Husbands that reject natural hair

[Kurlee]

I get you, I would feel the same way relaxed though. Its not just because Im natural that I would feel that way. Just to know that my hubby would think my hair was an absolute mess 4 weeks post relaxer would make me wonder about why it's bothering him so much. And most importantly how his views be projected on to our children. Would he argue me down to compromise the health of our little girls hair just because he doesnt like to see natural hair?

I agree, especially about the children part.

 

[Kurlee]

Yep, and even though my hubby doesn't say it he's one of them. When I first met him my hair was mid-back length. Since then, I've cut it to neck-length and now it's arm-pit length but now I'm transitioning, and I'm 4B. I lifted the back of my braids and asked him what kind of hair I got going on back there ('cause I know what his answer was going to be) and he yelled out "K-NAPPY!!". I know if I had 3B hair it wouldn't be a problem at all going natural.

Aww man, well nothing will change until there is acknowledgement and active effort to think differently. I think im starting to accept that these prejudices will always be apart of society.

 

[StrawberryQueen]

That's a good point. I think finding out exactly why the guy doesn't like the natural hair look would be important.

I almost got snippy when, on Mother's Day, dh said he didn't want his son to walk around with his hair like "that" (referring to his 1 year old cousin who is in the soft baby afro stage). I was like, "what are you talking about?" At first I thought he had lost his mind, but then he was like, "they need to put some lotion or something on it because it's going everywhere and it looks like his head is sweating." wth? Sometimes it's not as deep as we try to make hair issues be.

so cute!

 

[Mortons]

My SO likes straight hair but I'm texlaxed and still curly. I told him he has to help me straighten it since he likes it that way, and he does! He always helps me care for my hair, whether straight or natural thought and I think thats what matters. He can have a preferance but it does not mean that I need to go by it. Its my head.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Dang, Locks! Good lookin out! I'm just a busy bee prober, especially when I see certain things. I'm too goofy to take comments on here that seriously. Shucks, in 4 weeks I'll relax my hair and have dh flatiron it w/o giving it a second thought. Then I'll have him help me chop some of those damage areas I told you about....

eta: I think this damage came from my wedding hair style. Plastered with gel like I wanted, but caused more breakage than what it was worth!

Aww shucks breakage is such an ugly *****. I HATE her.

But girl it's all good. Just enjoy your marriage. It's too early for people that haven't even spoken one word to him, to fill your head with ugly thoughts.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Actually, I never posted that her man is sad. I never posted anything negative about her husband at all. I wrote that his feelings about natural hair would make me sad. I also posted that that was just my opinion to which I am entitled.

If you are going to instruct other members to ignore my posts, please at least attribute correctly to me/my posts those things you believe should be ignored. You clearly mis-read what I posted.

Who said I was talking about you specifically? Guilty conscious?

Honey I wasn't even THINKING about your post. Seriously.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Yes, if my husband made the comment you said yours did, that would make me sad. And, if I were relaxed, and my husband made that same comment, that would still make me sad because I would still see that as a rejection of me at the most basic level. What if I were not always able to relax my hair (if I were relaxed)? What then? Is he going to want to relax our child's hair just because he can't stand natural hair? What kind of message does that send to the child?

As to LocksOfLuV's post, again, she clearly mis-read what I initially posted. Her post in no way speaks to my initial post about how I would feel hearing that comment from my husband.

i'll say it again. I wasn't just speaking about your post specifically. Matter of fact, I don't even think I read it , UNTIL she quoted. I told her to not take in the negativity PERIOD, IN GENERAL. Not just your post specifically.

I wasn't telling her to ignore you at all and all that jibberish. I was telling her to not fill her head up with negativity about her husband from a bunch of people who have never even met the man. That's all. No need to think I was pointing you out specifically.

 

[mkh_77]

i'll say it again. I wasn't just speaking about your post specifically. Matter of fact, I don't even think I read it , UNTIL she quoted. I told her to not take in the negativity PERIOD, IN GENERAL. Not just your post specifically.

I wasn't telling her to ignore you at all and all that jibberish. I was telling her to not fill her head up with negativity about her husband from a bunch of people who have never even met the man. That's all. No need to think I was pointing you out specifically.

So, even though you unsuccessfuly tried to quote my post, I am to believe that you weren't referring to what I wrote?! Ummm . . . yeah. Ok. I'll drop it at this point if that's how you want to play it.

Guilty conscious?

No, not at all. You?

 

[LocksOfLuV]

So, even though you unsuccessfuly tried to quote my post, I am to believe that you weren't referring to what I wrote?! Ummm . . . yeah. Ok. I'll drop it at this point if that's how you want to play it.



No, not at all.

I would ask you when did I "unsuccessfully" tried to quote your post, but I think I WILL drop it. It's not that serious, and quite frankly I can't express to you how much I don't care. I'm too busy waiting on this oven to preheat so I can eat this pizza! Buuut, you must be looking for a fight. Been there, seen that, and like you said I am soooo unwilling to play. I think I hear that oven going off. Good day lady.

 

[mkh_77]

^What a joke!

To the OP, apologies for the digression. Can we now get back to the topic at hand?!

 

[dimpalz]

^What a joke!

To the OP, apologies for the digression. Can we now get back to the topic at hand?!

I guess we'll have to.

I don't have a husband or even an SO for that matter, and I don't know that if by the time I get one I'll still have natural hair, but I do know that he wont be tellin me anything about it. I've yet to encounter anyone saying anything negative about my hair, or even asking about relaxers and I don't think I'd appreciate it if my husband openly voiced a "preference". I'd really hate to think that our marriage boiled down to wether or not my hair was straight. Just because I made a drastic change it makes it okay for him not love me any more?

I think people are giving men (and women) too much credit in the preference stakes. Of course to me hair aint that serious, if my man had locks - and I do love men with locks - then he cut them off I wouldn't have an issue with it, like someone way earlier said alot of people transistion for a reason, if he thought his locks were too heavy or retwisting was too time consuming then it's up to him what he wants to do with them. It's not my head. I mean he's not cutting off an arm or gouging out an eye.

I can't imagine I could be with someone who didn't like natural hair, wether mine was natural or not. I mean sure his view could be based on straight hair on older women but if he's just saying "Oh I don't like it" or "the texture and look is ugly" or "her hair is just a mess" simply cos it's not straight. What's he gonna think when I pop out dimpalz jr and refuse to entertain relaxers until she's 16 wether she's 3b or 4b?? Our daughter is ugly? I dunno, the thought of that is kinda upsetting. But then I'm dark skinned, with natural hair, so him accepting me as his SO in the first place should probably tell me there wont be issues.

 

[cocoberry10]

Once again, IMO/experience, it is usually black men that find only straight hair or hair that's a "3a/b/c" attractive, and associates everything negative to natural hair that's 4a/b .

I feel the exact opposite. But that's just me. I know everyone will agree with your thoughts rather than mines (especially since people act like they hate black men here) but those are my experiences and opinions.

Black men aren't the one who created those "beauty standards" that everyone is always blaiming our problems on. They don't have that much 'power' in our society. Now I won't lie and say they (some not all) don't follow them, but they dang on shole didn't create them.

I actually agree with both of your quotes. While Black men didn't create the standard, in modern times, it seems like they are the most haunted by the things that seem the most "African." Maybe non-Black men don't care as much about our hair, b/c we are still completely Black to them whether we have 3a,b,c or 4a,b,z hair

 

[MissScarlett]

my dh doesn't care i guess. he doesn't get into things like how you were your hair, he has made comments about me wearing my hair in a bun, he asks when am i going to 'take it down' if i've been wearing it for awhile (this whole week cause i'm being lazy).

my dh has dated women natural, short hair, long hair and girls with weaves. he's a basic male, he doesn't discriminate if the girl is attractive