I am actually OFFENDED when an ugly dudes "holla"

[Gigi-07]

How come every time I'm out and about these days, running errands or shopping, I get hit one by all kinds of below avg-avg joe schmo looking fellas?
I am actually quite insulted when they think they can get with me, looking, talking, acting the way they do...

I am sorry, I may be called some arrogant prick for this, but I really don't care. I am an 8, a 9 on my best days...Why the hell are these 3's and 4's, dingy-looking men assuming I'd somehow settle for something like them, carrying myself the way I do.

My ma shakes her head at my sentiments all the time, saying "Oh Gigi, it's all about the beauty on the inside..blahdyblahdyyahdyyah"

Hmmm mmmkay, but I have one question for you: Why is it that society has this double standard where, whenever a man does not find a woman attractive/up to par/his type, whatever, it's just "his tastes" or what he likes...but when a woman has high standards, and God forbid I want a man who looks good, I'm seen as "PICKY"?

That's simply not fair. And no, I won't humor him with flirting back, or giving my number because he's a nice fella and "it took courage to talk to me" Not fair at all. If I don't find a man attractive, why should I bother? Why should I force myself to give you a chance when I don't see you as attractive. And don't even get me started on the persistent ones...
It's one thing to gradually appreciate a man's beauty over time, and fall in love with him for who he is...it's another to try to date a man whose face you cannot convince yourself to kiss. <-- I think this is what my dear mother does not understand. lol.

I reserve the right to respond to what I find attractive (as most men do) and the right to ignore if I don't... and the right to feel you should not hold your breath thinking I will wholeheartedly embrace your physical "uniqueness". lol. That's just how I feel about that.



Vent over. All thoughts are welcome!

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Can't blame a guy for trying.
Just because Ol' boy isn't good looking doesn't mean he has bad taste.
I don't care what the guy look like, a sincere compliment is a compliment no matter who it comes from.
If you don't like him, just keep it pimpin'. Don't let small stuff get to you sweetie, life is too short.

 

[sylver2]

Can't blame a guy for trying.
Just because Ol' boy isn't good looking doesn't mean he has bad taste.
I don't care what the guy look like, a well meant compliment is a compliment no matter who it comes from.

shoot he may hit the jackpot 1 day..catchin 1 on a buzzed, lonely, insecure, brokenhearted day

 

[Gigi-07]

LOL! y'all are funny! That's very true MissNorway, but I guess you have to see these guys to know lol...but I understand somewhat, I just don't see why guys who are 10s are never expected to "try a 5". Maybe I'd feel different if there weren't a double standard. I never stress over it, but it does irritate me a little.
And y'all didn't vote!

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

Oh nononono! I have seen a lot of fine looking brothas with busted a@& girlfriends.
Your mother is right, at the end of the day it is what is on the inside that matters.
But you have to be able to climb on top of your man too lol

 

[Gigi-07]

^^^^^ OMG
Where do you see fine dudes with ugly women?? erplexed
They must be very rare, I almost never see it.

 

[Paradox]

I get offended also when an ugly guy on the street "holla" at me, I think ..do I look that desperate..am I that ugly???? geez.
Now if I know an ugly guy personally as friend, and he was great, and wanted to take it further that would just find to me.

 

[Naturallong81]

Damm ugly people need love to! He gotta put his bid in too.

 

[Much2much41]

^^^^^ OMG
Where do you see fine dudes with ugly women?? erplexed
They must be very rare, I almost never see it.

I see it all the time. The finer the man, the plainer/uglier the woman.

 

[aribell]

Can't blame a guy for trying.
Just because Ol' boy isn't good looking doesn't mean he has bad taste.
I don't care what the guy look like, a sincere compliment is a compliment no matter who it comes from.
If you don't like him, just keep it pimpin'. Don't let small stuff get to you sweetie, life is too short.

This is so true. Him being unattractive doesn't reflect anything negative about your outward or inward beauty--it just says he has eyes! And I think it's in many men's nature to simply see something they like and go for it, without thinking about it much more than that.

However, I will admit that I often experience the same thing. And what a lot of these men do lack is the understanding that they need to bring something to the table. They don't have to be the finest guys out there, but they do need to be about something. If they honestly think you're that great, they should at least stop and ask themselves, "What would it take to be with a woman like that?" That would at least show respect.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

I'm glad the stars are gone because this thread would be one starred up!!! I agree with ugly dudes having great self esteem these days especially here in Atlanta where most of the guys are average and below

 

[cutiebe2]

Its not the fact that they holla...its how they do it

If there is a guy who is not that great looking but shows all his great assest (personality wise) I am all for it

but these dudes really like they are Barry Whites long lost twin...you can't get me that eays Playa!!!!!!

 

[kismettt]

so would you prefer for no guys to holla at all?

...and is that the only type of guy you are attracting?

 

[DaPPeR]

I feel u on so many levels Gigi. My first thought when this happens is "Do I look like I'm on ur level or would really talk to u?" I'm talking about older grungy lookin, hangin downtown all day type men. OR worse...Unattractive men have the highest self esteem. I guess that's a good thing, just don't bring your high self esteem having self my way...

 

[Aviah]

Well hey. Depends on what you're looking for. If its something long term, not saying you should not be able to have preferences, but prioritize them. If a man looking good means so much at the *possible* expense of other things then so be it. And no, it doesn't have to be that way, its just we're human, and we all got things someone else doesn't like.
and BTW, we're all gonna wrinkle, sag and bag, botox or not...
(runs out of thread before stones fly)

 

[Bunny77]

so would you prefer for no guys to holla at all?

Speaking honestly for myself... yeah.

Seriously, a "holla" don't mean **** these days. Any dude can "holla" at you... I used to HATE when my mom or others would say, "Well at least men are complimenting you," when I would complain about not being in a relationship and only hearing from no good fools on the street who were jacked up.

Okay, also hating to sound arrogant here, but I know I'm a decent-looking woman. A man who "hollas" is not boosting my self-esteem one bit because I know how I look and carry myself.

I want a decent-looking and acting person to approach me correctly. Not "holla." If "hollas" are all I can get, then they can keep 'em.

 

[tocktick]

I think most men will try their luck with multiple women, especially the ones who really don't have much to offer (and I'm not just talking about looks here). It's all gravy if 10000 say no, so long as one woman says yes. When men I am not interested in hit on me I get annoyed but it's little to do with their looks and more to do with the fact that 99% of them approach me in a very distasteful and disrespectful manner.

As far as the double standard goes...it doesn't have that much relevance in my world. I see many men with women who are either equally attractive or less attractive on their arms all day long. I don't see many butt-ugly men pulling model-looking women unless they are ballin' out of control. I think what men say about the type of women they'd be with and what they eventually end up doing are often totally different in many cases.

Differences in socialisation between the sexes is probably why women will hear the "looks don't matter, just pick a good man," spiel more than men. Women are more objectified than men and society prizes attractive women more over attractive men (i.e - that woman's looks will be the things that's valued most about her, whereas for the man his intelligence or status may be the no.1 thing).

Regardless, I don't think any one should be discouraged from sticking to their type or having standards.

 

[Bunny77]

Differences in socialisation between the sexes is probably why women will hear the "looks don't matter, just pick a good man," spiel more than men. Women are more objectified than men and society prizes attractive women more over attractive men (i.e - that woman's looks will be the things that's valued most about her, whereas for the man his intelligence or status may be the no.1 thing).

Regardless, I don't think any one should be discouraged from sticking to their type or having standards.

I always like your posts!

I just wanted to add something to this... the other side of the socialization part is that if a man is supposed to pick a woman based on looks (for evolutionary reasons), then the woman is supposed to look for a man who's a good protector. And in these days, that usually means financially, since we've evolved past the point in which we might get attacked by a grizzly bear or woolly mammoth while walking out of the cave.

So, if a woman is choosing to get with a not-so-attractive dude, then he's SUPPOSED to be bringing that "protection" to the table... which is why ugly-*** Donald Trump gets all those supermodel types.

The PROBLEM today is that so many dudes are bringing NOTHING to the table... no looks, no job, no money, no intelligence... and women are being told to look past all that and as long as he's a "good man," that's all that matters.

Sheeeeit....

 

[DayStar]

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
im glad you said it....everything you described i require...i say men are very lazy these days because like you said we are suppose to settle...the hell with that....ill do my part as the woman and he BETTA do his...

That isn't asking much!

I always like your posts!

I just wanted to add something to this... the other side of the socialization part is that if a man is supposed to pick a woman based on looks (for evolutionary reasons), then the woman is supposed to look for a man who's a good protector. And in these days, that usually means financially, since we've evolved past the point in which we might get attacked by a grizzly bear or woolly mammoth while walking out of the cave.

So, if a woman is choosing to get with a not-so-attractive dude, then he's SUPPOSED to be bringing that "protection" to the table... which is why ugly-*** Donald Trump gets all those supermodel types.

The PROBLEM today is that so many dudes are bringing NOTHING to the table... no looks, no job, no money, no intelligence... and women are being told to look past all that and as long as he's a "good man," that's all that matters.

Sheeeeit....

 

[Vinyl]

The ugly men are probably desperate and will hit on anyone. Don't let it get to you, OP.











Joking!

 

[MizAvalon]

I always like your posts!

I just wanted to add something to this... the other side of the socialization part is that if a man is supposed to pick a woman based on looks (for evolutionary reasons), then the woman is supposed to look for a man who's a good protector. And in these days, that usually means financially, since we've evolved past the point in which we might get attacked by a grizzly bear or woolly mammoth while walking out of the cave.

So, if a woman is choosing to get with a not-so-attractive dude, then he's SUPPOSED to be bringing that "protection" to the table... which is why ugly-*** Donald Trump gets all those supermodel types.

The PROBLEM today is that so many dudes are bringing NOTHING to the table... no looks, no job, no money, no intelligence... and women are being told to look past all that and as long as he's a "good man," that's all that matters.

Sheeeeit....

 

[Zaynab]

it doesn't bother me actually. I turn them down nicely and sweetly, I feel like it reinforces the belief that attractive women are rude and witchy, especially by black men. I just say thanks but no thanks, hey you can't blame 'em for trying.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

it doesn't bother me actually. I turn them down nicely and sweetly, I feel like it reinforces the belief that attractive women are rude and witchy, especially by black men. I just say thanks but no thanks, hey you can't blame 'em for trying.

Exactly. If all they have working against them is looks why should I turn them down any more harshly or be offended because an "ugly" man approached me? They have eyes right? "You're ugly and you think I'm cute. eat dirt and die" I mean really it's not that serious. Keep it moving.

As fly as I think I look, I don't expect men to flip open a compact to check if they are attractive enough to approach me. Men will try, hell people period are going to try. That's life. Now if you're stank and about nothing then

Also, I'm just going to put it out there... some women see an ugly man approaching them, a dime or 8.5. I see an average chick (or below) being approached by an average or below guy. I think "but I'm so much cuter than him" is a convo that some ppl can't afford to get into.

 

[Zaynab]

Exactly. If all they have working against them is looks why should I turn them down any more harshly or be offended because an "ugly" man approached me? They have eyes right? "You're ugly and you think I'm cute. eat dirt and die" I mean really it's not that serious. Keep it moving.

As fly as I think I look, I don't expect men to flip open a compact to check if they are attractive enough to approach me. Men will try, hell people period are going to try. That's life. Now if you're stank and about nothing then

Also, I'm just going to put it out there... some women see an ugly man approaching them, a dime or 8.5. I see an average chick (or below) being approached by an average or below guy. I think "but I'm so much cuter than him" is a convo that some ppl can't afford to get into.

 

[NappturalWomyn]

Speaking of bringing nothing to the table...funny thing happened to me today. I was driving back from the gym, and I saw a fender bender, a pretty bad one. The little old lady that got hit was shaking and crying and walking in the middle of the street trying to call 911. So, seeing this, I pulled over. The African dude that hit her was so rude and abrupt with her. I couldn't stand it. While trying to help her, this dude begins to give me a sales pitch for sex, after an accident. Mind you, now two cops pull up and watch this mess go down...
Three things wrong here:
1. The little old white lady you hit is delirious and will tell the cops a whole bunch of crazy stuff, so why are you hitting on me?
2. Why are you hitting on me with your biracial son in the car seat in your car that you hit this old lady's car with?
3. You must be nuckin futs to hit on me, ask me for kitty, and then ask me if I want to hook up with you, help you get custody of your kid by marrying you, who is calling you from the back seat asking you who I am, then attempt to hand me your business card and cell phone number, be totally unattractive, while involved in an accident with a delirious white lady.
This is what I get for being nice...Next time, I will call 911 from my car...
So, I know what y'all mean...

 

[seraphinelle]

By that same token, of an ugly guy approaching a dime piece.

If we go with that theory of like approaching like, I can only assume that perhaps if it's ugly dudes that are always hollering, then perhaps said person isn't as cute as she thought she was.

I never thought of it as ugly dudes vs attractive dudes. Of course you'll always want the best, but are YOU the best?

Majority of us are average.

And in another point, ugly dudes in general won't have a different view of what is attractive as an attractive dude in general. That doesn't even make sense.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

By that same token, of an ugly guy approaching a dime piece.

If we go with that theory of like approaching like, I can only assume that perhaps if it's ugly dudes that are always hollering, then perhaps said person isn't as cute as she thought she was.

I never thought of it as ugly dudes vs attractive dudes. Of course you'll always want the best, but are YOU the best?

Majority of us are average.

And in another point, ugly dudes in general won't have a different view of what is attractive as an attractive dude in general. That doesn't even make sense.

@ the bold. Ugly men have different eye balls.

Since women (as clearly indicated) have difficulty judging their on actual attractiveness maybe those men don't know they aren't the man-dime they think they are. If blurred vision can affect women then surely it can affect men.

One could never get approached period then we'd have a thread of women boohooing about that. Nobody is saying anyone has to give man of facial unfortunateness a number and a date. Keep it moving, your Prince Charming is on his way, I'm assuming...

 

[LBoogie]

My auntie once told me "ugly men treat you better."

She then went on to elaborate that once an ugly men gets a pretty woman, he holds on tight and treats you like gold.

While I found this to be true, she didnt tell me they were cu-ray-zee and deranged. I found that out with the ugly guy I dated, I swore the uglies off after that. Ugly, short, with kids, bad credit, blah blah blah. lmao

 

[calm_delight]

What bothers me is not so much the ugly dudes approaching me... it's the busted up/broken down or the gold teeth sporting or the thugged out-shawtywhatyo'nameis er's or the crackheadish or the perverted grandpa's or the raggedy scrub types.

Most men will try to hit on any woman, regardless of where he (or she) falls on the ratings scale. It annoys me too but that's how men are so really we just have to politely say no and keep it moving.

I certainly understand what you're saying though. Everyone has their standards.
It's funny, I get approached most often (by all types) when I'm not looking (what I consider) my best. I think men find me to be more approachable when I'm not all "done up".

Some of the cute ones ain't got too much to offer either so watch out for them too. This is for another thread but ladies, please stop gassing these fools up. Stop giving them all of you and getting nothing in return accept the fact that you're able to say at least you have A man. You're letting him drop YOU off at work in YOUR car... he's living in YOUR house... he ain't got job the first and laying around running up your light bill... but he's CUTE and/or he's laying it down in bed? B***h please! Get a clue!

 

[Curlee_lurker]

While leaving my job this homeless dude used to tell me how beautiful I was and made sure to let everyone else walking past know how sexy he felt I was. He's asking for change and vag. Why get mad? I'd tell him thanks and keep it moving.

On a crappy enough day you'll want a bum telling you you're sexy...believe me...I know.

If they keep on trying someone's gonna give in. I live my life like that now too, the worst someone can do is say no. I ask people for all kinds of crazy stuff with the mindset that they'll more than likely say no.