How early is too early to get married?

filthyfresh

filthyfresh

New Member
A friend of mine is getting married next month after only being with the guy since MAYBE Valentine's Day. Meanwhile I've been with my SO for a year and 4 months (we were best friends for 3 years before that) and we want to get married but we feel it may be too soon. I feel kind of slighted because hell, I've been in a relationship longer than she has, so why the freak is she getting married before me? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy if she's happy, but it seems rushed (Not to mention, he's 20 and she's 26 :rolleyes:). They haven't even really made it past the 3 month mark when your PR person leaves the building. But Beyonce & Jay-Z just got hitched after SIX years.

So how early is too early? When is the good time to be married? And am I wrong for feeling like I should be married before her?
 
That's a good question.I personally don't know anyone that got married that quickly but it happens and it does works out sometimes.As far as the man being 20y,I don't know about that but hey if they are happy.....I get the warm,happy,jealous,wish it was me feelings when anyone gets married but thats me.:nono::lachen::lachen:
 
yea too each their own i guess. My SO's friends got engaged after being together for 2 months, moved in together @ 4 months and are getting married at i guess 7 months. It does seem rushed and no one thinks they're gonna make it because you can see that they don't even have the kinks of their relationship worked out yet.

Then again....my SO and i talk about getting married and moving in together all the time and we've only been together for almost 4 months. We won't get married for @ least a couple of years...but it's more because of finances then anything else. He is however extremely curious of what kind of ring I want ( he knows i dont want a traditional ring) and he keeps nagging me about getting confirmed soon. When you know, you know.
 
I personally believe that it is too early to marry a person if you haven't known them for at least a year. I know there are several relationships that are successful where the couple dated for a shorter time, but I think those succeeded because the people involved are they type who would succeed because that is their nature. That being said, I don't care how compatible, how sexy, yes - even if I feel God is telling me to, I would not marry someone less than one year into it.

Why?
I believe the less time you know someone, the rougher your first year of marriage is, because you will really be getting to know each other.

For the first few months you are in the "romantic phase." You need that to die, see true colors and react to true colors.

You need to make sure you can stand the person for a long time.

You need to see a person through the year - do they have weird times of the year/seasons/holidays where they are crazy, withdrawn etc?

I just feel that marriage is such a huge commitment and even when I plan to buy a car I take MONTHS considering finances, brand, quality etc so a life partner should be so much more.
 
filthyfresh said:
A friend of mine is getting married next month after only being with the guy since MAYBE Valentine's Day. Meanwhile I've been with my SO for a year and 4 months (we were best friends for 3 years before that) and we want to get married but we feel it may be too soon. I feel kind of slighted because hell, I've been in a relationship longer than she has, so why the freak is she getting married before me? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy if she's happy, but it seems rushed (Not to mention, he's 20 and she's 26 :rolleyes:). They haven't even really made it past the 3 month mark when your PR person leaves the building. But Beyonce & Jay-Z just got hitched after SIX years.

So how early is too early? When is the good time to be married? And am I wrong for feeling like I should be married before her?
Click to expand...

I know how you feel. I'm happy I'm getting married but I've watched couples form years after DF and I and get married before us and I was kinda mad - irrational but I was.
 
I got married after knowing my DH only about eight months. We're still happily married almost ten years later. Every situation is different. I couldn't give one answer. It depends on the people and the circumstances. Age might have something to do with it, too. I was older than the "average" bride and my husband is 14 years older than me.
 
filthyfresh said:
A friend of mine is getting married next month after only being with the guy since MAYBE Valentine's Day. Meanwhile I've been with my SO for a year and 4 months (we were best friends for 3 years before that) and we want to get married but we feel it may be too soon. I feel kind of slighted because hell, I've been in a relationship longer than she has, so why the freak is she getting married before me? Don't get me wrong, I'm happy if she's happy, but it seems rushed (Not to mention, he's 20 and she's 26 :rolleyes:). They haven't even really made it past the 3 month mark when your PR person leaves the building. But Beyonce & Jay-Z just got hitched after SIX years.

So how early is too early? When is the good time to be married? And am I wrong for feeling like I should be married before her?
Click to expand...

Can I ask, what about this makes you mad?

The reason why I ask, is because I'm currently engaged, my SO proposed after one year, and one of my friends said the EXACT same thing that I bolded in your post, to me. She keeps bringing it up to her SO and I've been told that they have gotten into many an argument because of my getting married before her (the relationship difference is only about 6 months).

I just don't understand the logic from her POV, should I wait until she's married to continue on with mine?

Maybe you can shed some insight. TIA. :yep:
 
I dont think anyone can really have it set in stone how long you should be with someone before to marry tthem. Most relationships are differentThey may have an understaning that you will never understand.:yep:
 
sunbasque said:
He's 20? :perplexed:perplexed:perplexed:perplexed
Click to expand...

This was my first :perplexed

I think it takes a certain level of maturity to get married and keep a marriage going that I know I didn't have at 20... so I would be wary of the fact that he's so young. But maybe he's one of the rare mature, marriage-minded 20 years olds... :look:

Do they really know what they want in life and if their goals are compatible? I would suggest that they both evaluate their reasons for getting married, especially so soon. If they both were older, I might say, eh, go for it, but this sends up a red flag to me.
 
vivEz daNs lamouR said:
Can I ask, what about this makes you mad?

The reason why I ask, is because I'm currently engaged, my SO proposed after one year, and one of my friends said the EXACT same thing that I bolded in your post, to me. She keeps bringing it up to her SO and I've been told that they have gotten into many an argument because of my getting married before her (the relationship difference is only about 6 months).

I just don't understand the logic from her POV, should I wait until she's married to continue on with mine?

Maybe you can shed some insight. TIA. :yep:
Click to expand...

I'm not mad, I suppose it might be the green-eyed monster in me talking, but I feel like they shouldn't get married because they haven't even seen past the rose-colored glasses they have on. I suppose I wish my life was in a place where I could get married (I'm still in school, @ home, etc.), so maybe I'm just projecting that onto her situation.

But her situation is crazy. She has a 5 year old daughter. She and her mother have a house together, which my friend doesn't want to leave, nor does her mother want to leave. Plus she has an 18 year old sister who's going to college soon. So I don't think that's a great situation for a guy to move into. Plus she's just doing it to please her SO & her brother (who's giving her away)

Your relationship, you all have been together for a YEAR. That's different. You've had a chance to experience some ups and downs and really know each other well. Two months isn't a long time to decide to marry someone. You shouldn't wait for her to get married before you. That's your relationship, do you. You know what's best for your relationship.

ETA: Now I just told you that great advice, why can't I apply that to my friend? LOL. I guess because I don't want to see her hurt in the end. But it's like she's all trapped in the lovey-dovey phase and I'm afraid she's going to make a mistake and be unhappy.
 
Tanisha77 said:
I dont think anyone can really have it set in stone how long you should be with someone before to marry tthem. Most relationships are differentThey may have an understaning that you will never understand.:yep:
Click to expand...

Maybe so, but both of them cheated on who they were with to be together. IDK, maybe they do have that understanding. I kind of feel like I'm passing judgment, which is something I don't like to do because I try not to be judgmental. But it all just seems so...sudden and rushed.
 
filthyfresh said:
I'm not mad, I suppose it might be the green-eyed monster in me talking, but I feel like they shouldn't get married because they haven't even seen past the rose-colored glasses they have on. I suppose I wish my life was in a place where I could get married (I'm still in school, @ home, etc.), so maybe I'm just projecting that onto her situation.

But her situation is crazy. She has a 5 year old daughter. She and her mother have a house together, which my friend doesn't want to leave, nor does her mother want to leave. Plus she has an 18 year old sister who's going to college soon. So I don't think that's a great situation for a guy to move into. Plus she's just doing it to please her SO & her brother (who's giving her away)

Your relationship, you all have been together for a YEAR. That's different. You've had a chance to experience some ups and downs and really know each other well. Two months isn't a long time to decide to marry someone. You shouldn't wait for her to get married before you. That's your relationship, do you. You know what's best for your relationship.

ETA: Now I just told you that great advice, why can't I apply that to my friend? LOL. I guess because I don't want to see her hurt in the end. But it's like she's all trapped in the lovey-dovey phase and I'm afraid she's going to make a mistake and be unhappy.
Click to expand...

Gotcha. I agree with you in regards to her situation. But the one thing I've learned about friends, you literally have to let them fall and pick themselves back up sometimes.

As genuine and from the heart as your advice may be, she more than likely will view it as you being jealous.
 
filthyfresh said:
Maybe so, but both of them cheated on who they were with to be together. IDK, maybe they do have that understanding. I kind of feel like I'm passing judgment, which is something I don't like to do because I try not to be judgmental. But it all just seems so...sudden and rushed.
Click to expand...
dontfeel like your passing judgement. You have the right to speak your mind:grin:
 
vivEz daNs lamouR said:
Gotcha. I agree with you in regards to her situation. But the one thing I've learned about friends, you literally have to let them fall and pick themselves back up sometimes.

As genuine and from the heart as your advice may be, she more than likely will view it as you being jealous.
Click to expand...

True. And that's why I just kind of backed off. I just told her that I'd support her no matter what.

BTW, is that you and your SO in your avatar? If so, you guys look really cute together. :yep:
 
filthyfresh said:
True. And that's why I just kind of backed off. I just told her that I'd support her no matter what.

BTW, is that you and your SO in your avatar? If so, you guys look really cute together. :yep:
Click to expand...

You're being a good enough friend, IMO. Let her do what she thinks is best, regardless of what the actual honesty of the situation might be. If/When something goes wrong, you'll fulfill your friendly duties by being there for her :yep:.

And yeah, that's me and hubbub. Thanks for your compliment! :drunk:
 
I don't think there's an answer to that question it depends on the person. For me personally I need to know someone for a year before I'd consider it but everyone is different.
 
I am going to say this honestly. If your friend and her fiance are truly "in love" then time whether it is now or later does not matter.

I say this, because one of my very close friends met a man got married within 4 months and they have been married now for 7 years and have an awesome relationship. They are truly in love and always "doting" on each other. On the hand, I was in a relationship, met the guy years before she even met her husband, stayed with him throughout my 20's and after 10 years he never married me. We finally broke up last year. Although he talked about marriage alot, he never made it happend. The relationship only had the years without the essence of love.

My point is if she loves him then she should enjoy her life. Don't think about it, just enjoy.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

janiebaby
Are women paying to get married?
Replies
26
Views
780
4bslbound
4
Miss617
Married Ladies: What should every couple do/know in the first year of marriage?
Replies
6
Views
410
Miss617
Miss617
neenzmj
How Long is Too Long?
3 4 5
Replies
131
Views
5K
Daeuiel
Daeuiel
FeelinIt
2 out of 3......They get married after leaving me
2
Replies
54
Views
1K
crlsweetie912
crlsweetie912
Country gal
Why Do You Want to Get Married?????
2
Replies
30
Views
636
cocoberry10
cocoberry10
Back
Top