How personal is too personal during the getting to know you stage?

[VelvetRain]

In terms of the getting to know you stage I mean the first couple of dates/phone conversations. Is anything off limits to you?


I went on a blind date last night with someone I have been talking to for approximately a week. I was not physically attracted to him when I saw him but he appeared to be with me. I can say this because he kept repeating your really attractive and the total package why are you single crap blah blah blah..... Went as far to invite me to his annual memorial day party at his house(um you don't even me know me yet) Was very boastful about the fact that all the women in his office seem to want him and are always trying to get with him( hmmm I didn't see why because he really was nothing to look at) Yeah he owns his own business and has an Mba but so did my ex boyfriend who is tall and handsome. Again I am not impressed with titles and so called financial status which it appeared he didn't have but that is not the real issue here.

I could barely talk about myself before he would throw out sexual innuendo's. Asked me if the real reason I left my ex was because he had a small peen? Really dude who asks this stuff on a first date? Managed to throw in he considered himself a passionate lover. Told me he planned to a build a house in the near future and how he had the plans at his house. Would you like to come over and see them sometime? Say what? I just hate cockiness as he told me several times I was going to be his. Is that so?

He apparently called me this afternoon despite me not checking my phone all day. Was fooling around on my new iphone which I am not all that familiar with. Instead of hitting the right button to listen to my messages I accidentally hit the button to return his call. Dang so I ended up talking to him again for a few minutes. I wanted to keep this dialogue as short as possible and get off the phone so I casually mentioned I had to go as I had to jump in the shower and hit the road to run some errands. Dude proceeds to say well you need me to wash your back? That is when I lost it and proceeded to tell him about himself.

In all the dates I have been on my life I have never had someone be so straightforward to the point where they were clearly overstepping their boundaries.

 

[hopeful]

He is very inappropriate. And yes, many topics would be off limits to me, especially anything sexually related. You have only known him for one week? He sounds a little off to me and/or immature.

 

[Dee Raven]

I think bringing up anything of a sexual nature of the first few dates is completely crass. For some girls that may be ok, but not for me either. And I think guys use that tactic as way to figure out what kind of work they are going to have to do to sleep with you. Otherwise he just sounds very insecure, that may or may not be a deal breaker for you. I usually give guys the benefit of the doubt on the first few encounters since at least they are trying to impress you, even thouth it's not really working. Oh well, on to the next.

 

[VelvetRain]

Thank you Hopeful. I knew it wasn't just me. I always go with my instincts and usually I am right. Totally seemed like the type that would have been trying to bed me with the quickness. I ain't falling for no okie doke. He is immature at 42 years of age. I expect better from someone in that age bracket.


I am so glad he showed his arse quickly though even though I wasn't feeling him in the slightest way. The sooner I can X you out I can move on to someone who may be more suitable for the type of person I am. On to the next

 

[awhyley]

Yep, insecure was my first thought too. He sounds like a jerk. (eta: 42 yrs old! Bounce that)

 

[hopeful]

42 is way too old for that. He sounds like he's 22. "You are pretty" is about it on a first face to face encounter. Don't even talk about my body. Silly rabbit! LOL.

 

[ThickHair]

I am with you OP, but remember plenty of women have fell for his lines and have gotten wet panties over it. We all know men will stay with what works, very simple creatures.

You said "No" and shut him down, but he has gotten plenty of "Yes" and thought they were the one. I am sure he is not losing any sleep over it, because shortly he will reel in a big one with his tired ole lines.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I could barely talk about myself before he would throw out sexual innuendo's. Asked me if the real reason I left my ex was because he had a small peen? Really dude who asks this stuff on a first date? Managed to throw in he considered himself a passionate lover.

Lmao, would anyone else consider him to be a passionate lover? What he does to his hand does not count.

 

[LoveisYou]

red flags are waving in the wind, keep your eye on this one

 

[hopeful]

I am with you OP, but remember plenty of women have fell for his lines and have gotten wet panties over it. We all know men will stay with what works, very simple creatures.

You said "No" and shut him down, but he has gotten plenty of "Yes" and thought they were the one. I am sure he is not losing any sleep over it, because shortly he will reel in a big one with his tired ole lines.

@ the bolded. That term cracks me up. IDK why. I'm the same way whenever someone says dingalong lol I am then . Anyway, don't mind me, carry on...

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

At first I was going to say that he sounds like a creep. And then when I read that he is 42....well, I really just don't know what to say. He sounds socially stunted like he's never been around people before, because I don't know why he would think the type of stuff he was saying is okay to say. The "small peen" comment is just weird. He sounds weird!

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

And to call himself a passionate lover? He's probably one of those dudes that you have to literally push up off of you because he kisses you so hard he's about to break your teeth....and he thinks that's hot. Girl, disapppear on his a**.

 

[VelvetRain]

And to call himself a passionate lover? He's probably one of those dudes that you have to literally push up off of you because he kisses you so hard he's about to break your teeth....and he thinks that's hot. Girl, disapppear on his a**.

This is funny. Hell I could barely break out of his bear hug that he did twice before I could get in my car to go home. I don't like being pressed up against anyone in a hug I am not attracted to. This dating ish is getting old but I keep going on them and am still confident things will work out in my favor at some point. Hell it has too with all the bad luck I have been having. It can only look up from here.

 

[caltron]

I am glad you had enough sense to cut this fish loose!

 

[southerncitygirl]

what a loser girlie, even with male platonic friends that i have known for while i set boundaries for....now you know why this fool is still single,smdh.

 

[Imani]

He is creepy and weird. Run away fast.

I have met so many guys like this before, especially old desperate, thirsty men. Its like they all have the same tired, creepy playbook. Going on and on about your body, mentioning sex on the first date/phone convos, and then hugging u at the end of the date like they haven't felt a woman since 1985 and u have to peel yourself away from them. Ugh!! Its making me shudder thinking about it. Who in the world told these dudes this ish was cool?

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

He is creepy and weird. Run away fast.

I have met so many guys like this before, especially old desperate, thirsty men. Its like they all have the same tired, creepy playbook. Going on and on about your body, mentioning sex on the first date/phone convos, and then hugging u at the end of the date like they haven't felt a woman since 1985 and u have to peel yourself away from them. Ugh!! Its making me shudder thinking about it. Who in the world told these dudes this ish was cool?

and also

*shudder*

 

[MzLady78]

Da hell?? Oh no, he was completely out of order and I'm glad you put him in his place.

I can't believe he asked you that about your ex. What would even make something like that enter his mind? Why are you worried about another man's penis size? Ugh, I'm disgusted and it didn't even happen to me!

 

[HoneyA]

Totally inappropriate. That is indeed no way to sell yourself on the first date. Now you know why he is still single at 42. No game and too insecure.

 

[ebonylocs]

This guy was way inappropriate.

I don't know why men do this kind of thing. One guy thought dramatising me having an orgasm was a good move during the drive back from our first date. He was shocked when I completely shut down on him after that.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

This guy was way inappropriate.

I don't know why men do this kind of thing. One guy thought dramatising me having an orgasm was a good move during the drive back from our first date. He was shocked when I completely shut down on him after that.