How would you react?

[kittiekat]

Suppose you plan a date with your SO. You decide that you will pay for this date and you give him the choice of going wherever he wants (within reason). He settles on going to see a movie of HIS choice and HE picks the day you will go to the movie.

Then, about 5 hours before you are supposed to head out, he txts you and tells you that something came up and that he will need to reschedule.

Later, you find out that he is going to the club with a female friend of his.

You are left with nothing to do on a Friday night.

Thoughts?

 

[song_of_serenity]

I would be pissed!!

Something coming up should be "Sorry, I was suddenly asked to work," a family situation...

but to break a DATE with his GIRLFRIEND to go out with someone ELSE?
LAST MINUTE?
AND WITH ANOTHER FEMALE AT THAT?

Naw. Just...naw.

AND AT A CLUB?
ON A FRIDAY NIGHT?
Naw!

I'm in a goofy mood.

But yes, I would be very upset. That's disrespectful, I don't care if it was a male friend he went clubbing with, the fact that it was a prior plan and he broke plans to go OUT with someone else is just wrong. And to add to the sting, blowing off HIS girl to chill with another girl at a club?

Did you (if this is your situation) FIND out? Or were you told? THAT would honestly make it even worse!

I would go out and have a good ole time myself. And when he comes back, sorry, "Go chill with your friend if it's so important" would be my answer.

 

[MizzBrown]

Block his number, block his texts, block his emails. He's cheating on you. Period.

The "something" that came up was her. Next.

 

[starfish]

It is not an exclusive relationship.

You are an option to him, not his girlfriend.

Stop paying for dates.

Start dating other people.

 

[song_of_serenity]

The fact that it was a PAID for date his girlfriend offered, anywhere to his choosing and he STILL passed it up to pay money to get in a club AND probably for his drinks AND hers (probably paid her way in, too) is telling

 

[Ediese]

Um..say what now? My SO breaking a date to hang out with a 'female friend?'

Not happening.

 

[kittiekat]

I would be pissed!!

Something coming up should be "Sorry, I was suddenly asked to work," a family situation...

but to break a DATE with his GIRLFRIEND to go out with someone ELSE?
LAST MINUTE?
AND WITH ANOTHER FEMALE AT THAT?

Naw. Just...naw.

AND AT A CLUB?
ON A FRIDAY NIGHT?
Naw!

I'm in a goofy mood.

But yes, I would be very upset. That's disrespectful, I don't care if it was a male friend he went clubbing with, the fact that it was a prior plan and he broke plans to go OUT with someone else is just wrong. And to add to the sting, blowing off HIS girl to chill with another girl at a club?

Did you (if this is your situation) FIND out? Or were you told? THAT would honestly make it even worse!

I would go out and have a good ole time myself. And when he comes back, sorry, "Go chill with your friend if it's so important" would be my answer.

He told me.




Oh wait-----lemme get back into story mode: Suppose he was the one that told you that he was going to the club?

 

[kittiekat]

Block his number, block his texts, block his emails. He's cheating on you. Period.

The "something" that came up was her. Next.

Suppose you met her before and actually went on a couple outings with her and SO?

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Um, a very long sit down talk would ensue and through that talk, I would decide whether to continue the relationship. Let's just say that this WILL be discussed.

 

[MizzBrown]

Suppose you met her before and actually went on a couple outings with her and SO?

So! That just made it worse. NEXT! Stop trying to justify stuff. There will be another man waiting on you.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Ok, riddle me this...Yes, it's true...while he told you, knowing that you know the girl, have hung out with them AND that you made prior plans WITH him...why did he not invite you along?

Why did you find out LATER on this happened and not:

"Hey, something came up, it was was *insert lady friend's name* asking me to go clubbing. Man, I really wanna go, I know we made plans, though. You wanna come?"

vs

*5 hours before you go out* "Something came up. I can't make it." and then *9 hours after you first made plans and he's home from the club* "Oh, it was *insert lady friend's name*...she asked us to chill at the club"

 

[She-Ra]

Suppose you plan a date with your SO. You decide that you will pay for this date and you give him the choice of going wherever he wants (within reason). He settles on going to see a movie of HIS choice and HE picks the day you will go to the movie.

Then, about 5 hours before you are supposed to head out, he txts you and tells you that something came up and that he will need to reschedule.

Later, you find out that he is going to the club with a female friend of his.

You are left with nothing to do on a Friday night.

Thoughts?

Have been there. I totally freezed him out. Ignored texts, emails and calls till I put him on block for burning up my mobile.

Everytime he sees me, he apologizes. I'm polite but don't see any point to talking anymore. He's past tense.

 

[kittiekat]

This is why I love my LHCF ladies.....yall will keep it real with me and tell it like it is....

I was feeling like I was being selfish or something....


Why do men think that this is ok?

 

[She-Ra]

If the situation is tonight and you were talking about you... Go out and catch that movie/ call some friends and hit up a club.

 

[Ediese]

This is why I love my LHCF ladies.....yall will keep it real with me and tell it like it is....

I was feeling like I was being selfish or something....


Why do men think that this is ok?

You're not being selfish at all. In response to the bolded, they think it's ok because we allow them. Please don't accept that kind of BS treatment. Handle it.

 

[MizzBrown]

Why do men think that this is ok?

Because you/we let them. You were just about to. There's the proof.

 

[Bunny77]

Because you/we let them. You were just about to. There's the proof.

BINGO.

End of thread. Game set match.

We can't complain about bad male behavior when we enable it.



I guess I'm wondering too why you felt the need to pay for this date... I'm not saying I'm against that with an SO, but the timing is interesting.

 

[kittiekat]

Ok, riddle me this...Yes, it's true...while he told you, knowing that you know the girl, have hung out with them AND that you made prior plans WITH him...why did he not invite you along?

Why did you find out LATER on this happened and not:

"Hey, something came up, it was was *insert lady friend's name* asking me to go clubbing. Man, I really wanna go, I know we made plans, though. You wanna come?"

vs

*5 hours before you go out* "Something came up. I can't make it." and then *9 hours after you first made plans and he's home from the club* "Oh, it was *insert lady friend's name*...she asked us to chill at the club"

He told me exactly where he was going before he went. I guess he didn't invite me because he knows I'm not the clubbing type. But I think that the polite thing to do would have been to take a raincheck on the club, and go out with me.

We've only been together for a couple months. I think I'm a pretty liberal girlfriend in that I let him go to clubs in the first place without being paranoid. erplexed

Paranoia starts in 3....2....1....

 

[MizzBrown]

Then take him back then since you feel so liberal.

Give us an update on what he does/says to you next.

 

[Ediese]

Then take him back then since you feel so liberal.

Give us an update on what he does/says to you next.

Girl stop! I truly enjoy your posts! lol

 

[kittiekat]

BINGO.

End of thread. Game set match.

We can't complain about bad male behavior when we enable it.



I guess I'm wondering too why you felt the need to pay for this date... I'm not saying I'm against that with an SO, but the timing is interesting.

Just wanted to do a lil something for him....me paying for dates is not a common thing tho....

 

[song_of_serenity]

He told me exactly where he was going before he went. I guess he didn't invite me because he knows I'm not the clubbing type. But I think that the polite thing to do would have been to take a raincheck on the club, and go out with me.

We've only been together for a couple months. I think I'm a pretty liberal girlfriend in that I let him go to clubs in the first place without being paranoid. erplexed

Paranoia starts in 3....2....1....

Don't be paranoid unless you have a reason to be.

Doesn't honestly mean he's bumping uglies with the chick. It just makes me feel a way that he'd dump your plans to go clubbing with someone else, and 5 hours before you even went out. And yes, the fact that it was for another woman makes it even worse even if nothing's going on.

"Hey, you're my girlfriend and all, and we made these plans where you're treating me and what have you...but this other girl is asking me to go to the club. Soo um, since she just asked, I know it's only 5 hours in advance, but I'm going and breaking our plans."

As I said before, even if he went to chill with his boys at the club, was it that important that he broke plans to go hours before you went out? Saturday night is clubbing night, too, as far as I know (never stepped foot in one) Why couldn't they go then? Was something special happening?
Did he ASK if you'd be ok with it or was it "I'm going." Did he apologize?

 

[Bunny77]

Just wanted to do a lil something for him....me paying for dates is not a common thing tho....

Yeah, the reason why I asked was because I too like to do nice things for an SO (and will pay sometimes), but I know in the past when things weren't quite going right, I seemed to want to pay then as a way of trying to show how much I cared.

My action was not coming from the right place... it was with a level of, "I want to prove something/show him something/convince him of something."

Of course, that's just me. I don't know if your spidey senses were telling you something was off before this incident. Usually we have clues as to bad behavior before it actually happens.

 

[NYAmicas]

Everyone already sounded off on what I was thinking.

.Tell him you're taking your male friend out to the movies since he's unavailable.

 

[kittiekat]

Then take him back then since you feel so liberal.

Give us an update on what he does/says to you next.

oh LAWD!

All I was saying is that it's really early in the relationship and my comfort level is---was fine with him going to a club on occasion. He doesn't do it often.

 

[kittiekat]

Everyone already sounded off on what I was thinking.

.Tell him you're taking your male friend out to the movies since he's unavailable.

My ex has been wanting to hang out...hmmm.....LOL!

 

[Bunny77]

oh LAWD!

All I was saying is that it's really early in the relationship and my comfort level is---was fine with him going to a club on occasion. He doesn't do it often.

"Really early?"

Oh hell naw, you shouldn't be paying for nothing yet AND the fact that he's doing this now is a big ole' red flag that should be telling you that this is NOT the type of man you want to be with.

Pay attention.

 

[kittiekat]

, the fact that it was for another woman makes it even worse even if nothing's going on.

Oh yes, I will be having a discussion about that. Why am I second to his female "friends"?

As I said before, even if he went to chill with his boys at the club, was it that important that he broke plans to go hours before you went out? Saturday night is clubbing night, too, as far as I know (never stepped foot in one) Why couldn't they go then? Was something special happening?
Did he ASK if you'd be ok with it or was it "I'm going." Did he apologize?

No he did not ask if I would be ok with it, and no apology. No nothing. I guess he expected me to be grateful that he told me where he was going tonight.

I have no idea why they couldn't go tomorrow night.


Man, this whole thing doesnt even make sense to me....he acts like the perfect boyfriend and then hits me with this mess....

 

[kismettt]

o wow. im not sure why he thought that was ok. even if you arent the clubbing type, to think he cancel plans & go out w/ another girl (but its ok because he told you???) whattttt.

crazy boy. i would just stop talking to him for a while. he'll figure it out (as if he doesn't already know) & have to come up w/ a damn good explanation for that. (not like ill be hearing it for a while. but yaknow)

 

[song_of_serenity]

In situations like this, especially since his track record shows he's been a good guy prior? I'd take the "once shame on you, twice shame on me approach" Basically, unless you find out he did something SHADY, and since he's been respectful and kind up to this doozy, I wouldn't be SO quick to say "GET RID OF HIM" unless it was pulling on your heart to do so.

It is true that people will do to us what we allow.

Let him KNOW you were not pleased about what happened and how it made you feel.

Since it's a new relationship, you both are setting the stage on what you will and won't be having. Not saying he's "testing" you intentionally, but how you react now (doesn't have to be loud and angry, either) paves the road on what he'll assume you accept later.

Good luck and keep us updated.