bad hair?
but anyway i will ask her father if i can put up a pic of her hair so you can see what i mean