It is clear from your threads/posts that the bolded is highly unlikely. Why do I say that?
Hebrews 6:
4For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost,
5And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, 6If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.
I've come to realize that people who leave a church or stop being followers of Christ or turn their backs on God failed to exercise their FAITH. The principles God gave them in the Bible "didn't work" so they get mad, confused, disgusted with Christians, etc. They harden their hearts, like the Israelites did in the Wilderness. They blame everyone but themselves for feeling the way they do. I'm more inclined to believe this "confusion" you claim is an 'excuse' And I say this with Agape Love. You can get mad at me all you want, but I think you need to hear this.
I'll tell you what
excuses are, they are a way of paving the way to do what we set our minds to do anyway, so there is no guilt. It's clear your mind has been made up and you're setting the stage, since the day you left your parents' church. Take away those excuses, you'll have nothing to fall back on but God -- and the Freedom you're so desperately seeking and I know you know that.
I was in a state of "confusion" before, knowing whom God is but running away from Him. I chose to live in in a den of demons, led by a frustrated Atheist. I falsely believed Atheisism was a freedom. I could do what I want, I was free. Yeah, right
. All I got was heartache, trouble, people out to kill me, shame and disgust. This Atheist knew the Bible, too. He knew about all the Christian catch-phrases, too. So, I've heard all your rhetoric before and they don't move me one bit. Been there. Done that.
Of course those "Christian phrases" MEAN NOTHING to those who don't believe. But if you had been the strong Christian you say you were, you will be able identify with this and not spew it as nonesense. God's Word will never return to Him void.
I
know what the blood of Jesus means. I don't say that to assuage any insecurities, but but to testify to the goodness of God. It was the Blood that saved me from getting murdered by someone who plotted to take my life. It saved me from a heart condition that I no longer have. It saved me from thieves, liars and cheats. I don't post willy nilly on this Forum to things I don't know to be true in Real Life. No faker here.
If you choose to discard God, that is your choice, but because you don't "feel" it anymore, doesn't mean He no longer exists or His Word isn't Truth. God will still move. He will still Save. And as the battle intensifies for more souls for the Kingdom, He will prevail. It is Written.
At the end of the day, it's your soul and you are held accountable for it, for the words that come out of your mouth. For the curse you speak on your own life. No matter where you go, who you choose to hang out with, what you choose to do, God WILL STILL BE THERE, right there with you.
He's married to your soul and He'll be right there when you return.
Yes, he'll keep the Light on for you, too, and He'll embrace you like the Father embraced his prodigal son.
Like N&W deftly said, it's your choice. I challenge you to go back and read all your own posts, you'll see you've been going in circles for quite a while, asking the same questions different ways. And My soul sincerely hurts for you, because you are a bright, intelligent and likeable young woman.
I will seriously keep you in my prayers because I know that God won't give up on you!