**How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay? **

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Tonight I had a small dinner party with me and five friends. A few of them were gay men, and after a long night of dinner and drinks I decided to ask one of my friends (let's call him Henry) to scope out this guy I know and tell me if he has any feelings about him being possibly gay.

So I proceed to open up and go to FaceBook because that's where the guy's page is, and a picture of a friend of mine (we'll call her Jill) with her boyfriend (we'll call him Don) is up instead. Henry goes , as does his cousin, because he sees Don's picture and tells us that he dated him a few years ago. As a matter of fact, Henry saw Don just two weeks ago at a gay club, telling everyone that he was having a baby.

My best friend, John, who was also at this event, is MUCH closer with Jill than I am. We both get upset about this, because Jill is saying that she is in a relationship with Don, and has so many plans for them for the future. She's very excited about this pregnancy even though it was an accident. We're all almost certain that the only method of "protection" was probably birth control, if even that.

Moreover, he has her pictures all over his page as well, and leaves messages on her wall, making it seem like they're together. There's pictures up of them kissing, hugging, and acting like a couple. He's even moving back to NY from MD because of this baby.

But he's gay. And we're certain that she doesn't know.

John is wondering whether he should say anything to her and if so, how? It seems like a pandora's box at this point, because she's already pregnant, and this information won't suddenly rewind time. But at the same time, I highly, highly, doubt that she would knowingly have a homosexual man's baby. Plus, she's only 21.

Jill is someone who is very shy, very reserved, probably the sweetest person I've ever met, almost to a point where she could be called naive.

What would you do?

 

[Lenee925]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I wouldn't say anything. Is it possible that Jill got that good-good and turned him hetero?

 

[FloweringSakura]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Oh wow this is crazy! Whether or not she should be told shouldn't be a question, she definitely needs to know. You guys should just sit her down and tell her.

 

[vivEz daNs lamouR]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I wouldn't say anything. Is it possible that Jill got that good-good and turned him hetero?

Doubt that. Otherwise, why would he be at a gay club just 2 weeks ago?

 

[Mortons]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

She's already pregnant so what would telling her do other than fill her with grief? I say leave well enough alone.

 

[sr24]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

If I was the girl I would want somebody to tell me or at list give me hints or something...You have deadly diseases out there now...She's putting her life at risk messing with this guy...And its pitiful that he doesnt tell her...And shes having his baby...uuuuggggghhhhhh

 

[Nenah]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Well....I know for a fact she has had an HIV test already because they test you when you become pregnant. So if her results are negative or postitive she should know already depending how far along she is. I'm torn on this. I really feel that she should know. If he isn't man enough to tell her then someone should be. I think it should come from John the friend. Since she is closer to him. I would hope someone tells me if I was in this scenario. Hurt or not I want to live!!!!

 

[somethingdifferent]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Why can't you and her other friend show her the Facebook? If my man was gay and I didn't know, I really would want someone to tell me and show the evidence. She could get mad at you guys but oh well.

 

[Growinpainz]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

please tell and make sure you have evidence to prove it.

 

[fallback]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

She should know that her and the baby's health may be in danger. She will probably be hurt but she has a right to know.

 

[firecracker]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I wouldn't say anything. Is it possible that Jill got that good-good and turned him hetero?

It ain't that much good-good in the world if that kneegrow is still hanging in the gay club and not on his knees along with church!

Po babygurl bout to have a gays baby w/o knowledge of his past or preference. She is in such a delicate condition and situation but she still needs to know the truth about that boy. Unplanned pregnancy and unwed all involving a gay oh hell to the nawl! Does she have some brothers to put a foot up his behind if she can't do it herself?
Hey violence is always in the back of my mind

 

[firecracker]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

please tell and make sure you have evidence to prove it.

She ain't the man he don boinked or that dude that screamed "I used to date em"! So she doesn't have much proof but she still needs to mention that lil tidbit. What goes in the the wash comes out in the rinse. Lil momma will find out eventually or rather too late. Like now! Folks just playing with their own lives and others is getting kinda outta hand.

 

[firecracker]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

She's already pregnant so what would telling her do other than fill her with grief? I say leave well enough alone.

His lifestyle is effecting others life and choices so she needs to be made aware. Warped thinking and actions should only effect his life not others. I wonder why you feel this way.

 

[drasgrl]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

She's already pregnant so what would telling her do other than fill her with grief? I say leave well enough alone.

Because she is making plans with him like he is the future and thinking they are a couple. I think your friends should confront Don and tell him if he doesn't tell her they will.

 

[firecracker]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Folks need more education on AIDs. Tis all

 

[fluffylocks]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I would just tell her straight out that I knew someone that said they dated him a few years ago and saw him in a nightclub....I wouldnt come to her like "Its true! He's gay!", but more like a rumor or something I heard that sounds like it could be true and I was really concerned about this...and give her information so that she could check herself.
That way she can look into it and believe it if she wants or dismiss it....If she heard a rumor like that and didnt want to look into it, then imo its not because somebody hasnt told her enough info or it was to crazy to believe, its because she doesnt want to know. So its not a situation where im saying me or someone else knows him better than you/something you dont, where she'll get really angry and want to defend him or what she think she knows.

 

[yokoyokogirl]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

If I were her, I would want to know. Him leading a double life is just wrong gay or not. It's like the same if he had a secret gambling or drug problem. I would want to know that too. No matter if I was pregnant or not.
I don't know HOW I would tell her, but I would try to clue her in somehow.

 

[justNikki]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Your friends should be able to either name the club or somehow hrlp get some evidence that you could give to your friend. I would tell her of the rumor.

 

[ThickHair]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I say wait until after the baby is born. What is done is done and she doesn't need that stress right now. He has already hit is raw dog.

 

[kismettt]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

is there a way the guy is bisexual? and if he is bi, but is exclusive to your friend (and has had all his tests, etc), then it is not the worst situation. if she has no idea about it, though, I think she should know. I'm not sure the best way to tell her though :-/ you could possibly confront him? (like, 'if you dont tell, i will' type of thing) but i'm not sure what is the best route. it's probably best to have some type of evidence & break it to her as gently as possibly. i see no problem with him being bisexual but in an exclusive male-female relationship, but not letting her know about the 'other side' of him is wrong.

and if he's just gay. idk what the **** to tell you. how would you be having a baby with a female that wants a relationship with you??

 

[Mai Tai]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

You should have the guy who used to date the man in question produce a picture of them together. This will be your proof. Once you get that, it is your duty as her friend to tell her. Her and her baby's health are in great danger, and it sounds like this is a good friend...so I vote to TELL HER!

What she does with this information afterwards is completely her choice. You have done your part.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Man forget leaving well enough alone. If I found out that not only was my man NOT my man, but another man's man and got ME knocked up, but didn't have enough testosterone in his hot monkey balls to tell me, and one of my friends or associates knew but would not tell me, I would be seeing red, for real! She may never find out on her own, but you knowing happened for a reason. I'm not trying to be preachy but if YOU were her, would you be okay with someone smiling in your face while your MAN is at the GAY CLUB telling people about his baby, especially when he should be taking care of YOU instead of the wagging tail betwixt his legs?

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

is there a way the guy is bisexual? and if he is bi, but is exclusive to your friend (and has had all his tests, etc), then it is not the worst situation. if she has no idea about it, though, I think she should know. I'm not sure the best way to tell her though :-/ you could possibly confront him? (like, 'if you dont tell, i will' type of thing) but i'm not sure what is the best route. it's probably best to have some type of evidence & break it to her as gently as possibly. i see no problem with him being bisexual but in an exclusive male-female relationship, but not letting her know about the 'other side' of him is wrong.

and if he's just gay. idk what the **** to tell you. how would you be having a baby with a female that wants a relationship with you??

Being gay or bi doesn't take away a man's desire for children. There are plenty who will walk the line and do what they will because it's "the freak in them" and behave as if all is good and well.

I agree they should have evidence to show her... and if possible, if she needs the support (b/c he might deny it), the guy can actually stand there and let it be known.

She deserves to know. . . and have disclosure about the situation before a lifetime of heartache thinking this man is into her and then ONE day thinking SHE is the reason he likes men!

 

[Growinpainz]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

maybe she can take the friend to the gay club and sit in the parking lot and see if he goes in... iono

 

[Mimi22]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Tell.....NOW

 

[SparklingFlame]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

If I were her, I would want to know.

If my man was gay and my friends/family knew it and didnt tell me, I would be beyond thru.

Please tell her. She may be mad now but she'll appreciate it later on.

 

[MizzBrown]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Didn't Deltagirl have a similar situation? Without the baby though?

Dang, this gay/DL stuff is ridiculous.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I would wait, dont want that extra stress when carrying a child.... erplexed...

 

[v2.0]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

Didn't Deltagirl have a similar situation? Without the baby though?

Dang, this gay/DL stuff is ridiculous.

Men being dishonest with their SOs/spouses is what's ridiculous.

 

[shelli4018]

Re: **How do you tell your friend that the father of her soon to be born child is gay

I would wait, dont want that extra stress when carrying a child.... erplexed...

Contracting HIV would be more stressful don't you think? Not sure I'd risk my health or my child for anyone. I'd want to know. She should at least be given the opportunity to ask him about this.