How would you react?

kittiekat said:
My ex has been wanting to hang out...hmmm.....LOL!
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Depends on how hard you want to go.:lachen:
He could just be thoughtless so going out with the ex may be overkill. Course if other things dont add up in the equation (like in the original post, my face was like :perplexed ohhellzno!) then you know what to do.
 
kittiekat said:
Suppose you plan a date with your SO. You decide that you will pay for this date and you give him the choice of going wherever he wants (within reason). He settles on going to see a movie of HIS choice and HE picks the day you will go to the movie.

Then, about 5 hours before you are supposed to head out, he txts you and tells you that something came up and that he will need to reschedule.

Later, you find out that he is going to the club with a female friend of his.

You are left with nothing to do on a Friday night.

Thoughts?
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Dump him without any further justification for why he stood me up/wondering if I was the jealous one etc.
 
She-Ra said:
Have been there. I totally freezed him out. Ignored texts, emails and calls till I put him on block for burning up my mobile.

Everytime he sees me, he apologizes. I'm polite but don't see any point to talking anymore. He's past tense.
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@the bolded--I love it! Do you mind if I borrow it? :sekret:
 
Bunny77 said:
"Really early?"

Oh hell naw, you shouldn't be paying for nothing yet AND the fact that he's doing this now is a big ole' red flag that should be telling you that this is NOT the type of man you want to be with.

Pay attention.
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Quoted again for emphasis.
 
"something came up.." huh? Yea.. i betchu "something" did come up...and it was pointed right at another woman :rolleyes:

He's dogging you. And honestly.....2 months is waaaaay to early in a relationship to even be putting that much thought into it. And actually....you're lucky he presented his ugly self so early on.


My thoughts: Call him out on it and move on....before you end up falling for the guy and still justifying those actions 2 YEARS from now!
 
I don't really care about the female friend part, I'd be more pissed off about the canceling a set date with me to hang out with someone else, doesn't matter if it's male or female.
 
I read you post OP. Near the end came the sharp intake of air and the what?!!:lachen:

I would be pissed but that would be giving him too much power. How did you find out about it anyway? Whatever the case, tell him why you are pissed off calmly with as few words as possible and back off.
Oh wait, 2 months? No, he's not into you. If he's acting like this at 2 months... Not worth it so move on!
 
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You have other friends? You could have given the ticket to one of them instead of sitting home on a Friday night-- that's if you really wanted to go out.

In the beginning of a relationship, I'd make a point to have a "plan B" in case "plan A" didn't work out. He called you a few hours before the date telling you he couldn't make it. At that point I would have put "plan B" into action.

I learned this early when I dated, because I had it happen to me a few times, and I said "never again :nono:". 10 times out of 10, I didn't feel the need to continue the relationship--I didn't have time for that kind of disrespect.

I guess my point is, don't sit home waiting on a man--while he's out having a good time, I'd be out having a good time too :yep:
 
I think he's just not that into you AND he doesn't have any home training. It is true that you need to discuss this and put your foot down NOW.

When he told me what he was going to do I would have told him no. Either we were going to go out on our date or he was going to have to keep it moving permanently. That's messed up. And he offered no apologies. He is obviously taking you for granted or just doesn't care about your feelings.
 
i would consider the relationship over. to me the first few months are when you are able to get to know a person's flaws before you become too emotionally attached. at this point it should be easy to just move on, versus a year from now when he's still acting like a jacka** but you're too "in love" to let him go.
 
I'm sorry but what really is there to talk about??? Whats the point in wasting your breath on someone who could be so inconsiderate. Women love to think that they can talk men into acting right, when his actions has already shown who he really is. He made his choice and it wasn't you.

What really burns my butt is the fact that he sent a text instead of calling..now that's really low. After that message I would have erased his number and he would have never heard from again.

The only man that would pass up spending time with you..is one that is not into you.....Stop wasting time.
 
He showing you his A$$ and y'all only been talking for 2 months?

Like Bunny77 said, you better PAY ATTENTION! SERIOUSLY.

Don't come back in here talkin' bout...

"I need some advice ladies...The man I been with for 10+ years won't commit to me even though 2 months into the relationship he played me to the left on the regular... and been cheating on me, and has 5 outside kids...and I'm so confused because I love him, but I can't see myself with anyone else...and did I mention that I have 3 kids by him even though we not married, never talked about marriage...and he breaks out in a rash every time I mention marriage."

I will STRAIGHT call you out!

Oh yeah...and ***NEWS FLASH*** Men are not as confusing as we like to think they are. They show us who they are very early in a relationship...like around the 2 month mark (hint-hint) and we just choose to ignore and make excuses for the fact that he is really just a dog (with the pink thing hanging out)...
 
kittiekat said:
Why do men think that this is ok?
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We allow them to think it's ok. Put his @ss on ice and let him see that you refuse to be one his "options". This pretty much makes it clear how he feels about your relationship. Stop playin, there are just way too many fish in the sea for you to bat an eyelash for this fool. Get out...date..have fun...on to the next.
 
Mai Tai said:
I will STRAIGHT call you out!

Oh yeah...and ***NEWS FLASH*** Men are not as confusing as we like to think they are. They show us who they are very early in a relationship...like around the 2 month mark (hint-hint) and we just choose to ignore and make excuses for the fact that he is really just a dog (with the pink thing hanging out)...
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Dang, Mai Tai, girl you don't play! :lachen:
 
He'd be my ex....POINT....BLANK....PERIOD!!!!!!!!

Everything else that I would've said has already been said. The only thing I want to tell you is do not--for a moment--allow him to make you feel guilty. It is one of the oldest tricks in the book as well as the reason that many women spend years in futile relationships.
 
Murjani said:
I'm sorry but what really is there to talk about??? Whats the point in wasting your breath on someone who could be so inconsiderate. Women love to think that they can talk men into acting right, when his actions has already shown who he really is. He made his choice and it wasn't you.

What really burns my butt is the fact that he sent a text instead of calling..now that's really low. After that message I would have erased his number and he would have never heard from again.

The only man that would pass up spending time with you..is one that is not into you.....Stop wasting time.
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Lets say it together on the count of 3; 1, 2, 3 "He's just not that in to you!" (one person, of course, trails at the end :lachen:) I'd recommend a book to the OP. "10 Stupid things women do to mess up their lives" Great book. Read it when I was 15...forgot the principles, re-read it when I was around 28. Yes, Dr. Laura was a ho when she was younger. She always acknowledges it. For me, it always helps to learn by mistakes -- mines and others. I have one extra copy of the book -- I have no problem sending to the OP...free of charge (I do need to find the extra copy, tho, so it may take a couple of weeks).
 
Oh, and to add

If I were you I would just continue as if nothing ever happened. Go on with your life and hang out with your friends, have fun, and be happy. Being pissed is negative...don't allow this fool to add negativity into your life this early on in the relationship.

Every excuse for you to move on is right in front of you:

He canceled plans with you to hang out with someone else.
This someone else is a female he obviously is close to.
He's made it clear that hanging out with this female is more important.

Nothing else is needed to show you that he's not trying to make you a part of his life. Early on in the relationship is when you need to pay attention to how someone treats you.

Good luck OP!
 
Remove the female friend from this equation and it comes down to this.

This fact that he would abandon pre-set plans to do something else at the last minute shows that he honestly was not interested in your plans in the first place. He was just going along with it and when presented with something else he jumped at the opportunity with a sign of relief. He was not interested in 'wasting' his Friday at the movies with his girl. That is exactly how he is treating the situation.

Perhaps it is just me, but at 2 months the man should still be taking me out and making plans with me ahead of time. If I agree to those plans, I'm not abandoning them to do something else. Why would I? I want to see him just as much as he wants to see me, plus it is rude.
 
I agree with pretty much everything that's been stated. I think the most important thing I've learned with relationships with people in general is this:

STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR PEOPLE. YOU ARE NOT THEIR THERAPIST, PASTOR AND SAVIOR!!!!

Realize things for what they are and cut your losses. Depending on the offense, either nip that mess in the bud or cut them off. If you do none of two, well, that's on you.

Have a good afternoon.
 
BroadstreetBully said:
Remove the female friend from this equation and it comes down to this.

This fact that he would abandon pre-set plans to do something else at the last minute shows that he honestly was not interested in your plans in the first place. He was just going along with it and when presented with something else he jumped at the opportunity with a sign of relief. He was not interested in 'wasting' his Friday at the movies with his girl. That is exactly how he is treating the situation.

Perhaps it is just me, but at 2 months the man should still be taking me out and making plans with me ahead of time. If I agree to those plans, I'm not abandoning them to do something else. Why would I? I want to see him just as much as he wants to see me, plus it is rude.
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Pretty much!

I actually think that the club and the female friend aren't really relevant... I mean yes, if he is cheating, that's super relevant, but the problem was evident long before you found out WHY he chose not to spend time with you.

Which is also why I asked about the nature of the date... if you had not planned it, offered to pay for it, etc., what would HE have done for YOU on a Friday night? You know, his girlfriend? On the weekend when couples usually look forward to being together? And can't wait to be together after a long week at school or work?

So not only did HE not come up with plans for you two, he dissed the plans that you made to do something else. Even if he went alone to the club or decided to sit at home and watch TV instead of being with you, he's showing that he PREFERS to be somewhere besides being with you.

Too many women make the mistake of trying to "hold on" and "make things work" at a time when you should just break up and move on. I don't always just say "break up" over minor things, but when men act stupid in the first three months, that's usually your cue to run away and never look back. This is the easiest time to let go and most women make the mistake of sticking around instead.
 
if my SO did this, it would be a wrap for him. You teach people how to treat you and you need to let him know you have ZERO tolerance for that mess
 
OP, I was thrown off by your use of the term "SO."

Someone who:

(a) you've been dating for 2 months

(b) cancels your well-laid plans at the last minute to go to a CLUB (not a rare speaking event by his favorite author, a one-time only super-markedown electronics or auto sale, or a sudden visit to town of his favorite childhood friend)

and

(c) has the lack of regard for your feelings to even come up with a better excuse than the one he gave

is not a "Significant Other."

He is not a significant part of your life and you are certainly not significant to him.
 
Kittie,

I would not discuss anything with him at all. Why would he even assume this is okay?? I hope it works out for you and you move on to something greater. I totally understand what you mean by being a liberal girlfriend, but he is taking advantage to see how far that "liberal attitude" goes.

Do you girl!
 
kittiekat said:
This is why I love my LHCF ladies.....yall will keep it real with me and tell it like it is....

I was feeling like I was being selfish or something....:rolleyes:


Why do men think that this is ok?
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cuz a man gonna do what u allow him to do. i don't don't know why u were feelin selfish for one, and for two, don't sound like you are his "SO". second, imma need u to stop datin (takin men out n payin n shyt). phuck dat...take dat money dat u was gonna take him out wif and DO YOU. phuck him and his trick.

u need to get a new attitude n stop caterin to these mu'phuckas fa real. whatchu look like comin up off da puzzi n den gonna pay for his dyck...git da phuck outta hea wif da bu'shyt. no shuga...don't do dat ever!! its bout to get warm outside n bamas ain't tryna be bunned up right now. phuckit n cry two tears in a buckit. phuck him and his new trick.

right now, and for everbody else readin this...it's always suppose to be about you. phuck'em n feed they azzez beans.

u fell down n made a boo boo. it's all good. pull up ur big girl pannies, learn from it n keep it pimpin. don't ever go in ur pockets for no man. i don't give a dayum how good he throwin it down.....NEVA.
 
kittiekat said:
oh LAWD! :lachen:

All I was saying is that it's really early in the relationship and my comfort level is---was fine with him going to a club on occasion. He doesn't do it often.
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You all just started dating so of course it doesn't happen often. But now you opened the door to let it happen often because you said it was cool. Now when you don't he will bring up this time. Or he won't bring it up again because he thinks you will always be cool with it since you've given if the sign off on it the first time.
 
People show you who they are and if you choose to not believe them and/or make excuses for them you can only be mad at yourself when things eventually go sour.

I bet if you two dated 5 years this would be an issue that would come up repeatedly.
 
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