Would You Tell Her..

Can you mention getting a physical and getting tested for everything? I don't know how close you are, but if you say that you have a doctor's appointment and going in for testing as part of your annual/bi-annual physical, can you begin the discussion that way?

I don't have children, but do they test women when they confirm a pregnancy? That's really sad; I will pray for her and her child. Her trifling BD needs to fall off of the planet.
 
HairNinja said:
I would go with the anonymous typed letter.

If I got a lettter like that, I'd definitely get tested. What if he doesn't have it, and it backfires. Or what if she already knows she has it. She wouldn't want you to know.
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I know getting a note like that would scare the heck out of me and I would get tested ASAP. Most normal people would. Delusional folks would not, and would continue to sleep with everybody under the sun.
 
Ladies. I am opting out. So we spoke about the baby daddy situation, with him getting locked up. I will say she was on the defense with that. I am opting out. Apparently she felt as if the situation was wrong about him. Homegirl has some blinders on, which we all have regarding men at times. This isn't my fight.
 
THicknLong said:
Ladies. I am opting out. So we spoke about the baby daddy situation, with him getting locked up. I will say she was on the defense with that. I am opting out. Apparently she felt as if the situation was wrong about him. Homegirl has some blinders on, which we all have regarding men at times. This isn't my fight.
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And a year isn’t that long of a friendship. I have 2 friends for over 10 years and one for nearly 20. I would not hesitate in telling them and I know they’d believe me or at least wouldn’t brush me off. Plus with one of them, we’ve got mutuals and if I know something, other people do too and it won’t be just me bringing it up.

Homegirl wants this life, let her live it.
 
Well ladies I just got off the phone with her. I did make the comment about me going to the doctor and getting tested, I gave her an example of me and my ex and how we just ended things and not sure if he was with anyone, besides me and told her it is important as women for us to take care of ourselves. Which is the truth!.. I told her our community is so small in our age bracket. I will see her again this weekend for brunch, so I will bring it up again. I can't just walk away. I can't blatantly come out and tell her everything I was told. I have a feeling she doesn't really know him, based on the way she talked about him. I made a comment about the company he keeps, she made a comment about him not really being around anyone. That lets me know she has no idea about this guy.
 
I think you may need to give it to her straight no chaser.

Example - I heard that X is HIV positive. It is none of my business and I do not know if it is true or not but I personally would not take this type of rumour lightly so I thought I should let you know and you can follow up with it accordingly. I'm really not trying to get in your business but we are friends and I care about you.

You never know, she may already know.
 
THicknLong said:
Let me rephrase it came from a family member. My co worker is actually a reliable source. I won't go into the details of that. Based on what I know regarding the Baby Daddy. Makes me very scared about even going their regarding this info. I have known at least 2 women out side of her he has been with. I am not wanting to tell her his STATUS.. I am wanting to know how, do I go about telling her to get tested.
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I thought when people tested postitive the health provider was supposed to inform past partners. He’s reckless for this. Are you sure she doesn’t know already?
If it were me I’d attempt to go somewhere where we both could get tested.
 
That is why I do not plan on bringing up the second hand information. I will advise her to go get tested.

Brwnbeauti said:
I thought when people tested postitive the health provider was supposed to inform past partners. He’s reckless for this. Are you sure she doesn’t know already?
If it were me, I’d mentioned getting tested, or even attempt to go somewhere where we both could get tested. I wouldn’t pass along that information if unsure of how it’d be received.
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Ladies, I told her to go and get checked. I did not state anything about whom said what. I advised her to be on the safe side to please go and get checked up. She said she has an appointment coming up. I am praying all goes well. I could tell she was hurt by that. I told her if she needs to talk she can reach out to me anytime. Thanks for all of the advice ladies.
 
THicknLong said:
Ladies, I told her to go and get checked. I did not state anything about whom said what. I advised her to be on the safe side to please go and get checked up. She said she has an appointment coming up. I am praying all goes well. I could tell she was hurt by that. I told her if she needs to talk she can reach out to me anytime. Thanks for all of the advice ladies.
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That was very brave of you. I hope she doesn't bring you into any drama with him, but either way, it's better to get it out.
Also, I hope she reaches out to you and continues your friendship; if nothing else, you had her back and I hope she would appreciate that.
 
To be honest.. I thought about what would I want someone to do if I was in that position. Our generation seems to have no regard for others. This hurt my heart she even has to go through this. I pray she doesn’t bring it back to him saying I said.

Miss_Luna said:
That was very brave of you. I hope she doesn't bring you into any drama with him, but either way, it's better to get it out.
Also, I hope she reaches out to you and continues your friendship; if nothing else, you had her back and I hope she would appreciate that.
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Health providers aren’t suppose to tell. The person being tested positive is suppose to tell their partners they have been with.

Brwnbeauti said:
I thought when people tested postitive the health provider was supposed to inform past partners. He’s reckless for this. Are you sure she doesn’t know already?
If it were me I’d attempt to go somewhere where we both could get tested.
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I will let you know. This is definitely weighing heavy on me, I can only imagine how she feels being in this position. We spoke this morning.

lesedi said:
Honestly if you need someone to email her from this board, just say. I prayed for her. Let's hope she is serious about this appointment and she doesn't sleep with him until then.
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THicknLong said:
Ladies, I told her to go and get checked. I did not state anything about whom said what. I advised her to be on the safe side to please go and get checked up. She said she has an appointment coming up. I am praying all goes well. I could tell she was hurt by that. I told her if she needs to talk she can reach out to me anytime. Thanks for all of the advice ladies.
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WHY is she waiting on an appointment? If someone told me that based on knowledge they had I would be running to the clinic.
 
lesedi said:
maybe write an anonymous letter? She has to know. You just don't need to be the one to tell her because this will end badly for you.
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I like your comment. The Bible at Ga 6:1 says, even if a man takes a false step before he is aware of it, TRY to readjust such a man in a spirit of mildness. Withholding this information could potentially kill her. Warning her, even by letter, will free you from guilt and possibly save her life.
 
RocStar said:
It depends on what state you live in. Many states hold health providers legally responsible to notify partners.

https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/living-well-with-hiv/your-legal-rights/limits-on-confidentiality
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In practice this would only work with married people. For everyone else you’d still have to provide your partner’s info in order for the health provider to notify them. I think most would be focused on coping with the diagnosis. Maybe it would happen if a person wants to avoid contacting past partners directly but even then I don’t think that’s a priority at that moment.
 
This is quite a terrible situation.

Even if she does get checked once thats not the end of it if they've been protected so far. Its really a situation where she needs to ask him to get tested and get those results, but if she did ( somewhat unlikely) then he'd want to know why she suddenly wants him to do it.

Hoping for the best for her and also your friendship. I was in a situation where my cousin and best friend were both engaged to the same guy. Our friendship survived, but they did both tell him despite me asking them not to reveal the source.
 
Brwnbeauti said:
I thought when people tested postitive the health provider was supposed to inform past partners. He’s reckless for this. Are you sure she doesn’t know already?
If it were me I’d attempt to go somewhere where we both could get tested.
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It's not just about her getting tested, it's about her protecting herself from here on out (if she is clueless) from this man. Because great! She's negative, but old boy comes by again...and again because she doesn't know, and she keeps on playing the lottery...except this time she may win a death sentence because the odds will not be in her favor. Now if she knows, that's one thing, but it appears that she is clueless.

It's best to just come out and tell her but I also, OP needs to protect herself from her friend and this man (you never know how he is going to react. I'm not sure of the situation so I am also nervous for her).
 
THicknLong said:
Ladies, I told her to go and get checked. I did not state anything about whom said what. I advised her to be on the safe side to please go and get checked up. She said she has an appointment coming up. I am praying all goes well. I could tell she was hurt by that. I told her if she needs to talk she can reach out to me anytime. Thanks for all of the advice ladies.
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And then what? What if dude comes back? She has no idea what she's dealing with.
 
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