Not sure how to handle this information

[Lissa0821]

I only say this because I've been there (having to let go of a toxic "best" friend) and I know first hand how difficult it can be. Family and close friends tried to point out how messed up my former BF's behavior was, but between wanting to give the benefit of the doubt and not wanting to lose (what I thought was) my closest friend, I let A LOT of stuff slide that I should have nipped in the bud. As a matter of fact, I still over things that I let slide over 5 years ago. Best of luck to you Lissa and I'm sure everything will work out fine.

Thanks I am so glad you know what I am really feeling inside right now. I really appreciate all of you ladies cause yall tell it like it is every time.

I am sure I will be ok in the long run.

 

[kayte]

You know..I hear in my head/heart..it's less about remaining a friend to her....
and more cultivating/protecting friendship with yourself
I REALLY mean that
She told not only who she is but who she is not
and what's more of concern....is that you..heard her ...
and then ignored the messages

look at how it all came out..you told your guy...
she was attracted to him ..huh?
right when you had that aha realization
was when you need to clue yourself and her

by the way......I hope you and the guy get back together
his behavior..stellar
and good for you..discussing it with him...clearing the air..

This is a hard choice that I have to make because I know the right thing to do
but it still hurts a little bit

wow ..dint see this

love her then,forgive her, and let her go
she cannot be in your life if you value serenity

 

[vkb247]

I think he should have told you without you having to bring it up.

 

[Lissa0821]

"Operation Blackie"?

She is a petite dark skin woman so that is how they came up with that name. I know, I know that is not so nice but that's what exactly what he told me. I asked him how you say that about her. He said baby that what we called her in order to make light of the situation because one of his co-workers could see through her actions and thought her actions were foul as well.

 

[Lissa0821]

You know..I hear in my head/heart..it's less about remaining a friend to her....
and more cultivating/protecting friendship with yourself
I REALLY mean that
She told not only who she is but who she is not
and what's more of concern....is that you..heard her ...
and then ignored the messages

look at how it all came out..you told your guy...
she was attracted to him ..huh?
right when you had that aha realization
was when you need to clue yourself and her

by the way......I hope you and the guy get back together
his behavior..stellar
and good for you..discussing it with him...clearing the air..


wow ..dint see this

love her then,forgive her, and let her go
she cannot be in your life if you value serenity

Thank you, thank you, thank you your response is so on time. I have peace about my decision. You are awesome, you know that!!!!!!!

 

[Lissa0821]

I think he should have told you without you having to bring it up.

I think he was trying to protect my feelings since he knows that I think so highly of her. So he avoided her and didn't mentioned anything to me about it. I just made what I thought was a sidebar comment and the truth came out. I was trying to feel him out or anything, the thought popped in my head and I shared it with him.

 

[firecracker]

She is a petite dark skin woman so that is how they came up with that name. I know, I know that is not so nice but that's what exactly what he told me. I asked him how you say that about her. He said baby that what we called her in order to make light of the situation because one of his co-workers could see through her actions and thought her actions were foul as well.

Operation Blackie I surely missed that one. Oh well if she were white it would have been Operation YT! Everyone makes jokes, gives folks wicked nicknames yada yada yada at one time or another. If they say they don't their liars because most of us can't control our thoughts. He just said it out loud. Operation Blackie!

Just dump her unceremoniously as a friend. She is and always will be a snake!

 

[FriscoGirl]

I would cut her off. She isnt a real friend at all.

Ditto... it's a shame, but she is not a friend. I think of GF's SO's as a brothers and that is how they think of me. NEVER have I nor any of my girls ever crossed the line and if they did, then they would be cut-off.

I would also tell her about herself (in a clam manner) and let her know that she has lost a great friend behind her whore'ish ways.

 

[scorpio70]

any woman that would try to get with your man would do any number of other things to undermine you.

i'm wondering if you just missed those other, probably more insidious, tactics because she 'was there for you even when your family was not.' sometimes, when we are desperate to hold onto something we overlook things that would tell us to let go.

wolf...sheep...clothing...


ETA: I have been in situations before where I've seen my BFFs BF everyday or very often. Can I please tell you that I would barely speak to homeboy. He's not my friend, I didn't know him outside of her, so there was no need for me to 'say hi' or any such thing. Truthfully, I preferred it when he didn't know who I was b/c then, I could see him in action and get an idea of what type of person he was. My crew and I have an understanding about that type of stuff.

Now, if we all go out or something, I'm social and pleasant. But, that's about it.

ETAA: And what's the point of having a conversation with her before you dump her?? Just become ghost. It's not like she's going to apologize. Like most wolves...she's going to throw salt on him, throw shade on your decision to even consider dating him again...and basically do whatever she has to do to avoid being exposed. I think some conversations are over-rated...but maybe that's the scorp in me.

 

[Lissa0821]

any woman that would try to get with your man would do any number of other things to undermine you.

i'm wondering if you just missed those other, probably more insidious, tactics because she 'was there for you even when your family was not.' sometimes, when we are desperate to hold onto something we overlook things that would tell us to let go.

wolf...sheep...clothing...


ETA: I have been in situations before where I've seen my BFFs BF everyday or very often. Can I please tell you that I would barely speak to homeboy. He's not my friend, I didn't know him outside of her, so there was no need for me to 'say hi' or any such thing. Truthfully, I preferred it when he didn't know who I was b/c then, I could see him in action and get an idea of what type of person he was. My crew and I have an understanding about that type of stuff.

Now, if we all go out or something, I'm social and pleasant. But, that's about it.

ETAA: And what's the point of having a conversation with her before you dump her?? Just become ghost. It's not like she's going to apologize. Like most wolves...she's going to throw salt on him, throw shade on your decision to even consider dating him again...and basically do whatever she has to do to avoid being exposed. I think some conversations are over-rated...but maybe that's the scorp in me.

0

That is my plan, I am just going limit talking to her over time. I know I am not going to get an honest answer out of her about the situation. Also know my ex and now that he has told me what's up, he is not going to entertain any more conversation about the situation. He told me his stance and had some bass in his voice when he said he doesn't want to be around her again.

 

[candy1214]

I too say cut the **** loose. I dunno, I'd call her up and at least tell her about herself and additionally that all the men know how thirsty she is to the point that they've created "operation blackie" just so that they could avoid her. Since hurting one of her "best friends" isn't motivation enough, maybe she'll think twice about her actions if she realizes that men are laughing at her trifling @ss.

 

[TrendySocialite]

I too say cut the **** loose. I dunno, I'd call her up and at least tell her about herself and additionally that all the men know how thirsty she is to the point that they've created "operation blackie" just so that they could avoid her. Since hurting one of her "best friends" isn't motivation enough, maybe she'll think twice about her actions if she realizes that men are laughing at her trifling @ss.

That sounds like me.....

Seriously though, I will say that if you say something to her, be prepared for her to act a doggone fool, like another poster said. She will step up her attacks, maybe even try to discredit you in the process...make him doubt you when you were together or now or something.

So I think it's best to ig her until and unless you have to deal with it. Hopefully she will get the hint and just go silently into that good night...LOL

 

[mrembo]

She sounds shady to me...this is Not your friend

 

[hopeful]

0

That is my plan, I am just going limit talking to her over time. I know I am not going to get an honest answer out of her about the situation. Also know my ex and now that he has told me what's up, he is not going to entertain any more conversation about the situation. He told me his stance and had some bass in his voice when he said he doesn't want to be around her again.

Good for you, you need distance with her. She really is making a fool out of herself. I had a friend like her once and found they just aren't worth the headache. In they end they always try to hurt the straight-laced friend who doesn't do the mess they do. They act like they admire you but deep down despise you. I am glad your ex was upfront and I hope things work out with the two of you.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

You don't step to her at all about him. Let him step to her....and of course you cut her off.

 

[v2.0]

You don't step to her at all about him. Let him step to her....and of course you cut her off.

What she said ^^^^^. I wouldn't even get involved.