How Would You Handle This? (LONG)

[GoingNatural]

I mean, I've already done what I'm going to do so you can say I'm right or wrong--doesn't matter. But I am interested to know how others would handle the situation.

Okay, so in regard to P. Charm (see previous post for more information). The night I met him (again) we ended up talking for a bit afterward before I drove off and went home. I get a call from a close associate while speaking to him so I tell her I'm going to call her back. Then I get a text from her asking if P. Charm was at the club I was at (He's well known) because he was supposed to make an appearance club she was at. Following, that she asks if he tried to talk to me and I said yes I gave him my number and we talked. She then continues to tell me she likes him and I knew that. While, I have heard her mention his name before I never heard her say she liked him BUT she does like a lot of people so I'm not surprised. So she goes on to say she has liked him for two years and she has been speaking to him (just speaking) during that time. Mind you, she admits that she has never messed around with him AND recognizes she has had sex with a close friend of his.

After hearing this, I call him and ask him about the situation. He says she is a really great person and they have worked together. He didn't know she liked him especially seeing as she has messed around with his friend. He also mentions she doesn't even have his number--she is always texting his assistant. He also mentions, slyly, that if he would of known she knew me all this time he would have asked her for my number!

The following morning she calls me and reiterates that she likes him and she is humiliated because she likes him and she thought he knew that. So she felt like she was being played. She told me that she's not comfortable with me and P. Charm talking but she doesn't want to be the reason we don't talk. I quickly tell her, "well, if we stop talking it would be because of you and no other reason." So, she says see I dont want that but blah blah blah. Then she continues to say she knows she is out A LOT and likes A LOT of people, and that she doesn't want to be the girl that likes everyone and her people aren't able to date anyone because of that. (Which is TRUE. Due to her professional she meets a lot of people, attractive men. She has many relationships/friendships/crushes).

So the next day he has to make an appearance at a party her employer is having (he asked me to come over and over again, but I didn't want to cause an awkward situation). He later tells me she walked up to him and stated "I like you, I've liked you for a long time--what are you going to do about it." I believe him because that sounds just like her--AGGRESSIVE! So he continues to tell her that she's a nice person, but he doesn't like her like that. That his close friend has feelings for her and that he likes me. Later on I come to the party with a few of my girlfriends, I saw hi to P. Charm, but keep it moving. I then text her because my girlfriends are leaving the spot so I wanted to see what she was doing. We end up meeting and she quickly escorts me out of the club and walks me to my car saying she is busy tonight so I should just go home (I'm pretty sure she didn't know that I knew P. Charm was there).

My choice has been to keep talking to him. I don't consider her a friend--I do consider her a close associate. We do hang out occasionally, but usually at the club when she is working. What would you do in the situation?


Information on how I met P.Charm: http://ilietomydiary.blogspot.com/2009/07/just-like-disney-movie.html

 

[Kimbosheart]

keep talking to him. it seems like its too early in the whole situation to quit before you find out more information.

 

[Jade Feria]

OMG....Girl, how old is she, 16? She sounds lame as hell. Continue to do you. She's definitely no friend of yours. Based on this story, she sounds petty and immature. It doesn't sound like this guy is into her at all.

 

[JustKiya]

He's not into her, and he's told her that to her face. It would be crazy to stop talking to him because of her.

I'd stop telling her my business, though.

 

[Dominican09]

Gurrrlllllllll!!! do you ALWAYS!! especially if she is not close to you...IMO

 

[Xavier]

If she is not a friend then I don't think you are doing anything wrong.

I am sure she is hurt, and will probably start acting funny towards you.

 

[Mai Tai]

You have done nothing wrong, and to me it sounds as if she had a SECRET crush on him, and when she saw him talking to you, she got envious and tried to claim him. She needs to stop! How crass of her to make her humiliation your concern. She humiliated herself by playing games, and then approach him in such a classless and immature way. Keep it moving, and drop this friend, associate...or whatever she is because she is dead weight.

 

[korean]

I think that you handled everything the right way and if talking to that guy makes you happy then you should. You took your "friends" feelings under consideration but after he blatently told her that he was not interested what relationship do they really have?? She needs to put on her big girl panties and get over it.

 

[jaiku]

She's too old to get mad over secret crushes. And she's dealing with his boy anyway. She's messy. Something like this was going to happen sooner or later.

 

[ang3lface816]

Who cares who she likes??.. She didn't act on it until finding out about him and you.. and now she expects you to stop talking to him.. Yeah right.. Girl keep talking to P.Charm and only stop if YOU decide to, but watch her... she strikes me as desperate and the type that will try to sleep with ya man behind your back..

 

[GoingNatural]

OMG....Girl, how old is she, 16? She sounds lame as hell. Continue to do you. She's definitely no friend of yours. Based on this story, she sounds petty and immature. It doesn't sound like this guy is into her at all.

Yeah, when she escorted me out the club I was like huh???? Because it was out of character. Then I got it as I was driving away

 

[KPH]

another pretty, competitive and insecure broad (most definitely keep talking to him)

 

[cicilypayne]

She must be 14 tell us the truth? Ignore her okay, but make sure you really like him and not just the fact that he likes you so much over her. The reason why I say that is because sometimes some guys are just floating by and only by chance some one else claims him first do they start to seem really interesting. This could be your friends thing she would be fine if it was some one she didn't know but because she knows you she's making herself feel like she lost out when really does not sound like she was ever in the game.

 

[GoingNatural]

He's not into her, and he's told her that to her face. It would be crazy to stop talking to him because of her.

I'd stop telling her my business, though.

Yeah, I'm already backing away from her a bit :-/

Gurrrlllllllll!!! do you ALWAYS!! especially if she is not close to you...IMO

Yeah. I was torn for a minute because I know she probably considers me a friend. But she's one of those girls who have like 20 friends. I have THREE friends. And, honestly 98% of the time i see her is in the club...so i consider her a (close associate)

If she is not a friend then I don't think you are doing anything wrong.

I am sure she is hurt, and will probably start acting funny towards you.

She already is...

 

[GoingNatural]

She's too old to get mad over secret crushes. And she's dealing with his boy anyway. She's messy. Something like this was going to happen sooner or later.

Yeah, that's why I NEVER thought she liked him. In my opinion--once you smash the homey it's OVER for any other opportunities so choose wisely.

Who cares who she likes??.. She didn't act on it until finding out about him and you.. and now she expects you to stop talking to him.. Yeah right.. Girl keep talking to P.Charm and only stop if YOU decide to, but watch her... she strikes me as desperate and the type that will try to sleep with ya man behind your back..

SUPPOSEDLY she mentioned it before. She even publicallytweeted later that night

"Message: if you observe more, than a lot can be avoided....somethings I shouldn't have to reinerate, just pay attention when I speak..."

I'm just like I only know english--I don't have time to keep up with EVERYONE you like and your secret undercover codes

 

[GoingNatural]

She must be 14 tell us the truth? Ignore her okay, but make sure you really like him and not just the fact that he likes you so much over her. The reason why I say that is because sometimes some guys are just floating by and only by chance some one else claims him first do they start to seem really interesting. This could be your friends thing she would be fine if it was some one she didn't know but because she knows you she's making herself feel like she lost out when really does not sound like she was ever in the game.

Yeah, I felt an instant connect with him (and even though my blog makes it sound like I constantly fall in love) I probably only like 1 of every 15 or 20 guys that approach me. I just have to feel something immediately or it won't ever happen...which probably leads me to missing out on a lot of great guys but i digress

But I think in my friend's case that holds true. It took her TWO years to tell him she liked him?? the day after I met him for the second time??

I guess I feel bad b/c in a way I do feel like I'm breaking "girlfriend" code because she's making me feel guilty. But I didn't know it extended to people you have a secret crush on but will never date. If this was one of my 2 best friends or 3 close friends then this subject wouldn't be an issue. But she hit me with the "i consider you a friend" BS and I was like hmmm... if she claims to consider me a friend does it matter what I consider her?

 

[brownelovely]

Forget her...she's mad because she doesn't have a chance. She already slept with his friend anyhow and most men don't go for used goods. Keep talking to him...you said she's an associate anyhow not a friend. Besides, a friend wouldn't be blocking like that.

 

[Jade Feria]

No, don't concern yourself with her. She's not your friend, so it doesn' t matter who she likes. You don't need to "pay attention" to anything that she """""""reINerates"""""". Keep steppin, go out with P.Charm. She'll find someone else to crush on. SMH

 

[cicilypayne]

She is out of the game in so many ways..he told her he is not intrested for one, he like you secondly, and she slept with his friends...Duh!! does this girl really know men..That's a Huge *** NO NO!! Uh un..She can forget it ..it is more likely that Ex. President George W. Bush will become a democrat and Vice Pres. Cheney will admitt he's a liberal.

 

[GoingNatural]

No, don't concern yourself with her. She's not your friend, so it doesn' t matter who she likes. You don't need to "pay attention" to anything that she """""""reINerates"""""". Keep steppin, go out with P.Charm. She'll find someone else to crush on. SMH

lol I almost fixed her typo and I was like F it! LMAO. smh

 

[hrtbndr21]

She had two years to jump on it. They never dated. He's fair game.

 

[GoingNatural]

thank you all for the input. I figured if I was dead wrong this would be the place where I would quickly be told lol

 

[simone103]

Honestly, I think it's a competition to her. If she really liked him like she said she did for 2 years, she would've made her feelings known to the guy a long time ago (if she is as aggressive as you say she is) and she would'nt have slept with his friend - doesn't she know that men talk?

My guess is that she's probably used to getting attention and/or feeds off of attention from men. It's really not about her liking the guy - it's the fact that he paid you some attention and not her.
BTW - you're very pretty.

 

[GoingNatural]

Honestly, I think it's a competition to her. If she really liked him like she said she did for 2 years, she would've made her feelings known to the guy a long time ago (if she is as aggressive as you say she is) and she would'nt have slept with his friend - doesn't she know that men talk?

My guess is that she's probably used to getting attention and/or feeds off of attention from men. It's really not about her liking the guy - it's the fact that he paid you some attention and not her.
BTW - you're very pretty.

I agree. I don't think I put this in the OP, but after she found out she text his assistant (she doesn't have P. Charm's #) and said "I heard he's chilling with my friend GoingNatural"

Then when she called me the next day she kept saying she was embarrassed and humiliated. I couldn't figure out why. He didn't even know she liked him--just thought she was a cool chick. So i think pride is what's bothering her. But I'm like if that's your issue whydid you go up to him and actually embarass yourself on Sunday???

Two days she posted on twitter:

"Choose jumpoffs wisely athletes & celebs...Da cute mixed chicks aint always da best outlets."

I'm not mixed so maybe I'm looking too deep but I thought it was funny. Probably has to do with McNair even though the chick wasn't mixed.

 

[Eclass215]

I agree. I don't think I put this in the OP, but after she found out she text his assistant (she doesn't have P. Charm's #) and said "I heard he's chilling with my friend GoingNatural"

Then when she called me the next day she kept saying she was embarrassed and humiliated. I couldn't figure out why. He didn't even know she liked him--just thought she was a cool chick. So i think pride is what's bothering her. But I'm like if that's your issue whydid you go up to him and actually embarass yourself on Sunday???

Two days she posted on twitter:

"Choose jumpoffs wisely athletes & celebs...Da cute mixed chicks aint always da best outlets."

I'm not mixed so maybe I'm looking too deep but I thought it was funny. Probably has to do with McNair even though the chick wasn't mixed.

Wow - this girl is not even worthy of being an acquaintance anymore. Trust me, even if you left him alone - there would be another guy she'd act the same way about, so do the both of you a favor and consider her an occasional assoiciate that you see in the club - and that's it!

 

[Jade Feria]

I agree. I don't think I put this in the OP, but after she found out she text his assistant (she doesn't have P. Charm's #) and said "I heard he's chilling with my friend GoingNatural"

Then when she called me the next day she kept saying she was embarrassed and humiliated. I couldn't figure out why. He didn't even know she liked him--just thought she was a cool chick. So i think pride is what's bothering her. But I'm like if that's your issue whydid you go up to him and actually embarass yourself on Sunday???

Two days she posted on twitter:

"Choose jumpoffs wisely athletes & celebs...Da cute mixed chicks aint always da best outlets."

I'm not mixed so maybe I'm looking too deep but I thought it was funny. Probably has to do with McNair even though the chick wasn't mixed.

Wow. I'll say it again...she is very immature. Don't even pay any attention to her. I mean NONE. At all. She's looking to illicit some kind of response from you. Don't give her the satisfaction.

 

[VioletWylde]

A woman does herself a great disservice when she is dishonest about her feelings--whether that is in beginning something new or moving on from something old. I've seen this situation several times and it never works out for the woman who hides the emotion (if said emotion is genuine). This acquaintance has had ample opportunity to talk to this man if she wanted him. If she found him so inviting she wouldn't have left him alone for that long. After she slept with the friend, there was nothing salvageable anyway.

This has all the makings of a power-struggle. This smacks of teeth-baring cattiness. If you back down and bow out on this one, expect to back down and bow out again and again. I'm with other posters who advised you to ignore her. If you don't engage her in foolishness, there can be no struggle. You've already "won" by virtue of being the one that HE chose.

 

[GoingNatural]

Thank you ladies. You all provided great insight. I haven't really dealt with her since that situation and P.Charm is gone until next week.

Sooo we shall see what happens when he comes back (if me and him are still dealing with each other)!