How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or not?

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

A couple of weeks ago, a guy approached me in the street, gave me some compliments and asked for my number. Although I didn’t find him attractive at first glance, I was in a rush to get somewhere and so thought I’d just give him a chance anyway since I really don’t get many chances to date someone. So we later met up in a bar where we had drinks and a chance to first get to know each other. He seems like a nice person but I still don’t find him attractive. He’s texted me asking for a second date, but I’m not sure whether it’s worth me seeing him again or not. I think he likes me but I don’t feel the same way and I don’t want to waste his time. Should I give him one more chance and not be hasty, or is one date enough to know? Plus, he’s 10 years older than me so I find the age difference a bit awkward as well.

When you date, how long does it take to know if you fancy someone? Do you only accept dates from people if you instantly find them attractive? Or do you wait till first date to make up your mind? Or do you wait 2, 3, 4 or more dates?

Please help, I’m so inexperienced in this stuff

 

[LivingDol1]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

If you don't like him, you just don't like him. You can't force yourself to give more chances in the hopes you'll adjust.

I don't think there is a set # of dates for me. It depends on the person. I guess that's why it's called chemistry?

 

[CaliiSwagg]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

For me, I only need 1 or 2 to determine if I like someone or have chemistry with them.

 

[UrbainChic]

It depends on the person. Some people you know right away and other people it takes 2-3 dates. If i STILL don't really like a guy after a 3rd date i let it go because i think its dishonest to continue much longer with someone you're lukewarm about at best.

Sent from my iPhone

 

[Theo]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

Hmm... I say 2 or 3. Sometimes nerves can get in the way of someone letting their true self come out on the first date

 

[loolalooh]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

Normally, I would say one more date couldn't hurt. Instant chemistry is over rated. However, if you find him unattractive don't bother with another date in this scenario. The question is: Do you find him unattractive or are you not attracted to him? (There is a difference.)

In the past, I knew in 2-3 dates. There wasn't always instant physical attraction, but I've never entertained anyone I found unattractive.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

Normally, I would say one more date couldn't hurt. Instant chemistry is over rated. However, if you find him unattractive don't bother with another date in this scenario. The question is: Do you find him unattractive or are you not attracted to him? (There is a difference.)

In the past, I knew in 2-3 dates. There wasn't always instant physical attraction, but I've never entertained anyone I found unattractive.

The way he looks I don't find physically attractive. The best way of putting it: he looks like David Cameron . Not my type basically.

I really can't fault the way he's treated me and his personality he's displayed so far, as he seems nice and all, but I guess "nice" doesn't always mean I should date them, eh? Plus, I'm a 20-year-old part time sales assistant still finding my way in life, whereas he's a 30-year-old primary school teacher probably so much mature than me, and I'm not sure we'd even be compatible as friends let alone dates.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

You know you want it

I say just move on to the next one. I usually can tell some possibility that it might blossom even if the instant chemistry isn't there. If it's totally dead then I wouldnt bother.

 

[loolalooh]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

The way he looks I don't find physically attractive. The best way of putting it: he looks like David Cameron . Not my type basically.

I really can't fault the way he's treated me and his personality he's displayed so far, as he seems nice and all, but I guess "nice" doesn't always mean I should date them, eh? Plus, I'm a 20-year-old part time sales assistant still finding my way in life, whereas he's a 30-year-old primary school teacher probably so much mature than me, and I'm not sure we'd even be compatible as friends let alone dates.

CherryCherryBoomBoom:

It looks like you should "pass", not just because of the unattractiveness but because there's some reservation there concerning the age gap and compatibility that was also implied in your OP. You're young and have plenty of time to meet the guy who does do it for you. Had you been 30 and just found the guy physically "meh" as opposed to unattractive, I would suggest otherwise. Imho, "meh" leaves a possibility for attraction to develop.

 

[LivingDol1]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

CherryCherryBoomBoom:

It looks like you should "pass", not just because of the unattractiveness but because there's some reservation there concerning the age gap and compatibility that was also implied in your OP. You're young and have plenty of time to meet the guy who does do it for you. Had you been 30 and just found the guy physically "meh" as opposed to unattractive, I would suggest otherwise. Imho, "meh" leaves a possibility for attraction to develop.

Umm... That's not fair!!

 

[Lucie]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

Just one is all I need.

 

[loolalooh]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

Umm... That's not fair!!

LOL. A 30 year old woman giving a "meh" guy a second date is fair enough. "Meh" does not equal "ugly".

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

LOL. A 30 year old woman giving a "meh" guy a second date is fair enough. "Meh" does not equal "ugly".

Well, I kinda meant "meh" more than "unattractive" really. That is, if you mean "unattractive" means the same as "ugly"? I don't really like to call people ugly, and I don't really think most people are tbh. I find most people "meh" if I don't think they're repulsively ugly but I also don't find them particularly attractive, and that's how I feel about this guy.

Ah, it's been nearly 3 days and I feel like I'm gonna have to reply to his text very soon instead of keeping him hanging. If I write something like "Meeting you was nice and you're a nice person, but I don't feel anything romantic towards you and if that's your intentions (sorry if I'm wrong) then I don't want to lead you on. I hope you understand. Bye." That'll be alright, yeah?

 

[loolalooh]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

Well, I kinda meant "meh" more than "unattractive" really. That is, if you mean "unattractive" means the same as "ugly"? I don't really like to call people ugly, and I don't really think most people are tbh. I find most people "meh" if I don't think they're repulsively ugly but I also don't find them particularly attractive, and that's how I feel about this guy.

Ah, it's been nearly 3 days and I feel like I'm gonna have to reply to his text very soon instead of keeping him hanging. If I write something like "Meeting you was nice and you're a nice person, but I don't feel anything romantic towards you and if that's your intentions (sorry if I'm wrong) then I don't want to lead you on. I hope you understand. Bye." That'll be alright, yeah?

CherryCherryBoomBoom:

How about "It was great meeting you, but I don't want to lead you on with a second date. I hope you understand. Bye."

The "I don't feel anything romantic towards you" may come off a bit harsh via text. Also, given his asking for a second date, his "intentions" are clear.

 

[Bublin]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

@CherryCherryBoomBoom:

How about "It was great meeting you, but I don't want to lead you on with a second date. I hope you understand. Bye."

I would leave out the 'Bye' and just say something like 'Take care'.

 

[CherryCherryBoomBoom]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

I would leave out the 'Bye' and just say something like 'Take care'.

Oops, too late - already sent the text

Ah well, I hope it's OK anyway. Thank you all for your help

 

[**SaSSy**]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

I never dated a complete stranger before, I prefer to talk to a guy, then develop a friendship before dating comes into play.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

I never dated a complete stranger before, I prefer to talk to a guy, then develop a friendship before dating comes into play.

Me too. But I signed with a matchmaking service last year so I have been out with strangers though they are pre-screened. Ideally I'd like to say 2-3 but it almost always turns out to be 1. IME, when guys fall, it happens quickly and giving a guy a second date makes them think you're into them just as much as they are into you. It's the most awkward experience in the world when I'm on a date with a guy and he's all excited and I'm not. BTW, this is a major reason I prefer to be friends first.

 

[chocolat79]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

For me, it's generally 2. Even if I find someone physically unattractive, but I find their personality attractive, then I can work with it. However, if I find them just repulsive AND/OR their personality is not attractive to me, then there's no need in going forward. I'm big on conversation and can usually determine whether I'll let my mind or my eyes dictate the next step.

 

[Lucie]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

This thread popped into my head last night.

I was on a date last night with a man that made me pray for an anvil to fall on my head while eating dinner. It was so bad, I didn't care if I left the restaurant in a body bag, I just wanted to leave in the worst way by ANY means necessary.

I stand firm in my stance, that ONE date is all it takes for me.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

If you have to wonder, you're probably not interested in him. Therefore, I say, move on and wait until you meet someone you're attracted to.

Lucie For some reason, I thought you were married.

 

[Lucie]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

If you have to wonder, you're probably not interested in him. Therefore, I say, move on and wait until you meet someone you're attracted to.

@Lucie For some reason, I thought you were married.

*CherryPie*, I was. Now I am dating.

 

[Oasis]

I stand firm in my stance, that ONE date is all it takes for me.

agreed! for me, personally, anything more than one is a waste of time.

 

[drappedup]

Re: How many dates do you go on with a stranger before you know if you like them or n

it depends tbh. it could be as few as one date or it could be a couple.....like two or three. i have even gone on like four or five with a guy i was lukewarm with (it was a mistake both times obv, because they both liked me A LOT more than i liked either of them). but for the most part, i usually know the first date....latest, the second.

 

[Avyn]

The longest was 5 dates and I was pushing myself bc the person expressed a strong liking for me and I was trying to be open to love. I really tried to like him. He was so nice but I was not feeling him. I was becoming repulsed and annoyed by his efforts.