I am actually OFFENDED when an ugly dudes "holla"

[PhonyBaloney500]

Exactly. If all they have working against them is looks why should I turn them down any more harshly or be offended because an "ugly" man approached me? They have eyes right? "You're ugly and you think I'm cute. eat dirt and die" I mean really it's not that serious. Keep it moving.

As fly as I think I look, I don't expect men to flip open a compact to check if they are attractive enough to approach me. Men will try, hell people period are going to try. That's life. Now if you're stank and about nothing then

Also, I'm just going to put it out there... some women see an ugly man approaching them, a dime or 8.5. I see an average chick (or below) being approached by an average or below guy. I think "but I'm so much cuter than him" is a convo that some ppl can't afford to get into.

Maybe I'm really tired or have been reading too much Palin-speak but I don't understand this part.

ETA: I'm sorry I get it now, third reading. I am tired.

 

[PhonyBaloney500]

Ugly guys/wankstas: They've got nothing to lose. So why not? I think I saw an article about guys on the street buggering ladies in DC and the guys (not particularly ugly I don't think but definitely didn't have anything going for them career-wise if you will) pretty much said it's a numbers game and they're bound to hit BINGO at some point.

I just hate people making comments period. I dun care what you think!

 

[LunadeMiel]

Any guy approaching me at this point gets on my nerves. Lately I've been getting more stares and an actual approach...

 

[Syrah]

How come every time I'm out and about these days, running errands or shopping, I get hit one by all kinds of below avg-avg joe schmo looking fellas?
I am actually quite insulted when they think they can get with me, looking, talking, acting the way they do...

I am sorry, I may be called some arrogant prick for this, but I really don't care. I am an 8, a 9 on my best days...Why the hell are these 3's and 4's, dingy-looking men assuming I'd somehow settle for something like them, carrying myself the way I do.

My ma shakes her head at my sentiments all the time, saying "Oh Gigi, it's all about the beauty on the inside..blahdyblahdyyahdyyah"

Hmmm mmmkay, but I have one question for you: Why is it that society has this double standard where, whenever a man does not find a woman attractive/up to par/his type, whatever, it's just "his tastes" or what he likes...but when a woman has high standards, and God forbid I want a man who looks good, I'm seen as "PICKY"?

That's simply not fair. And no, I won't humor him with flirting back, or giving my number because he's a nice fella and "it took courage to talk to me" Not fair at all. If I don't find a man attractive, why should I bother? Why should I force myself to give you a chance when I don't see you as attractive. And don't even get me started on the persistent ones...
It's one thing to gradually appreciate a man's beauty over time, and fall in love with him for who he is...it's another to try to date a man whose face you cannot convince yourself to kiss. <-- I think this is what my dear mother does not understand. lol.

I reserve the right to respond to what I find attractive (as most men do) and the right to ignore if I don't... and the right to feel you should not hold your breath thinking I will wholeheartedly embrace your physical "uniqueness". lol. That's just how I feel about that.

Vent over. All thoughts are welcome!

A) When did "picky" become a bad thing??

B) I dunno if I subscribe to the bold just based on looks. The "total" package is much more than that.

If you have certain standards, cool. Just make sure that in some way you measure up to your own standards that you place on other people.

Don't talk about wanting a 7 figure man, who's built like Shemar Moore and has the black love of spirit of Musiq Soulchild, but barely making $40K, bleaching your skin with fake contacts and think nothing of a dinner of fried twinkies and kool-aid. At that point, I gotta ask some questions (or just shake my head and keep it moving AND warn my male friends about 'cha)...

 

[SleekandBouncy]

While leaving my job this homeless dude used to tell me how beautiful I was and made sure to let everyone else walking past know how sexy he felt I was. He's asking for change and vag. Why get mad? I'd tell him thanks and keep it moving.

On a crappy enough day you'll want a bum telling you you're sexy...believe me...I know.

If they keep on trying someone's gonna give in. I live my life like that now too, the worst someone can do is say no. I ask people for all kinds of crazy stuff with the mindset that they'll more than likely say no.

I was out with my brother and a homeless man clothed in newspapers said "your girl is super fine, you're a lucky man". My brother almost died, he was cussin' under his breath half because I'm his sister

 

[Paradox]

Ok..this has happened to me twice recently.
about 3 thugs were trying to "holla" at me and I just do some strange half smile,to get away and I keep walking. One is trying to ask my name, and i just ignore him. The other guys are like she's just shy.
I am quiet...but did it enter their mind that I just wasn't interested??This has happened before...not that this is a bad thing, I would rather them think I was shy then get belligent because I'm rejecting them. any thoughts?

 

[tiara76]

I can honestly count on one hand how many dudes in my life have acted out of line in person while approaching me (and those turned out well after I calmly, sternly and very politely told them they were out of line and need to check their behavior, they were apologizing and thanking me for letting them know they were acting a fool)....so I will stick with being polite, treating the man like he's another human being and not just some dude not good enough to be in my presence....at least from the get go....


can't say I've ever been offended by a man expressing interest....

being picky and having a holier than thou Im better than you attitude how dare you even think you are good enough to approach me are two different things as well......negative vibes usually draw negative attention

 

[BackToMyRoots]

Getting a compliment from someone ugly or not doesn't mean I have to ride off into the sunset with them. I'm always unfailingly polite unless someone gets disrespectful, then I ignore them and keep it moving.

I can honestly say...99% of the guys who approach me always treat me like a lady when being complimentary. Some are even funny...and sometimes I walk away smiling and shaking my head.

One guy said to me the other day:

"I'd marry you right now...just say yes, I'll go put the ring on layaway, damn."

Seriously how can you not smile about that, layaway. SMH.

 

[kbody4]

How come every time I'm out and about these days, running errands or shopping, I get hit one by all kinds of below avg-avg joe schmo looking fellas?
I am actually quite insulted when they think they can get with me, looking, talking, acting the way they do...

I am sorry, I may be called some arrogant prick for this, but I really don't care. I am an 8, a 9 on my best days...Why the hell are these 3's and 4's, dingy-looking men assuming I'd somehow settle for something like them, carrying myself the way I do.

My ma shakes her head at my sentiments all the time, saying "Oh Gigi, it's all about the beauty on the inside..blahdyblahdyyahdyyah"

Hmmm mmmkay, but I have one question for you: Why is it that society has this double standard where, whenever a man does not find a woman attractive/up to par/his type, whatever, it's just "his tastes" or what he likes...but when a woman has high standards, and God forbid I want a man who looks good, I'm seen as "PICKY"?

That's simply not fair. And no, I won't humor him with flirting back, or giving my number because he's a nice fella and "it took courage to talk to me" Not fair at all. If I don't find a man attractive, why should I bother? Why should I force myself to give you a chance when I don't see you as attractive. And don't even get me started on the persistent ones...
It's one thing to gradually appreciate a man's beauty over time, and fall in love with him for who he is...it's another to try to date a man whose face you cannot convince yourself to kiss. <-- I think this is what my dear mother does not understand. lol.

I reserve the right to respond to what I find attractive (as most men do) and the right to ignore if I don't... and the right to feel you should not hold your breath thinking I will wholeheartedly embrace your physical "uniqueness". lol. That's just how I feel about that.



Vent over. All thoughts are welcome!

This is so funny! I rant about the same thing to my mom as well. One thing that I've learned about men is that they do not settle under any circumstances. And we as women shouldn't either

 

[MissJ]

Ugly guys are nothing to write home about.

 

[missty1029]

I'm glad the stars are gone because this thread would be one starred up!!! I agree with ugly dudes having great self esteem these days especially here in Atlanta where most of the guys are average and below

I thought it was just me that felt that way!!!!!!! Thank you!

 

[ChasingBliss]

Speaking honestly for myself... yeah.

Seriously, a "holla" don't mean **** these days. Any dude can "holla" at you... I used to HATE when my mom or others would say, "Well at least men are complimenting you," when I would complain about not being in a relationship and only hearing from no good fools on the street who were jacked up.

Okay, also hating to sound arrogant here, but I know I'm a decent-looking woman. A man who "hollas" is not boosting my self-esteem one bit because I know how I look and carry myself.

I want a decent-looking and acting person to approach me correctly. Not "holla." If "hollas" are all I can get, then they can keep 'em.

WHEW!!! Could NOT have put this any better...Totally agreeing!

 

[Monilove122]

I always like your posts!

I just wanted to add something to this... the other side of the socialization part is that if a man is supposed to pick a woman based on looks (for evolutionary reasons), then the woman is supposed to look for a man who's a good protector. And in these days, that usually means financially, since we've evolved past the point in which we might get attacked by a grizzly bear or woolly mammoth while walking out of the cave.

So, if a woman is choosing to get with a not-so-attractive dude, then he's SUPPOSED to be bringing that "protection" to the table... which is why ugly-*** Donald Trump gets all those supermodel types.

The PROBLEM today is that so many dudes are bringing NOTHING to the table... no looks, no job, no money, no intelligence... and women are being told to look past all that and as long as he's a "good man," that's all that matters.

Sheeeeit....

I feel like this is something I posted ESPECIALLY the bolded. I wasn't going to post here but it was getting so interesting I had to add my 2 cents.

First, I get sick of hearing "looks shouldn't matter" okay... but when you first meet someone you can't see that he goes to church every Sunday, or he respects his Mama, or he has good credit...all you see is how the look. Who wants to open a package that isn't wrapped in beautiful paper. Now the type of paper is different for everyone but I have to be drawn to it.

Case in point one of girlfriends tried to hook me up with a guy just this week. Now mind you, I'm not one of those "woe is me cuz I'm single women" but, having a companion would be nice. She tells me all these GREAT qualities about him that interested me but all I wanted to know is WHAT DO DA' BOY LOOK LIKE??? erplexed She says well...he is 350 lbs but he is working on losing weight. GIRL BYE (as we say here in Greenville, NC). No matter how good of a person he is that package is not one that I want to unwrap. It doesn't make me shallow or too focused on outer appearances it simply means that I won't disregard what physically attracts me for other qualities. I want the total package and that certainly was not it.

As I've gotten older my standards have relaxed a lot as I've learned more about what quality is (i.e. I used to only want to date a white collar guy but now a blue collar guy is alright with me. i.e. he HAD to have a college education but now if he went to school for some other trade like an electrician is fine with me).

I say all that to say OP, I feel you. When I read the title I felt you cause I know exactly what you mean. It isn't about thinking you are better than someone but you almost start to wonder what in sam hill am I putting out in the universe for bruh to even THINK he had a chance. I don't pretty myself up when I'm out and about for a guy with bifocals in 3 teeth ALL ON THE TOP to think I'm in his league (yes, this happened to me last week and the guy he was with said man, you KNOW you ain't got a chance).

Although looks are not EVERYTHING they are surely SOMETHING and I have to want to unwrap that package to find out if I caught something good or I need to throw it back in the sea!

 

[Te'TahHead]

****.. if they ugly, they usually don't have nothing to lose.

 

[tiara76]

I feel like this is something I posted ESPECIALLY the bolded. I wasn't going to post here but it was getting so interesting I had to add my 2 cents.

First, I get sick of hearing "looks shouldn't matter" okay... but when you first meet someone you can't see that he goes to church every Sunday, or he respects his Mama, or he has good credit...all you see is how the look. Who wants to open a package that isn't wrapped in beautiful paper. Now the type of paper is different for everyone but I have to be drawn to it.

Case in point one of girlfriends tried to hook me up with a guy just this week. Now mind you, I'm not one of those "woe is me cuz I'm single women" but, having a companion would be nice. She tells me all these GREAT qualities about him that interested me but all I wanted to know is WHAT DO DA' BOY LOOK LIKE??? erplexed She says well...he is 350 lbs but he is working on losing weight. GIRL BYE (as we say here in Greenville, NC). No matter how good of a person he is that package is not one that I want to unwrap. It doesn't make me shallow or too focused on outer appearances it simply means that I won't disregard what physically attracts me for other qualities. I want the total package and that certainly was not it.

As I've gotten older my standards have relaxed a lot as I've learned more about what quality is (i.e. I used to only want to date a white collar guy but now a blue collar guy is alright with me. i.e. he HAD to have a college education but now if he went to school for some other trade like an electrician is fine with me).

I say all that to say OP, I feel you. When I read the title I felt you cause I know exactly what you mean. It isn't about thinking you are better than someone but you almost start to wonder what in sam hill am I putting out in the universe for bruh to even THINK he had a chance. I don't pretty myself up when I'm out and about for a guy with bifocals in 3 teeth ALL ON THE TOP to think I'm in his league (yes, this happened to me last week and the guy he was with said man, you KNOW you ain't got a chance).

Although looks are not EVERYTHING they are surely SOMETHING and I have to want to unwrap that package to find out if I caught something good or I need to throw it back in the sea!

Being picky is one thing

being offended somebody expresses interest in somebody is totally different

imo

I don't see how the comparison is being made in this thread as if being offended and thinking one is better than who they are being approached by is the same thing as being picky

Im offended because Im picky and I have the right to be

because if one is not offended and takes the gesture as meaningless, or a compliment, or brushes it off , or happens to be polite , etc then does that mean they are NOT picky....?

Im picky and I do feel we all have the right to choose who we like for whatever reason we feel is good enough for us to make that choice and being offended by a man who shows interest in me that I have no desire to choose doesn't make me n e less picky....if n e thing Im like...I know, thank you appreciate the love have a blessed day.....

closed mouths don't get fed, I can't be mad at anybody who has enough courage to approach me no matter who they are...I would treat a bum on the street the same way I would treat any other dude I meet....with courtesy and a smile....chances are slim to none that I would be with the bum, being mad he had the nerve.....nah...its not that serious in life...so no he wouldnt get a number...but he would get a thank you and a nice turn down and some blessings sent out to him on top of that hoping one day he gets it together

 

[tiara76]

also...when it comes to men and women....usually men are approaching women way more than the other way around...so men are picking who they want to approach, but that doesn't mean they get chose by who they pick......so its the flip side...men approach who they are attracted to for what ever reason or another

in general and on average

women choose from those who pick her to approach...so while we are turning down generically 9 guys to every 10 who holla, they are getting picked by 1 out of every 10 women they approach

and until women start on average picking and approaching the type of dude she likes or is attracted too, then odds are she will get approached by all different types of men

it will only suck if a woman who holds herself so high above another man goes after a man she thinks is on her level for him to look at her like why in the world does she think she has a chance with me

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Being picky is one thing

being offended somebody expresses interest in somebody is totally different

imo

I don't see how the comparison is being made in this thread as if being offended and thinking one is better than who they are being approached by is the same thing as being picky

Im offended because Im picky and I have the right to be

because if one is not offended and takes the gesture as meaningless, or a compliment, or brushes it off , or happens to be polite , etc then does that mean they are NOT picky....?

Im picky and I do feel we all have the right to choose who we like for whatever reason we feel is good enough for us to make that choice and being offended by a man who shows interest in me that I have no desire to choose doesn't make me n e less picky....if n e thing Im like...I know, thank you appreciate the love have a blessed day.....

closed mouths don't get fed, I can't be mad at anybody who has enough courage to approach me no matter who they are...I would treat a bum on the street the same way I would treat any other dude I meet....with courtesy and a smile....chances are slim to none that I would be with the bum, being mad he had the nerve.....nah...its not that serious in life...he would get a thank you and a nice turn down and some blessings sent out to him on top of that hoping one day he gets it together

Exactly. I was wondered if perhaps I was reading a different thread because some answers were relying on rather liberal interpretations.
No one is saying that anyone has to accept, date or even give them the time of day, but to be offended because an ugly man has the same eye sight as non ugly men? Is it really that serious? Do I really have the mental energy to put into being offended?
Don't we all make an attempt at things we aren't really qualitifed for and hope that luck will carry us? Plus, some of these men may not know they are ugly. Surely it's possible when we consider how many women are under the erroenous opinion that they are dimes. Most ppl are biased in their own favor, maybe the guy is overestimating his own appeal and maybe some of the women are overestimating how much they outrank these men in the looks dept

 

[tiara76]

Exactly. I was wondered if perhaps I was reading a different thread because some answers were relying on rather liberal interpretations.
No one is saying that anyone has to accept, date or even give them the time of day, but to be offended because an ugly man has the same eye sight as non ugly men? Is it really that serious? Do I really have the mental energy to put into being offended?
Don't we all make an attempt at things we aren't really qualitifed for and hope that luck will carry us? Plus, some of these men may not know they are ugly. Surely it's possible when we consider how many women are under the erroenous opinion that they are dimes. Most ppl are biased in their own favor, maybe the guy is overestimating his own appeal and maybe some of the women are overestimating how much they outrank these men in the looks dept

I feel you....

Are there any women here who feel that they are not up to par for a certain type of man....ones they feel are out of their league? lookwise, status wise, financial wise, etc?....

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Are there any women here who feel that they are not up to par for a certain type of man....ones they feel are out of their league? lookwise, status wise, financial wise, etc?....

I believe there are. There was an old thread about it or one that spun off into discussion of it.
Even then the dynamic is still different because men are more aggressive and forward about approaching unfamiliar women.

 

[vpoetic]

I actually had a male friend tell me that I need to start dating guys that are not cute because cute guys can have anyoneerplexed. I looked at him like what are you trying to say about me. But anyways I don't have a problem with "ugly" guys trying to talk to me. I just like when a guy try to talk to me like I am a dog or something.

 

[LivingDoll]

I didn't read all the responses so I apologize if this has already been said...ugly men are used to rejection...they have nothing to lose. They don't have the same worries about rejection as attractive men do. That's why they always try.

oh and btw, just cuz a dude may be ugly to you or me doesn't mean he's ugly to all women. Trust and believe there's SOMEBODY (who's not 'ugly') checkin' for him...

 

[*KP*]

He might be a 3/4 to you but in his head, he's an 8/9

 

[Millahdoowop]

Lmmfao @ offended.

 

[blue_flower]

As long as he's not too ugly, lazy, triflin', or stupid we can just settle being friends.

 

[Paradox]

I should define ugly: old men because they are being pedos that is ugly, thugs, disrespectful men, unaccomplished men who are just hanging out on the street.
When I get a holla from one of these men I am very offended.

 

[Paradox]

I actually had a male friend tell me that I need to start dating guys that are not cute because cute guys can have anyoneerplexed. I looked at him like what are you trying to say about me. But anyways I don't have a problem with "ugly" guys trying to talk to me. I just like when a guy try to talk to me like I am a dog or something.

I just want a very average looking guy, like those politicians. very average.

 

[fluffylocks]

I think most of the time they know they are average or below, and they just think you are pretty and thats it.

But either way the ugly man also has self-confidence and is just doing what alot of men do.
Just because your ugly doesnt mean your going to be a gentlemen either.....Just like we all know or heard of some ugly women with the worst attitudes.

 

[chelsea1]

As you get older you realize that you have to look deeper than the outer beauty. Don't judge a book by it's cover.

15 yrs. ago I would have never looked at my husband in an romantic way because he was not my "type" (looks wise). One evening he asked me out, and that was the best time and conversation I ever had with the opposite sex in my life. We have been married for 10 yrs.

I have all types of guys trying to talk to me, look at me, etc. Black,white,asian,hispanic,cute,ugly,ok looking,young,old...etc. for real!

(My mother always tell me, "she never knew a person that all type of men are attracted to!") I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing?

It doesn't bother me as long as they don't disrespect me or my husband. I look at it a compliment.

Just because their "ugly", don't mean they can't have good taste! If your not feeling him (never settle).....appreciate the compliment....come up with a lie why you can't give him your number and keep it moving ! Simple as that...don't let it get to you too much. You sound like you still have a lot of years for ugly guys to try to holla at you.....it has nothing to do with your beauty or who you are as a person. It's just human nature! He probably think he's the hottest thing in a 30 mile radius!

 

[kblc06]

I actually had the same rant in the Ocolove's thread on beauty and how you are perceived because of it. The dreaded "toothlessius negrosificus" is an aggressive predator who will wear you down because it feels as though it has nothing to lose by pursuing you - they are already half-starved any potential good-looking meal is worth going after, even if they already know they have lost the catch.

How come every time I'm out and about these days, running errands or shopping, I get hit one by all kinds of below avg-avg joe schmo looking fellas?
I am actually quite insulted when they think they can get with me, looking, talking, acting the way they do...

I am sorry, I may be called some arrogant prick for this, but I really don't care. I am an 8, a 9 on my best days...Why the hell are these 3's and 4's, dingy-looking men assuming I'd somehow settle for something like them, carrying myself the way I do.

My ma shakes her head at my sentiments all the time, saying "Oh Gigi, it's all about the beauty on the inside..blahdyblahdyyahdyyah"



Vent over. All thoughts are welcome!

 

[Blossssom]

I so agree with you, Gigi!

HOW DARE THEY!

Kniggga, please!