Husbands that reject natural hair

[LocksOfLuV]

My SO is white, and when I told him I was going to stop putting relaxers in, he was actually quite happy. He's more concerned about health ( too many chemicals). Not to mention he wouldn't even consider telling me "I couldn't", out of basic respect. I can't seem to keep him out of my new growth, which is a good thing

Thank you for answering Tld723. Do you think it would have been a problem for you if he didn't like your natural hair?

 

[carcajada]

Aww DH! Well atleast he got pro-active instead of just complaining like some husbands would do.

But yeah. I wear my air protected 90% of the time and he doesn't care. He's very nonchalant about hair, but the only reason I found out he didn't likr natural hair is one day I was on a natural's fotki and he went "erplexed You want you hair like that?" I told him yes and he went "Man, I don't like that." I thought maybe he didn't like the STYLE it was in so I showed him more and he went, "Nah, I don't like those hairs." But of course he loves Jcoily's hair since "she got waves for days." But other than that he doesn't like it. He says it looks cool "on older ladies."

But maybe because all the heads were relatively short. I wonder how he would feel about longer natural heads.

That's hilarious! DH says long natural hair looks hot (as in 100 degree temperature hot).

 

[LocksOfLuV]

That's hilarious! DH says long natural hair looks hot (as in 100 degree temperature hot).

Your DH is such a cutie pie. I bet yall have a ball together!

 

[Ayeshia]

white guys absolutely love my hair...black dudes like it as well, but always ask when im gonna straighten it out regardless if he liked my natural hair or not his opinion wouldnt matter. My guy just told me that he doesnt like my sew in...do you think Im gonna take it out anytime soon? hell naw...he will be feeling up these tracks in my hair until December 07

 

[frostydoll]

white guys absolutely love my hair...black dudes like it as well, but always ask when im gonna straighten it out regardless if he liked my natural hair or not his opinion wouldnt matter. My guy just told me that he doesnt like my sew in...do you think Im gonna take it out anytime soon? hell naw...he will be feeling up these tracks in my hair until December 07

OMG... I can't stop laughing right now. Can we be friends?

 

[Ayeshia]

the only time I would be bothered if I was relaxed was that if he freaked out at the sight of new growth...or if for any reason your hair starts to thin as you get older...will he still be begging you to relax your hair to maintain that straight look? and would you continue to do it because he prefers it? Or if you have a little girl that has 4zzzzz hair...will he want you to relax her hair at the age of 2?

 

[emerald06]

I'm not married but my father, who is predom. East Indian and has wavy-straight hair, loves my mother's natural hair. He feels relaxers are unnecessary and that my mother is beautiful naturally. She wears her hair in a little short bush. So guess I just tend to think that African/black men who have a big, serious issue with a woman's natural hair usually have issues. And then again, any man who cannot accepts the God-given attributes of a woman usually has issues...

That's how I feel about it. Everyone has issues they have to work out, so it's not like having such an issue is permanent. To me, I can't compare my husband wishing that I would not wear my hair naturally to him wishing that I would not change a style or gain or lose weight because this is just how God made me! If my husband were black, I would have a serious issue with him being free to wear his hair naturally while I was somehow deficient and masculine with my natural hair. Thank goodness my husband loves the look and and health of my hair. He doesn't feel like I did the bait-and-switch.

 

[cocoberry10]

I don't know if I agree with this at all.

After reading Bunny's first post, I saw it a little different! See my earlier post!

 

[cocoberry10]

Just wondering ( I know no one will admit it) but what if someone's white husband didn't like natural hair? Is that bad?

Or what if the SO had type 2c/3a hair himself (along with the rest of his family)? What that be considered a form of self-hate, even tho kinky isn't a part of him?

To your bolded part: I think it depends on the guy. I find that if hair texture is a huge issue for most guys, they only date girls with their preferred hair type. That way, whether she is natural, pressed/straightened, or relaxed, it's not as much of a "transition"

 

[Crackers Phinn]

[/I]But of course he loves Jcoily's hair since "she got waves for days."

Gurl, you betta keep yo man outta my hair porn. Them sparkellites be turning dudes out!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Gurl, you betta keep yo man outta my hair porn. Them sparkellites be turning dudes out!

Girl you had that man referring me to Murray's pomade!

 

[Hidden_Angel]

Locks your hair looks very NICE and lady like that way...

Its funy because i love my natural hair but the length..... makes me soo mad...

 

[Mortons]

My dad hated it when my mom cut her hair off and went natural. Now she has midback length 3c curls and he is in love with them.

 

[camellia]

If DH had seen my hair in it's natural curly, not flat ironed state, and not liked it he could have either gotten used to it or I would have replaced him.

 

[emerald06]

My dad hated it when my mom cut her hair off and went natural. Now she has midback length 3c curls and he is in love with them.

My male cousins were upset that I "cut all that hair off," but once they saw my texture, they were and loved it. Now that I brush it out and wear braid outs, they're excited about the length again.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Locks your hair looks very NICE and lady like that way...

Its funy because i love my natural hair but the length..... makes me soo mad...

Thank you Hidden! I look like an old lady too!

 

[Nikki253]

Just wondering ( I know no one will admit it) but what if someone's white husband didn't like natural hair? Is that bad?

Or what if the SO had type 2c/3a hair himself (along with the rest of his family)? What that be considered a form of self-hate, even tho kinky isn't a part of him?

Yes it is, IMO, because whether their spouse hair is natural or relaxed, the texture is different. That would just be too silly for me and I could not be bothered with someone that based their relationship around my hair texture.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

My dad hated it when my mom cut her hair off and went natural. Now she has midback length 3c curls and he is in love with them.

Do you think the fact that she has a looser hair type has anything to do with it? How do you think he would have felt if she was a type 4b?

 

[JewelleNY]

I've been with guys in the past who wanted me to go natural but I didn't have the guts back then.

I think I am attracted more to men who are earthy and natural themselves so I couldn't ever see it being a problem.

The last guy I dated freaked out when I said I was going to trim my hair a couple of inches. I could only imagine how he felt about going natural. I left him alone for other reasons but guys who only like relaxers usually don't attract me anyway.

 

[Nikki253]

My SO is white, and when I told him I was going to stop putting relaxers in, he was actually quite happy. He's more concerned about health ( too many chemicals). Not to mention he wouldn't even consider telling me "I couldn't", out of basic respect. I can't seem to keep him out of my new growth, which is a good thing

Once again, IMO/experience, it is usually black men that find only straight hair or hair that's a "3a/b/c" attractive, and associates everything negative to natural hair that's 4a/b .

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Once again, IMO/experience, it is usually black men that find only straight hair or hair that's a "3a/b/c" attractive, and associates everything negative to natural hair that's 4a/b .

I feel the exact opposite. But that's just me. I know everyone will agree with your thoughts rather than mines (especially since people act like they hate black men here) but those are my experiences and opinions.

Black men aren't the one who created those "beauty standards" that everyone is always blaiming our problems on. They don't have that much 'power' in our society. Now I won't lie and say they (some not all) don't follow them, but they dang on shole didn't create them.

 

[Mortons]

Do you think the fact that she has a looser hair type has anything to do with it? How do you think he would have felt if she was a type 4b?

I dont think he would have liked it very much if her hair was 4b, but my dad is not one to say anything rude.

 

[JewelleNY]

I feel the exact opposite. But that's just me. I know everyone will agree with your thoughts rather than mines (especially since people act like they hate black men here) but those are my experiences and opinions.

Black men aren't the one who created those "beauty standards" that everyone is always blaiming our problems on. They don't have that much 'power' in our society. Now I won't lie and say they (some not all) don't follow them, but they dang on shole didn't create them.

just playing devil's advocate, those "other" race men can't really be faulted for holding their own women's hair as a beauty standard. If white men prefer "caucasian type hair", whatever that is, then that would at least make sense on some level. Now if black men prefer "caucasion type hair" over what "typically" grows out of the head of their women then they are adhering to someone else's beauty standard.
*I know I am using a lot of sterotypes here, sorry *

 

[Divalicious]

I met SO when I was relaxed, then when I decided it wasn't for me, he was completely fine with it. And if he wasn't, oh well....I wasn't gonna be bothered by it. We both play in my hair all the time. Now when he sees other natural women, he comments on their hair, lol.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I dont think he would have liked it very much if her hair was 4b, but my dad is not one to say anything rude.

Ahh, I kind of figured that especially since you pointed out what kind of hair texture she has.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

just playing devil's advocate, those "other" race men can't really be faulted for holding their own women's hair as a beauty standard. If white men prefer "caucasian type hair", whatever that is, then that would at least make sense on some level. Now if black men prefer "caucasion type hair" over what "typically" grows out of the head of their women then they are adhering to someone else's beauty standard.
*I know I am using a lot of sterotypes here, sorry *

No I feel you. I feel you 100%. But it kind of bothers me that everyone acts like white men ever so love the nappieth hair and black men despise of it. I ain't arguing WHY WM love those straighter types, I am just saying they love their straighter types (IMO) MORE then black men do.

 

[JewelleNY]

No I feel you. I feel you 100%. But it kind of bothers me that everyone acts like white men ever so love the nappieth hair and black men despise of it. I ain't arguing WHY WM love those straighter types, I am just saying they love their straighter types (IMO) MORE then black men do.

I see, and I do agree that black men are going on what is considered to be the beauty standard of this society. I have no idea who like "nappy" hair better but I have heard most women who date interacially found less of a hair issue with their natural hair than when they dated black men, but this could also be attributed to the fact that those white men already felt attracted to black women anyway so this was not a problem.
I feel I am rambling today

 

[Bunny77]

No I feel you. I feel you 100%. But it kind of bothers me that everyone acts like white men ever so love the nappieth hair and black men despise of it. I ain't arguing WHY WM love those straighter types, I am just saying they love their straighter types (IMO) MORE then black men do.

I think the basis of the argument is not that WM looooove nappy hair and BM don't, but that the WM who are going to date black women probably don't care about her hair texture or skin tone for that matter -- they know she's black and is gonna look different from them -- if they wanted a straight-haired, lighter-skinned person, they'd just date a white chick.

The other side is those white dudes -- usually the frat boy type -- that I see on sports message boards saying that they're not really attracted to black women, but they'd date Halle Berry or Beyonce. The thing is, these guys usually have no desire to date any black woman and probably wouldn't approach a real-life Halle or Beyonce lookalike -- in their minds they'd only allow their great white selves to date the actuall Halles, Beyonces, Alicias. (Like they'd have a chance anyway. )

I think the point is, of the subset of WM who do actually date black women, hair is not an issue. Of the greater WM population that isn't necessarily thinking twice about BW, they probably wouldn't be keen on black hair.

Okay, enough IR talk from me... back on topic!

 

[Bunny77]

I see, and I do agree that black men are going on what is considered to be the beauty standard of this society. I have no idea who like "nappy" hair better but I have heard most women who date interacially found less of a hair issue with their natural hair than when they dated black men, but this could also be attributed to the fact that those white men already felt attracted to black women anyway so this was not a problem.
I feel I am rambling today

right, exactly my point! and you're not rambling.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I see, and I do agree that black men are going on what is considered to be the beauty standard of this society. I have no idea who like "nappy" hair better but I have heard most women who date interacially found less of a hair issue with their natural hair than when they dated black men, but this could also be attributed to the fact that those white men already felt attracted to black women anyway so this was not a problem.
I feel I am rambling today

A question for you and Bunny, do you think that the WM MAY have a problem with it but just don't voice it? I mean it's no secret that black hair is seen as a big deal with black women. Maybe they just don't want to 'go there.' Maybe black men just have no problem going there because they feel like they are 'in the struggle' with us since we both are black and/or they just feel more comfy.

Maybe it's not an issue of white men being more receptive maybe it is an issue of them avoiding the situation to avoid the drama?