How to Conversate W/ A Very Untalkative Man

[Curlybeauty]

Ladies, when I tell you he will shut down any conversation....he does.
I asked him what his fav team was around f-ball season, and he said he doesn't have one. Any question that asks him about a favorite he says he has no favorites. Nothing, it's so hard for me to talk to him. He is so laid back, that I end up "doing the most" trying to elicit some type of conversation from him...

If you have experience talking to people that really don't know how to conversate then please chime in...I can usually get a convo going if people would give me a topic, but he will tell me that he doesn't know what to talk about...

 

[Triniwegian]

Conversate ain't a word....lol

Maybe you just need to learn how to be quiet around him.
Some people just don't talk much.
And by trying to make them talk they become more quiet.

 

[yora88]

Definitely is a word...http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conversate

As far as talking to this man, is he your boyfriend or significant other?

 

[Triniwegian]

^^
I've always been told that it is not.
I guess I should have done my own research.

 

[Curlybeauty]

Definitely is a word...http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/conversate

As far as talking to this man, is he your boyfriend or significant other?

Maybe he will be one day...I would like him to. But right now, we're are just trying to get to know each other. But it's so difficult because he really doesn't talk. He will talk to you, but you have to start up a convo. Maybe I will be quiet around him....he said that there are things he wants to know about me, but he wants me to tell him something about myself...

 

[Bunny77]

Ugh, I'd have to throw that one back in the sea.

Actually, I did once. I went out with a guy like that. Nice enough guy, but a horrible communicator. I couldn't deal and just moved on.

 

[Curlybeauty]

It just crazy cause we will txt back and forth and all that jazz but when we put in quality time with each other, he is just a mute almost. he will talk back to me, but he really wont say too much on his own. I dont mind starting up convos cause that's just how I am, but damn...is asking for a topic to start off with asking too much???

 

[Filmatic]

I'd tell him straight up how I felt and if he didn't get it together he'd have to go. He has to put some effort in.

 

[hopeful]

I'm with Bunny, that would be wayyyy too much work.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Excuse me for going off topic...
I think conversate is a new word that was recently added to the dictionary. I love seeing how language can change.

Now back on topic. I've dealt with those types and man it is hard. Maybe you two should text less and do more talking face to face?

 

[BobbieDoll]

I'm going through the SAME exact thing right now. When I bring up a topic that interest him we can talk about it forever (or so it seems) and when he text me he some times sends me novels but when we are just at home or out to eat I am always grasping at straws trying to engage him in conversation. He says that's just the way he is and there is nothing wrong but it drives me crazy. I have told him how I feel about it and he says he was going to work on it but if I dont see any improvement then I might just have to keep it moving and count my losses.

Ladies, when I tell you he will shut down any conversation....he does.
I asked him what his fav team was around f-ball season, and he said he doesn't have one. Any question that asks him about a favorite he says he has no favorites. Nothing, it's so hard for me to talk to him. He is so laid back, that I end up "doing the most" trying to elicit some type of conversation from him...

If you have experience talking to people that really don't know how to conversate then please chime in...I can usually get a convo going if people would give me a topic, but he will tell me that he doesn't know what to talk about...

 

[chocolat79]

Ugh, I'd have to throw that one back in the sea.

Actually, I did once. I went out with a guy like that. Nice enough guy, but a horrible communicator. I couldn't deal and just moved on.

Me too! It was probably one of the worst dates of my life. To this day, on first dates, I prefer either something entertaining, if he insists on an actual date OR a coffee date. I DO NOT do full dinner dates precisely for this reason. Ugh, so annoying when you're not getting much feedback, not to mention hard work.

 

[yora88]

Maybe the next time that you two spend quality time together you should do something that forces him to talk, like playing Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune, definitely cut back on the texting. I'm not going to say stop talking to him, because if he's quiet, he's quiet. Who knows? He could just be nervous...

 

[Curlybeauty]

Thanks for all the suggestions and experiences! He is just EXTREMELY laid back, and maybe it's my personality or maybe he is just not putting in enough work, I don't know. Hopefully I will spend some alone time with him next week, cause there is wayyy too much going on right now. But ima just tlk to him about it...

And this is off topic, but how to i do multiple quotes in one message so i can address all of you instead of making general statements?

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

My DH and DD are both individuals of very, very few words. It doesn't bother me, because I notice that they are great listeners and really focus on what's being said. They are both really smart individuals, too

Another reason it doesn't bother me, is because I enjoy quiet most of the time

 

[Curlybeauty]

My DH and DD are both individuals of very, very few words. It doesn't bother me, because I notice that they are great listeners and really focus on what's being said. They are both really smart individuals, too

Another reason it doesn't bother me, is because I enjoy quiet most of the time

And the funny thing is, it doesn't really bother me if that's how he is, but i'm just not used to it.....i'm wild in a sense and very outgoing...

 

[hopeful]

Thanks for all the suggestions and experiences! He is just EXTREMELY laid back, and maybe it's my personality or maybe he is just not putting in enough work, I don't know. Hopefully I will spend some alone time with him next week, cause there is wayyy too much going on right now. But ima just tlk to him about it...

And this is off topic, but how to i do multiple quotes in one message so i can address all of you instead of making general statements?

At the bottom right of each post there is a "quote button" and other items. The one you want to use is the "+". You can use that to quote as many people as you want. When you are ready to post either hit post reply or use the "quote" button for the last person you want to quote.

 

[chocolat79]

And the funny thing is, it doesn't really bother me if that's how he is, but i'm just not used to it.....i'm wild in a sense and very outgoing...

If it doesn't bother you, then go for it! Personally, it was too much work, because I'm big on conversation and I enjoy a dialogue...not a monologue, LOL...

 

[Curlybeauty]

At the bottom right of each post there is a "quote button" and other items. The one you want to use is the "+". You can use that to quote as many people as you want. When you are ready to post either hit post reply or use the "quote" button for the last person you want to quote.

Thank you so much!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

And the funny thing is, it doesn't really bother me if that's how he is, but i'm just not used to it.....i'm wild in a sense and very outgoing...

I hear you.

I have a friend who is the life of the party, outgoing, always have something to say, always one to be heard--but her DH is the complete total opposite. You will not even know he's in the room, that's how quiet he is. They are like night and day--and they've been happily married for 20 years My DH is not that quiet

 

[Curlybeauty]

If it doesn't bother you, then go for it! Personally, it was too much work, because I'm big on conversation and I enjoy a dialogue...not a monologue, LOL...

Yeah it def doesn't bother me...but it's funny because I am so easy to please but I can't seem to get used to his personality. He can just be in the house with me and i'm fine, happy as can be...but when we are just laying around and chilling out....I feel like i'm boring him cause I have never met somebody so easy to please. He told me that I sound mad about it....so I guess ima just let things take their course....

 

[frostydoll]

^^
I've always been told that it is not.
I guess I should have done my own research.

Conversate is a word just like bootylicious is a word

They both get red underlines on firefox and word lol...

 

[ambergirl]

Ugh, I'd have to throw that one back in the sea.

Actually, I did once. I went out with a guy like that. Nice enough guy, but a horrible communicator. I couldn't deal and just moved on.

There are some great, quiet men out there but I am with you Bunny. I absolutely love to have funny, thoughtful, intellectual, crazy conversations with whomever I'm dating and it would be a real hardship to give that up because a man who likes to talk is like catnip to me.

 

[Curlybeauty]

There are some great, quiet men out there but I am with you Bunny. I absolutely love to have funny, thoughtful, intellectual, crazy conversations with whomever I'm dating and it would be a real hardship to give that up because a man who likes to talk is like catnip to me.

 

[ambergirl]

^^^ I ain't even joking girl! If a man wants me to lose my ever loving mind all he has to do is talk....I love a man who talks...day and night....a lot

 

[Duchesse]

Have you known him for a while? Maybe he is still in that scared stage of a new interaction? I'm pretty quiet too, especially when I first meet someone, which is why I prefer men with great communication skills. That warms me up then I turn into a gabber.

On the other hand if he is really, truly, and deeply a person who doesn't enjoy talking or is supremely mellow, or has zero skills in the art of conversation.....myself personally, I'd have to let him go.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

HEY LADIES!!!

*Don't hafta light a newport for dis one....dis one hea is easy..*

if he can't stimulate you mentally, then he probably won't be able to "stimulate" u in da bedroom period.

sounds to me as if he doesn't have anything on his mind....literally. no conversation at all, no interest in anything???? girl, u good cuz i woulda left him alone. he's a complete waste of your time. a man has to be able to stimulate a woman mentally, which is usually done through conversations whether it's by phone or in person. once he does that, then he's got at least 50% of you because now, your interested in him, so to speak.

first of all...*yeah, lemme light up on dis one...* having to initiate the conversation is way too much work. to me, it would mean he doesn't have in interest in me, or my time, and time is money...i don't care how u slice da cake. when he sends you a text, that's money spent on minutes, time, etc, free plan or not, feel me? even hoes charge for their time (not callin u one, but i'm just sayin). then too, when you talk too much about yourself, you tell too much. men are to be left intrigued...it's all part of the art of pursuit and all that good stuff.

he is a waste of your time, seriously. or, if you really like him, when he calls, be like him. real non chalant(sp) and always end the convo. pretty soon, you'll lose interest, which i think you'll wind up doing anyway.

 

[Bunny77]

There are some great, quiet men out there but I am with you Bunny. I absolutely love to have funny, thoughtful, intellectual, crazy conversations with whomever I'm dating and it would be a real hardship to give that up because a man who likes to talk is like catnip to me.

Yeah, obviously I don't know this particular guy, and I agree that there are some quiet men who are simply thoughtful and good listeners.

But in my experiences, the ones who were untalkative were usually that way because they had nothing of substance to say.


These were the types of dudes who'd wake up in the morning, go to work and go home. Their hobbies were going to the gym and the club. It might be a big deal for them to take a trip every few years to Florida (for example)... so besides the basics, there was really nothing to say.

This did NOT make them bad men, but they were bad matches for me. I understand being nervous on a first or second date, but if I'm talking to you on a regular basis, I expect you to be able to hold your side of the conversation. Sure, I'll probably talk more (most women do), but I expect you to have things of substance to contribute.


Then there were the men who didn't talk because they were straight up SHADY. Like this one guy always said that I asked too many questions, and he hated talking about himself... he was used to just letting women talk and he listened.

All I would ask were things like, "So, how did you get into real estate?" (after he told me what he did for a living) and then he said I was putting him on the spot too much.

The more I got to know him (and the more background research I did ), I found out he had a kid and worked at a call center. The "real estate" thing was a hobby.

If he had told me the above, it might have been cool. But to be all sneaky and lie? Naw man... you're not "untalkative," you straight-up SHADY!!!


So... I make allowances for the nervous guy or the shy guy, but the guy who has minimal conversation usually is hiding something or is just "limited." At least that's been my experience.

 

[Dellas]

Communication is an important part of a relationship. He needs help expressing himself.

 

[calm_delight]

This would be a deal breaker for me. I understand taking a while to open up but this seems like a totally different situation. I'd advise him to find a girl like him so they can sit around on mute together. No thanks