How many baby mamas is too many?

[WanakeeWannaBe]

I'll probably get flamed for this (got mah gasoleen drahws on :burning but I don't blame a guy for becoming a babydaddy, even multiple times. She knew she wasn't married to him when she got pregnant, and while she didn't get knocked up by herself, she certainly remained that way alone. Last I checked, abortion is still legal in all 50, and if she doesn't/didn't believe in abortion, she shouldn't have been fornicating. Yesyesyes - a man can strap on and/or pull out but unless his nuts'r cut, sometimes fertility happens, and he gets zero say if he'd rather pay for an abortion over child support.

So whether the guy has one child/one bm or 5-6 w/3-4, I can't get mad at him. Even if he's not paying support, doesn't see his kids, I can't get mad at him. The female made the ultimate decision to lock herself into his life with a kid, and she's at fault for not making a better choice in a father for her child.

Full disclosure: I dated a guy with multiple kids, multiple babymamas, and discovered that he was a phenomenal person who treated me very well. So whatever mistakes a man, or any person, makes in his past don't have to define his future. JM

 

[nappystorm]

I'll probably get flamed for this (got mah gasoleen drahws on :burning but I don't blame a guy for becoming a babydaddy, even multiple times. She knew she wasn't married to him when she got pregnant, and while she didn't get knocked up by herself, she certainly remained that way alone. Last I checked, abortion is still legal in all 50, and if she doesn't/didn't believe in abortion, she shouldn't have been fornicating. Yesyesyes - a man can strap on and/or pull out but unless his nuts'r cut, sometimes fertility happens, and he gets zero say if he'd rather pay for an abortion over child support.

So whether the guy has one child/one bm or 5-6 w/3-4, I can't get mad at him. Even if he's not paying support, doesn't see his kids, I can't get mad at him. The female made the ultimate decision to lock herself into his life with a kid, and she's at fault for not making a better choice in a father for her child.

Full disclosure: I dated a guy with multiple kids, multiple babymamas, and discovered that he was a phenomenal person who treated me very well. So whatever mistakes a man, or any person, makes in his past don't have to define his future. JM

I'm on my phone. Somebody insert an appropriate WTF gif for me. Thanks.

 

[tinkat]

I'll probably get flamed for this (got mah gasoleen drahws on :burning but I don't blame a guy for becoming a babydaddy, even multiple times. She knew she wasn't married to him when she got pregnant, and while she didn't get knocked up by herself, she certainly remained that way alone. Last I checked, abortion is still legal in all 50, and if she doesn't/didn't believe in abortion, she shouldn't have been fornicating. Yesyesyes - a man can strap on and/or pull out but unless his nuts'r cut, sometimes fertility happens, and he gets zero say if he'd rather pay for an abortion over child support.

So whether the guy has one child/one bm or 5-6 w/3-4, I can't get mad at him. Even if he's not paying support, doesn't see his kids, I can't get mad at him. The female made the ultimate decision to lock herself into his life with a kid, and she's at fault for not making a better choice in a father for her child.

Full disclosure: I dated a guy with multiple kids, multiple babymamas, and discovered that he was a phenomenal person who treated me very well. So whatever mistakes a man, or any person, makes in his past don't have to define his future. JM

Did he take care of his kids? I can date a man with kids but not too many. I definitely could not date a man he did.not take care of the kids that he helped make.

I don't agree that it's all on the woman. That is why men already don't take responsibility for the trifling things they do, bc it's always all on the woman.

 

[Raspberry]

Girl I'm 31 and I used to say heyall no but now I'm reconsidering . There's a guy who's been interested me with kids who I've blown off but I'm starting to feel like I'm judging him harshly but still... ex-wives and baby mamas are not a game..

Welp I'm back to judging Turns out he has like fo'-five kids.. I can't do it. I feel like if a man has 2-3 baby mamas he has no business seeking outside women for long-term relationships. He can work with one of the existing women.. I'm thinkin a lot of these men are just greedy. Even the guy I was talking about - nice, tall, handsome, church goer, all that.. he's just bein greedy lol.

 

[RocStar]

So whether the guy has one child/one bm or 5-6 w/3-4, I can't get mad at him. Even if he's not paying support, doesn't see his kids, I can't get mad at him. The female made the ultimate decision to lock herself into his life with a kid, and she's at fault for not making a better choice in a father for her child.

I know this is your opinion, but .

 

[Meritamen]

One at the most. Preferably none, zero, zilch, nada. If he has a kid he better be paying child support, be apart of that child's life, treat the child and the baby mama with respect, and have that child be one of his top priority. If he isn't doing ALL OF THE ABOVE then he can forget it with me. If he has more than one baby mama then I wouldn't look at him as a potential mate. Period.

 

[Meritamen]

I'll probably get flamed for this (got mah gasoleen drahws on :burning but I don't blame a guy for becoming a babydaddy, even multiple times. She knew she wasn't married to him when she got pregnant, and while she didn't get knocked up by herself, she certainly remained that way alone. Last I checked, abortion is still legal in all 50, and if she doesn't/didn't believe in abortion, she shouldn't have been fornicating. Yesyesyes - a man can strap on and/or pull out but unless his nuts'r cut, sometimes fertility happens, and he gets zero say if he'd rather pay for an abortion over child support.

So whether the guy has one child/one bm or 5-6 w/3-4, I can't get mad at him. Even if he's not paying support, doesn't see his kids, I can't get mad at him. The female made the ultimate decision to lock herself into his life with a kid, and she's at fault for not making a better choice in a father for her child.

Full disclosure: I dated a guy with multiple kids, multiple babymamas, and discovered that he was a phenomenal person who treated me very well. So whatever mistakes a man, or any person, makes in his past don't have to define his future. JM

erplexed erplexed ... There's a punch line in there somewhere I just know it.


That's setting the bar real low.

Just 'cause once was not enough.

 

[greenandchic]

I'll probably get flamed for this (got mah gasoleen drahws on :burning but I don't blame a guy for becoming a babydaddy, even multiple times. She knew she wasn't married to him when she got pregnant, and while she didn't get knocked up by herself, she certainly remained that way alone. Last I checked, abortion is still legal in all 50, and if she doesn't/didn't believe in abortion, she shouldn't have been fornicating. Yesyesyes - a man can strap on and/or pull out but unless his nuts'r cut, sometimes fertility happens, and he gets zero say if he'd rather pay for an abortion over child support.

So whether the guy has one child/one bm or 5-6 w/3-4, I can't get mad at him. Even if he's not paying support, doesn't see his kids, I can't get mad at him. The female made the ultimate decision to lock herself into his life with a kid, and she's at fault for not making a better choice in a father for her child.

Full disclosure: I dated a guy with multiple kids, multiple babymamas, and discovered that he was a phenomenal person who treated me very well. So whatever mistakes a man, or any person, makes in his past don't have to define his future. JM

Its his judgement I would question. Most decent men would protect themselves, not only from getting a woman pregnant, but STDs as well. If he was willy-nilly inserting his thing in any woman that opens her legs, he doesn't sound very stable.

A responsible man wont make babies unless he's in a committed relationship.

On the other hand, I know a man who's been married seven times and has six kids and have always taken good care of them. At that point, I would question his judgement based on the number of times he's been married. Yes, every woman said yes, but I don't want to pretend that men are not capable of making responsible decisions.

 

[Orchid1992]

One...I'm young and generally date guys 4-5 years older (23-24). I don't expect for them to have children at that age and, if they do, on to the next one.

 

[calm_delight]

Datchu Cassie?

 

[TamedTresses]

I'll probably get flamed for this (got mah gasoleen drahws on :burning but I don't blame a guy for becoming a babydaddy, even multiple times. She knew she wasn't married to him when she got pregnant, and while she didn't get knocked up by herself, she certainly remained that way alone. Last I checked, abortion is still legal in all 50, and if she doesn't/didn't believe in abortion, she shouldn't have been fornicating. Yesyesyes - a man can strap on and/or pull out but unless his nuts'r cut, sometimes fertility happens, and he gets zero say if he'd rather pay for an abortion over child support.

So whether the guy has one child/one bm or 5-6 w/3-4, I can't get mad at him. Even if he's not paying support, doesn't see his kids, I can't get mad at him. The female made the ultimate decision to lock herself into his life with a kid, and she's at fault for not making a better choice in a father for her child.

Full disclosure: I dated a guy with multiple kids, multiple babymamas, and discovered that he was a phenomenal person who treated me very well. So whatever mistakes a man, or any person, makes in his past don't have to define his future. JM

 

[naturallygoldie]

I'm more focused on his character and personality. I'm looking for beauty, brains, niceness, and compatible companionship. If he treats me right and is responsible, I don't really care about how many children he has. Sometimes, if you meet a man who is a good, responsible, loving, involved dad, that could even be a plus on my list of check-offs It's a woman's right to date whomever she chooses. Be true to yourself and the type of future life mate you envision yourself with. You'll be a better person for it. Love you all!

It would be really swell if Prince Charming came dashing toward you in his (fill in your preferred mode of travel) with no emotional/physical baggage and fit the checklist to a T.

Honestly, if you met someone who had all the qualities that you were looking for..would you throw him back because he had a babymomma..or two or three?? What's the difference between an ex-wife and a bm? They're both someone he used to be with and kids are in the equation. Sometimes, it just happens that way.

Definitely be true to yourself and the vision you have for your future. Just keep in mind that your standards of perfection might be dated. OP what's good for you may not be good for everybody else and vice versa.

Prince Charming may not come as you imagined but if he treats you like Cinderella...GO FOR IT.

 

[WanakeeWannaBe]

tinkat

I don't agree that it's all on the woman. That is why men already don't take responsibility for the trifling things they do, bc it's always all on the woman.

But the decision to bring a life into the world is all on the woman - God and biology make it so - and men don't get any post-conception options.

In my view, she's not just having a baby, she's making a person, and that's a really, really big deal, not something to be entered into cavalierly with someone to whom you're not legally committed. Only women can make that choice, so I don't blame guys who choose not to be a part of their children's lives, either physically, emotionally, or financially.

And maybe I'm an idealist, but I expect a lot more from women. We're smarter than this, and we don't have to settle for whatever a man feels like giving us. So when a woman feels that being a babymama is good enough for her, that's all she'll get. We all teach others how we want to be treated, and as long as he treats me well, I would accept him as he is, regardless of the number of children he has fathered with whatever number of women and whether or not he's paying support or even has a relationship with his kids. I would hope he would (pay and participate), but there's always three sides to every story - his, hers, and the truth.

Meritamen

... There's a punch line in there somewhere I just know it.


That's setting the bar real low.

I couldn't care less how many kids he has or how many babymamas he has - I'm exploring a relationship with him, and if his other obligations interfere with that, it's on me to decide if I want to stay involved or KIM.

greenandchic

Its his judgement I would question. Most decent men would protect themselves, not only from getting a woman pregnant, but STDs as well. If he was willy-nilly inserting his thing in any woman that opens her legs, he doesn't sound very stable.

A responsible man wont make babies unless he's in a committed relationship.

Although I would hope a man would use a condom each and every time, if he's been in several LTRs I just don't know how practical that is.

Despite-nevertheless-in-spite-of-irregardless, trust and believe, I wouldn't repeat other woma/en's mistakes and become Babymama Part XI. I question the woman's judgment in that instance - if he's already got one kid without marriage, why would you think you're any different?

 

[tinkat]

WanakeeWannaBe

Last time I checked, it takes an egg and a sperm to make a child. If "God and Biology" made it so then we as woman would not need sperm to have a child. Both the man and the woman are making the the child. When two people lay down (man and women), regardless of the precautions they make, there is still a chance a child will be concieved. Everytime I lay down with a man, I understand the risk of having a child even with contraceptives and will take ownership if a child is concieved. But the man is no less different in my eyes and I will make sure I choose a man that I know will take care of their kids, if they don't, I send their *** to jail. Your view seem very one sided. Both parties are responsible regardless of who actually has to push the child out.

I personally cannot be with a man that does not take care of their kids. That tells alot about a person character. If they can do that their current kids, then they have a high risk of treating future children like that too. Being a man is being able to provide regardless of the circumstances. You make your bed, lay in it.

I am pretty sure alot of women did not expect to become a "baby mama". Sometimes life throw curve balls but you just catch it and keep going.

I will just agree to disagree.

 

[nappystorm]

tinkat

But the decision to bring a life into the world is all on the woman - God and biology make it so - and men don't get any post-conception options.

In my view, she's not just having a baby, she's making a person, and that's a really, really big deal, not something to be entered into cavalierly with someone to whom you're not legally committed. Only women can make that choice, so I don't blame guys who choose not to be a part of their children's lives, either physically, emotionally, or financially.

And maybe I'm an idealist, but I expect a lot more from women. We're smarter than this, and we don't have to settle for whatever a man feels like giving us. So when a woman feels that being a babymama is good enough for her, that's all she'll get. We all teach others how we want to be treated, and as long as he treats me well, I would accept him as he is, regardless of the number of children he has fathered with whatever number of women and whether or not he's paying support or even has a relationship with his kids. I would hope he would (pay and participate), but there's always three sides to every story - his, hers, and the truth.

Meritamen

I couldn't care less how many kids he has or how many babymamas he has - I'm exploring a relationship with him, and if his other obligations interfere with that, it's on me to decide if I want to stay involved or KIM.

greenandchic

Although I would hope a man would use a condom each and every time, if he's been in several LTRs I just don't know how practical that is.

Despite-nevertheless-in-spite-of-irregardless, trust and believe, I wouldn't repeat other woma/en's mistakes and become Babymama Part XI. I question the woman's judgment in that instance - if he's already got one kid without marriage, why would you think you're any different?

This is ridiculous.

 

[beans08]

A quain for every kang...

 

[FemmeCreole]

I never wanted to date a man who had kids because I myself have no children. Anyways I became open to it providing the guy has no more than 1 child.

 

[Niknak20]

I have, oddly enough, never dated a baby daddy seriously. How many baby mamas would be too many? How many would keep you from looking at a guy as a person you'd seriously date? How many would keep you from considering someone as a potential mate? I have never had to deal with one but I'm thinking that more than 1 would be a little too much but since I haven't had to deal with this situation idk. What kind of drama, if any, have you experienced with baby mamas? Has your SO been attentive to your struggles with their exes?

Lol I'm thinking more than 1 is not looking good. If he can't make it work w/more than one woman w/his child I have no business dealing w/him.

 

[MsGoody531]

Good Evening Ladies,

Honest, question. I am 33 with no children. I was married, but have been divorced for several years. I promise you that every man that approaches me and I get to know them has a minimum of four or more children. I literally do not get it. I have only been to a club once in my life in my 20's and I do not party or anything remotely close to it. I am conservative, but can seem to understand what I could possibly be giving off to attract men with not just a child, but many children. YES, I do want a child\children of my own some day, but this literally baffles me.

Is this just me? Could it be the Gemini in me? LOL

 

[tinkat]

Good Evening Ladies,

Honest, question. I am 33 with no children. I was married, but have been divorced for several years. I promise you that every man that approaches me and I get to know them has a minimum of four or more children. I literally do not get it. I have only been to a club once in my life in my 20's and I do not party or anything remotely close to it. I am conservative, but can seem to understand what I could possibly be giving off to attract men with not just a child, but many children. YES, I do want a child\children of my own some day, but this literally baffles me.

Is this just me? Could it be the Gemini in me? LOL

Your dating pool has a higher percentage of children which is normal. I think you can find a man without kids but a man with kids around that age is not a shocker.

 

[Mortons]

And maybe I'm an idealist,

No you're definitely not. But that's on you if that is what you are willing to accept in a man.

 

[ambergirl]

I have an update to make. Even though I enjoyed the good times of what my fella and I had, we have officially broke up. He started making offbeat comments about how I should be more inclusive of his children in my financial planning. Hint..Hint - Not good! I informed him, that I'm going back for my MBA/JD to put my son through school and my son ONLY!! My son is only 4 and he has a 16 and 15 year old that are talking about attending college prep classes. That's good and all but I'm not going to help him and their mothers with the expenses. My fella thinks that I'm being stingy with my ideas on money. I told him, I didn't major in accounting to become a fool with my hard earned money. His financial map for his children should be an expense covered by him and the other parent entirely! Since we agree to disagree, we had to part ways. I'm actually quite relieved. I liked him, but not that much

I'm convinced that some of these men with multiple kids and BMs are looking for women to help them financially so this doesn't surprise me at all.

And WanakeeWannaBe even though a man may not want to be responsible for his children the law says differentjy. I've known men who've had nearly every penny of their salary garnished in order to pay off child support or even gone top prison for unpaid suppport.

But men with a baker's dozen of kids want someone to be with them so I'm glad you're willing because couldn't be me.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Been there, done that and never again. One is one too many for me. I refuse to be number 3 in a man's life as the child and baby mama will always come first.

And I know I just made this racial but I will say that at 28, I will date all others (i.e single white men) before I date a black man with child(ren).

 

[SimplyBlessed]

Omg this board is so contradicting like seriously

We bash the women for not wanting to marry their babydaddy and then settle for the one that probably didn't want to propose to her lol

Anywho it depends on age

For now I'll just say one

Can't be a hypocrite if I already have a child myself

 

[SelahOco]

I'll probably get flamed for this (got mah gasoleen drahws on :burning but I don't blame a guy for becoming a babydaddy, even multiple times. She knew she wasn't married to him when she got pregnant, and while she didn't get knocked up by herself, she certainly remained that way alone. Last I checked, abortion is still legal in all 50, and if she doesn't/didn't believe in abortion, she shouldn't have been fornicating. Yesyesyes - a man can strap on and/or pull out but unless his nuts'r cut, sometimes fertility happens, and he gets zero say if he'd rather pay for an abortion over child support.

So whether the guy has one child/one bm or 5-6 w/3-4, I can't get mad at him. Even if he's not paying support, doesn't see his kids, I can't get mad at him. The female made the ultimate decision to lock herself into his life with a kid, and she's at fault for not making a better choice in a father for her child.

Full disclosure: I dated a guy with multiple kids, multiple babymamas, and discovered that he was a phenomenal person who treated me very well. So whatever mistakes a man, or any person, makes in his past don't have to define his future. JM

Are you serious? If you got pregnant, and the dude didnt want it you don't feel he should support the child if you decide to keep it?

He shouldn't see it, support it, or be at all responsible if he doesn't want to?

 

[loolalooh]

Good Evening Ladies,

Honest, question. I am 33 with no children. I was married, but have been divorced for several years. I promise you that every man that approaches me and I get to know them has a minimum of four or more children. I literally do not get it. I have only been to a club once in my life in my 20's and I do not party or anything remotely close to it. I am conservative, but can seem to understand what I could possibly be giving off to attract men with not just a child, but many children. YES, I do want a child\children of my own some day, but this literally baffles me.

Is this just me? Could it be the Gemini in me? LOL

MsGoody531:

I'm close to your age. We're likely to meet men in our age group who have children. However, I think it's out of the ordinary that you're meeting many with 4+ children. (For the life of me, I can't fathom how a man can have 4 children and not be married. But that's a whole other topic.) Many of the men I meet either have no children or one at the maximum.

ETA: These are men in the mid to late 30s I meet.

 

[aribell]

WanakeeWannaBe

My first response to your post was WOW. erplexed And then I thought, you know, I really believe that that post is exactly how many men think, but just don't explicitly say. It's very similar to those conversations that go, "But we were sleeping together." And he's just like, "Yeah, but I never said that I was committed to you like that." Their assumption is that the woman knows the risk and if she goes with it, it's on her. And when women hear it, they often go:

But if they didn't think that way, we wouldn't see so many of these situations that the threads in the OT are about. And more than that, how many women actually go along with this? More than would admit it, I think. Maybe that's a spinoff--how many situations you've seen where the wife knows there are/were illegitimate kids and doesn't disqualify him as a mate because he isn't active in their lives...as long as she gets his name, her kids have a present father, and they all live happily ever after? I know at least a couple. So, Miss WanakeeWannaBe must have some company out there...

I'll probably get flamed for this (got mah gasoleen drahws on :burning but I don't blame a guy for becoming a babydaddy, even multiple times. She knew she wasn't married to him when she got pregnant, and while she didn't get knocked up by herself, she certainly remained that way alone. Last I checked, abortion is still legal in all 50, and if she doesn't/didn't believe in abortion, she shouldn't have been fornicating. Yesyesyes - a man can strap on and/or pull out but unless his nuts'r cut, sometimes fertility happens, and he gets zero say if he'd rather pay for an abortion over child support.

So whether the guy has one child/one bm or 5-6 w/3-4, I can't get mad at him. Even if he's not paying support, doesn't see his kids, I can't get mad at him. The female made the ultimate decision to lock herself into his life with a kid, and she's at fault for not making a better choice in a father for her child.

Full disclosure: I dated a guy with multiple kids, multiple babymamas, and discovered that he was a phenomenal person who treated me very well. So whatever mistakes a man, or any person, makes in his past don't have to define his future. JM

So, that was OT...Back to the regular topic...

 

[tinkat]

nikola.kirwan

I thought that to as I was reading it. That is how many but not every man thinks. When we accept that behavior they think it's ok and continue to do so. That's why some men don't take ownership and responsibility for the fukcups that that they contribute to when it comes to relationships and it trickles down to the support if children.

This thread reminds me of what my mother told me at a lower point in my life. Woman are natural nurturers While men will always look out for them self. So for now on make sure every decision you make is best for you.

Unfortunately many people in general believe that their scenario is different and exception to what can obviously result based in past repeated behavior.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[FlyyBohemian]

Been there, done that and never again. One is one too many for me. I refuse to be number 3 in a man's life as the child and baby mama will always come first.

And I know I just made this racial but I will say that at 28, I will date all others (i.e single white men) before I date a black man with child(ren).

Can't fault you for that, but in situations like that then why can't they just marry the woman. If the mother of you child comes before the woman you are with then you might as well just marry the mother of you child.

 

[ladysaraii]

@nikola.kirwan

I thought that to as I was reading it. That is how many but not every man thinks. When we accept that behavior they think it's ok and continue to do so. That's why some men don't take ownership and responsibility for the fukcups that that they contribute to when it comes to relationships and it trickles down to the support if children.

This thread reminds me of what my mother told me at a lower point in my life. Woman are natural nurturers While men will always look out for them self. So for now on make sure every decision you make is best for you.

Unfortunately many people in general believe that their scenario is different and exception to what can obviously result based in past repeated behavior.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

Your mother is very wise and I think that's something we as women need to understand. And what so often leads to (our) heartbreak