How would you react?

[discobiscuits]

i like this story lemme try

so suppose i went to this club with my EX and danced and ran into my beloved SO with his real girlfriend (oops, my bad) his female friend.

I wonder what would happen next?

"Two Can Play That Game" anyone?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~

seriously though. that is straight up disrespect and he is NOT your SO.

posts 2, 3 & 4 were all the advice you needed.

Suppose you met her before and actually went on a couple outings with her and SO?

He told me.




Oh wait-----lemme get back into story mode: Suppose he was the one that told you that he was going to the club?

Suppose you plan a date with your SO. You decide that you will pay for this date and you give him the choice of going wherever he wants (within reason). He settles on going to see a movie of HIS choice and HE picks the day you will go to the movie.

Then, about 5 hours before you are supposed to head out, he txts you and tells you that something came up and that he will need to reschedule.

Later, you find out that he is going to the club with a female friend of his.

You are left with nothing to do on a Friday night.

Thoughts?

He told me exactly where he was going before he went. I guess he didn't invite me because he knows I'm not the clubbing type. But I think that the polite thing to do would have been to take a raincheck on the club, and go out with me.

We've only been together for a couple months. I think I'm a pretty liberal girlfriend in that I let him go to clubs in the first place without being paranoid. erplexed

Paranoia starts in 3....2....1....

oh LAWD!

All I was saying is that it's really early in the relationship and my comfort level is---was fine with him going to a club on occasion. He doesn't do it often.

Oh yes, I will be having a discussion about that. Why am I second to his female "friends"?



No he did not ask if I would be ok with it, and no apology. No nothing. I guess he expected me to be grateful that he told me where he was going tonight.

I have no idea why they couldn't go tomorrow night.


Man, this whole thing doesnt even make sense to me....he acts like the perfect boyfriend and then hits me with this mess....

 

[Lenee925]

He'd be my ex....POINT....BLANK....PERIOD!!!!!!!!

Everything else that I would've said has already been said. The only thing I want to tell you is do not--for a moment--allow him to make you feel guilty. It is one of the oldest tricks in the book as well as the reason that many women spend years in futile relationships.

This is exactly what happened to me. I was like, why is he canceling on me to go to the fabric store with becky?..he "wants to make the best of his weekend" without me? How can that be?

There were signs but of course I couldn't dump him because I felt guilty. How STUPID I was!!

 

[Lenee925]

People show you who they are and if you choose to not believe them and/or make excuses for them you can only be mad at yourself when things eventually go sour.

I bet if you two dated 5 years this would be an issue that would come up repeatedly.

I see what your saying but not always. People change for the worst sometimes. It happened to me at year 5.5. After I had wasted over 5 years of my 20's ...

 

[R4L]

Damn......I know I've been the female friend that's caused canceled dates....and probably some fights for people.

 

[suburbanbushbabe]

I think he totally disrespected you, blowing off a date you were paying for to go to a club with another woman. Even if you hadn't paid for it, same thing. To the curb with his inconsiderate *a.z.s.

 

[Lenee925]

Damn......I know I've been the female friend that's caused canceled dates....and probably some fights for people.

Not your fault.

 

[JustKiya]

I'm sorry but what really is there to talk about??? Whats the point in wasting your breath on someone who could be so inconsiderate. Women love to think that they can talk men into acting right, when his actions has already shown who he really is. He made his choice and it wasn't you.

What really burns my butt is the fact that he sent a text instead of calling..now that's really low. After that message I would have erased his number and he would have never heard from again.

The only man that would pass up spending time with you..is one that is not into you.....Stop wasting time.

Remove the female friend from this equation and it comes down to this.

This fact that he would abandon pre-set plans to do something else at the last minute shows that he honestly was not interested in your plans in the first place. He was just going along with it and when presented with something else he jumped at the opportunity with a sign of relief. He was not interested in 'wasting' his Friday at the movies with his girl. That is exactly how he is treating the situation.

Perhaps it is just me, but at 2 months the man should still be taking me out and making plans with me ahead of time. If I agree to those plans, I'm not abandoning them to do something else. Why would I? I want to see him just as much as he wants to see me, plus it is rude.

And that's all that needs to be said. The fact that 5 hours before hand, he broke plans with ME for something that is not a once in a lifetime chance? Plans that I was going to pay for? Plans that had his input? Um, yeah.
Rude, inconsiderate, and flaky.

Now. I'm not going to tell you to dump the dude. But I am saying that you need to note that he has rude and inconsiderate habits, and that those habits might bleed over to you.

If this is REALLY the first time he's done something like this - - and I'm thinking he might have shown at least a hint of his arse before now - maybe it's worth telling him that you don't appreciate having plans broken for less than exceptional occasions. His reaction should tell you a lot.

If it's the first time.

If this is just the most vivid of his examples of inconsideration...... dump him. It's not gonna get better.

 

[-Kąditty-]

He showing you his A$$ and y'all only been talking for 2 months?


Oh yeah...and ***NEWS FLASH*** Men are not as confusing as we like to think they are. They show us who they are very early in a relationship...like around the 2 month mark (hint-hint) and we just choose to ignore and make excuses for the fact that he is really just a dog (with the pink thing hanging out)...

That is soooo so so so true. I always tell this one chick this very thing. She is always complaining about how her "baby daddy" is SO complicated. I'm like, uh, he is not complicated or clever. He doesn't want you, POINT BLANK. "But he said he love me and want to be with me more than anything". Oh yea? Than why is he not with you?? She then comes with more excuses. If a man truly wants to be with you, he will be there.

Baby daddy just knows that he got himself a fool and he plays her like a fiddle.

To the OP, I would leave his butt in the dust. I know some will tell you to talk to him but it's really not that serious. One thing my dad always told me was "you can't change the breed of a dog. You go get yourself a dalmatian, don't think you are going to get chihuahua out of him. You get what you choose"

 

[deltagyrl]

That is soooo so so so true. I always tell this one chick this very thing. She is always complaining about how her "baby daddy" is SO complicated. I'm like, uh, he is not complicated or clever. He doesn't want you, POINT BLANK. "But he said he love me and want to be with me more than anything". Oh yea? Than why is he not with you?? She then comes with more excuses. If a manly truly wants to be with you, he will be there.

Baby daddy just knows that he got himself a fool and he plays her like a fiddle.

To the OP, I would leave his butt in the dust. I know some will tell you to talk to him but it's really not that serious. One thing my dad always told me was "you can't change the breed of a dog. You go get yourself a dalmatian, don't think you are going to get chihuahua out of him. You get what you choose"

Love this.

 

[firecracker]

That doesn't sound like anyones SO. Thats a playa! LOL

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Now if this guy is smart, he'll know how to talk his way out of this.

He'll say 'Baby, I'm sorry...I didn't know that this upset you, you have to learn to communicate these things with me. I didn't have fun at the club anyway, all night I was thinking of you and wishing I would have spent Friday with you. I'm gonna make it up to you. Let me take you out next weekend.'

and just like that. Men are so simple.

 

[Duff]

are you guys exclusive?? if so, did you discuss this or are you assuming that the two of you are exclusive?!?

 

[Duff]

cuz a man gonna do what u allow him to do. i don't don't know why u were feelin selfish for one, and for two, don't sound like you are his "SO". second, imma need u to stop datin (takin men out n payin n shyt). phuck dat...take dat money dat u was gonna take him out wif and DO YOU. phuck him and his trick.

u need to get a new attitude n stop caterin to these mu'phuckas fa real. whatchu look like comin up off da puzzi n den gonna pay for his dyck...git da phuck outta hea wif da bu'shyt. no shuga...don't do dat ever!! its bout to get warm outside n bamas ain't tryna be bunned up right now. phuckit n cry two tears in a buckit. phuck him and his new trick.

right now, and for everbody else readin this...it's always suppose to be about you. phuck'em n feed they azzez beans.

u fell down n made a boo boo. it's all good. pull up ur big girl pannies, learn from it n keep it pimpin. don't ever go in ur pockets for no man. i don't give a dayum how good he throwin it down.....NEVA.

bolded is where many women fall short. they truly dont believe this or think it's selfish or I'm not that type of girl. it's not about that, it's about how he feels about you and the way he shows it. I can always tell when a woman has never been a true priority to a man. you can just tell. BUT, once you've experienced it, you can never go back.....

 

[Bmack]

bolded is where many women fall short. they truly dont believe this or think it's selfish or I'm not that type of girl. it's not about that, it's about how he feels about you and the way he shows it. I can always tell when a woman has never been a true priority to a man. you can just tell. BUT, once you've experienced it, you can never go back.....

Yeah, but I bet if she put his arse on ignore she will become a priority- real fast too. I would let him starve and sweat too, thens say adios. I would not even express any anger either. lol as much as it hurts I would swallow it and act like nothing, that would kill him because at the same time he would be getting treatment.

start doing u thats all.

 

[-Kąditty-]

bolded is where many women fall short. they truly dont believe this or think it's selfish or I'm not that type of girl. it's not about that, it's about how he feels about you and the way he shows it. I can always tell when a woman has never been a true priority to a man. you can just tell. BUT, once you've experienced it, you can never go back.....

Yup! These women that you speak of, I can smell and see them a mile away. They look at you as if YOUR standards are too high erplexed.

One of the main reasons fathers need to step up and treat their daughter's like princesses. Once daddy set the bar, a girl usually won't settle for garbage.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I'm sorry but what really is there to talk about???

How much fun he had at the club with the other chick. erplexed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BTW - I think it's highly relevent that he went out with another woman. This is his way of seeing if he has to bother to lie about cheating or if he can do it out in the open.

 

[ScorpionQueen]

um, NEXT..this guy is just not that interested in the first place..he's giving up a free date with you to be with some chic in a club? PLEASE..the sooner you drop him, the better of you'll be..besides that will open you up to find MR RIGHT..

 

[Spiffy]

First and foremost I would be thoroughly offended that he would take me to be his lady in waiting. At the same time I would be so greatful to him for showing me his true perception of me so early on. Why thank you sir!

'Ol boy was testing you.

Wow, dude passed up a chance to keep money in his pocket on a Friday night to go spend his on some other chick. Psssh, get outta here!

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Um, a very long sit down talk would ensue and through that talk, I would decide whether to continue the relationship. Let's just say that this WILL be discussed.

erplexed But there is nothing to talk about. Everything that needs to be expressed has been.

By her behavior, she is willing to go in her pocket and put herself on the backburner for him (as evidenced by letting him pick the movie and time etc instead of allowing HIM to court HER).

He is showing her as clear as day that he wants to see other people, that she is not a priority to him and he doesn't even have the "respect" to lie... Not that lying is respectful but if he is going to break plans to go and break some other chick off one would think he would at least feign illness or some such. But nope: he's openly declaring he intends to have a multitude of women in his life, and *expects* the freedom to do so.

What is there to talk about? Either she is cool with being one of a gang of women fighting for this man's time and energy OR she has a modicum of self respect... and will lose his number and block his calls.

When a person disrespects you the FIRST time; that's the time to call BS. If you let it slide that first time, it's over with, he will NEVER respect you or treat you right. This dude is a dog though, so my guess is that he would never treat a lady well anyway.

 

[kryolnapps]

This is a golden moment for you! Don't waste it and say in a year or two 'hindsight is 20/20, the signs were there'.

Don't dismiss the way you are feeling right now. You have the right to feel upset, disrespected, tossed out for something better, etc. Trust your guts. What he did was not right at all.

Being dumped on a Friday night hours only before the date? No way! All the rest is extra: through a text message? to go clubbing with another woman?! That just adds insult to injury. Who cares if he told you what he would be doing? Who cares if you know the woman he went out with?

The core of the matter is that he showed you that he would rather do something else (no valid excuses) than keep his date with you. Not a good sign for the future.

And don't let him guilt you into thinking that you are possessive, jealous or exaggerating.