How many of you......

[treybaby2005]

How many of you just a thought......

have ended a relationship because you felt "he" was taking too long to propose?I'm just curious because we have these threads on how long is too long and he's fair game because he isn't married,but how many women have walked out on a GREAT relationship because he took too long?I know of a woman who was 40y with her bf for ten yrs,he wouldn/t marry her,she went and found a random dude to have a baby with and she is still single. with a baby.There are a lot of single women here who want to be married including myself and have a lot of imput on how long to wait before you bounce but you can't make a man marry you so I'm wondering how many women would rather be single than be with a man say 2-3yrs and wait for him to propose?

 

[14got]

after 6 months with no ring I throw up the dueces
either you want me for keeps or not @ all
don't plan games

 

[Bunny77]

I've only been in one long-term relationship (which ended after 1.5 years), so I've never been in that situation, but there are a few things you brought up that I think express the issue here.

You mentioned that you can't make a man propose, and you're absolutely right. I think folks are saying though that if you realize that, then that's when you need to get out... better to "lose" 2-3 years than 10.

And talking about your friend, uh, maybe she should have made sure to find a man who wanted to marry her before hooking up and having a baby?

But yes, to answer your question, I would rather be single than wait that many years "hoping" that a man will propose. Maybe that's why I'm usually single more than involved -- I'm not going to waste my time in a relationship unless I know that the man I'm with is looking for his future wife (and that I'm potentially her).

I think that we women have a lot more power in this situation than we realize -- although men do the proposing, we can choose not to get involved with men who show from the beginning that they don't want marriage, or cut things off earlier than we do when we see that they aren't interested.

We don't have to be at a man's mercy if we keep our eyes open.

 

[treybaby2005]

I've only been in one long-term relationship (which ended after 1.5 years), so I've never been in that situation, but there are a few things you brought up that I think express the issue here.

You mentioned that you can't make a man propose, and you're absolutely right. I think folks are saying though that if you realize that, then that's when you need to get out... better to "lose" 2-3 years than 10.

And talking about your friend, uh, maybe she should have made sure to find a man who wanted to marry her before hooking up and having a baby?

But yes, to answer your question, I would rather be single than wait that many years "hoping" that a man will propose. Maybe that's why I'm usually single more than involved -- I'm not going to waste my time in a relationship unless I know that the man I'm with is looking for his future wife (and that I'm potentially her).

I think that we women have a lot more power in this situation than we realize -- although men do the proposing, we can choose not to get involved with men who show from the beginning that they don't want marriage, or cut things off earlier than we do when we see that they aren't interested.

We don't have to be at a man's mercy if we keep our eyes open.[/quote]
I agree with you.I haven't met a man that says they don't want marriage they just want to do it on their time which for some unfortunately may be longer than most women want to wait.That's where the dilema lies.This situation doesn't pertain to me.I was just curious.I had to end a relationship with my son's father well actually its not over officially but I set a time limit not the ring but the marriage as a few women suggested here.I don't need a ring I need that paper.The ring can come later.I'm already a#$ backwards.I really don't want to wait any longer than yesterday but we will see.I missed the 6mo-2yr mark along time ago.

 

[insideoutpretty]

Treybaby is your man financially sound? Or working diligently to get there? I don't know your situation but I have found if a black man is not on the right course handling his business he will not commit to marriage--a baby-sure-it's not all his responsibility but to be a provider-they don't seem to want to do it. Unfortunately - or perhaps quite obviously that is a red flag to look for.

 

[Bunny77]

I agree with you.I haven't met a man that says they don't want marriage they just want to do it on their time which for some unfortunately may be longer than most women want to wait.That's where the dilema lies.This situation doesn't pertain to me.I was just curious.I had to end a relationship with my son's father well actually its not over officially but I set a time limit not the ring but the marriage as a few women suggested here.I don't need a ring I need that paper.The ring can come later.I'm already a#$ backwards.I really don't want to wait any longer than yesterday but we will see.I missed the 6mo-2yr mark along time ago.

I gotcha.

I actually thought of a situation that illustrates my point. I have a friend who has been with a man for 1 1/2 years. They are an official couple, exclusive, BF/GF, whatever you want to call it.

Well, apparently, he told her that he's afraid of marriage because he doesn't want to get divorced. He remembers the devastation he went through when his parents got divorced and he's scared of going through that again.

Now if that's truly the case (and not some BS), then I understand. BUT, my friend also needs to recognize what she's dealing with. She told him that she wants to be married and she told me that she's hoping for a proposal by this Christmas.

But if she doesn't get one, she needs to walk. Otherwise, she could be involved with this man forever with no ring and really, she'd have herself to blame.

Men are usually pretty honest about their intentions, even when they're not trying to be. We just need to stop ignoring what they're saying and DOING.

So yeah, as for the friend in your story... she should have bounced from that first relationship LONG before 10 years had passed and with that second guy... I just don't know what to say about that, except that she didn't seem to learn much from the first relationship.

 

[cuteazz1]

Did you all ever read that book "he's just not into you" I have learned so much about men from that book and most of it is true.

If a man really wants you he will propose because he would not want anyone else to have you.IMO if a man has not proposed after 1-3 years (depending on your age) then he is just keeping you around until he finds someone better.

Don't fall for the excuses ladies.

I would NEVER wait longer than 1 year and 3 months.I feel that if we both are not sure about each other at that time,then I need to love him and myself enough to let it go so we can find someone better.