How do you know he really appreciates you?

[missty1029]

Forgive me, as I did not do a search. I wanted to get my thoughts out before I lost them.
But when your with a guy how do you know he really appreciates you, having you in his life and all that you do for him?
I ask because sad to say I spent most of my time in relationships making sure the guy was happy. I did whatever and I never sat down and said "ok am I happy?" until I wake up one day and realize I am not. By then its too late. They are used to getting what makes them happy so then I just end it. It's hard to switch gears especially with men.
I don't know. Am I looking for an answer that really lies with what is important to me and makes me feel appreciated? I guess I don't really know. I have a bad habit of putting others before me in most situations. And then when I say what I want, people say I am selfish or looking for too much.
I'm confused and I hope maybe you guys can shed some light for me. Thanks!

 

[dlewis]

I believe if they truely appreciate you they will not only say it but show you. Doing nice things, making sure you are taken care of.

 

[missty1029]

I believe if they truely appreciate you they will not only say it but show you. Doing nice things, making sure you are taken care of.

I was just talking to a friend of mine and I realized this is the problem. The situation I am in I feel like making sure I am taken care of is not a priority. Thats what I am missing. If I have to take care of myself then I just need to stay by myself. Thank you!

 

[SouthernTease]

You should read "WHY MEN MARRY *****ES"
I've never been a nice girl...
I never go out of my way for a man...
unless he's gone above and beyond for me first.
I think you know the answer...
if you're unhappy... then it's probably because he's not appreciating you
and not reciprocating. You can fix that... just stop and make him earn
your affections... easier said than done, but I can assure you it works.

 

[DarkHair]

My SO will do stuff for me. He says that by changing my oil, washing my car, etc is showing me how he feels. I say that I can pay someone to do that, but I thank him nonetheless.

 

[amara11]

Read the 5 love languages! hsmith's post^^^ reminded me of that book.

It basically says that there are 5 different ways that people express their love for others (and also that people prefer to be loved) and instead of assuming that someone does not love you because they don't xyz- you should examine what they do for you (and you should also examine which of the 5 ways they prefer to be loved). It's then that you'll realize that the person may actually love you- they just have their own way of showing it. Great read!

 

[tiara76]

Read the 5 love languages! hsmith's post^^^ reminded me of that book.

It basically says that there are 5 different ways that people express their love for others (and also that people prefer to be loved) and instead of assuming that someone does not love you because they don't xyz- you should examine what they do for you (and you should also examine which of the 5 ways they prefer to be loved). It's then that you'll realize that the person may actually love you- they just have their own way of showing it. Great read!

I might check out that book, sounds good

a man will show you he appreciates you in different ways...

I think a relationship is about sharing with each other, not sacrificing self for the other...thats bound to cause problems....

my ex still does things to show me he appreciates me in his life

he's had a real hard time expressing himself in words and claims he's uncapable of deep feeling......so he would send me specific songs that he says he randomly picked out, but I would know he was sending them to tell me something

the best one was charlie wilson "without you", I cried on that one

now he's into writing songs and he sends me the lyrics and sings them in his living room to see what I think about them...one song I didn't like one line in it and he went and changed the whole song and re sang it, and I told him he didn't have to do that...it was his song, his words and if he liked it, it should say what he wants it to say not what I want it to say and he told me that the thought of me not smiling thru out the whole song wasn't worth him keeping that line in there.....esp since I knew the song was about me

but if you ask him directly to express his feelings he will claim he doesn't "feel" that much....but he expresses love and appreciation in so many different ways that I don't really pay attention to what he says

 

[spelmanlocks]

When he does sweet and thoughtful things for you without you having to ask. When he does sweet and thoughtful things for you when you do ask and does it with a smile without complaints.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

He gazes into your eyes as a tear falls out of his

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Including you in his everyday life.

 

[Taliah]

And then when I say what I want, people say I am selfish or looking for too much.
I'm confused and I hope maybe you guys can shed some light for me. Thanks!

Please elaborate.

Who says you are selfish or wants to much?
When and how do you ask for what you want?

 

[missty1029]

I realize after talking about it more, I should have used nurtured instead of appreciate. Because after I thought about it I know if someone appreciates me or not. But I more so mean how he nurtures you. And I am not talking about pampering or buying you things. But a feeling like your man is your man and he should have your back. And I know as women we are more nurturing but men do it differently. Like I'm all about the man taking out the garbarge and doing stuff around the house and doing the car stuff. To me thats important. So when I say I want a guy thats does that stuff I am told I should do it myself or if a man is going to do it I have to ask. And its not about not being able to do it for myself its about having a man in my life that should help me with that stuff because thats his way of nurturing me. And why do I have to ask? All the time. I understand asking sometimes but thats gets tired.
But thanks for all the advice. I know what I have to do. I'm not too nice all the time. If one guy doesn't do it, I will find another that will.