No Dates 2016(?)

[theRaven]

My second date with my 2014 love was to Barnes & Noble. We browsed through recipes, images from "coffee table"books, and discussed our favorite literature. This fostered amazing conversation. He bought me two books We then held hands as we walked through the park across the street.

Le sigh

I wonder if I'll ever have that type of connection again.

Anyways, this thread is a sign to add bookstore dates to my list. You learn a lot about someone based on the variety of info you find in there.

Yes this is my dream date. Book browsing and good conversations. Your post is lovely and reminded me of this picture

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

I do this but I want to see the guy in his natural environment.

 

[CaraWalker]

fyi I have been asked out a few times since making this decision and ive sort of petered out because theyve asked me to drinks or food, and honestly. im just not interested any more. so I probably need to hurry up and come up with an alternate plan.

 

[ThirdEyeBeauty]

I have offers for NYE events by three guys. Hmm, who to choose. Well I know one is out so really I need to choose from two. All three have potential but I am feeling drained for some reason. Probably a little burnt out from work is clouding by judgment. Too bad I heard LHCF are investigators. Otherwise I would ask you ladies for advice. No formal dates tonight. Just invited out in the city for NYE.

 

[PretteePlease]

I love this thread so much and I want updates.

how about a carpool outing with someone that works near you
hair salon outing
mani/pedi outing
trip to the gyn
ask him to come over and talk while he scratches up your dandruff
ask him to come to the gym with you and rerack your weights I actually loved gym time outings
ask him to come while you get your brazilian wax and he has to stay in the room while you froggy squat

 

[MuziqizLyfe]

I'm not a fan of dinner or formal dates. I prefer other types of dates as well....I just don't want to be the one to initiate these types of non dates, like hey come out with me while I do this or why dont we do that....I still want the guy to take the lead in the beginning.

I recently talked to a guy that made "non date" date suggestions but only after I flat out told him I wasn't interested in dinner dates or Netflix and chill dates. He admitted his mind went kind of blank as he couldn't think of anything in between. I said well let me know what you come up with and he actually came up with stuff because he knew that was the only way he'd get to spend time with me.

We ended up dating for about a month...and did a lot of fun and mundane things that weren't traditional dates..too bad there wasn't any physical chemistry

Even though I had to force his hand a bit, I do think this kind of non traditional type of dating is a better way to get to know someone. You get to see them in a variety of situations and get to know them and their intentions better so I'm going to take this method into 2016...hopefully with less effort on my part.

My ideal guy would just know to date me the way I want but that's probably not very realistic.

 

[Layluh]

One of my mentors had a "power couple" on his show a few months back. They're married but their first official date was a business seminar ( which can get pretty expensive) that he invited her to. He wanted to see how she fit into his goals, ideas and goals they both had, mindset etc. They got to heavy topics pretty quickly, moved in with each other and got married pretty quickly. I remember her saying something like once he'd expressed long term interest in her, she asked him if he was sure he was done seeing other women and that she didn't want to get in the way of anything if he wasn't done which was an approach he liked and never experienced before.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I love this thread! The posts in here highlight exactly why I'm over the dating process and I've been over it for some time. I was in school so I didn't think much about dating. Now I'm out and am hoping to at least meet someone I can stand to talk to for more than 10 minutes.

I'm an intellectual nerd so I have to be turned on by a man's mind otherwise it's a no-go. I want to know what a man is passionate about, what makes him tick. That doesn't happen at a dinner where you're trying to put on your best face and stimulate a romantic connection. I've got a whole list of non-traditional date ideas in my head for when I meet a guy I like.

 

[awhyley]

One of my mentors had a "power couple" on his show a few months back. They're married but their first official date was a business seminar ( which can get pretty expensive) that he invited her to. He wanted to see how she fit into his goals, ideas and goals they both had, mindset etc. They got to heavy topics pretty quickly, moved in with each other and got married pretty quickly. I remember her saying something like once he'd expressed long term interest in her, she asked him if he was sure he was done seeing other women and that she didn't want to get in the way of anything if he wasn't done which was an approach he liked and never experienced before.

THIS I like. What a great way to find out what you need to know upfront. *Keeping this in mind for future sessions*

 

[CaraWalker]

I love this thread! The posts in here highlight exactly why I'm over the dating process and I've been over it for some time. I was in school so I didn't think much about dating. Now I'm out and am hoping to at least meet someone I can stand to talk to for more than 10 minutes.

I'm an intellectual nerd so I have to be turned on by a man's mind otherwise it's a no-go. I want to know what a man is passionate about, what makes him tick. That doesn't happen at a dinner where you're trying to put on your best face and stimulate a romantic connection. I've got a whole list of non-traditional date ideas in my head for when I meet a guy I like.

and yet you aint sharing em

 

[Kalani]

Great thread. Some of my best dates have been at the shooting range, mountain bike trails, and learning ballroom dancing together (dudes are totally out of their element here, its quite fun ). Like others mentioned you see an entirely different side of a guy when he's not in traditional date mode and its much more genuine.

I had taken an extended break from dating because I got tired of all the games but maybe I just need to return to these kind of dates.

 

[kandake]

My favorite non-formal date was when the guy took me to the lake for a photography lesson. He knew his way around a DSLR and knew I wanted to learn. We had ice cream prior to the lesson and played pool after.

 

[DarkJoy]

I wasnt gonna comment Ms Walker but....

I call this dating like a grown arse woman. Take the fantasy out of it, take out the BS formality and professionalism and meet the real each other Day 1. This aint a Disney fantasy or some romcom starring me (or you!). and hey, it would be insanity to keep doing the same things over and over and its not working.

Best believe during this informalness in my little world, I judge his every action: His manners--Is he consistently holding doors open for me even to the grocery store? Did he buy my groceries and carry the bags? Is he speaking up for me when some customer service jerk is giving me a hard time? Does he pick me up with something in hand or empty handed every time? what are his daily habits and routines like & do they agree with mine?

After a minute there's formal dates thrown in. By then the romance and comfort level feels genuine because the attraction and intention is clear and we are more comfy with each other and it feels more natural.
All marriage proposals, LTRs and serious contenders came from doing regular ****. Everyday ****.

Every formal date type dude I went out with = months in and finding myself in a fail cuz either he hid **** or I didn't see it through the ruse early enough. Happened with the last dude who only formally dated. Come to find out most his stories were lies and half truths but I didnt find that out until the formal dating started to wane and the real ish creeped in waste of 6 months. Argh!

When I'm ready to get back out there, informal dating all the way. There are some pitfalls to informal dating but for me it works out better overall.

Im sure you will have a blast switching it up. Im here for it!

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

One of my favorite informal dates was several years ago, I think I suggested it, we went to the Museum of Modern Art and strolled around taking in the exhibits, it was really cool to share our interpretations while also getting to know eachother. The guy wasn't right at all but the initial meeting was different and it really stands out in my memory for that reason, I'd love to go on more first dates like that.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I wasnt gonna comment Ms Walker but....

I call this dating like a grown arse woman. Take the fantasy out of it, take out the BS formality and professionalism and meet the real each other Day 1. This aint a Disney fantasy or some romcom starring me (or you!). and hey, it would be insanity to keep doing the same things over and over and its not working.

Best believe during this informalness in my little world, I judge his every action: His manners--Is he consistently holding doors open for me even to the grocery store? Did he buy my groceries and carry the bags? Is he speaking up for me when some customer service jerk is giving me a hard time? Does he pick me up with something in hand or empty handed every time? what are his daily habits and routines like & do they agree with mine?

After a minute there's formal dates thrown in. By then the romance and comfort level feels genuine because the attraction and intention is clear and we are more comfy with each other and it feels more natural.
All marriage proposals, LTRs and serious contenders came from doing regular ****. Everyday ****.

Every formal date type dude I went out with = months in and finding myself in a fail cuz either he hid **** or I didn't see it through the ruse early enough. Happened with the last dude who only formally dated. Come to find out most his stories were lies and half truths but I didnt find that out until the formal dating started to wane and the real ish creeped in waste of 6 months. Argh!

When I'm ready to get back out there, informal dating all the way. There are some pitfalls to informal dating but for me it works out better overall.

Im sure you will have a blast switching it up. Im here for it!

So what would you say some of the pitfalls are? And how did you establish boundaries (coming over, sleeping over, etc) and discuss exclusivity with thing being so informal? I feel like men would get too comfortable and take advantage..

 

[DarkJoy]

So what would you say some of the pitfalls are? And how did you establish boundaries (coming over, sleeping over, etc)?

How I set up boundaries: I dont know you. You not coming over. Im not going over. We are not having sex until im damn good and ready. Thats pretty much verbatim cuz I'm smooth like that informal doesnt mean sitting at home. Just means i aint about to kill my ankles in those stilletos and pancaking my face all up. Anything else is the same as formal dating--talking and setting parameters of what you both are looking for, etc etc. Easy enough to discuss while picking up the dog from the groomer and giving him his afternoon run at the dog park

Pitfall: It could just be I attract slightly more intense men Many were when i was in my 20s b4 i married. i had one after. Occasionally because its easier to melt into each other's lives being informal, THEY tended to feel its more of a relationship than I took it for. It was particularly the dudes I held out from sex a good long while like past 3 months... they could get real.... intense . Some would say stalkerish . One dude ran me down for like 3 years and I never even kissed him.

Upside: being informal you make a friend first and thats what many women say is most important in a ltr right?

Pitfall: accidentally sliding into the friend-zone in either direction.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I dont totally hate this idea...let us know how it works out.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

.....................................

 

[SelahOco]

fyi I have been asked out a few times since making this decision and ive sort of petered out because theyve asked me to drinks or food, and honestly. im just not interested any more. so I probably need to hurry up and come up with an alternate plan.

Scrapbooking would be interesting because you would learn a lot about each other thru the pictures and the stories they tell. I wonder if Micheal's does this. I know they have other fun, creative classes that guys would only say yes to if they really like you.