Husbands that reject natural hair

[PapillionRouge]

, "Nah, I don't like those hairs." :

LMAO!!! Too funny!

 

[PapillionRouge]

, "Nah, I don't like those hairs." :

LMAO!!! Too funny!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

LMAO!!! Too funny!

Don't laugh at him! He is just crazy, he can't help it!

 

[JewelleNY]

A question for you and Bunny, do you think that the WM MAY have a problem with it but just don't voice it? I mean it's no secret that black hair is seen as a big deal with black women. Maybe they just don't want to 'go there.' Maybe black men just have no problem going there because they feel like they are 'in the struggle' with us since we both are black and/or they just feel more comfy.

Maybe it's not an issue of white men being more receptive maybe it is an issue of them avoiding the situation to avoid the drama?

that is a really good question Locks. I have a friend who only dates WM. She has said how the men don't seem to care what she does at all. However, this chick went from wearing glue-in weaves, even though she had nice long hair, so she could just have a "wash and go" look. The weave really messed up her hair and she did it again after saying how much her hair came out Kinda makes you think

 

[senimoni]

I think the basis of the argument is not that WM looooove nappy hair and BM don't, but that the WM who are going to date black women probably don't care about her hair texture or skin tone for that matter -- they know she's black and is gonna look different from them -- if they wanted a straight-haired, lighter-skinned person, they'd just date a white chick.

The other side is those white dudes -- usually the frat boy type -- that I see on sports message boards saying that they're not really attracted to black women, but they'd date Halle Berry or Beyonce. The thing is, these guys usually have no desire to date any black woman and probably wouldn't approach a real-life Halle or Beyonce lookalike -- in their minds they'd only allow their great white selves to date the actuall Halles, Beyonces, Alicias. (Like they'd have a chance anyway. )

I think the point is, of the subset of WM who do actually date black women, hair is not an issue. Of the greater WM population that isn't necessarily thinking twice about BW, they probably wouldn't be keen on black hair.

Okay, enough IR talk from me... back on topic!

I agree with this completely. Not all white men love black woman or nappy hair or black woman with nappy hair...lol...but once they make the jump over I think hair is the least of their concern...just by being with a black woman they are already going against the grain....for the most part....I realize you do have some white men who would only date/marry the Halle/Beyonce.

So I pretty much repeated what you said

 

[camellia]

A question for you and Bunny, do you think that the WM MAY have a problem with it but just don't voice it? I mean it's no secret that black hair is seen as a big deal with black women. Maybe they just don't want to 'go there.' Maybe black men just have no problem going there because they feel like they are 'in the struggle' with us since we both are black and/or they just feel more comfy.

Maybe it's not an issue of white men being more receptive maybe it is an issue of them avoiding the situation to avoid the drama?

I think they really are more receptive. At least in my experience (gotta add the qualifier! )

I've had white men with long hair (most of them are in bands) ask me to help them with a braidout so they can have "wild hair" like mine. I was so sure the first man who asked me this was kidding that I just looked at him and started to laugh.

I think if they really didn't like it but just didn't want bring it up I wouldn't get so many,"Wow, I love your curls!" "What do you do to your hair to get it like that?" "Now that's sexy hair!" from random white men when I wear my hair down.

 

[Bunny77]

A question for you and Bunny, do you think that the WM MAY have a problem with it but just don't voice it? I mean it's no secret that black hair is seen as a big deal with black women. Maybe they just don't want to 'go there.' Maybe black men just have no problem going there because they feel like they are 'in the struggle' with us since we both are black and/or they just feel more comfy.

Maybe it's not an issue of white men being more receptive maybe it is an issue of them avoiding the situation to avoid the drama?

It's possible -- I honestly can't say in my case because I haven't been in any really long-term relationships with WM (just a few 3-month things here and there) in which the subject became an issue.

The thing is though, the WM I dated had not dated BW before (save for one guy) so they actually didn't KNOW that black hair was a big deal with black women and wouldn't really know that they were "going there." They didn't seem to know that there was a "there" to go to!

Also, I was talking to a WM coworker who had dated BW before and we discussed the hair thing... he dated two women who wore weave and he discovered this because of um, "activities." He said once he learned they were wearing fake hair, he wondered why. They explained it to him and he went along with the program, but still thought, "I don't see the problem" with their real hair.

The thing is, I DO think that for most of mainstream white America, black hair IS a big secret. White folks really don't know JACK about our hair, so I don't think they have an idea about all of these issues we're talking about on the board. So if many WM don't have a preference, it might be because they don't know that there's even an issue about relaxed hair vs. natural and which is preferred, etc.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I think they really are more receptive. At least in my experience (gotta add the qualifier! )

I've had white men with long hair (most of them are in bands) ask me to help them with a braidout so they can have "wild hair" like mine. I was so sure the first man who asked me this was kidding that I just looked at him and started to laugh.

I think if they really didn't like it but just didn't want bring it up I wouldn't get so many,"Wow, I love your curls!" "What do you do to your hair to get it like that?" "Now that's sexy hair!" from random white men when I wear my hair down.

I totally get what you are saying Cam. 100%. Although I don't consider your hair 'nappy' I do wonder if your experiences would have been different if you had a tighter texture.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

It's possible -- I honestly can't say in my case because I haven't been in any really long-term relationships with WM (just a few 3-month things here and there) in which the subject became an issue.

The thing is though, the WM I dated had not dated BW before (save for one guy) so they actually didn't KNOW that black hair was a big deal with black women and wouldn't really know that they were "going there." They didn't seem to know that there was a "there" to go to!

Also, I was talking to a WM coworker who had dated BW before and we discussed the hair thing... he dated two women who wore weave and he discovered this because of um, "activities." He said once he learned they were wearing fake hair, he wondered why. They explained it to him and he went along with the program, but still thought, "I don't see the problem" with their real hair.

The thing is, I DO think that for most of mainstream white America, black hair IS a big secret. White folks really don't know JACK about our hair, so I don't think they have an idea about all of these issues we're talking about on the board. So if many WM don't have a preference, it might be because they don't know that there's even an issue about relaxed hair vs. natural and which is preferred, etc.

I get you. Although I do disagree about them 'not knowing.' I think they do know and still don't think they are any more receptive to nappy hair then BM. But that's my opinions and not much people can say that will change that. But I do love to read your perspectives .

 

[senimoni]

LOL are you referring to WM as a whole or WM w BW?

 

[StrawberryQueen]

A question for you and Bunny, do you think that the WM MAY have a problem with it but just don't voice it? I mean it's no secret that black hair is seen as a big deal with black women. Maybe they just don't want to 'go there.' Maybe black men just have no problem going there because they feel like they are 'in the struggle' with us since we both are black and/or they just feel more comfy.

Maybe it's not an issue of white men being more receptive maybe it is an issue of them avoiding the situation to avoid the drama?

Most non-black men I've been with, couldn't care less what I did with my hair or how it looked. To them, black girl hair is black girl hair, regardless if it's in braids, an afro, or stick straight. A few asked me why I spend so much time on it.

Black men tend to be more rigid as to what they believe is acceptable AA female hair, and for a woman to go from realxed to natural would be an "issue," not necessarily a problem.

These are my experiences only.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

LOL are you referring to WM as a whole or WM w BW?

do you mean WM VERSUS BM?

 

[camellia]

I totally get what you are saying Cam. 100%. Although I don't consider your hair 'nappy' I do wonder if your experiences would have been different if you had a tighter texture.

I don't know. Sometimes I do braidouts on soaking wet hair to create the appearance of a tighter texture (it looks cool, and it makes me appear to have even more hair) and I get nothing but compliments.

I think it might go back to the whole "Do men like the untamed look" thing. Big hair, wild hair, curly hair, nappy hair ( I refer to my own hair as nappy) seems to be a big turn on for men in general.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Most non-black men I've been with, couldn't care less what I did with my hair or how it looked. To them, black girl hair is black girl hair, regardless if it's in braids, an afro, or stick straight. A few asked me why I spend so much time on it.

Black men tend to be more rigid as to what they believe is acceptable AA female hair, and for a woman to go from realxed to natural would be an "issue," not necessarily a problem.

These are my experiences only.

This is interesting that you say that (the bolded). I def disagree tho. BUT I do agree that white people AS A WHOLE feel like "black people are black people" regardless of color or hue and that we make up the 'colorism issues' ourselves.

 

[senimoni]

do you mean WM VERSUS BM?

No ...your comments regarding white men are you referring to white men as a whole.....or are you referring to white men who are with/married to black woman.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I don't know. Sometimes I do braidouts on soaking wet hair to create the appearance of a tighter texture (it looks cool, and it makes me appear to have even more hair) and I get nothing but compliments.

I think it might go back to the whole "Do men like the untamed look" thing. Big hair, wild hair, curly hair, nappy hair ( I refer to my own hair as nappy) seems to be a big turn on for men in general.

Well I think you being sexy as hell have something to do with that too! But yeah, I get what you are saying.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

No ...your comments regarding white men are you referring to white men as a whole.....or are you referring to white men who are with/married to black woman.

Oh, okay. I was referring to white men as a whole. Just like I was referring to black men as a whole.

 

[senimoni]

Oh, okay. I was referring to white men as a whole. Just like I was referring to black men as a whole.

Sorry for the confusion..that makes sense. I think we have people referring to both in the thread so I wanted to put your comments in context. My opinion varies depending on who we are talking about.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Sorry for the confusion..that makes sense. I think we have people referring to both in the thread so I wanted to put your comments in context. My opinion varies depending on who we are talking about.

Oooh shoot. Maybe I should have clarified.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

This is interesting that you say that (the bolded). I def disagree tho. BUT I do agree that white people AS A WHOLE feel like "black people are black people" regardless of color or hue and that we make up the 'colorism issues' ourselves.

YES! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Bunny77]

I get you. Although I do disagree about them 'not knowing.' I think they do know and still don't think they are any more receptive to nappy hair then BM. But that's my opinions and not much people can say that will change that. But I do love to read your perspectives .

Glad you like reading my perspectives. Appreciate that!

Now my question for you... what are you basing your opinion on? I'm just curious... have you heard some conversations on the low from white folks in which they've expressed this?

I just personally believe that black folks overestimate the amount of thought white folks are giving to our issues. White people ain't hardly thinking about us as much as we are about them. Their lack of knowledge sometimes amazes me... and pisses me off. We have to know everything about them but they don't need to know **** about us... but anyway, that's another topic.

ETA:I don't think WM (all of them) are necessarily more receptive to nappy hair (so I agree with you), but I don't think they really care about it all that much one way or the other.

 

[Nikki253]

I feel the exact opposite. But that's just me. I know everyone will agree with your thoughts rather than mines (especially since people act like they hate black men here) but those are my experiences and opinions.

Black men aren't the one who created those "beauty standards" that everyone is always blaiming our problems on. They don't have that much 'power' in our society. Now I won't lie and say they (some not all) don't follow them, but they dang on shole didn't create them.

I RESPECTFULLY disagree, those "beauty standards" aren't necessarily created by black mean, but they are surely ones who follows them, and veeerry closely mind you.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Glad you like reading my perspectives. Appreciate that!

Now my question for you... what are you basing your opinion on? I'm just curious... have you heard some conversations on the low from white folks in which they've expressed this?

I just personally believe that black folks overestimate the amount of thought white folks are giving to our issues. White people ain't hardly thinking about us as much as we are about them. Their lack of knowledge sometimes amazes me... and pisses me off. We have to know everything about them but they don't need to know **** about us... but anyway, that's another topic.

ETA:I don't think WM (all of them) are necessarily more receptive to nappy hair (so I agree with you), but I don't think they really care about it all that much one way or the other.

I also think people overestimate how white people feel about us to make ourselves feel better and to also compensate for the feeling that some people get when they feel that black men "aren't attracted" to us. (I hope not to step on any toes) But I think it makes a lot of people feel hella better that the oh yee 'rich powerful' white man find them attractive and etend to take that and run with it. So I can actually agree with you on the statement about WM not caring that much. *JUST MY OPINIONS*

Oh and even though I have never dated a white man I have friends that have and I do conversate with white people . I'm not just coming out the woodworks with my opinions.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I RESPECTFULLY disagree, those "beauty standards" aren't necessarily created by black mean, but they are surely ones who follows them, and veeerry closely mind you.

I think we actually agree more than disagree with this point. That's exctly what I stated.

 

[Bunny77]

I also think people overestimate how white people feel about us to make ourselves feel better and to also compensate for the feeling that some people get when they feel that black men "aren't attracted" to us. (I hope not to step on any toes) But I think it makes a lot of people feel hella better that the oh yee 'rich powerful' white man find them attractive and etend to take that and run with it. So I can actually agree with you on the statement about WM not caring that much. *JUST MY OPINIONS*

Oh and even though I have never dated a white man I have friends that have and I do conversate with white people . I'm not just coming out the woodworks with my opinions.

I didn't think you were coming out of the woodwork with stuff... I was just wondering if you had any experiences that helped you devise your opinions!

And you know, I DO think what you're saying in your first paragraph is true in a number of cases... folks can go overboard with the "white men love me" thing... I've had ones who were interested and then others who I was in school with who thought I was "cool" but wouldn't even look in my direction when it was time to hang out and stuff like that... yet, they had no problem approaching Asian/Hispanic and other women of color (in addition to white women).

So yeah... I think of WM who like BW, they won't care about nappy hair and won't put any kind of value judgment on it. For the general WM population, they really don't give a **** about black hair because they aren't thinking about black people period!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

So yeah... I think of WM who like BW, they won't care about nappy hair and won't put any kind of value judgment on it. For the general WM population, they really don't give a **** about black hair because they aren't thinking about black people period!

So this is the point Seni was making. There may be a huge difference for the WM that PREFER BW and the general WM population. That I don't know. I was just speaking in general.

 

[Bunny77]

So this is the point Seni was making. There may be a huge difference for the WM that PREFER BW and the general WM population. That I don't know. I was just speaking in general.

And yeah, I don't really know either... I also don't think a WM has to prefer a BW to not have a hair texture preference, but if he chooses to go out with one, he's probably going to be more accepting of her differences, hair texture included.

I just think that in terms of there being a general issue about liking/disliking the look of certain textures of black hair, it's more of a black community thing. Kinda like Asians debating whether rounder eyes are prettier and if they're too dark or not -- I honestly don't think that white people are thinking in those terms when they looking at Asian women -- the issue is one that concerns only folks in the Asian community.

Individual issues in "minority" communities about beauty standards don't really translate into the "majority" community, I don't think.

As for me, whoever I go out with, they better accept my hair, cause I'm not changing it! What they're seeing now is what they're gonna get!

 

[PinkSkates]

My husband (he's white) truly loves me and my hair unconditionally! He likes it straight, nappy, kinky, and everything else in between. And even if he didn't I would still wear my hair as I pleased.

 

[tld723]

Thank you for answering Tld723. Do you think it would have been a problem for you if he didn't like your natural hair?

He would tell me if he didn't like it, but he wouldn't ask me to change it. He truly is a wonderful man. As a matter of fact, he would probably just ask me if it made me happy, and if I was happy, then he would be happy. But, if he didn't like it, it would be a problem for me, because I think that is very superficial to feel that way.

 

[MissJ]

My ex-boyfriend had a problem with my natural hair. He always wanted me to look perfect when I was with him. That's one of the reasons why he's an ex and will never be my husband no matter how much he begs to get back together.

I have to add that when we started dating he had a bald head. Then several months later he started wearing a wave cap all the time. I HATED it! I even told him. He even purposely embarrassed me by showing up at our house, with my dad there, wearing that thing. My daddy said that he looked like Heckle and Jeckle.