Awww...this is gonna make me sad!!
Here goes my story (kinda long)...
Two years ago I was a camp counselor during this weeklong summer camp. A few months before the start of the camp, all the counselors got together to meet and discuss the upcoming season, and I remember meeting Rob...one of the other camp counselors. I instantly thought he was super cute, we exchanged a couple smiles, but I wasn't really paying him any attention cause he was so young, ha ha. Well, fast forward a couple months later to the start of camp...and Rob and I just clicked. I am not one of those lovely dovey, romantic type of women AT ALL b/c I think it's corny, hah a...but there was SOMETHING about Rob that just did it for me. He is the only guy in my life that I have ever just instantly clicked with. The first day of camp we were super fliratious and always around each other, always messing with each other, being silly. I remember he was part of a panel discussion and was sitting up on stage looking at me the whole time, making cute little faces...and I know this is gonna sound super corny and immature but it was like they say in the love books...it was like we were the only 2 people in the room.
It was to the point where other counselors noticed and pointed it out, I was embarassed on the one hand but didn't really care. I got butterflies thinking about him, looking at him, when he was near, when he wasn't. It was intense from the start and it happened so quick! I remember one night we were just being silly like kids jumping on the bed in my room...and then we laid down on the bed in total silence just looking at each other. Not saying anything...just staring but it was so powerful and intense and I knew right then that we had clicked in a way I had NEVER experienced before.
Well I am the one who is always unlucky in love, so of course it didn't last. My ex was also a camp counselor in the program
and saw the connection that we had and turned into a total hater. Then it was like one day Rob was a different person, he started to act really funny toward me, distant. Rob later told me that my ex came to him (crying...total pansy) and told him about our history and that he was still stuck on me and was having a hard time seeing us interacting the way that we were. Rob told him that he would keep his distance from me. Wish he did.
I was really hurt about it and we didn't talk for months. I confronted my ex about it, he admitted it and that was another ordeal. We finally did talk once school started, had a fling but Rob had a lot going on and things didn't work out. They got very awkward and we fell off. It was the worst feeling ever, worse than when my first boyfriend and I broke up. I used to have dreams about it consistently for MONTHS...and I couldn't understand why it was bothering me so...until I realized it was b/c of that instant connection that we had. We just clicked in a way I couldn't even begin to explain. I saw him a few months later and it was still awkward (he thought I was mad at him, I was hurt that we had fell off) and the convo was tense. At that point I let it go and moved on. I've seen him around a few times but we barely even speak now...
So many thoughts have run through my mind in the past 2 years about this situation. Although it was VERY brief it was so intense to me that I just can't let it go. I am honestly STILL stuck on this guy, when I talk about him or think about him my whole demeanor changes (visiblly according to my friends, lol. Damn that corny glow, lol lol). I used to question myself and say maybe it was just me...all one sided...but I know deep down that it wasn't. I sometimes use to think that maybe things weren't over for us, and that one day we might get a real chance at a relationship. Who knows? I never did tell him in words how I felt about him...maybe that would have made a difference? But I also think at that time it would have never worked, with all the things that we both had going on in our lives. I knew if we had been together it would have been something that I probably could not have handled then...
Anyway, I kinda think my situation with him was to teach me, the love-cynic, a lesson. I think it was a blessing and a curse b/c on the one hand I now know THIS is how I want to feel about THE ONE. I want to feel that intensity, that connection, that instant attraction. On the other hand, I have not felt that with anyone else...and as a result I can't really get close to anyone b/c they don't measure up.
I have compared my feelings for Rob to each guy that I've met in the last 2 years. I will say it was kinda a scary feeling to instantly click with someone like that, but it's also a great feeling...and I know the next guy I feel that way about is gonna have me forever cause I'm not letting it go again.